Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back at you with another edition of the WWE Raw Report.

For those who aren’t familiar with me, I’m not what you’d call a politically correct kind of guy. So if you’re oversensitive to certain words or thoughts, this is not for you. Anyone who gets butt hurt over ‘outside the box’ thinking can close this page now. These are MY opinions that Crazy Max has generously given me a platform to share my thoughts on. My opinions do not necessarily reflect the other writers here at Crazy Max. You are welcome to share your thoughts by replying to my review. I dare you!

For those who enjoy free thinking and freedom of speech, stick around and enjoy.

WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS

• So this Goldberg guy shows up on Raw last week. Who did he ever beat? Smackdown has James Ellsworth, so Fuck You Raw!!!
• The Hell in a Cell PPV is this Sunday. Three Cell matches. We see a video from Holy Foley of Mick crying when he visits the old Cell cage @ WWE Warehouse. They discuss the Women’s match.
• Lawler uses the Owens/Jericho love-hate relationship as a reason to put over Cleveland. He references Lebron James and Kevin Love, Wild Thing Vaughn and Jake Taylor from Major League, and then says the Indians will win the World Series this month. Booker thinks the King is delusional.
• There’s a Triple Threat tonight between Seth Rollins, Kevin owens, and Chris Jericho. Will it be a glorified handicap match or will Jericho and Owens split?

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WWE RAW REPORT

October 24, 2016 – MINNEAPOLIS, MN
FROM THE TARGET CENTER

– JERICHO / OWENS / STEPHANIE / ROLLINS SEGMENT –

Jericho kicks things off, even though they were expecting an Enzo vs. Karl Anderson match to start things. Sure they were. Jericho has terrible news. Jericho says the Triple Threat match has been canceled until further notice. SPARKLE CROTCH chants. SOMEBODY HAS STOLEN THE LIST OF JERICHO. YOU BASTARDS!

Jericho won’t wrestle again until he gets his LIST back. Chris won’t leave the ring until his List is returned.

To the OWENS. Kevin Owens is out and Jericho wants to know if he has the List. KO says he doesn’t have it and doesn’t give a shit about the list. Owens bribes Jericho. He promises to help Chris find the list if Jericho helps KO eliminate Seth Rollins tonight. Jericho refuses to wrestle until the LIST is found.

TO THE STEPH TITS. She doesn’t have the list either but she will make sure it is returned tonight. She tells Jericho to focus on the match.

To the Rollins. Is it me or has this guy lost a good portion of his overness since coming back. So Rollins comes out teasing something behind his back. SETH HAS THE LIST! You fucking thief! He reveals that Stephanie is on the list and that she’s a STUPID IDIOT.

Seth then reveals that OWENS IS ON THE LIST. Jericho denies it and says it’s a trick to turn Owens on Jericho. Chris wants his list back. Rollins wants to make alterations to the list. This goes nowhere and unsurprisingly sucks from the moment Seth takes over the promo.

So the match is still off until Rollins returns the list.

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* To the backstage. Stephanie confronts Seth Rollins and she wants the List returned to Jericho. Seth knows Stephanie doesn’t want him as champion which is why this match is booked tonight. Rollins doesn’t have the list anymore, it’s in the locker room.

– ENZO AMORE VS. KARL ANDERSON –

Enzo has Cass, Karl has Gallows. Gallows and Anderson cut off Enzo’s intro promo to get some heel heat. Enzo has the fans act as his microphone. The fans do his entire promo for him. That was actually pretty clever. Bada-boom. How you doin’?

Match starts, Enzo gets jiggy wit it, and we head to the land of commercials. When Raw returns, Anderson boots the shit out of Enzo in the corner RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE. Anderson tries a cheap roll up but Cass distracts and keeps the ref from counting. Anderson goes after Cass but gets caught with a BIG BOOT TO THE FACE! Enzo rolls Karl up. Enzo wins.

Winner is Enzo in 8:30.

These two teams will meet at Hell in a Cell in a battle of two teams that deserve better but Vince doesn’t give a shit about because they’re not called New Day.

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* To the RUSEV. It’s WolverRusev in a black room. He will win the U.S. Title and he will kill Roman in the Cell. What a shitty sell job. Not even blaming Rusev. Just a stupid fucking way to put over the match.

– NEW DAY PROMO –

They talk about Sheamus, or SHAME-US. This shit isn’t funny. Except the part where they say nobody wants to see Sheamus. They get the fans to chant Shame.

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They show a video of Cesaro and Sheamus arguing from earlier today. Cole claims it was from the preshow. I don’t remember seeing that.

– SHEAMUS / CESARO VS. WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS NEW DAY –

This is a non title match only 6 days before the title match. That makes a fuck of alot of sense. This is the best you can come up with WWE? For Fucking fucks sake. Cole is still hard selling that New Day is now 50 days away from beating Demolition’s run. That’ll teach them to sue WWE. Cesaro dominates Kofi. Kofi dominated Sheamus. New Day works on Sheamus. Big E runs over and then tells Sheamus to kiss his ass. Unicorn stampede and Sheamus escapes outside. Raw takes a break.

Raw returns. Kofi getting beat down. Sheamus and Cesaro take turns force tagging themselves in. Big E manages a hot tag but Sheamus counters a splash with a backbreaker. Big E does his own damange and smashes Sheamus with a Uranage for a 2 count. Big E back down and has to tag back to Kofi at exactly the top of the hour when the referee tells them to.

Kofi and Cesaro in. Cesaro gets the better. Kofi coutners the Swing with a cradle for 2. Uppercut Train to Kofi. KOFI WITH AN SOS OUTTA NOWHERE. SOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING CLOSE! Kofi gets 2.99.

Big E back in again, there’s shit going on everywhere. All these fuckers are hitting spots. Big E sends Sheamus outside. Kofi gets launched outside right into a Cesaro Uppercut. FUCKING SICK! Back in the ring Big E takes the Brogue Kick and the champs lose.

Winners are Sheamus and Cesaro in 11:00

This match was better than I thought but still not great. The second half was much better. Hope they turn it up for the PPV.

To the Goldberg Video. He returned last week. He accepts Brock’s challenge. Brock responds tonight.

To the Jericho. He’s tearing the locker room apart when he runs into the Shining Stars selling their resort, Titus Brand, and Jinder Mahal teaching Jericho a breathing technique. Stupid Idiots! Jericho wants the fucking list!

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– ARM WRESTLING: BAYLEY VS. DANA BROOKE –

So bayley thinks this is a normal match but Dana has changed the match to a Arm Wrestling contest. Not sure how she did that but maybe her giant tits had something to do with it. Bayley has Cesaro style spider tape on her right shoulder from last week’s injury. So Bayley wants to use her left arm. Dana declines and they go with the right arms. The crowd groans. Dana kills Bayley with the right arm and wins the arm wrestling match in seconds.

Dana decides she will give Bayley a second chance and go at it left handed. Bayley is about to win when Brooke nails her with a sucker punch. Brooke beats on Bayley but runs into the Bayley to Belly. Dana runs off.

Chants during this match included..

1. WE WANT WRESTLING
2. THIS IS STUPID
3. BORING

To the Jericho. He tells Stephanie that he can’t find the list and he isn’t wrestling. Stephanie tells him he’s wrestling or he’s suspended.

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– CURTIS AXEL PROMO –

Axel is the hometown boy and gets pops for mentioning his grandfather Larry Hennig and father Mr. Perfect. He’s in his hometown. His roots run deep here in Minneapolis. He’s not letting Bo Dallas get the better of him in his hometown. FUCK THAT.

– CURTIS AXEL VS. BO DALLAS –
Axel is now in trunks and gets aggressive with Bo. Axel counters Cross Rhodes with the FUCKING PERFECT PLEX MAN! FUCK YEAH! Dallas escapes at 2 and rolls to the floor. Dallas takes over doing his aggressive stick. Then it’s Curtis with his father’s ROLLING NECK SNAP AND KNEELIFT FOR 2. FUCK YEAH! Axel is working Bo over when Dallas rolls him up with some tights in his hand to get the pin. Gay.

Winner is Bo Dallas in 4:00.

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To the Rich Swann Video. You can’t handle this. Swann faces Kendrick tonight.

To the Jericho. Some guy in a tie saw somebody with the List and tells Jericho where to find them. IT’S FUCKING BRAUN STROWMAN! Big evil Strowman tells Jericho to say PLEASE. Jericho does. Braun doesn’t see Sami Zayn’s name on the list. Jericho says it’s on Page 4. Jericho says Strowman just MADE THE LIST, but only after Braun has walked away.

To the Reigns promo. He’s in the black room. Crowd boos immediately. Sucks shit. This promo is worse than usual. I can’t wait for this world of suck to end. Fuck me.

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– GOLDEN TRUTH VS. THE SHINING STARS –
Mark Henry with with TROOF. Stars have the Titus Brand. Why is this shit still going on. More Vince humor. Goldust works over Epico. Primo with a blind tag and the Stars nail Goldust from behind. The Stars now SHINE. Huge pun intended there. Some good work here from the Colons. Total shame they don’t get a fucking push. Hot tag to TROOF. He does TROOF like things. Titus Brand pulls the rope down and TROOF goes flying to the floor. Mark Henry tosses Titus into the corner and causes Primo to crotch on the top buckle. Goldy & TROOF hit their version of 3D for the win. Goldust picks up Epico and TROOF his his finisher in mid air.

Winners are Golden Troof in 4:00

Stars go from multiple victories over Enzo and Cass, to it being dropped, to jobbing to jobbers. Fucking brilliant.

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– SASHA BANKS AND CHARLOTTE CONTRACT SIGNING –

Mick Foley is overseeing this segment. Charlotte looking BOOBalicious in all black. Sasha looking like a hot piece of pie in all white. Foley talks about everything that comes along with a Cell match and informs them that once they sign the paper they’re in and there’s no turning back.

They’re both ready to sign. Foley is reluctant to give the women the contract. Foley starts trying to talk them out of the match. Or at least he explains to them the hell behind the match. Foley puts over the match like it’s the most fucked up shit on Earth.

Charlotte says that she’s the only reason the title means anything and she will risk it all to win it back. She’s the QUEEN. WOOO

Sasha says there is no Queen, but there IS a BOSS. Mother fucker!

