Screen Caps from WWF Royal Rumble 1991
The WWE Raw Report – November 28, 2016
It’s Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back at you with another WWE Raw Report. The wife is just getting over the flu and now battling pneumonia because of it, so I may have to tend to her needs for brief moments but I’m going to try and bulldoze my way through the tedious program that is Monday Night Raw.
WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS
- Raw is in Charlotte, NC. It’s the home of Charlotte, Flair. She’s defending against Sasha Banks tonight. They tease Ric Flair possibly showing up. It’s already been confirmed be the news sites that he’s in the building. Hopefully he’s not drunk. Woooo
- Last week, Jericho Cara helped K. Owens defeat Seth Rollins to retain the Universal Title. This saga continues.
- Mick Foley had Strowman KILL Sami Zayn last week. If I were Zayn I’d go find Foley and fuck him up. Speaking of Zayn, we go to backstage Raw. Zayn confronts Foley and wants a rematch with Strowman. Foley says Braun has a match. Sami tells Mick to change it. Foley tells Zayn he doesn’t want a rematch. Foley refuses to change the match. Sami says he will take matters into his own hands.
- New Day defend the titles tonight against Gallows and Anderson. They’re inching ever so closely to dethroning Demolition as the longest reigning tag team champions of all time. That’s what happens when you sue Vince.
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THE WWE RAW REPORT
NOVEMBER 28, 2016 – THE SPECTRUM CENTER
CHARLOTTE, NC
To the replay. There’s a replay of last week’s Owens/Rollins match. Jericho aids Owens in the win.
– HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH KEVIN OWENS –
Owens sets a new Highlight Reel record as guest in back to back weeks. They run down Americans and the Thanksgiving holiday. They talk about people being fake with their families to mooch a free meal and get fat, then turn around and knock people over for cheap flat screen TV’s on Black Friday. Canadians are truly thankful. They explain. They’re thankful for being best fiends, they’re thankful for scarves, thankful for Rollins sucking.
Jericho explains it wasn’t him wearing a Sin Cara mask last week, it was Sin Cara wearing a Jericho mask. LMAO. Rollins isn’t here this week because he’s not medically cleared.
To the ROMAN REIGNS. Here comes Mr. Personality himself. Reigns dumps on them. Owens flubs some lines. Jericho blames it on English being his second language. HAH! Reigns says Owens needs KO. Owens says he doesn’t need Jericho. Reigns says without Jericho Owens would have lost his Universal title every week.
Jericho starts to tease putting Reigns on the list, when Owens tells Jericho to SHUT UP. Owens gets all serious. Reigns challenges him to a match. Owens accepts the challenge. Reigns proclaims he will kick KO’s ass.
Jericho continues to look confused on how Owens was speaking to him.
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* To the Jeri-KO. Backstage Owens is worried about Reigns talking shit. Jericho is worried about KO telling him to shut up. They argue backstage, Owens says he doesn’t need Jericho to win matches and wants Jericho to stop helping him. Jericho says he doesn’t need Owens either, as a best friend. Mick Foley steps in to ban Jericho again but Jericho says he is leaving because they’re no longer friends. SWERVE.
– BRAUN STROWMAN VS. R-TRUTH –
Murder. Death. Kill. Strowman finishes this with a powerslam in 35 seconds.
Winner is Strowman
Goldust attacks post match, but Strowman starts to hammer back.
SAMI ZAYN rushes down and back jumps Strowman. Braun is quick to turns things around and flattens Zayn once again. And again. And again.He ties Zayn on the tree of woe again but the referees step in front. Mick Foley begins to make his way to ringside when the show cuts to commercial.
What weird shitty timing.
Can’t wait to see what he ever does with that fucking tree of woe shit.
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– MICK FOLEY / SAMI ZAYN SEGMENT –
Byron Saxton interviews Foley in the ring. Zayn is upset that Foley ended the shit. Foley says he saved Sami from a massacre. Zayn says Foley is taking orders from above. He shits on Foley. Foley tells Zayn he will never beat Strowman because Braun is a monster not a wrestler. Zayn asks how many times Foley was told he couldn’t do it. Zayn called Foley someone he looked up to, but not anymore. Fuck yeah. Fuck you Foley. Foley rebutts but flubs his line and has to SPIT OUT HIS FALSE TEETH. LMAO!
Zayn is DONE with Foley. Sami chews Foley out and leaves. Fuck you Beardy McFucker-Stuffings!
* To the Charlotte. She’s preparing for her match with Sasha. Dana Brooke walks in. Dana is getting a Charlotte homecoming party put together.
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– CEDRIC ALEXANDER VS. TONY NESE –
Nese doesn’t even get an intro. Drew Gulak is with Nese. Alicia Fox looks on from backstage, she looks like she wants to rub her crotch. Nese lands a double jump moonsault for two. Nese with some offense and a chinlock. Alexander fights back hitting a handspringpring into an enzuigiri. Cedric sets up for a springboard but Gulak on the apron. Cedric springboards Gulak off the apron, but Nese comes uyp from behind and hits a nasty pumphandle into a powerbomb and almost dumps Ceddy on his headdy. That bump looked nasty. This is over in 4:15.
Winner is Tony Nese
I wonder what Fox thought of that?
The Cruiserweight division is Vince’s 50/50 booking at it’s best.
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* To the Jericho. He’s got his luggage and he’s rolling his way out of the arena. Sure he is. Is anyone buying this shit at all? Did they fucking change interview chicks again? Or did this khunt get an ugly hairdo?
Jericho goes to his limo where the driver accidentally drops Jericho’s list. Chris goes to pick it up and realizes SETH ROLLINS has arrived! Rollins attacks Jericho for costing him last week and beats his ass in the parking lot. Seth throws a guard rail, they fight onto a car.
PEDIGREE ON A CAR. Jericho is laid out.
Less than 5 minutes of wrestling and we’re an hour into a 3 hour show. Sounds like 1998 WCW Nitro.
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– WOMEN’S CHAMPION CHARLOTTE FLAIR VS. SASHA BANKS –
The toad Dana Brooke is with Charlotte. Do they purposely hide Brooke’s giant knockers? It’s like they purposely don’t want her to have any love at all. They battle back and forth eventually going to the floor. The ref counts both ladies out in 5:00.
DOUBLE COUNT OUT
Nerf Herder Mick Foley interrupts. Man this fucker is in every segment of this show. This was apparently supposed to end their feud and a count out is no good. Hell in a Cell wasn’t a good enough blow off for a match? Let’s have another on Raw for the fuck of it!
Instead of just ordering the match to continue Foley decides to tell them they will come back out later and wrestle again. WTF? The rematch will be no DQ and no count out. I fucking hate this booking.