This gets really gay. BORING chants. Sasha is fucking terrible in this promo. Charlotte isn’t much better.

Foley tries to save the segment by putting over the match again. Foley has no hip socket. His spine is fucked up. All because of the Cell. He says that he is their future.

Fans chant FOLEY because he’s the only one in this segment doing anything worth a shit.

Foley talks about his connection with both ladies.

Foley’s best work in fucking forever. Just too bad the girls and especially Sasha sucked in this segment.

The girls sign the contract.

Charlotte: See you this Sunday.

Sasha: See you IN HELL.

They should have just let Foley do the talking. He sold the shit out of the match.

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To the slutty EMMALINA. She’s still coming soon. They must not approve of the Ryder relationship.

– RICH SWANN VS. BRIAN KENDRICK –

TJ Perkins has joined for commentary. Lots of running the ropes. Leads to the somersault frog by Swann and a dropkick for the exclamation point. Fight to the floor. Swann with a springboard Phoenix splash like dive to the outside on Kendrick. Commercials galore.

Raw rolls on. Kendrick has the upper hand but Swann retaliates with a fucking jumping huracan rana off the top rope. Perkins blocks Sliced Bread #2. Swann with a double underhook powerbomb into a jackknife cover gets a near fall. Swann tries a standing moonsault but Kendrick gets the knees up.

Swann dodges a Captain’s Hook but Kendrick hits a boot. Swann tries a victory roll but Kendrick drops him on his face. Kendrick tries the Captain’s hook, Swann slides out and hooks the Oklahoma roll! Three count. Swann wins. Holy shit.

Winner is Swann in 9:00

How that fucking makes any sense is beyond me.

Fun little note. During the match Perkins mentions how his entire wrestling arsenal has changed since joining Raw. He says he had to adapt to survive. Shit couldn’t be more true. Shitty but true.

To the OWENS. He’s going to murder Seth Rollins in the Cell. Nobody will ever want to be in the Cell again.

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– SAMI ZAYN VS. BRAUN STROWMAN –

Strowman is upset, Zayn isn’t competition. Strowman keeps going on and Zayn attacks him from behind. ZAYN SLAPS BRAUN! Damn. Zayn has Strowman chanse him around the ring. Zayn dropkicks Strowman off the apron twice. Braun catches a dive and flings Zayn into the barricade.

I don’t think this was a match though I’m not entirely sure why.

Zayn gets back up into the ring and Braun sees it on the Titan tron. Braun stops for a moment but leaves the arena. Zayn put in a really shitty spot. No win here for him.

To the Perkins. TJ is taping up. For what? A match? Brian Kendrick asks Perkins to do the job for him at the PPV so he can feed his family. TJ is young and can win the title again. Kendrick if he loses is done. Kendrick asks TJ to do the job at the PPV. Perkins walks off with his bag. So he tapes up to leave the arena?

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– PAUL HEYMAN AND BRRRROCK LESNAR –

They replay Goldberg’s comments from last week that Brock is NEXT and LAST. Heyman speaks. He says Brock Lesnar gets pissed off at the chants for Goldberg. The crowd doesn’t bite and never chant for Goldberg. Fans chant Suplex City instead, We are in Brock’s hometown after all. Heyman tries his damndest to get a Goldberg chant going. Suplex City chants start up again instead. Very light Goldberg chants are drowned out.Huge GOLDBERG SUCKS chants. Fuck. This didn’t work the way they wanted.

Then they just leave. That was by far the most uneventful Brock Lesnar segment to date.

To the Jericho and KO. Jericho has his list back. Owens wants to make sure they’re on the same page. Jericho questions if their friendship is as important to KO as the Universal title. Dissension, dissension.

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* Goldberg, on Raw, next week.

– SETH ROLLINS VS. KEVIN OWENS VS. CHRIS JERICHO –

Jericho and Owens come down together. They talk strategy and Owens sends Jericho in first. Rollins owns Jericho and hits a Blocbuster.. Owens sneaks up from behind and drives Seth into the barricade. Seth returns the favor. Rollins dropkicks KO up against the barricade. Jericho slides out and sends Seth into the face. Rollins comes back and springboards off the barricade onto both of Jeri-KO. Seth throws Jericho into the fans and then goes to the ring to meet KO one on one.

It’s Owens who has control. He misses the corner cannoball. Rollins hits the springboard knee for 2. Owens rolls away from a Pedigree and Jericho returns to the ring. Jericho tries a Lionsault but lands on Seth’s knees. Now team Jeri-KO take over with a double team on Seth. Middle rope senton from Owens on Rollins.

Extended beat down on Rollins. Seth fights back Superkick on Jericho. Suicide dive to Owens. Seth misses a Frog splash on Jericho. Jericho hits the CODEBREAKER but Seth kicks out before the 3. Owens nails the cannonball. Jericho and Owens try a double superplex buth Seth slides out from under them and rolls then both up for the win.

Winner is Seth Rollins in 11:00

That was whatever. Even the crowd was silent for that finish.

Owens and Jericho attack Rollins after the match. They send Seth into the steps and try to leave. Rollins runs up the ramp and jumps Owens. KO tries to escape and Rollins runs and attacks KO again.

I have no idea where Jericho disappeared to. Owens sends Seth into the post and brings back the POWERBOMB ON THE APRON!

Owens celebrates with the belt and Rollins is down on the floor. Jericho is MIA.

Hey guys, it’s Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back with your Raw Report. It’s pretty hectic around here tonight but I’m going to do my best to cover this thing without any interruptions.

For those who aren’t familiar with my writing, I’m not what you’d call a politically correct kind of guy. I don’t really have a filter on my brain when typing, so if you’re oversensitive to certain words or thoughts, this is not for you. Anyone who gets butt hurt over naughty and offensive words or ‘outside the box’ thinking you can close this page now. These are MY opinions that Crazy Max has given me a platform to share my thoughts on. You are welcome to share yours by replying to my review. I dare you!

For those who enjoy free thinking and freedom of speech, stick around and enjoy.

WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS

• So it’s the usual crap with the build up for the PPV matches. Goldberg is live on Raw tonight. That should be interesting.
• There’s some backstage segment with Goldust, Truth, Henry, Rising Stars and Titus in a fedora. No clue what’s going on, I missed what they were saying. But look at the names involved.
• Then we get another backstage segment with Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel. Bo has Neville one-on-one tonight, Axel BO LIEVES in Bo.
• That is all.

WWE RAW REPORT

October 17, 2016 – DENVER, CO
FROM THE PEPSI CENTER

– JERICHO & OWENS / ROLLINS SEGMENT –

To the ring. They spend about 10 minutes doing their thing. Jericho adds a referree to ‘The List’. Owens says he will end Rollins career at the Cell PPV.

To the Rollins. Seth begs to differ with Owens comments. Jericho warns Rollins that he will make the list. Seth tells Jericho to add his scarf and gay mustache to the list. Seth then calls Jericho ‘Sparkle Crotch’ due to his attire. The fans chant Sparkle Crotch. Nice.

They go at it verbally, Seth challenges Jericho to another match. Jericho agrees but asks KO not to come to ringside during the match. Owens is stunned. Jericho says they’re still best friends, but Chris loses when KO is at ringside. Jericho tells Owens to leave ringside. We have a match!

AFTER THE BREAK!

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– SETH ROLLINS VS. CHRIS JERICHO –

Sparkle crotch has the initial advantage. Double underhook backbreaker on Rollins gets a 2. Seth battles back and lands the Blockbuster for his own near fall. Seth tries a Pedigree but gets backdropped to the apron. Jericho with the springboard dropkick sends Seth to the floor as Raw goes to commercial.

Raw returns with Jericho on top. After some near falls on Seth, Jericho winds up going face first into the turnbuckle. Slingblade by Seth gets him 2. Jericho fires back with a Lionsault for a near fall. Seth’s turn to come back and he hits a Falcon Arrow for 2. Seth starts to the top rope when…

KEVIN OWENS makes his way back out WITH THEME MUSIC. This distracts Rollins long enough for Chris to roll outside. Seth dives off the top onto Jericho outside. Then the flying knee back inside. Jericho counters a Pedigree with the WALLS. Owens tries to prevent Seth from making the ropes, but Rollins gets there anyway. Jericho is miffed. Chris with an enzuigiri and tries a Codebreaker, but Rollins catches him and turns it into a Pedigree .

Winner is Seth Rollins in 15:00

The announcers act as if Owens somehow cost Jericho the match. Owens does the same as he backtracks up the ramp all worried about what just happened. He promised Jericho he wouldn’t come out, but then he did. Something tells me these guys aren’t really best friends.

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To the LITA and CHARLOTTE.Prerecorded sit-down interview with Charlotte, conducted by Lita. No other females have been inside Hell in a Cell, but no other female was Charlotte FLAIR. Charlotte is 2 times Women’s champions. She’s won 12 straight PPV’s. She;s the woman to beat, she will be 3 time champion. I lose interest after all this shit. Sasha Banks will have a sit down with Lita later in the show.

To the Strongest Golden Showers of Truth. WHAT’S UP? Mark Henry be hanging with the Golden Truth dawg. When Raw returns we’ve got a shit-tacular match coming your way!

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– THE GOLDEN TRUTH / MARK HENRY VS. THE SHINING STARS / TITUS O’NEIL –

So that’s what that shitty preshow promo was about. So now the Shining Stars are con-men because they tried to sell Henry fake Rolexes. So we can rule out all 6 of these guys as Braun Strowman’s opponent. I really thought it would be Henry, too. Primo and Goldy starting it off. Goldust takes a beating by the heels. Titus barks. Epico misses something. Truth gets the hot tag. Seven people applaud. Truth wipes out all 3 heels. Truth with his jiggy spots on Titus. Everybody starts taking evertbody out. Henry blind tags in and World Strongest Slam ends the Titus Brand. Henry legit did one move. Still no idea what the point of this was.

Winners are Golden Troof & Henry. Match went just over 2:00.

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To the Jeri-KO. Jericho is pissed at Owens and they’re going at it pretty good, arguing backstage. Jericho almost calls Owens a Stupid Idiot. Jericho is pissed Owens came out. Stephanie McMahon interrupts the fight and tells them to get on the same page for the sake of the title and to beat the real enemy, Seth Rollins. Jericho and Owens seemingly make up but Jericho reiterates he told Owens not to come out.