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– ENZO AMORE VS. RUSEV –
I thought last week was a pretty definitive ending but I guess we need a rematch anyway. Lana has some sexy hair this week. Enzo reminds Rusev that Lana saw his shlong. He talks about Lana wanting him to “stuff her turkey”. Rusev be S-A-W-F-T. Rusev immediately kicks Enzo’s head off his body. A deliberate KICK TO THE BALLS. Match is like 20 seconds. Fucking shit.
Winner is Enzo by DQ
That was really worth even having now wasn’t it?
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* To the Mark Henry. He’s in a WWE film. They show a clip of the movie. In the clip Henry gets his ass kicked. Titus O’Neil interrupts. He says Henry stole his spot in the movie. Titus grabs Henry. Mark shoves Titus down and makes him look like a total bitch. Vince hates Titus, that much is evident.
– RICH SWANN VS. NOAM DAR –
Brian Kendrick is doing commentary. Kendrick defends the Cruiser title against Swann on the debut episode of 205 Live tomorrow night. Swann falls throat first across the bottom rope and Dar gets control. Dar controls, until Swann rolls through a take over and hits a fucking ground kick that knocks Dar out. Match is around 2:30.
Winner is Rich Swann
* Corey Graves interviews Swann. Rich has fun with Kendrick. Brian isn’t having fun.
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* To the BAR with Sheamus & Cesaro. They’re not even at the show. They’re at a bar instead. Wish I were. They argue but then brag about winning at Survivor Series. The drunkards from the pool table begin to fuck with them. Terrible acting by the “bar patrons”. Some of the worst acting ever. Cesaro and Sheamus try to be professional but decide against it. Cesaro throws one through a wall, then they have more drinks. They beat the shit out of the bar drunks. APA V2.0 BITCHES!!!
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– UNIVERSAL CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS VS. ROMAN REIGNS –
This is a non-title bout. Owens attacks Reigns before the bell sounds and beats him down into the corner. Bell sounds and KO right back on Reigns. Owens is all over Reigns and owning his ass. KO with a 2 count and Raw heads to break just a couple minutes in.
Raw rolls on. Owens still has the control. Owens lands the cannonball for a near fall. A lengthy chinlock follows. Reigns finally gets loose but Owens lands a senton for another near fall. Owens tries another senton but lands on the knees of Reigns. Roman drills Owens with clotheslines and big boot.
KO escapes a Samoan drop. They trade punches. Good counter sequence leads to Reigns hitting the Samoan drop this time. He gets 2. Owens rolls outside to dodge a Superman Punch, but he gets the Drive By instead. In the ring Owens hits a superkick for another near fall.
SUPERMAN PUNCH knocks Owens off the top rope to the floor. Another Superman Punch on the floor. In the ring Reigns goes for a spear. Owens kicks him away. Reigns charges again. SPEAR CONNECTS! He’s no Goldberg, but this does get the win in 14:00.
Winner is Roman Reigns.
Reigns will now meet Owens for the Universal Title at the Roadblock PPV.
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* To the Owens. He’s not happy right now. Jericho is still his best friend. He rips down interviewer Charly Caruso.
– MICHAEL COLE INTERVIEWS PAUL HEYMAN –
After advertising Heyman on Raw we learn that this is a prerecorded interview with Cole and Heyman. This is the first time Heyman is responding to the Lesnar loss to Goldberg at Survivor Series. Heyman admits they screwed up and take accountability for it. They took Goldberg lightly. He calls Goldberg a relic from 12 years ago. He claims Goldberg broke Brock’s ribs on the first spear and Brock couldn’t breathe. You can’t breathe, you can’t fight. Heyman tears up.
Paul says Brock has something to prove. Goldberg is in the Rumble? BROCK IS IN THE RUMBLE!
Brock is coming to win the Rumble, but more yet he will be making Goldberg his victim!
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* To the EMMALINA. FUCK ME MOMMY! The makeover is almost complete. Emmalina is coming soon. If she shows up here I’ll be coming soon too.
– TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS NEW DAY VS. GALLOWS AND ANDERSON –
So 17 more days and New Day beats the Demolition’s record. Given that this ever so important TITLE MATCH hasn’t been promoted or mentioned since Raw started, I think we can guess how much of a chance Gallows and Anderson have of winning this here. Sorry Demolition.
Looks like it’s Big E and Woods in this one. Gallows & Anderson ambush all three New Day to begin and leave them all laying. A powerbomb on Woods gets a near fall only moments in. Woods tries to fight his way out of the challengers corner but doesn’t succeed. The challengers continue to beat down Xavier and Raw takes a commercial after a minute or so of action.
Raw rolls on. Kingston distracts and Woods nails an enzuigiri to finally get the hot tag to Big E. A trio of belly to belies on Anderson. Anderson escapes the Big Ending and hits a flying running boot for a near fall on E.
Big E spears Anderson through the ropes to the floor. One of these days that dude is gonna break his fucking neck doing that spot. E tries the Big Ending on Anderson, but Gallows superkicks him. Anderson hits a Spinebuster on Woods for another near fall.
POWERBOMB TOP ROPE NECKBREAKER!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK! Woods is out. WOODS KICKS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK?
They set Woods up for the Magic Killer, Big E comes in. Gallows with a double choke bomb on E. Woods tries a Honor Roll. Karl ducks but Xavier lands a rolling elbow. Anderson with a roll up. Woods reverses it and HOOKS THE TIGHTS to win in 11:00. NEW DAY CHEATS A-FUCKING-GAIN to win a match.
Winners are New Day. Puke.
* To the Sasha Banks & Bayley. Tonight is about the Women’s title. Sasha will be the 3 times champion. She’s dedicating it to Ric Flair or something.
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– WOMEN’S CHAMPION CHARLOTTE VS. SASHA BANKS –
This is the rematch from earlier. This time FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE. Charlotte gets sent to the floor and Sasha with a scary suicide dive just seconds into the match. A cover on the floor gets 2. Charlotte ducks the double knees off the apron and the girls with a double clothesline outside to send us to commercial.
Raw rolls on. Charlotte is dominating. Sasha tries a sunset flip but Charlotte blocks it. Banks counters a Figure 8 and hits the double knees drop. They trade chops on the apron. Charlotte boots Banks and her head bounces off the apron. Banks kicks out on the floor.
Natural Selection on the floor gets 2. Yet somehow it got a win in Hell in a Cell.
BANKS FINDS A KENDO STICK and just beats the shit out of Charlotte with it. SHE CANES HER IN THE KHUNT!
Charlotte retaliates with a neckbreaker on the floor. Figure Eight on the floor. SASHA CANES CHARLOTTE IN THE GUT. Wicked. Move is broken.
The fight up the ramp. They head up to the Raw announce table on the stage. Charlotte throws Banks off the stage. Charlotte climbs onto the announce table. MOONSAULT OFF THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! BANKS KICKS OUT!!! Fucking jeeeebus.
The fight goes back to the ring. Charlotte gets driven into the ring post and the barricade. Backdrop on the floor and Banks climbs onto the barricade. DOUBLE KNEES OFF THE BARRICADE. Charlotte barely kicks out before 3. Fuck man.
Sasha with more kendo stickery. They fight into the fans. They start fighting up the stairs. Charlotte gets trapped in the railing and the BANKS STATEMENT IN THE RAILING!!
CHARLOTTE TAPS IMMEDIATELY!
BANKS WINS IN 14:00.
Winner is Sasha Banks.
NEW CHAMPION AGAIN!
That finish was out of nowhere but it was unique and pretty awesome.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
We ain’t done yet.
RIC FLAIR headed to the ring.
Flair raises Sasha’s hand in victory. They high five and Ric leaves.
Charlotte is in the crowd doing her usual crying.
I guess everyone truly does lose in their hometown.
The WWE Raw Report – November 21, 2016
Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back at you with another edition of the WWE Raw Report. The shit of a show that was Survivor Series is behind us (Thank you Lord!) and tonight on Raw we hopefully move forward.
WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS
- The elephant in the room is addressed right away. The analysts (Stanford, Lawler, Lita, Booker) discuss Brock Lesnar jobbing in 90 seconds to Goldberg.
- Team Raw won the ladies match. Nikki Bella was laid out by an anonymous person before the match. Presumably by the man-cunt Natalya and her giant knockers and gross fucking face. Natalya is living proof you can stick a gross face on a nice body and ruin the entire thing. After the match Charlotte beat Bayley’s ass for the fuck of it. Bayley responds in a post Series interview. Don’t sing it, bring it, chica.
- Mick Foley joins the preshow on Skype. Foley will settle for 2 out of 3 Elimination match wins. Foley mockingly thinks Baron Corbin or Dean Ambrose should be Raw MVP for their shitty interference last night.
- Team Smackdown won the only match that mattered even in spite of Styles taking a Shield reunion Triple Powerbomb through a table. The Wyatt Family wiped out the Roman Empire to take it.
- Team Raw won the 10 tag team match. Cesaro and Sheamus survived and earned a tag team title match tonight against New Day.
- Cedric Alexander is backstage hitting on Alicia Fox, this new Daivari interrupts them and says shit in Arabic or some shit. He is evil because he is foreign you see.
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THE WWE RAW REPORT
NOVEMBER 21, 2016 – AIR CANADA CENTRE
TORONTO, ONTARIO
– GOLDBERG ADDRESSES HIS FUTURE –
After the opening Goldberg’s music hits and he stomps his way through the back before entering through his pyro. Lots of Goldberg chanting going on. He thanks the fans, he thanks his wife for putting up for his shitty attitude and foul mouth. He thanks his son who I am leaning towards thinking has something mentally wrong with him. Goldberg says all good things must come to an end. The crowd bites the bait and chants NO.
Goldberg says he ran into Stephanie McMahon after his match last night. She asked the Berg if he has one more title run left in him. The crowd chants YES. Goldberg agrees with the fans. The road to Goldberg’s title match runs through WrestleMania. What that means is, EVERYONE IS NEXT!.
That was Goldberg’s way of entering the Royal Rumble. Seven fans decide to start chanting YOU SCREWED BRET for whatever the fuck reason. It gets drowned out pretty much right away.
GOLDBERG IS IN THE RUMBLE.
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– RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS NEW DAY VS. CESARO / SHEAMUS –
I wonder how many days it is now before New Day beats the lawsuit filled Demolition to become the longest reigning tag champions. And there you go, Woods addresses Demolition’s record. New Day will beat it in 23 days. So that answers that. Big E and Kingston will be the defenders. Cesaro and Big E show some power and Cesaro hits a really impressive powerslam on E. Cesaro tries a money flip on Kofi and Kofi lands on his feet. Then Kofi tries a monkey flip on Cesaro and Cesaro lands on his feet. Kofi gets to the ropes to stop a Cesaro Swing. Sheamus pulls Kofi outside and throws him into the post and Raw goes to a commercial.
Raw rolls on. Shortly after the show returns Big E gets a hot tag and wipes the mat with Sheamus with a trio of belly to bellies. Kofi tackles Cesaro on the floor while E hits a big splash on Sheamus for a 2 count. Sheamus retaliates with White Noise on E and gets 2 as well. Cesaro with the uppercut train on Kofi, and he catches a Kofi dive and turns it into a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Kingston lands an SOS for a near fall. Cesaro with the SWING and turns it into the Sharpshooter. Big E tries to interfere but takes a Brogue Kick.
Cesaro has Kofi in the middle of the ring with the Shooter. Xavier Woods gets on the apron and plays Francesca VIII. It distracts the referee who misses KOFI TAPPING OUT. Sheamus confronts Woods, but Kofi cradles Cesaro and New Day CHEAT LIKE MOTHER FUCKERS to retain in 12:00.
Winners are.. Fuck You New Day, Demolition is better.
* To the Man, Maaaaan. It’s Y2Jericho. His list appears to be back in order. Chris is not happy about his lsit falling apart last night and being shown to the world. Tonight he will address the person who destroyed his list. He calls Charley Caruso ‘Charles’ which was funny. He implies he’s calling out Kevin Owens but doesn’t say his name, which means he will blame someone else.
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* TO THE NAKED ENZO. Enzo is locked out of the locker room naked. He runs into Lana. She seems to like his dong. Rusev is pissed off that his wiener is hanging out in this PG show. Big Cass joins in. Rusev is offended for his wife. He challenges Enzo to a match.
* To the Foley, Stephanie, Zayn. They’re excited for Goldberg in the Rumble. Sami Zayn stops in. Mick Foley likes Zayn but there must be ramifications for losing last night. He has to face Braun Strowman tonight. I guess we forgot they were feuding a few weeks ago. How come nobody else is receiving punishments for losing? Reigns? Rollins? KO? Jericho? Fuck nuggets.
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– CEDRIC ALEXANDER VS. ARIYA DAIVARI –
This is your basic Vince took over the Cruiserweight division match. Cedric goes to the top rope and takes a fucking crazy hot shot bump when he’s knocked off. That shit looked nasty. Daivari takes over for a near fall. Crowd is catches zzz’s. Cedric with a handspring enzuigiri to the face of Daivari. Cedric connects with the Lumbar Check and its over. Match was like 3:00.
Winner is Cedric Alexander
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– HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH KEVIN OWENS –
Jericho is in the ring and he wants to talk about the destruction of THE LIST, even though the list is back in tact. Kevin Owens interrupts only seconds into the promo to join Chris in the ring. Jericho wants to discuss who is to blame. Jericho and Owens argue about what version of the Jeritron they’re using. Owens shows photo stills from Series. It shows Owens saving Jericho from the Styles Clash by breaking the list over Styles head. He says he did Chris a favor. Jericho is very offended that Owens abused the List. Owens asks Jericho ‘Who cares?’. Jericho says he cares.