To the New Day. They bury Sheamus and Cesaro to a lesser extent. Sheamus is garbage. I concur.

– BIG E VS. SHEAMUS –

They’ll put anything on at the top of the hour now. Both New Day and Cesaro are at ringside for the match. Sheamus flings Big E with a suplex. Big E comes back and runs Sheamus over. They keep selling this Demolition 478 day record. Must be planning to have New Day break it. Big E with a splash on the apron. Sheamus with a rolling senton to Big E on the floor. Raw goes to commercial.

Raw returns with Sheamus diving into a belly to belly from Big E. Make it 3 belly to bellies. Warrior splash onto the knees of Sheamus. Irish Cruse backbreaker gets 2 on Big E. E turns a Brogue kick into a powerbomb. Pure power on the dead weight. Still only a 2 count. Sheamus hits White Noise for 2.

Cesaro goes off into the crowd to take pictures with the fans. Sheamus shoulder blocks Big E off the apron. Sheamus gets into it with Cesaro for no reason. Sheamus wants Cesaro to take a picture of the best Brogue Kick ever. Big E hits a corner splash from behind and rolls Sheamus up. They show the replay on Cesaro’s phone. Heh

Winner is Big E in 10:00

I should mention that they’ve been airing Goldberg highlights tonight. At this point they air Goldberg defeating Hogan for the WCW Title.

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– NEVILLE VS. BO DALLAS –

Bo walked out on Axel after their loss last week, but Curtis is right back in his corner this week. Bo is aggressive out of the gate. The fans are no longer fans again, they’re once again the WWE Universe. Eww. Neville ducks a clothesline and starts with his educated feet strikes and an enzuigiri floors Dallas. Neville goes to the top but Dallas bails to the outside. ASAI MOONSAULT by Neville to the floor. Bo runs into a boot from Neville and Neville tries for Red Arrow, but Bo knocks him off the ropes and Neville takes a bad fall. Dallas hits Cross Rhodes or whatever he calls it it’s over.

Winner is Bo dawg. 2:00

Ridiculous to use Neville as a jobber here. Bo goes over clean and Curtis Axel celebrates with his buddy. Dallas turns on Axel and beats the shit out of him outside the ring and leaves Curt laying like a pile of shit.

Only BO can BOLIEVE in BO. BO KNOWS BO, BITCHES!

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– BAYLEY VS. DANA BROOKE –

Brooke has somehow went from playing Charlotte’s bitch to her own storyline with Bayley. Bayley on top first, then its Dana getting in some lumps on Bay-bay. They do a double clothesline spot and Bayley makes her comeback. Bayley tries a sliding dropkick but doesn’t hit it completely. Something gets very awkward here as Bayley is then thrown into the ring post and Dana covers and wins out of nowhere.

Winner is Brooke in 3:00.

Nothing says feud like a heel pinning a face. Same old shit.

This was weird though. That didn’t really seem like the finish. It looked really awkward and shitty. Dana also kept trying to put her foot on the ropes but since she’s like 4 foot nothing she was too far out of position. The crowd didn’t react. This was bad.

TO THE JEW HEYMAN. Paul is ‘in studio’. Heyman believes Goldberg will say yes. The reason Heyman made the challenge and not Brock is because Brock doesn’t even think about Goldberg. Goldberg is stuck in a video game dream world. Heyman tells Goldberg to Just Say No. If Goldberg says YES it will piss Brock off. Brock is still pissed he lost in their last fight.

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– BRAUN STROWMAN VS. MILE HIGH TRIO –

So it’s 3 jobbers this week. Strowman just mauls all three men then flings the third guy into the air and onto his buddies outside. Double dropkick from Strowman on two of the men. One of the jobbers tries to run away but is caught. Lolz. Murder. Death. Kill. Powerslam and reverse chokeslam ends it.

Winner is Strowman in maybe 2:00

Strowman warned Mick Foley. Now he’s going to come get Foley or some shit for all the shitty booking around here.

To the TAXI DRIVER ZAYN. Of all people? Sami Zayn answers the challenge of Strowman. Braun shoves Zayn out of the ring and and walks off. Zayn gets back in the ring but Braun is already leaving. He really wanted that competition.

Not sure I like Zayn being thrown into this for a zillion reasons. Why job Zayn? There’s a roster of jobbers this guy hasn’t run through yet.

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To the Zayn backstage. He’s asked why he picked a fight with Strowman. Zayn replies ‘because nobody else will’. Zayn is a bully killer by gawd.

– RUSEV AND LANA SEGMENT –

Lana introduces Rusev. Lana looking lazy tonight with her Victoria’s Secret flannel gear on. Rusev’s mutton chops look ridiculous. Rusev shows a picture on his mother, MAMA RUSEV. This is fucking lame. How does this set up Hell in a Cell? What fucking shit. Next, we get a look at PAPA RUSEV . We get pictures of Rusev’s family. This is fucking gay.

To the REIGNS. What a shock. He makes fun of Rusev. This leads to a brawl. Rusev surprisingly wins this fight and lays Roman out with an Accolade on top of the steel steps in the center of the ring. Eat that shit Roman.

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To the EMMALINA. I can’t figure out if Emma is supposed to be a model or a whore. Either way, me likey.

– KARL ANDERSON VS. BIG CASS –

So after the usual Cass and Enzo stuff we go ahead with a match. Gallows is with Karl. Enzo with Cass. What the fuck was this shit? Cass wins in under a minute after a swinging sit-out uranage.

Winner is Cass in a minute.

They immediately cut away as if this match is an afterthought. I’m still like WTF??? Like really dude. What the fuck was this? They would have been better serviced if they weren’t on TV at all. Holy balls fuck.

To The Cruisers. Brian Kendrick is working out a deal with Tony Nese and company. TJ Perkins interrupts the convo because he knows Brian better than Brian knows himself. Kendrick talks in video game terms so Perkins can relate. Why does Perkins have a video game gimmick anyway? None of this shit makes sense.

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To the BOSS. Lita interviews Sasha Banks to respond to Charlotte’s comments. Hell in a Cell is in Sasha’s hometown. She talks the match, she respects Charlotte but fuck her anyway, Sasha will make history.. Nothing to see here.

To the Goldberg… Video. He beat Triple H in 2003. This is the big sell of all Goldberg wins? Because HHH is bigger than the Rock??? Fuck you Triple H!!!

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– TJ PERKINS, RICH SWANN, CEDRIC ALEXANDER
VS.
BRIAN KENDRICK, TONY NESE, DREW GULAK –

Rushed entrances for everyone. What an absolutely shit fucking spot to stick this match on. Right before Goldberg. Cruisers need to go on early in the show not this third hour shit when the crowd sucks. Vince has managed to destroy this product in fucking record time. Fuck you old man Vince. Leave the shit that’s over alone. Meanwhile, everyone involved is moving quick and looking good. Team Perkins rocking it from the get go. Nese counters a Tornado DDT with a suplex of his own on TJ. Kendrick tags in but TJ puts him in the knee bar almost immediately. Kendrick gets to the ropes and rolls outside. Two whole minutes of action before Raw takes a dump and goes to commercial.

Raw returns. Cedric being worked over. Kendrick takes a high backdrop and Swann gets tagged in. Time to take it home I guess. Sick jumping Franksteiner off the top by Swann on Nese. Everyone starts hitting spots. Nese with ba 450 Splash on Swann. Kendrick tags himself in and locks in the Captain’s Hook. Swann holds on, Perkins tries to save but Gulak stops him. Swann has to tap.

Winners are Team Kendrick in 7:00.

This felt NOTHING like the Cruiserweight Classic. Again I say FUCK YOU VINCE.

To the Foley and Steph. They’re making rumblings of having THREE Survival matches at Survivor Series. A main one, one with the ladies and one with TAG TEAMS. Holy Shit! Now if they give it the time it needs. Foley books Rollins vs. Owens vs. Jericho for next week.

Up next. Goldberg.

=======================================================

– GOLDBERG RETURNS –

Michael Cole in the ring for this segment, not Saxton. RACISM, WWE! We get a replay of Goldberg on ESPN with Coach. Then we get a replay from last week of Paul Heyman challenging Goldberg on behalf of Brock Lesnar.

Goldberg takes the long walk backstage as wrestlers watch on. Even Bob Backlund is going nutty. And here he comes, pyro and all. Long Goldberg chant. LOOONNNNG Goldberg chant. Looks like he’s crying. They pop for the tears. PG ‘Holy Shit’ chants follow. So many chants, one after another. Cole dismisses himself from the ring. Goldberg’s family are in the front row.

Goldberg explains how the WWE 2k17 came about. He misses kicking ass and being a hero for the kids. Goldberg teases ‘keeping it in the video game’. Crowd chants NO. But then Brock challenged him. What would you do if you were challenged? Goldberg decides maybe he has one more ass kicking left in him.

Goldberg informs Brock Lesnar that HE’S NEXT. And Brock Lesnar is last.

They confirm Brock Lesnar will be at Raw next week to respond.

Goldberg genuinely celebrates with the fans before walking off.

Big fight feel.

Business is picking up.

Smackdown has.. James Ellsworth.

Raw has Goldberg.

Bobby “The Brain” Mayo has arrived on Monday nights! Curator Jack has kindly turned this review over to me after a near three year run of his own. I wish you well in your future endeavors Jack, which I assume includes not having to sit through 3.25 hours or WWE Raw every week. Maybe I shouldn’t be thanking you? Damn you Jack, you tricked me! Now I have to sit through three hours of shit? Nooooooooooooo.

For those who aren’t familiar with my writing, I’m not what you’d call a politically correct kind of guy. I don’t really have a filter on my brain when typing, so if you’re oversensitive to certain words or thoughts, this is not for you. Anyone who gets butt hurt over naughty and offensive words or ‘outside the box’ thinking you can close this page now. These are MY opinions that Crazy Max has given me a platform to share my thoughts on. You are welcome to share yours by replying to my review. I dare you!

For those who enjoy free thinking and freedom of speech, stick around and enjoy.

WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS

• First things first, No fucking Lita on the preshow so I’m already in a better mood. It’s just the King, Booker and Scotty The Body Stanford.
• They push the Sasha and Charlotte feud, they talk No Mercy for some reason, the Owens and Rollins feud, how Jericho factors into that.
• Lita is at Raw. She interviews Bayley. I like Bayley in the ring. Bayley interviews….. not so much.
• Interview with Sin Cara. Apparently he can’t cut it in WWE so he’s moved into the Cruiser division. Wait a second here. Hold the fucking phone. They’re going to start throwing shit like this in with the Cruiser division? That didn’t take long for Vince to kill that. There’s a Cruiser tag match tonight. Cara is in it. Get fucking lost. Go to NXT. Better yet, go away. You suck shit and have two moves.
• Curtis Axel confronts Bo Dallas about what he’s become. Where the fuck did Bo go after that ‘push’ a few weeks back? Bo is evil now. Axel is all about the Outcasts still. They will team tonight. I don’t know what this was about but I’m a little intrigued.
• We jump around. Khyrie Irvin of the Cavs is now called the “AnkleTaker” for breaking ankles. Gronk wants to come to WWE some day. They show some Gronk promo with him dressed like the Warrior. Goldberg clips from ESPN. He might return.
• Lita says Paul Heyman is at Raw, but nobody knows why.

WWE RAW REPORT

October 10, 2016 – OAKLAND, CA
ORACLE ARENA

– SASHA BANKS / CHARLOTTE INTERVIEW –

To the Banks. Fuck me mommy! Banks is champ again. She did it again on Raw last week. The fans tell her she deserves it. She remembers being a little Boss with big dreams. She name drops Eddie Guerrero as her childhood hero. Fuck I feel old. Sasha gives props to the Women’s Revolution. Banks challenges Charlotte INSIDE Hell In A Cell.

To the Charlotte. Charlotte begins to make her way down to respond when she is interrupted halfway down by fucking Rusev.

RUSEV? RUSEV? WHAT THE FUCK?

To the Rusev and hooker Lana. So they come in between Sasha and Charlotte and interrupt. Rusev’s new beard is gay. Rusev talks shit when Charlotte takes the microphone from him and talks down to Rusev for disrespecting the queen. Charlotte accepts Sasha’s challenge. The match is on. Crowd chants YES.

Rusev blows off Charlotte and shits on the ladies some more. Now Sasha takes the microphone and throws it on the mat. FUCK YOU RUSEV. He’s owned by two bitches. Lana says the ladies need to learn their place. Lana says the Cell is made ofr real men like WHOA——– Sasha and Charlotte shove down Lana. DOUBLE FUCKING DROPKICK FROM SASHA AND CHARLOTTE SENDS RUSEV TO THE FLOOR! BWAHAHAHAHAHA

TO THE SHITTY REIGNS. Here comes this guy. Roman Reigns owns Rusev every week. Now chicks are owning Rusev. And now Rusev backs away when Roman Reigns hits the ring. What a shit-tacular bad ass heel. Rusev leaves.

* We learn that Paul Heyman is here to address Goldberg’s comments from ESPN. Aww shit!

=======================================================

New Day Rocks….. their way to the ring. Promo time. Cherap pops by Woods as he puts over every single major sports player in the area, and Full House. New Day likes Cesaro. They hate Sheamus.

– CESARO VS. KOFI KINGSTON –

New Day accompany Kofi. Sheamus surprisingly shows up to side with Cesaro. Sheamus decides not to watch the match and plays around on Facebook. So what’s the fucking point of coming out there? Cesaro and Kofi feel each other out and have a stand off. That takes Raw to a commercial break. Back from the break Cesaro dominates with elbows andc uppercuts. Kofi is supposed to do a springboard but he fucking trips and falls. LMAO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Outside the ring Sheamus hits Woods. Big E hits Sheamus. Cesaro becomes distracted and Kofi cradles him for the win.

Winner is Kofi in 6:00

Cesaro isn’t happy. Sheamus thinks it’s funny. This shit sucks.

=======================================================

– To the Coach and Goldberg. Replay from ESPN, Goldberg says he would give Brock Lesnar a rematch.

– BAYLEY VS. CAMMIE FIELDS –

Hometown Bayley gets a huge pop. Squash time for the Bayley. Might be the first time in forever a hometown hero gets a win. Vince likes jobbing people out and humiliating them in their hometowns. I don’t know if they’re saying Tammy or Cammie. Not that it fucking matters. Fields with some token jobber offense. Bayley blows a sunset flip spot. Bayley to Belly ends this slop fest.

Winner is Bayley in 2:00.

Bayley goes up the ramp to celebrate with her inflatable tube men. There’s a joke there somewhere. Dana Brooke attacks her for last week. Becky is left laying. And the curse of Vince hating hometown heroes continues. Fuck you, fans!

=======================================================

Guys, I know this is my first Raw review. I’m used to reviewing the faster paced Smackdown show but I do watch Raw on DVR. This has been so far the shittiest Raw in a while. Let that marinate for a minute.

* Comedy segment with Chris Jericho and R-Truth involving a Payday bar. Stupid Idiots.

– TONY NESE & DREW GULAK VS. LINCE DORADO & SIN CARA –

Sin Cara looks out of the weight class. He’s definitely out of his class in general. Cara instantly becomes the shittiest of the Cruiser weights. Good shit here. Gulak with a nice Gory Special on Dorado. They don’t work this match like a Cruiser Classic at all. It’s typical WWE tag format. Cara hot tag. Does all his usual WWE shit. Cara suicide dive to Nese outside, too bad he didn;t commit suicide. inside Dorade with a shooting star press on Gulak for the pin.

Winners are Cara and Dorado. This match got a whole 3:00.

So confused here. Is Dorado the new fucking Kalisto? Did’t Nese just job to Perkins, only to go over on Swann, only to lose here this week? This shit makes my brain hurt and you can’t have momentum without continuity. Fuck you Vince, killing another good idea.

To the Foley and Steph. Foley sporting a custom flannel suit.

=======================================================

– FOLEY & STEPHANIE, OWENS & JERICHO SEGMENT –

Foley confirms Sasha vs. Charlotte in the Cell.

Owens vs. Rollins is also inside the Cell.

To the Owens and Jericho. the best friends come out. Owens doesn’t want the Cell match, he doesn’t want to end up like Foley. Jericho shits on Foley and Mick makes ‘the list’.

Stephanie decides to add a stip for the Jericho vs. Rollins match tonight, if Jericho wins he gets a spot in the Universal Title match at Hell In A Cell.

– Charly Caruso interviews Seth Rollins. Seth isn’t worried about Jericho, he will beat him tonight. Then Seth plays up the dissension between Jericho and Owens should Jericho be involved in the title match.

=======================================================

– BO DALLAS AND CURTIS AXEL VS. ENZO AND BIG CASS –

Well so much for the Dallas push. And whatever happened to the fucking Shining Stars feud? Vince needs to retire his mind is all over the fucking place.

GALLOWS AND ANDERSON ATTACK ENZO AND CASS DURING THEIR PRE-MATCH PROMO. Enzo gets laid out with the Boot of Doom. Magic Killer floor Big Cass.

NO MATCH.

Does this means Dallas and Axel win by forfeit?

Vince just shitting for the last two months on Enzo and Cass hard.

=======================================================

Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel still in the ring. They’re pissed. They want a match. NOW!

– BO DALLAS AND CURTIS AXEL VS. SAMI ZAYN & NEVILLE –

Raw drafts 80 teams but continues to use random pairings. Not much more than a squash. Red Arrow beats Axel.

Winners are Zayn and Neville in 2:00.

Bo walks off and leaves his jobber buddy in the ring. Quality wrestling all night long tonight. The only match that went over 3:00 was 6:00, and that still only showed 3:00 because of a commercial. This has been the biggest world of shit show.

* To the hookers. Charlotte has to team with Rusev tonight to face Sasha and Roman. Lana confronts Charlotte and tells her to stay out of Rusev’s way in the match. Is Dana Brooke just magically not with Charlotte anymore? Nothing makes sense.

=======================================================

– R-TRUTH VS. TITUS O’NEIL –

Goldust is with Troof. Titus isn’t happy about his ‘brand’. Troof tells Titus to suck his cock. Titus boots Troof in the Toofs. 2 count. Backbreakers on Troof. Goldust stomps the steps for support. Titus gets distracted. Troof rolls up for the win.

Winner is Troof in 2:30.

This was more NOTHING I’d demand a fucking refund if I were there.

* To the Perkins and Kendrick. TJ Perkins wants to talk about their history and playing N64. LOL. Perkins wants Kendrick to be the guy he used to be. He wants him to be THE Brian Kendrick. They go to shake hands. Kendrick tries a sucker punch. Perkins knocks Brian on his ass instead. Kendrick just lays their shaking like a crazy person. I don’t know what the fuck that was.

=======================================================

– BRAUN STROWMAN VS. STEVEN & CLAY SPLASH –

The Splash Brothers. How clever. A white guy with a red afro and a black guy with blond dreadlocks. Murder everywhere. Strowman with a DOUBLE DROPKICK, one for each guy. Murder. Reverse chokeslam. More murder. Death.

Winner is Strowman maybe 1:00.

Strowman takes the microphone from Byron Saxton. He warned Foley. One more warning to Foley, he wants competition or what happens will be on Foley’s hands.

=======================================================

There’s a fucking Royal Rumble ‘By the Numbers’ Video. Is this fucking October or January??? All of this to announce the 2017 Rumble will be returning to the AlamoDome.

The next match is sponsored by Payday candy bar. ‘Expose yourself to payday’. What the fuck kind of slogan is that?

– ROMAN REIGNS AND SASHA BANKS VS. RUSEV AND CHARLOTTE –

Rusev and Charlotte take turns tagging themselves in before the match can start. The guys finally start. Rusev in control first, then Reigns gets his turn. Charlotte grabs Reigns ankle so Banks knocks Charlotte on her ass outside. Reigns sends Rusev outside. Commercial time with the heels on the floor.

We’re 7 minutes in when we return and this is now officially the longest match of the night. Rusev with a dropkick gets a 2 count. Girls are finally hot tagged in. Sasha double knees drop for 2. Double knees in corner for 2. Banks Statement. Rusev tries to save, but Reigns with a SPEAR. Charlotte taps AGAIN. Rusev looks like a shmuck AGAIN.