Owens says he sacrificed himself for Jericho last night and got eliminated. Jericho thinks maybe they never had much of a friendship. Jericho talks about taking all the finishers every week for Owens while Kevin backs away. Jericho is digusted and says he is finished with Owens. Good shit.
They both simultaneously blame Roman Reigns and hug out of nowhere. QUEER.
They shit on Rollins next, which bring Seth out. I guess Roman didn’t care as much. Rollins runs them down. They run Rollins down. They beat down Seth. Roman Reigns comes out to make the save, with entrance music, and walking to the ring. Fuck you Roman Reigns walking the ring. So the former Shield members brawl with Owens and Jericho.
* To the Foley. He announces Owens vs. Rollins in a NO DQ TITLE MATCH for tonight’s main event. Jericho is barred from ringside.
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– ENZO AMORE VS. RUSEV –
Lana calls Canada ‘America’. She did that in Scotland on accident so I’m guessing this was on purpose. Rusev just fucking SQUASHES ENZO in 50 seconds. Just WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?
Winner is Rusev
Fucking Jack Swagger lasted longer. Why are tag team wrestlers so shitty in singles? Fucking stupid.
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– GALLOWS & ANDERSON VS. THE GOLDEN TRUTH –
The winners of this match will challenge New Day next week for the titles. How did Golden Truth get this shot? They couldn’t even make Series. This match actually goes longer than I expected but the outcome is still the same. Magic Killer on Goldust ends it in 6:00.
Winners are Gallows & Anderson
They face New Day next week for the titles.
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– SAMI ZAYN VS. BRAUN STROWMAN –
STROWMAN JUST RUNS OVER FUCKING ZAYN ON HIS WAY TO THE RING. He just killed him. Braun is pissed about last night. So Mick Foley does this to people who get screwed out of a win? Then shouldn’t Strowman also be punished? Strowman fucking smashes Zayn’s sternum in the corner. If I were Sami I’d go to Smackdown.
Strowman crushes Zayn in the corner again. He tries a third and runs into a boot from Zayn. Sami throws some hay makers. Strowman runs him over with a clothesline. A short arm clothesline kills Zayn even more. Zayn tries to fight back but he can’t Braun just pounds on him. The fans chant for Zayn. Strowman carries a dead weight Zayn and hangs him in the tree of woe.
Mick Foley orders the match be stopped 4:00 in.
Winner is Strowman by stoppage
So that’s what happens when you lose a match by a screw job finish to shitty Miz? Makes no sense. They go from putting Zayn over Owens to making him a job guy.
This is where Smackdown would end but since this is Raw I have another HOUR plus runover to look forward to.
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* To the EMMAlina. Wouldn’t you know it, the bitch is still coming. I’d be coming,…… insider her. Bada boom, really guy in the room.
– CHARLOTTE AND SASHA BANKS SEGMENT –
Charlotte and Dana Brook are out first. Charlotte is the Queen and now she doesn’t have to deal with the other Raw peasants now that Series is over. This brings out Sasha Banks.
Banks wants her title rematch tonight. Charlotte agrees to the rematch, but not tonight.
* To the Nia Jax. She’s put on 25 pounds since joining Raw. I like them big but she’s just yuck. Gross khunt. She thinks Sasha is overrated. They get face to face. Dana Brooke starts mocking Sasha so Banks nails her. Jax attacks Banks.
Bayley rushes down to aid Sasha. Raw goes to commercial.
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– CHARLOTTE / NIA JAX VS. SASHA BANKS / BAYLEY –
Sasha and Bayley have control of Charlotte when Raw returns. This match is joined in progress. Nia Jax comes in. She’s big so she’s tough and shit. Nia beats up Bayley. Banks gets a hot tag. Sasha laying it into Charlotte. Double knees in the corner gets 2. Nia Jax is so fat she barely breaks the count in time because she gets stuck trying to get in the ring. The faces double suplex Jax. Banks Statement on Charlotte, and Charlotte taps AGAIN. The faces win in 4:00 or some shit.
Winners are Banks / Bayley
* To the Rollins in the back. Seth is looking forward for his title match tonight with Jericho barred from ringside.
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– TJ PERKINS VS. NAOM DAR VS. RICH SWANN –
Winner meets Brian Kendrick for the Cruiserweight Title on the debut 205 Live show next week. Kendrick is on commentary. Match goes to a commercial early on as TJ goes after the knee of Swann. As Raw continues Swann whiffs a top rope rana but Perkins takes the bump anyway. Perkins fucking with a back kick that hits Dar right in the fucking jaw. Dar comes back with the ankle lock on TJ, but Swann lays in a kick to Noam’s head to break it up. Perkins gets the knee bar on Swann but Dar breaks it up. Dar misses a body block and TJ locks him in the knee bar. Swann breaks it up this time. Swann with a sweet back spin kick on Perkins and Swann wins the match in 8:00.
Winner is Rich Swann
Swann challenges Kendrick on 205 Live next week.
* To the Owens. He has to defend against Rollins next. KO says Seth with fail again tonight.
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* To the main event. But not before WWE shamelessly $hills their Black Friday merch. Enzo and Cass sell us on WWE merch for Xmas. How you doin?
– NO DQ; UNIVERSAL CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS VS. SETH ROLLINS –
Jericho is banned from ringside. Rollins takes it to Owens and hits the flying knee early for a 2 count. Rollins grabs a table less than a minute into the match. Owens puts a stop to that and floors Rollins and then sends the table back to the outside. Raw takes what I imagine will be it’s final break.
Raw rolls on. During the break Owens hit a DDT on the chair onto Rollins. KO is still using chairs. More chairs. Seth retaliates with the Slingblade. Suicide dive to Owens on the outside. Now inside Rollins drives KO face first into a seated chair for a 2 count. Raw with another commercial. Fuck, they fooled me.
Raw rolls on. Again. By my count this match has been going for 12:00. 6 of those minutes in commercial. Owens rolls away from a Rollins Frog Splash. KO hits the Cannonball with a chair on Rollins for a near fall. Owens sets two chairs up facing each other. He tries a powerbomb on them but Seth backdrops KO onto the chairs. Seth gets 2.
Table gets propped in the corner. Rollins hits a superkick on a kneeling Owens for another 2. They fight to the top rope. Rollins slides over and hits the running Liger bomb through the table in the corner. Holy balls!
ONE
TWO
HOLY FUCK OWENS KICKS OUT!