Winners are Reigns and Banks in 10:00

* To the Jeri-KO. Tom Phillips is with Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho. Owens says no matter what he will walk out of the Cell the champ, even if Jericho is involved in the match. Jericho backs him. Poor Tom makes the list.

* To the Paulrus. Heyman’s face is so fat it doesn’t even look human anymore. He’s walking and shit.

=======================================================

– PAUL HEYMAN ADDRESSES GOLDBERG –

Heyman airs a video of WWE 2k17, it features Lesnar vs. Goldberg. Heyman then announces that Brock Lesnar issues an open challenge to Goldberg. Fans chant Goldberg. Heyman says Golberg can live in a video game or he can get killed by Lesnar in real life. In Suplex City, he’s not Goldberg, he’s just NEXT!

Will Goldberg accept?

* To the EMMALINA. Emma is having a makeover. I’m not sure how she looks any different than she did before. She will premiere soon.

=======================================================

– CRUISER WEIGHT CHAMPION TJ PERKINS VS. ARIYA DAIVARI –

THE Brian Kendrick has joined commentary for this match. Daivari gets a quick promo, but he cuts it in Arabic. Daivari gets in some good offense but this match is a backdrop for Kendrick to explain his feud with Perkins on commentary. The crowd is dead. This shit resembles nothing close to the Cruiserweight Classic. Another WWE style match. Daivari sits down on a flying sunset flip and almost gets 3. Rolling elbow and Superkick combo and Daivari gets another close fall. Daivari misses a big splash off the top and Perkins takes advantage with the wrecking ball dropkick and the knee bar finishes it.

Winner is TJ Perkins in 5:30

=======================================================

To THE TWITTER-BERG. GOLDBERG IS COMING TO RAW NEXT WEEK TO RESPOND TO LESNAR’S CHALLENGE!

– SETH ROLLINS VS. CHRIS JERICHO –

The story here is, if Jericho wins, he’s in the Hell in a Cell title match with Rollins and Owens. These guys feel each other out. Good solid stuff from both guys as the match picks up. Rollins takes over until Kevin Owens makes his way out. Distraction allows Jericho to drop Rollins across the top rope in a front suplex. Drink in the Gift Maaaaaaaan as Raw goes to commercial.

Post break, Jericho is till on top working the ribs of Rollins. Not too long after Rollins makes the big come back. Sling Blade gets 2. Seth continues on the war path until he finds himself crotched on the top rope. Jericho tries a top rope superplex but Seth throws him down face first. Seth goes for a high cross body but runs into a dropkick to the ribs from Jericho. Chris gets himself 2. Rollins blocks a Codebreker and hits a superkick for a near fall. Seth with a high knee.

Kevin Owens tries a distraction, Seth boots Owens. The distraction allows Jericho to apply THE WALLS. Seth makes the ropes after some struggles. gets the break. Owens hits Rollins with a cheap shot superkick from the floor. Jericho gets a near fall.

Jericho misses a bump and falls on the floor. Rollins teases a suicide dive on Jericho but dives on Owens instead. Springboard knee from Rollins to Jericho on the way back in. They botched this, dangerous. Rollins lands all on Jericho. Bre Hart was right. lol. Rollins misses a Frog Splash. Lionsault connects. 1-2-SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE! Rollins kicks out before 3.

It’s back and forth. Rollins tries a pedigree. Jericho tries the Walls. Rollins turns it into a creadle. 1-2-3. Rollins gets the win.

Winner is Seth Rollins in 18:00

Owens ambushes Rollins immediately and stomps him down. Owens tries the pop=up powerbomb, Seth sails over top and tries the Pedigree but Jericho attacks Seth. Owens bails. Rollins pedigrees Jericho instead. Owens leaves his friend in the ring. Seth wants him some KO as Raw goes off the air.

WWE Raw Preshow Notes 10/3/16

* We get Booker, Lawler, Lita and Stanford per the usual.

* Sasha challenges Charlotte for the Women’s title tonight on Raw. There’s talk of the ongoing Rollins/Owens feud. They recap Foley forcing Cesaro and Sheamus to team up. They randomly discuss things from the Goldust/Booker pairing to Aksana on this show.

Twenty minutes in and still nothing worthwhile. Now we take a look at the feud that will never end between Reigns vs. Rusev, who keep having 25 minute matches which either Reigns wins or they have no finish… Rusev can’t get a single win in this feud, which makes it worthless….

This preshow is becoming more and more worthless, if that’s even possible.

THE WWE RAW REPORT 10/3/16 FROM LOS ANGELES, CA

Oh shit, I forgot, it’s time to go pink…

* ROMAN REIGNS / LANA / RUSEV IN-RING SEGMENT

Booo’s galore. Reigns starts about his “bloodline” in wrestling. He’s back to being “THE” guy. Blah.

Lana Interrupts

The crowd thanks Lana from stomping Roman’s promo. She cuts a heel promo and calls Roman a “stupid boy”. Lana gets some heel heat but then Reigns gets some “go away” heat. Lana has to say her line TWICE to cue Rusev… Telling Reigns to “go to HELL”. LMAO….

Cue Rusev… They brawl at ringside. They fight into the ring. Rusev catches Reigns during a Superman punch and drives him to the corner in a slow sloppy spot. Reigns takes back over to move the fight outside. Reigns tries the kjumping Superman Punch off the steps but takes a KICK TO THE THROAT!!!! Nice… Reigns gets plowed into the steel steps and then another JUMPING KICK TO THE FACE sends Reigns into the crowd… Take that.

Rusev leaves with the U.S. Title… Rusev MACHKA!

Rusev ALMOST… ALMOST leaves this segment looking the stronger for the first time.. I did say ALMOST… Rusev celebrates on the stage when Reigns comes from out of nowhere with a Superman Punch to lay out Rusev… If Reigns is going to hell, he’s taking Rusev with him. Reigns gives Rusev a title rematch inside HELL IN A CELL… Really? I PRAY that’s not our only Cell match… Yuck.

I’m getting real f***ing sick of this shit with the way Reigns is booked… Why not let his f***ing opponent get ONE get beat down on him.. Isn’t that the entire anatomy of a feud? The face gets revenge? There’s no revenge to be had. I mean for f**ks sake, why not let Rusev beat down Reigns here and that’s what pisses Reigns off to do the Cell… Instead Reigns stands over Rusev, who at this point doesn’t even look like competition to Reigns, and gives him a Cell match that nobody wants to see, because Rusev looks like crap in this feud….

* TJ Perkins/Brian Kendrick feud video.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #1: CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION TJ PERKINS VS. BRIAN KENDRICK
Even though they billed it as a title match last week, this is non-title…. They shake hands and it turns right into a standing dropkick from Perkins. Bruan bails and Perkins dabs, a year late… Kendrick does take over with some NICE heel work. He sticks TJ’s hand in the steel piece that connects the buckle to the post and stands on it.. Nasty and awesome heel work. Raw goes to break.

Back from break, Kendrick has control.. Sliced Bread #2!!!! 1……….2……….Perkins kick out!!!! Captain’s Hook is applied. Perkins rolls it back into a cradle and Kendrick has to release the hold to prevent being pinned. Perkins hits his springboard dropkick to the apron. Kendrick rakes the eyes and ends up getting the Captain’s Hook and this time TJ has to tap out in 9:00…

Kendrick beats the champion.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

* Pre-recorded sit-down interview with Michael Cole and Seth Rollins. Rollins is staying matter-of-factly and taking pride in himself, but he’s not using the heelish comments, thus putting him in a tweener/face role. Rollins talks Kevin Owens. He talks Jericho’s interference. Seth is no fool. he will be ready for the rematch.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #2: BRAUN STROWMAN VS. CHASE SILVER
Chase informs Byron Saxton that he is going to beat Braun up. Strowman smiles. Murder as usual. Powerslam ends it in 90 seconds tops. Braun has the easiest job on Raw.

Byron interviews Braun post match. What’s next for Braun? Braun is sick of wasting his time on these fools, he warns Foley to give him competition next week, or there won’t be a next week… WTF does that even mean???

* Sasha Banks and Bayley talk about Sasha’s match tonight. Tonight Sasha becomes a two time champion. Bayley is happy it’s Sasha if it couldn’t be her. Awww, how nice. This did nothing.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

KEVIN OWENS & CHRIS JERICHO / NEW DAY IN-RING SEGMENT

Owens goes on and on about Rollins. He suggests Jericho should be the referee for the return match. Jericho hs a better idea. Team Jeri-KO should challenge New Day for the Tag Titles. Owens isn’t sure about that because Sheamus & Cesaro already have a shot, plus KO has a lot on his plate.

KO somewhat turns Jericho down on the Tag Title idea, but when Jericho implies he could challenge for the Universal Title, Owens changes his mind immediately and agrees he and Jericho should go for the tag belts…

Cue New Day… AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW JERI-KO

New Day come out and one by one they make Jericho’s LIST… Woods makes the list TWICE…. Some good back and forth comedy here, how it SHOULD be done and not Vince’s terrible script writing junk… Leads to New Day granting them a title match tonight….

GREAT promo segment. Really funny stuff from both teams. Just too bad it’s clear that Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson will be involved…

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #3: SAMI ZAYN VS. TITUS O’NEIL
Titus says the TITUS BRAND begins tonight. From a great promo segment to this time filler junk… No continuity whatsoever… Titus plays the heel, poorly I might add. An exciting bearhug is worked into this squash match. Over the shoulder backbreaker on Zayn. Sami comes back, Helluva kick. It’s over in 2:45.

Oh shit… Michael Cole says it’s not good to have Zayn’s footprint on Titus’ face. Byron quips “especially in LA”.

– Cesaro and Sheamus are traveling together for whatever reason. They’re arguing about getting lost on the way to the arena. Mick Foley shows up and talks about them bonding. Poor comedy ensues, the opposite of the earlier segment. Cesaro references Sheamus picking his nose. Foley doesn’t want to hear the bitching, he tells them to go out there and have a match and prove Foley right.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

Golden Truth rap to the ring. The song is now about their team. There is a bouncing Goldust head on the screen to teach us the words of the new song.

Gallows and Anderson pre-recorded interview. Fun & Games are over. The tag division is a clown show because of Golden Truth… Wait, it’s not because of the doctor shit with the balls jokes?

MATCH #4: LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON VS. GOLDEN TRUTH
Goldust looks decent early but takes the heat. Hot tags to Anderson & Truth. Truth does his spinny offense stuff. Spinny kick to the back of Anderson’s head, Gallows breaks it up. Truth gets taken to the heel corner. Magic Killer on Truth. Anderson & Gallows win in 3:00.

Goldust eats a big boot and Magic Killer post match.

Gallows & Anderson are SERIOUS now… Only took several months.

– Ashton Kutcher & Danny Masterson confront Jericho & Owens backstage. Crowd kind of boos the actors. Masterson reads off Jericho’s LIST. Owens says That 70’s Show would’ve been better with Jeri-KO in it. Ashton says they will be ringside for the Tag Title match. Ugh. Jericho owns the segment from here. Jericho tells the heels they’re going to get IT…. This is the best shit Jericho has done in YEARS….

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

ENZO & CASS IN-RING SEGMENT

So they get put in the Breast Cancer Awareness segment since Cena is on Smackdown… They’re in the ring with three ladies and a table covered in a pink cloth. Not surprisingly, these women have beat breast cancer.. They’re awarded title belts… Some idiot put the cloth under the belts, so when Enzo tries to flip the cloth off it screws the belts up, lol… They are survivors… They are champions… How you doin?

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #5: WWE TAG CHAMPS NEW DAY VS. JERICHO & OWENS
Big E & Woods are wrestling. Kutcher and Masterson on commentary. They try their hand at comedy early. Then they plug their Netflix show. There’s also a match going on. While the heels dominate the match, the actors talk about Fez being on their new show as a guest spot. Jericho tells Big E to drink it in and E slaps the shit out of him.. Jericho’s nose is bleeding… Jericho dropkicks Big E down and the heels return to control. Big E hits a belly to belly on Jericho, but the heels take over again. Owens lands the Cannonball in the heel corner. Raw goes to break.

Back from break, Big E drops Owens. Woods hot tags in and takes control. Dropkick sends Jericho off the apron, but KO hits Xavier with a gutbuster…

We learn the title is NOT on the line… Which totally contradicts the earlier promo… Woods gets worked over. Woods blocks a Superplex on Jericho and sends him off the ropes… Owens tags in…

Seth Rollins comes out and distracts Owens… Woods nails KO with an enuigiri and Big E gets a hot tag… Belly to bellies everywhere… Big E tries the splash on Jericho but KO cuts him off with a Superkick… Woods hits a somesault dive outside onto KO… Big E takes back over on Jericho in the ring. Woods with a roaring elbow on KO… Jericho locks in the LION TAMER on Woods… Rollins rushes to ringside and distracts Jericho… This allows New Day to hit their “Midnight Hour” (Big Ending DDT combo) for the finish. New Day wins in 16:00….

Rollins comes into the ring post match, he dares Owens to come save Jericho… Owens decides not to… Pedigree on Jericho…

Seth Rollins slaps five with New Day… Jesus…

– Charlotte promo backstage. She’s at her best when main eventing in prime time, and shit like that.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Stephanie McMahon confronts Seth Rollins about getting involved earlier. He’s not medically cleared. Rollins knows he’s all alone. Stephanie tries to scare him being alone. No Shield. No Authority. He stands no chance on his own. She calls Rollins replaceable, just like everybody else. Rollins will make Steph’s life a personal hell until he gets his title rematch. Steph makes a shitty half smile as Seth walks off.

MATCH #6: RICH SWANN VS. TONY NESE
Cruiserweight division, and two of my faves here. Nese was amazing last week. Nese gets a pre-match insert promo. Lots of fast moving early. Swann with a somersault leapfrog and standing dropkick. Nese Matrix’s out of a clothesline from Swann and lands some nice kicks for 2… Swann counters a side slam into a huracan rana. Nese lands a sneaky kick upside Swann’s head. Nese controls with kicks, cross faces, and a body scissors. Swann jumps off the MAT and lands a frankensteiner off the ROPES on Nese! Nice. Swann hits a handspring into the ropes, but Nese is waiting and catches and whiplashes Swann on the top rope and nails a pumphandle sit out bomb for the win in 4:30… Way too short.

They way they built up Swann pre-match I thought he was winning here. A pleasant surprise to see Nese get the win. Too bad they barely gave these guys any time.

– Hispanic Heritage month, WWE celebrates Mil Mascaras. Surprising given the recent Del Rio fiasco.

– Cesaro & Sheamus head to the ring.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– EMMA VIDEO!!! EMMA RETURNS!!!! But wait… Now she’s….. EMMALINA???? WTF????? Lame. They ruin everything that gets over if they don’t want it over.

MATCH #7: CESARO & SHEAMUS VS. MARK CARRIDY & ROLAND WHITE
No idea if the jobber names are correct. The one looks like a young John Kronus.. RIP. They do the interrupting each other’s entrance crap again this week. HELL YES! ALL OF CESARO’S STUPID SPIDER TAPE IS GONE!!!!! No wait, just a little on the shoulder. I’ll take it. The newly put together team continue to argue throughout the match, but they take turns hitting their spots on the job guys. Cesaro launches himself off an unsuspecting Sheamus and nails a crazy DDT. They argue some more. Brogue Kick ends it in less than 2:00.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

TNA SPOILER ALERT… IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW… DON’T READ….
EDDIE EDWARDS JUST BEAT LASHLEY FOR THE TNA TITLE… NO, SERIOUSLY… HE DID… TONIGHT AT THE TNA TAPINGS… NOW I’M THINKING EDWARDS IS THE MYSTERY MAN WHO PAID FOR THE TAPINGS…

OKAY, BACK TO RAW…

– A video of the Charlotte/Sasha history and feud.

– Charlotte runs into Bayley and mocks her. She cuts Bayley off. Charlotte needs to go main event now. Dana stays behind and shit talks Bayley some more. Dana shoves Bayley up against the wall, Bayley turns things around and flings Brooke into another wall, or something… Dana appears to have hurt her knee… Uh oh!!!

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

I honestly would have never thought we could get to this point where the ladies could main event Raw AND I want to see it. Unless it was Joshi or something anyway… But I’m totally cool with this.

MATCH #8: WOMEN’S CHAMPION CHARLOTTE VS. SASHA BANKS
Remember, Dana got hurt in the prior segment. This shit better have a decent run over so it goes more than 10 minutes… They make sure Roman Reigns gets these ridiculous 25:00 matches on Raw, why not a match people WANT to see… Sasha sends Charlotte outside almost immediately, she tries a dive, but Charlotte stops her. So she tries the dive again, and it connects? Ummm, okay…. The match goes THIRTY SECONDS before they’re on the floor and we go to break… SERIOUSLY??????? WTF????

Back from break, this match is 4 minutes old, it’s 10:57, and we’ve only seen 30 seconds of the match. During the break, Charlotte has tripped Sasha off the ropes and made her take a nasty back bump. Charlotte is now working the back of Banks. Charlotte controls for a few minutes, Sasha comes back with a boot to the face and the double knees drop and a huracan rana… They try a spot where Banks gets back suplexed onto the apron but they COMPLETELY blow the spot, and Cole has to sell that Sasha’s head bounced off the bottom rope… Puh-lease….

Charlotte misses a big boot int he ring. Double knees in the corner by Banks. Charlotte knocks Sasha off the top rope and a big boot to the back of her head and then to the face…1………….2………..NO!!! Banks kicks out.

Charlotte tries a superplex, but Sasha counters and hits the Double Knees press off the top rope!!! 1……..2…..Charlotte kicks out!

Banks tries a backstabber, but Charlotte sends her outside. Charlotte goes up top… CHARLOTTE WITH A FUCKING CORKSCREW FUCKING MOONSAULT OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR….. NATURAL SELECTION FOLLOWS!!! 1…………..2………….BANKS KICKS OUT!!!!!!

Charlotte starts slapping Banks and saying she’s the boss. SASHA COUNTERS A SIDE SLAM INTO THE BANKS STATEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHARLOTTE TAPS AGAIN

CHARLOTTE TAPS AGAIN

CHARLOTTE TAPS AGAIN

SASHA BANKS WINS THE TITLE AGAIN IN 14:00.

Charlotte cries too much.

Now let’s see if Sasha gets hurt again.

Makes for a hell of a return match on PPV since Charlotte is 12-0 on PPV.

Missed most of the Raw Preshow so not covering that too much tonight, but some quick notes heading into Raw. They did play an interview with the referee discussing why Cesaro/Sheamus ended the way it did with the no contest. The ref said the doctors said to stop it so he had no other option. I’d love to see a doctor stop an Undertaker match when he’s laying around for minutes at a time… What a frickin match they had last night, easily the best of the lot by 10 fold, and they ruined it IMO, and Mick Foley you can kiss me ARSE.

THE WWE RAW REVIEW 9/26/16 from Cincinnati, OH

Raw kicks off with Roman Reigns to the ring and immediately we learn that Rusev has already received a jobber entrance as he’s already in the ring waiting for a rematch. There’s no Lana, Rusev gets no entrance, they have 3 hours and 10 minutes to fill, I don’t get it…

MATCH #1: U.S. CHAMPION ROMAN REIGNS VS. RUSEV
Lana randomly wanders down almost immediately… I guess to give her an entrance… It’s back and forth, Rusev works on Reigns’ back. Reigns inadvertantly pins Rusev during a spot because Rusev is late to kick out, but they play it off like he did and the match continues. Reigns tries the one arm power bomb, but his back is hurting Rusev sends Reigns outside for the commercial break…

Back from break, Rusev continues on offense, nails Reigns with a nice DROPKICK! Rusev works the back slowwwwwwwly with bearhugs and whatnot. Reigns comes back with clothesline-a-mania, but Rusev catches him in the air during a Superman Punch and they both topple over the top rope and land outside in a screwed up looking bump. Back to break…

And we’re back yet again, Rusev tries a Superplex, but Reigns knocks him off the ropes. Reigns with a Samoan drop gets 2… Rusev comes back with a spin kick for 2… Rusev with a kick upside Reigns head for another near fall. Crowd is blah, I don’t blame them, this shit is going on WAYYYY to long. Reigns ducks a kick, Rusev ducks a Superman Punch, Reigns blocks a German Suplex, Rusev with the big jumping Super Kick gets another near fall. Reigns comes back SUPERMAN PUNCH! 1…2… Rusev kicks out.