Rollins clotheslines Owens into the crowd and launches himself off the barricade onto KO. They fight through the fans. Rollins chases after KO and sends him into a garbage can. And then sends the garbage can into him. Owens tries a Powerbomb on the floor but Seth climbs onto the second tier of fans and SETH DIVES OFF ONTO OWENS. Fans chant Holy shit. Great camera angle.
Seth drags Owens back to ringside.
Rollins jumps onto the barricade where he is tripped and shoved off by a fan in a lucha mask. It’s that damned Chris Jericho. He’s banned from ringside. But he’s in the crowd, not at ringside!
Seth drags Jerico over the barricade. Pedigree on Jericho!
Seth turns around. Owens with a Superkick. Powerbomb onto the edge of the apron! He rolls Rollins inside and steals yet another win after 23:00.
Even heel commentator Corey Graves shits all over how the finish went down claiming Jericho ruined another match.
Will Owens ever look like a champion before he drops the belt?
Spoilers: WWE Superstars Results 11/21/16
Results from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Taped 11/21/16 for this week’s Superstars episode:
* Sin Cara defeated Jinder Mahal
* Bo Dallas defeated Curtis Axel
WWE Smackdown Live Report – November 15, 2016 (900th Edition)
THE WWE SMACKDOWN LIVE REPORT (900th Edition)
NOVEMBER 14, 2016 – PRUDENTIAL CENTER
NEWARK, NEW JERSEY
* To the Bryan and Shane. They open the show from the stage area. Bryan advertises the return of Edge and the Undertaker for tonight. Shane announces the IC Title bout will kick off the program.
– INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. THE MIZ –
The match starts off with both men feeling each other out. They’re pretty much at a stalemate when Smackdown goes to commercial early in the match. Smackkdown rolls on and they show Miz throw Ziggler into the barricade during the commercials. This explains why Miz is now in control. Miz hits his neckbreaker combo for a 2 count. Miz then goes after the left leg of Dolph and works it over. Ziggler fights back and begins his usual offensive arsenal. They get a little sloppy with a spot but eventually get back into things. Ziggler locks in a sleeper but Miz gets to the ropes.
Miz with a Mafia kick to Ziggler and covers, but the ref catches Miz’s feet on the ropes. While Miz argues with the referee, Ziggler hits a Famouser out of nowhere and gets 2 and a half. So close! Smackdown to commercial AGAIN. Where’s that shit where they show the match during the break when you need it?
Smackdown continues and the match is still going. Miz begins mocking Daniel Bryan by using his Yes Kicks. Crowd makes them ‘No Kicks’. Miz hits Bryan’s RUNNING KNEE.. AND A SKULL CRUSHING FINALE! HOLY FUCK!!!!
1, 2, HOLY SHIT NO! Ziggler kicked out! Fucks alive!
Dolph counters a Figure Four. Miz counters the satellite DDT. ZIG ZAG! 1, 2, MIZ KICKS OUT!
Ziggler looks for the Superkick but the SHITTY SPIRIT SQUAD on the apron. Ziggler Superkicks them off. Miz attacks Dolph from behind and locks on the Figure Four to Dolph’s injured leg. Ziggler is trying to reach the ropes. HE GETS THEM! Rope break!
Ziggler counters another Figure Four with a small package. Maryse reaches in and pushes Miz over on top. 1, 2, 3.
Miz wins in 20:00.
Winner and new champion, The Miz
For crying out loud. For fucking fucks sakes. Miz don’t need the fucking title. Dolph vs. Zayn would have been great. How many times are they going to fucking keep rehashing the same fucking finish in the same fucking feud?
You build to a fucking retirement match and then you have him drop the belt back a month later on fucking television? Fuuuck me.
=======================================================
* To the BLISS. Alexa is arguing with Daniel Bryan about how she lost her match to Lynch. Bliss had her foot on the rope when she lost the match. Bryan says she will get another rematch but right now she needs to focus on Survivor Series. Natalya enters blowing a whistle. Nattie quotes Chumba Wumba. I hate her.
– KALISTO VS. ONEY LORCAN –
Lorcan is from NXT. He must be a jobber. Lorcan attacks from behind and beats the shit out of Kalisto. Half Nelson fucking suplex by Lorcan. Kalisto fights back, he tries a springboard and fucking straight up SLIPS AND FALLS on his face. LMAO. Salida del Sol still ends it but he couldn’t recover from that humiliating spot. This was one of those Smackdown 2:00 specials we’ve become familiar with.
Winner is Kalisto
* To the Ominous Music. We hear Taker’s music. We see his hand reach into the screen and pick up his hat. The dead man has arrived!
=======================================================
* To the ROCK! But not really. They show this quick video of the Rock, since this is ‘his show’.
* To the Tag Teams. All the teams are in the back. Heath Slater has brought them a motivational speaker. IT’S KING BOOKER!! ACCENT AND ALL! KING BOOKER RETURNS TO SMACKDOWN! Breezango show up in police uniforms an hand out citations for being shitty at fashion. They give ‘King BOOGER’ a citation and he gets ghetto on them. Now can you dig that, Suckaaaaaaaaa!
=======================================================
– NIKKI BELLA VS. CARMELLA –
Nikki Bellas starts things off on a rampage, but Carmella does a fucking neckkbreaker off the apron onto the fucking floor. DAMN! Nikki beats the count back in. Carmella with some more unique shit. Not bad so far. Nikki tries a roll up for the win but no dice. Carmella with a superkick to Nikki and a sleeper applied. Bella gets to her feet and breaks the hold by falling back into the corner. Carmella stays on her and just beats the piss out of Bella. Another sleeper on Nikki and some choking. Carmela misses a Bronco Buster. Both ladies are down. HERE COMES CHARLOTTE! Charlotte has a front row ticket. Smackdown to commercial.
Smackdown rolls on. Bella hits the Alabama Slam. And a Disaster Kick. They fight out of the ring. Charlotte keeps taunting Nikki and Bella just explodes on Charlotte and yanks her over the rail. Nikki beats on Charlotte in the ring when all of the ladies from Raw come rushing out of the crowd and it’s 6 on 1. All the team Raw women plus Dana Brooke beat on Nikki. Funny seeing Bayley act in a heel manner. Carmella tries to help but they’re outnumbered.
Here comes Becky, Nattie, Naomi, and Bliss! It’s 6 on 6 now. Shit breaking down. BECKY LYNCH MURDERS NIA JAX FACE FUCKING FIRST THROUGH THE BARRICADE. That was awesome!
Naomi with a sprinboard dive onto Team Raw outside. Crowd is going bonkers. Team Smackdown looking good as Team Raw retreats!
That was cool.
Oh, the match went about 10:00 I guess. No contest obviously.
* To the shadow. We see his shadow walking and his music playing. He’s coming! I hope this doesn’t lead to a shitty Undertaker and Kane segment.
=======================================================
* Goldberg / Brock Lesnar Video. It all comes down to this Sunday night.
– BREEZANGO, HYPE BROS, THE USOS, AMERICAN ALPHA
VS.
THE VAUDEVILLAINS, HEADBANGERS, ASCENSION, SPIRIT SQUAD –
A 16-man tag match. All the shitty teams that didn’t make Survivor Series are facing the Series teams. Slater and Rhyno are coaching their team at ringside. Crowd wants Slater. I can’t stand Mojo Rawley. I hope everyone doesn’t wear all these fucking stupid Smackdown and Raw shirts at Survivor Series. Ryder looking sharp in the ring but he gets blind sided on the floor by the Ascension. All 16 men argue outside the ring and Smackdown goes to a break.
Smackdown returns. This shit fest match is still going on and there’s only 25 minutes left in the show since Smackdown isn’t allowed to run over. Leaving Undertaker and Edge segments barely any time. I don’t get it. Is Taker replacing Shane? Zack hot tags it to Chad Gable. Headbangers are in with American Alpha. Have you ever seen old guys try and take young guy bumps? Slow and not pretty. We Grand Amplitude on Thrasher and Gable gets the pin in around 12:00.
Winners are Hype-Zango-Uso-Alpha
=======================================================
– THE CUTTING EDGE WITH TEAM SMACKDOWN –
Edge makes his return with his hair grown back out and a big beard. You thought you knew him. So with 15 minutes left I can only guess the Undertaker is replacing Shane?
We get Team Smackdown to the ring. If you don’t know them by now, it’s AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, and Shane McMahon. James Ellsworth is their mascot because he looks funny. WAY TO BE A STAR WWE. Ellsworth gets mike time. He wants to do a 5 second pose with Edge. Styles puts a stop to the fun. He says it was stupid then, and stupid now. Edge mocks Orton for being a follower now. Wyatt speaks for Orton. Edge says Shane has his work cut out for him at Series if he wants to keep all these guys working together.
Shane speaks. He has faith in his unit. Styles agrees and says he will co-exist with Dean Ambrose in order to win it for Smackdown. Dean and Styles argue.
This separates when there’s a GONG. The lights go out. Here comes the Undertaker. By the time he gets to the ring Smackdown will be over. With 3 minutes to go he finally gets in the ring. Large Holy Shit chants.
Taker supports Shane as Commissioner because he has no fear. The Undertaker says HE’S BACK and WrestleMania will no longer define who he is.
Survivor Series was where the Undertaker was born. Smackdown has always been his home. THE UNDERTAKER THREATENS TEAM SMACKDOWN. If they lose he will come after all of them. He says team Raw will Rest In Peace.
Umm, OK?
The announcers are still plugging Survivor Series when they’re cut off mid-sentence because Fuck You Smackdown you don’t get to run over!
So that was it. Edge barely did shit. Undertaker did shit. And Survivor Series is Sunday.
The WWE Raw Report – November 14, 2016
IIIIIIIIT’S RAW TIME!
Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back at you with another edition of the WWE Raw Report. We’re heading into Survivor Series THIS Sunday night! Should (hopefully) be a mildly interesting show tonight as they finalize things for the Raw side of things.
WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS
- A whole lot of building up the Survivor Series. The panel talk about their dream Survivor Series teams and show a pole of which one wins. There’s a “trivia” question asking who the Visionaries team was from 1990.
- They talk about the matches coming up this Sunday, everyone thinks Lesnar will beat Goldberg. They talk up the Team Raw vs. team Smackdown Series matches.
- To the Backstage with Sami Zayn and Bo Dallas. Bo is now trying to grow his brother Wyatt’s beard. Dallas is upset he was overlooked to be the challenger at Series against Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler. Only Bo believes in Bo. Zayn respects Bo as a wrestler and Sami says he knows what it’s like to only believe in yourself. I’m guessing these two wrestle tonight on Raw. Either that or this segment was pointless.
=======================================================
THE WWE RAW REPORT
NOVEMBER 14, 2016 – KEYBANK CENTER
BUFFALO, NEW YORK
– STEPHANIE AND FOLEY ADDRESS THE RAW STARS –
As Raw begins, Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon are in the ring. All members of Raw that are representing the brand at Survivor Series are standing on the stage, including Zayn and Kendrick. Stephanie talks up all the Raw stars and mentioned that they must get along at Series. She hopes they got all their animosity out last week, because this week they need to learn to be a team. Steph starts making random matches. Foley forgets there are more matches to be made tonight and tries to end the promo too soon. Steph reminds him the promo isn’t dad. LOL’Z. They announce Reigns/Owens vs. Sheamus/Cesaro, New Day vs. Strowman/Jericho/Rollins, Charlotte/Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax and Foxy crotch. They Reigns tag match starts right now.
=======================================================
– ROMAN REIGNS / KEVIN OWENS VS. CESARO / SHEAMUS –
Reigns gains control but Owens doesn’t want to tag in. This allows the Cesaro/Sheamus team to take over on Roman. They argue a bunch. This shit is beyond old. Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block. More arguing. Reigns tries to take over on Sheamus but no dice. Owens confronts Reigns outside and they argue. Cesar launches himself over the top rope with a spinning plancha onto both men. Raw goes to commercial right here. When Raw returns, Kevin Owens is finally in the match and working on Cesaro in the ring. Owens with a flying tornado DDT. Holy fuck! Look at that fat ass fly! KO cannonball into the corner on Cesaro gets only a 2.
Cesaro finally drops Owens and gets a hot tag to Sheamus. Read that again.. A hot tag.. to.. Sheamus. It’s as exciting as it sounds. Sheamus works on Owens for a short bit before KO flings him to the floor and tags Reigns back in. Now Reigns takes over on Sheamus outside the ring. Back in the ring the SUPERMAN PUNCH connects on Sheamus, but Cesaro stops the count. Cesaro takes a KO Superkick and a Reigns Superman Punch. Owens and Reigns begin to argue and shove each other. Sheamus surprises Owens with a BROGUE KICK. Reigns then SPEARS Sheamus. Reigns pulls Owens on top of Sheamus to give his team the win in 12:00.
Winners are Reigns & Owens
This wasn’t painful. That’s about as good of a rating as I can give it. They tell the story that the main eventers are ready for Series. They tell the story that Reigns can be a team player even if his partner is an ass.
* To the backstage with Jericho, Rollins, and Strowman. Jericho wants to get rid of the bad vibes in the team for tonight. Jericho offers them gifts. Rollins opens his gift. It’s the scarf of Jericho. Try it on, maaaaaaaaan. Rollins is not a scarf guy. Braun doesn’t want his scarf, he wants the scarf that Jericho is wearing. Jericho gives Braun the scarf. Braun just rips Jericho’s scarf in half. Braun doesn’t like scarves, and he doesn’t like Jericho. Not a bad segment. Meant for comedy. It didn’t make me groan.