Lana tries to distract, but it seems like she’s too early for her spot…. Drive By by Reigns outside. Rusev sent into the crowd…. They fight into the crowd and get counted out… FUCKING REALLY????? 26:00 match and it goes to a double count out??? WHAT… THE…. EFFF…..

The fight comes back to ringside. Reigns tries a Superman Punch off the steps but runs into a STEEL CHAIR!!! Rusev beats Reigns down with the chair…

Back inside Rusev rushes Reigns with the chair but runs into a SPEAR…. Of course old Superman had to come out on top, heaven forbid somebody get HEAT on him. So Reigns comes back from multiple chair shots, but Rusev is DEAD from a spear… Lana is nowhere to be found.

Reigns sits in the chair at the head of Rusev and celebrates. And now this shit must continue… Sigh.

Rusev finally starts to get back up and Reigns whacks him with the chair… Rusev rolls outside like a turd. Reigns has now been on my TV for 35 minutes straight… Somebody help me.

There isn’t this much wrestling on Smackdown combined… Crowd really wasn’t feeling most of the match. They made noise for Reigns on his comebacks, but just dead otherwise. Finish rivals the Cesaro/Sheamus finish in regards to stupid booking.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MICK FOLEY ADDRESSES CESARO / SHEAMUS

Foley out first and he intros Sheamus and Cesaro. They both feel they proved they are the more dominant man and deserve a title shot… Foley agrees… Foley gives them a TAG TEAM TITLE SHOT together… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????????? After ALL that shit they get a TAG title shot???????????? What garbage…

Sheamus and Cesaro will get a tag title match against one of the teams in the next match…

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #2: TAG CHAMPS THE NEW DAY VS. GALLOWS & ANDERSON

New Day control early. G&A take over to send us to break… Back from break, Gallows and Anderson work over Kofi. Hot tag to Big E, he clears house and does the spear through the ropes to take Anderson out to the floor… Back inside New Day his the “Midnight Hour” (Big Ending/flying DDT combo) but Gallows breaks it up at 2…. G&A Take over and murder New Day, including Woods… Legend Killer on Big E, but Kofi breaks it up on 2… Kofi dives onto Gallows… Kofi tries to dive on Anderson, but Gallows catches him and sends Kofi into the steps…. Kofi is POURING blood down his face… Nice…. Shit breaks down, Big E takes a bump outside, Gallows gets bumped… Anderson tries a Spinebuster but Kofi turns it into a DDT and Kofi with Trouble in Paradise ends this in 10:00…. New Day retains… Poor Gallows and Anderson…

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Backstage, Cesaro and Sheamus are arguing, Mick Foley comes into the room. Mick is on fire, he’s sick of them arguing, he talks about him, Arn Anderson, and Michael Hayes watching the match last night and saying they stole the show… He said they proved everyone wrong, they’re two of the greatest superstars he’s ever seen… Together they can change the face of tag team wrestling and create magic… Mick asks them to try and trust him. This statrt off hokey, but Foley cut a hell of a promo here to put these guys over, the fans applaud…

MATCH #3: BAYLEY VS. ANNA FIELDS
Anna Fields is your local jobber for the evening. Anna controls for a minute, Bayley comes back and hits her signature stuff. Bayley to Belly ends this in 2:05.

– Bayley is interviewed in the ring. She fell short last night. But she’s not done, she’s just getting started. She wants to hug the Women’s title…

– Mick Foley confronts Stephanie. Mick is let down by Stephanie, Steph conveniently found a referee for the main event last night only AFTER Jericho interfered. Stephanie turns all bitch and attacks Mick verbally and basically makes him apologize. Steph dresses Mick down, lays into him hard, and tells him to be a businessman or lose his job. Foley apologizes…

Oh yeah, I should note that at some point during the show they did acknowledge that Seth Rollins hasn’t been cleared to compete after hurting his ribs at the PPV.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #4: CEDRIC ALEXANDER & RICHARD SWANN VS. DREW GULAK & LINCE DORADO
These teams don’t seem right, but whatever. A little back and forth to get things going, Dorado with a nice pinning combo but it’s broken up. Dorado hits a huge moonsault off the top to the floor onto everyone as we head to break…

Back from break, Gulak has control of Swann. Dorado tags in but takes the Psicosis upside bump into the corner… Hot tag to Alexander and Gulak. Alexander a house-o-fire on Gulak, Dorado stops a cover. Alexander with the lumbar check (flying back suplex into a back stabber) on Dorado. Gulak with a nasty Saito Suplex on Credic…. Rich Swann back in and hits the Rich Kick, and a jackknife cover to get the win in 8:19.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #5: CESARO & SHEAMUS VS. NICK CUTLER & WILLIS WILLIAMS
Cesaro can’t even finish his entrance before Sheamus interrupts. Another squash. Michael Cole says he hopes Nick Cutler is better than Jay Cutler, LMAO… For non-NFL fans, it’s a Chicago Bears joke… Cesaro has even MORE spider tape on… Looks stupid… Cesaro and Sheamus take turns tagging themselves in and squashing the job guys. Cesaro gives the jobbers some offense and they look lost. Cesaro uppercuts one with his free hand and Sheamus Brogue Kicks both jobbers out of nowhere. Cesaro covers Cutler and this garbage ends… Michael Cole calls the match “pretty ugly”… I’ll say.. They need to select their jobbers better… Match was 3:34.

– TJ Perkins interview. He debuts tonight. He sucks on the mic… Brian Kendrick interrupts. He says TJ owes him the cruiserweight title. Kendrick tells TJ to his enjoy his match tonight because when they face again Brian will be the new champ…

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

CHARLOTTE / DANA BROOKE / SASHA BANKS PROMO
Charlotte is the best, and blah blah blah… Sasha interrupts. Charlotte pinned Bayley last night, but not Sasha… Banks wants her one on one rematch right now… Charlotte agrees to it… NEXT WEEK…. Charlotte rambles on some more, Sasha shuts her up with a big SLAP across the face… Banks Statement on Dana Brooke… Charlotte attacks but the heels get run off… Sasha gets her title rematch next week on Raw….

– SETH ROLLINS IS IN THE BUILDING BY GAWD!!!

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Backstage, Mcik Foley tries to talk Seth Rollins out of doing anything tonight. Seth isn’t letting himself get screwed. He brings up HHH picking up Stephanie post PPV last night.. Is she not supposed to be with her husband?

MATCH #6: CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION TJ PERKINS VS. TONY NESE

Perkins tries a knee bar early… Nese with cartwheel off the apron, a superkick, and then an INSANE flippy dive to the floor onto TJ.. Awesome… Back inside Nese gets a near fall as Raw goes to commercial…

Back from break, inverted gut wrench suplex by Nese gets 2. Nese controls. Perkins with a haracan rana out of nowhere. “CM PUNK” chants as the crowd isn’t into this match at all besides the spots… Perkins with the double chicken wing into the codebreaker for a near fall… Nese slaps the shit out of Perkins on the top rope. Perkins tries a Tornado DDT but Nese stops it mid flow and floors Perkins with some nice moves for a near fall… Dropkick onto the apron by Perkins, then Detonation kick into the Knee Bar and Nese taps in 9:00. Fans were chanting “Randy Savage”. Definitely an entirely different group of fans than at CWC… These fans are becoming overbearing ass clowns…

– Hispanic Heritage video on Pedro Morales.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH KEVIN OWENS
We get video of Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson from That 70’s Show which ended years ago… I guess they’re in a new show together or something.. Anyway, they cut a promo about being friends, unlike Jericho & Owens.. They’re coming to Raw next week in LA…. Jericho cuts a promo on them, keeps calling him KutchNer… Anyway… Here comes Owens… Owens craps all over Cincy. He puts himself over…

Seth Rollins interrupts… Indy Security and Finlay block Rollins from coming to ringside. Mick Foley joins them. They all get Rollins to the back.

Enzo and Big Cass interrupt… WTF???? They go from jobbing to Primo and Epico and not making the PPV to this randomness??? Anyway, it’s abck and forth promo… Comedy ensues between Jericho and the faces… This ends up being a tag match after the break…

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #7: ENZO & BIG CASS VS. CHRIS JERICHO & KEVIN OWENS
Faces dominate but the crowd has just completely died… Cass misses a big boot and tumbles to the floor… The heels take over as Raw goes to the final break…

Back from break, heat on Enzo…. Enzo tries to come off the top but lands into a dropkick from Jericho. Owens with a senton on Enzo. Jericho miscues and Cass gets a hot tag. Cass goes off on both opponents, Stinger Splash to KO, Big Boot to Jericho coming from the top rope. Empire Elbow to Owens… Cass misses a second corner splash, Owens tries for a Cannonball but eats a big boot… Enzo tags in for the Rocket Launcher, but Jericho interrupts… Big Boot takes Cass and Jericho to the floor… Enzo hits a diving DDT on Owens for 2…. Owens comes back with a nasty clothesline and a wicked Powerbobm ends this in 16;00…

I don’t understand the constant burying of Enzo & Cass… Raw Ends…

WWE Raw Preshow Notes

* Jerry Lawler isn’t here, he’s at Raw… in Memphis… What a shock.

* TJ Perkins is interviewed

* Jerry Lawler live from Raw interviews Chris Jericho. Jericho is sick of Foley. He says both Mick and Noelle Foley “toot”. lol. Jericho has plans tonight to get Foley fired. He also has a Highlight Reel planned with a mystery guest?

THE WWE RAW REVIEW 9/19/16 from Memphis, TS

ROMAN REIGNS / KEVIN OWENS / FOLEY / STEPHANIE INTERVIEW SEGMENT

– Roman Reigns kicks off Raw. He gets three words out before Stephanie interrupts. Then Stephanie gets 5 words out before Mick Foley interrupts. Reigns was robbed last week. Steph thinks it’s too bad. Foley says Steph will always have a job but if Raw tanks on his watch he’s back at home on the couch. Foley agrees Reigns was robbed and gives him a rematch with Kevin Owens tonight.