=======================================================
– SAMI ZAYN VS. BO DALLAS –
Bo trying to grow a heel beard. Might want to ask brother Wyatt for some tips. Dallas looking aggressive early on. Zayn catches him with an overhead belly to belly into the corner. The Helluva Kick ends this in 2:30. Sorry Bo.
Winner is Zayn
Byron Saxton interview with Zayn in the ring. Sami will bring the IC strap back to Raw. Short and sweet.
=======================================================
To the Cruisers. All the Cruisers are in the back having discussion. Brian Kendrick interrupts them all. He assures them that the Cruisers will remain on Raw (even though they will be taped at Smackdown). Everyone starts talking about wanting a shot at Kendrick. Kendrick, Swann, Noam Dar all want shots. Shoot fighter Sin Cara interrupts to say his friend Kalisto will make a better champion. I wish they’d give ten of these Cruisers a match at Series.
– NEW DAY SEGMENT –
So New Day has been the tag team champions for almost 450 days. And thanks to Demolition suing WWE, they’ll continue being champions until they beat the Demolition’s record. Fuck You, WWE. They come out with a shopping cart of New Day merchandise shit. This promos is literally just to push their merchandise. What shit.
=======================================================
– NEW DAY VS. ROLLINS / JERICHO / STROWMAN –
Six-man tag team action. Lots of dissension played up on the Jericho team. Guys tagging each other hard. This leads to back and forth action between the two teams. Rollins slingblade on Woods. Woods Honor Roll on Jericho. New Day hits a triple team on Jericho and the Big E Splash gets 2. Jericho gets the better of Kofi and Chris slaps Braun Strowman’s chest to tag him in and orders Braun to get Kofi. Strowman looks disgusted but he just obliterates Kingston as Raw goes into break.
Raw rolls on. Strowman still killing Kofi. Kingston finally gets a way and hot tags it to Woods. Jericho tags himself in to help his team. People start brawling everywhere. Strowman catches a Kofi dive over the top rope and drives him to the floor. Strowman also kills Big E on the floor.
In the ring Woods hits a rolling elbow on Seth. Rollins cvomes back for the Pedigree but Jericho tags himself in. Woods blocks the WALLS. Jericho tags Braun in. Strowman with the Bulldog Powerslam and pins Woods with ease. Couldn’t have done that to Demolition! Team Jericho wins in 13:30.
Winners are Rollins/Jericho/Strowman
Jericho talks shit post match. He reminds Seth that Jericho is the captain. Seth responds with a Pedigree.
=======================================================
* To the People in charge. Foley and Stephanie are excited for Survivor Series. PAUL HEYMAN interrupts. Steph implies that Paul is fat. Way to BE A STAR, Steph. Heyman teases that shit is going to hit the fan tonight and then walks away. Foley gets on the phone to call for an ass load of security for the Goldber/Lesnar segment tonight to make sure the match makes it to Series.
* To the ladies. Charlotte and Sasha Banks have a back and forth in the locker room. Charlotte talks about how great she is. Banks reminds her that since Charlotte is captain, if they lose it’s all on Charlotte.
=======================================================
– CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION BRIAN KENDRICK VS. SIN CARA –
Cara has new stereotypical Mexican entrance music and no longer flips into the ring. Kendrick attacks Kalisto’s buddy before the bell. Cara takes a minute to get into the ring and the match finally starts. Kendrick maintains control. Kendrick is easily the most boring of all the Cruisers and it shines through right here. Cara with a Northern lights suplex out of nowhere for 2 and then Kendrick right back in control. The match goes to the floor. Cara hits a suicide dive. Cara tries a second suicide dive and misses. Raw takes a time out.
Raw rolls on. Sin Cara begins to take control with a shitty looking splash from the top rope. Crowd chants boring. If I were there I would too. Cara hits some offense. You can hear him fucking calling spots out loud. It’s either him or Kendrick. Someone calls for a powerbomb and the next move is a powerbomb. Well what do you know. The two men knock heads. Crowd could give a fuck less. This has gone on far too long. Vince McMahon destroyed this division.
This doesn’t feel anything like the Cruiserweight Classic. This is as boring and slow as any boring Raw match. Kendrick fucks around with Cara’s mask to where he can’t see and Kendrick hooks on that Captain’s Hook shit to end this bucket of shit match after 12:00.
Winner is Brian Kendrick
* To the Enzo & Cass. Gallows & Anderson confront them. These four men have to team tonight in an 8-man. They don’t seem to get along. This segment goes nowhere and wasn’t funny.
The Brock and Goldberg segment is NEXT? THE FUCK?
=======================================================
– GOLDBERG / BROCK LESNAR ~ FACE TO FACE –
We have around ten security / indy guys in the ring before the introductions. Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman are out first. Then it’s Goldberg out next. The security has formed a wall across the middle of the ring to prevent the two from going face to face. Even though this segment was advertised as a face to face meeting. Goldberg looks blown up just entering the ring. That can’t be good for their match. Goldberg chants.
Goldberg cuts off Paul Heyman, because this isn’t about Paul Heyman. Goldberg wants Heyman and the shitty security out of the ring so that the two real men can get it on. Goldberg chants continue. Heyman runs down a list of people Brock has conquered. Goldberg says he’s not on that list.
Heyman keeps bringing up Goldberg’s family so Goldberg says the next time Heyman brings them up he will rip his head off. Heyman offers Goldberg a chance to back out of the match and he will find a replacement. Goldberg tears his shirt off.
Heyman tells Goldberg he will be conquered at Survivor Series. Lesnar throws down two of the security. Heyman says Goldberg’s son will call Lesnar daddy. Goldberg destroys the security to get at Brock.
Lesnar stands on the apron and teases to fight Goldberg but he leaves.
=======================================================
– SASHA BANKS & CHARLOTTE VS. NIA JAX & ALICIA FOX –
Bayley is on commentary for this match. The ladies give it to each other. It;s back and forth. Jax mauls over Sasha and Raw goes to a break. After the commercial, Jax still has control. Nothing fancy to report here. Things break down and all four women are in the ring. Sasha and Charlotte argue with each other leading to Fox nailing a cross body on both. There’s some distraction by Jax but Sasha ends up putting Fox in the Banks Statement and Alicia taps in 8:00.
Winners are Charlotte and Sasha
Bayley joins Banks after the match for a celebration hug.
* To the Foley Speech. Mick is with the main event Team Raw participants. He reminds them they don’t have to like each other to survive at Survivor Series. Foley tells the crew to stick around for fireworks when he gets in the ring later with Shane and Bryan.
=======================================================
* To the half-naked Emmalina. She’s still coming soon.