Kevin Owens interrupts and he’s pissed. He doesn’t want a rematch. Stephanie says they will have the match but the Universal Title won’t be on the line. However, Foley announces it will be inside… A STEEL CAGE! Have a nice day!

Seth Rollins makes his way out for a match with Rusev and passes by the sweat hog KO.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Backstage, Mick Foley is with Rusev. Rusev is pissy. Rusev faces Reigns at Clash of Champions, and Rollins right now. Jericho calls Foley on the phone to end the segment.

MATCH #1: SETH ROLLINS VS. U.S. CHAMPION RUSEV
Almost forgot Rusev had a the title. So no Lana this week for whatever random reason. Rollins hits the blockbuster really early in the match. To the floor and Rusev drives Rollins into the ring post. Rusev dominates, including tossing Seth off the top rope as Raw goes to break…

Back from break, Rusev stil has control but Rollins lands an enzuigiri to rock Rusev. Rollins with the flatliner into the middle buckle and a Slignblade. Falcon Arrow gets a NEAR FALL on Rusev. So close. Rusev misses a wild kick but lands a knee and catches Seth with the second kick for a near fall. Lana has arrived at ringside… Not sure when she came out. Rusev says it’s time for the Accolade, but Seth rolls to the apron. Seth drops Rusev’s throat across the top rope and stuns him with a big kick, and the flying knee off the top. Rollins goes up top, but Rusev rolls outside… Suicide Dive by Rollins. And a SECOND SUICIDE DIVE by Seth. They start fighting up the aisle and we get a crappy double count out in 11:40 and the crowd craps all over the finish…

They fight their way over to the announce table on the stage. Rusev tries to powerbomb Seth through the table but Rollins escapes. Seth shoves Rusev off the stage, which is like 2 and a half feet off the ground… What a fall. Then Seth jumps off the announce table with a cross body onto Rusev. Again, not much higher than the top rope. Crowd liked it, it was fine for what it was, but personally I thought it looked lame.

– Backstage Charlotte and Dana Brooke are with Foley… Dana Brookje is STILL with Charlotte?? Did I miss something?? Anyway, Foley thanks Dana for the idea of changing the Clash match. It’s now Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks AND Bayley in a Triple Threat. Charlotte shoves Dana down and stomps off.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho are backstage. They’re pissing on Foley abusing his power. Jericho is making a list of everything Foley has done wrong as GM and he’s not going to like…. IT.

MATCH #2: BRAUN STROWMAN VS. SIN CARA
Pretty much a squash. Cara lands a suicide dive but Braun doesn’t bump. Back inside, Cara tries a springboard moonsault but Strowman catches him and nails a powerslam for the win in maybe 1:30.

– Sasha & Bayley in the back. Their match is next.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #3: SASHA BANKS & BAYLEY VS. CHARLOTTE & DANA BROOKE
We get about a minute of nothing before they go to break. Back from break we get a short heat spot on Bayley, and a long heat spot on Sasha’s back. Eventually, Banks escapes a Figure Four attempt from Charlotte and hot tags to Bayley. Bayley hits all her signature stuff on Charlotte. Bayley goes for the Bayley to Belly, but Dana Brooke holds Charlotte’s feet to prevent the move. Bayley goes after Dana and Charlotte nails a big boot for the win in 11:07.

– Backstage, Seth Rollins enters Stephanie’s Office… Hmmmmm

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Seth Rollins is in Stephanie’s “office”, he wants to know why Steph screwed him over for KO. Steph blames HHH and says she had no idea what HHH was up to. Steph has no idea what’s going on. Apparently they don’t talk business while Steph is getting plowed from behind by Trips. Rollins threatens to win the title and not let the Authority control him. Seth says he can’t be manipulated. Steph doesn’t like being threatened and she likes KO as the champion and says he has replaced Rollins. Face turn continues…

MATCH #4: BO DALLAS VS. GARY GRAHAM
They joke that Graham is the grandson of Michael Hayes… Oh, that Vince. Apparently getting drunk and kicked off a plane gives you a semi push. Bo with a Genius type promo that only he can BO-LIEVE IN BO. “Let’s Go JOBBER” chant. Bo mauls the jobber, viciously. Cross Rhodes ends it in 1:17.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Earlier today, a Sheamus interview. He’s clutch.

MATCH #5: CESARO VS. SHEAMUS – BEST OF SEVEN: MATCH SIX
Someone please end this crap already. Sheamus once lead 3 to nothing, now it’s 3-2… No doubt this will continue to the Clash where I can only pray this will mercifully end without a frickin 8th match. Cesaro reinjures his back early and we go to break. Back from break, Sheamus lands WHITE NOISE ON THE APRON for a near fall.. Irish Curse for 2… Celtic Cross into a Backbreaker… that looked completely unsafe… and that gets 2… Cesaro with a series of uppercuts outside to the springboard inside… Sheamus comes back, misses a Brogue Kick. Sheamus tries a slingshot shoulderblock but flies into an uppercut…. A sloppy Neautralizer ends it…

– Backstage, Foley decides Match 7 will take place Sunday at the Clash. Chris Jericho interrupts. He has a list of grievances…

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

JERICHO / ENZO & CASS / SHINING STARS / NEW DAY / GALLOWS & ANDERSON / ZAYN SEGMENT

CHRIS JERICHO’S HIGHLIGHT REEL… Only this isn’t a highlight reel… Jericho starts reading off his list of grievances. He’s interrupted by Enzo and Big Cass. Jericho isn’t even feuding with these guys, so this seems completely pointless. Well holy fuck… PRIMO AND EPICO interrupt. They’re selling Puerto Rican timeshare condos…. And they’re interrupted by New Day… And we can see where this mess of shit is going… Gallows and Anderson now interrupt… Ugh.

Jericho calls the entire bunch of people in the ring “Stupid Idiots”. Sami Zayn interrupts and attacks Jericho. Now we have a giant brawl. This brawl heads into commercial, and I assume we’ll have a 10-man tag when we come back.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #6: SAMI ZAYN, ENZO, BIG CASS, NEW DAY VS. CHRIS JERICHO, SHINING STARS, GALLOWS & ANDERSON
Didn’t see this coming or anything. So much for the Cruiserweights getting a top of the hour spot. Worse yet, the Cruisers get thrown into the third hour, when everyone is sleeping til the main event. Heat on Kofi. Hot tag to Big Cass, who plants Primo with his signature stuff. Everyone starts getting knocked to the floor… Kofi does a dive out onto everyone. Jericho and Zayn are left in the ring. Tornado DDT by Sami on Jericho. Jericho dodges a Helluva kick and Primo gets hit with it instead. Primo eats the Rocket Launcher from Enzo & Cass to end it in 5:25.

I don’t think half the faces even got tagged in. This was a terrible rush job to get over THREE of the matches on the PPV at the same time. If you can’t do a better job than this with 3 hours and 10 minutes then there’s a serious problem.

The Cruisers are next!

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Mick Foley is out to introduce the Cruiser match… The winner meets TJ Perkins for the Title at Clash of Champions. Foley stumbles over his words repeatedly and is bombing miserably… He introduces the four men involved in the next match, a Fatal Four Way… We go to break before the match.

MATCH #7: RICH SWANN VS. BRIAN KENDRICK VS. GRAN METALIK VS. CEDRIC ALEXANDER
Not going to try and call this. Some impressive things, mainly from Swann… This feels really slow, a lot of moves are a little too separated for TV time. A little too much playing to the crowd between spots, feels indy-riffic. Way too many chops. Couple of nice dives from Cedric and Metalik. Half the crowd is into it, at least the spots. Swann’s bumping is even amazing. Kendrick plays the grizzled heel like vet, trying to maim body parts rather than hit spots. Raw goes to commercial about 7 minutes into the match.

Back from break, Metalik walks the top rope and drops an elbow on Kendrick for 2. Standing shooting star by Metalik on Swann for another 2. Metalik moonsaults onto Swann’s feet. Swann with a Powerbomb into a jackknife, but Cedric double stomps Swann to stop the pin. Handspring Enzuigiri from Cedric on Swann for a near fall. Metalik stops Sliced Bread #2 by Kendrick, but Kendrick plants Metalik with a Tornado DDT. Swann kicks Cedric’s face right off. Standing 450 by Swann on Cedric, but Kendrick stops the pin. Kendrick with a frickin CHINLOCK submission he calls the Captain’s Hook. Crazy Spot time… A few nice cruiser spots leads to Kendrick locking in the Captain’s Hook again on Cedric for the tap out in 15:00…. The finisher sucks. It’s a frickin chinlock.

– Nia Jax killed Alicia Fox last week. They get another match at the Clash Preshow… Ugh… Why not a Cruiser match?

Cahe match is next.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #8: STEEL CAGE MATCH – ROMAN REIGNS VS. KEVIN OWENS
Owens tries to escape the cage immediately but doesn’t succeed… Reigns pounds on KO early as the crowd heels on Roman. KO lands a big clothesline to take over as Raw goes to break.

Back from the final break, Reigns loses a fight on the top rope and eats the cage to take a bump. Owens gets crotched on the top rope. Reigns takes over for a bit and smashes KO into the cage. Owens comes back with a German Suplex and the Cannonball in the corner. Owens tries a senton but lands on Reigns’ knees. They trade shots. Superkick from Owens, but Reigns counters a Pop Up with a Superman Punch for a near fall.

Reigns goes for a spear but runs into a Pop Up Powrbomb… REIGNS KICKS OUT…. LAME… Shouldn’t be kicking out of that move… On Raw… Owens tries to climb out, but Reigns grabs his foot. They fight on the top rope… Superman Punch on the top rope and both men fall to the mat. They begin to try and escape. Reigns starts climbing, and Owens goes through the door… Owens can clearly win, but he waits at the door until Reigns drops to the floor… Reigns wins in 14;08… Blah

Post Match: Rusev attacks Reigns on the floor. Rusev and Kevin Owens beat down Reigns inside the cage. Rusev chains the door shut. Accolade on Reigns.

SETH ROLLINS COMES RUNNING OUT. Seth scales the cage and knocks both heels off the ropes. ROLLINS OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE ONTO BOTH HEELS….

Show ends…