– ENZO & CASS / GALLOWS & ANDERSON VS. GOLDEN TRUTH / SHINING STARS –
Stars stole Golden Truth’s spot at Series, and now they’re teaming. Enzo and Cass send Stars to the floor. Golden Truth sends Gallows and Anderson to the floor. The face teams tease going at it but they don’t Raw goes to commercial and the crowd is asleep.
Raw rolls on. R-Trizzle be tryin to mount some offense but a Shining Star distraction allows Anderson and Gallows to maintain the advantage. Troof explodes on Anderosn with a spin kick and Primo steals a hot tag from Goldust. Big Cass also tags in and the crowd is just dead asleep. Cass big boots the shit out of Primo. Empire elbow. Golden Truth take out Epico on their own team which allows Cass to control. Gallows and Anderson hit the Magic Killer. They tease tagging Enzo in for the rocket launcher but they fake him out. Gallows covers Primo for the win in 8:00.
Winners are Enzo, Cass & Club
=======================================================
– STEPHANIE & FOLEY CONFRONT SHANE & BRYAN –
This right here will sell the PPV. They’re so fucking lucky that PPV’s are $10 now because they fucking suck anymore at making you want to see the shows. Maybe they got lazy on purpose because shit is only $10. Or maybe they just suck and are lazy to come up with what Jim Ross calls ‘compelling stories’.
Stephanie is cut off right away with Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan’s entrances. In between promoting the brands and promoting the matches, barbs are thrown back and fourth among the 4 of them.
Stephanie brings out the Owens led Team Raw. Steph and Foley leave the ring, leaving Team Raw against Bryan and Shane… But they didn’t come alone! Bryan introduces… TEAM SMACKDOWN…. Out from the crowd comes Team Smackdown, complete with James Ellsworth.
The two teams go face to face. Owens takes the microphone and welcomes Smackdown to the KO show. Styles responds. Styles says something about Jericho and a sugar tit. I don’t know what that means but it was funny. Team KO hug. Jericho calls Styles a stupid idiot.
AJ styles AND HIS SOCCER MOM HAIR make the list!
Jericho finally sees James Ellsworth and calls him weird looking. CHINS MCMAHON. LMAO. Ellsworth makes the list!
Bray Wyatt confronts Braun Strowman for abandoning the Wyatt Family. Bray created Braun and will destroy him at Series. Storwman and Orton go nose to nose.
Seth Rollins talks about what he and Reigns are capable of as a team. Ambrose begins to reply but he just decks Owens. It’s a ten man brawl. Strowman begins murdering team Smackdown and crushes Shane McMahon.
Ambrose and Styles begin double teaming Strowman. SHANE COMES FLYING BACK ACROSS THE RING AND WIPES OUT STORWMAN.
Ambrose suicide dive on Rollins.
Jericho dropkicks Styles off the apron. RKO ON JERICHO!
SUPERMAN PUNCH ON ORTON!
Wyatt tries a Sister Abigail on Reigns but Roman escapes. Styles tries a Styles Clash on Reigns but Rollins blocks it. PEDRIGREE ON STYLES.
Reigns and Rollins Super Powerbomb Styles to the floor onto his team mates.
Team Raw stand united in the ring.
That was a fun ending. See you tomorrow for Smackdown everyone.
The WWE Raw Report – November 7, 2016
The ghouls and goblins are behind us, All Hallows Eve has passed us by, and yours truly Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back at you with another edition of the WWE Raw Report.
All comments below are my opinion and do not necessarily reflect the other writers here at Crazy Max. You are welcome to share your thoughts by replying to my review. I’d appreciate it!
WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS
- Raw is Glasgow. I won’t bore you with an elaborate and detailed review as I usually try and accomplish. With Raw being on a tape delay this week the results are already out there and I won’t insult your intelligence like the Raw preshow gang by pretending it hasn’t happened yet.
=======================================================
THE WWE RAW REPORT
November 7, 2016 – GLASGOW, SCOTLAND
– STEPHANIE MCMAHON AND TEAM RAW –
Raw kicks off with Stephanie to the ring to bring out the entire Team Raw for this year’s Survivor Series. We already know four of the five men. Jericho and Owens are out and do their usual thing. Jericho looks no worse for wear after getting buzz sawed by Sin Cara, who subsequently likely won’t have a job here in a few days.
Braun Strowman won the Battle Royal last week to earn his spot in the match. Roman Reigns receives the hate from the fans even in Glasgow. Owens is Universal champion, Reigns is universally hated.
We learn that the fifth and final member of team Raw is Seth Rollins. No big shock there since Seth had nobody else to work at the PPV.
There’s a lot of back and forth shit being said and the guys fight among each other. Steph books a Fatal Five Way between all the members for the main event tonight. WWWWHHHHHYYYYYYY?
=======================================================
Well fuck me, Sin Cara in the next match. I guess he’s still got a job, for now.
– RICH SWANN / SIN CARA VS. BRIAN KENDRICK / NOAM DAR –
This would be Dar’s Raw debut. Since this is taped I won’t bother you with the anticlimactic details. Dar is over as fuck in his homeland. Swann pins Kendrick again in 7:30. Swann and Cara get the win.
Post match Kendrick cuts a promo and blames Dar. Kendrick attacks Dar. Noam fights back with a enzuigiri to Brian’s face.
=======================================================
To the Goldberg / Lesnar. Video that is. These guys will fight at Survivor Series and the crowd response should be interesting.
* Backstage segment with Stephanie and Sami Zayn. They announce Sami Zayn vs. Rusev tonight with the winner getting a shot at Dolph Ziggler’s Intercontinental Title at Survivor Series.
=======================================================
To the ring. New Day is all Scottish tonight and shit. Doing the Braveheart thing, sporting bagpipes and kilts. Woods introduces the Scottish cousin of Francesca II, Agnes the bagpipes. New Day is with their Survivor Series team, which includes Enzo & Cass, Sheamus & Cesaro, Gallows & Anderson, and… ready for this one… The Golden Truth?
Before the New Day part there was also some shit from Sheamus, but everyone else put him in his place because he sucks. Cesaro even calls him the Red Rooster and struts. Sheamus wants to quit the Survivor Series match. Anderson and Gallows also want out. Big E quotes Braveheart lines and gets over. FREEEEDOM!!!!! Sheamus finally gives in and joins the Series team.
Gallows and Anderson seem to be in but they call all the other teams jokes. They promise to stab their team in the back. Well that makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
This promo segment was LONG AS FUCK.
=======================================================
The long promo takes us into a non title match with New Day taking on Gallows and Anderson
– NEW DAY VS. GALLOWS/ANDERSON –
As I said, non-title. New Day going to keep their skirts on for this match. It’s Kofi and Big E wrestling, Xavier on the floor. New Day set up for their finisher but Gallows boots Big E from the ring. Anderson with a spinebuster to Kofi. Magic Killer ends it on Kofi. Crowd was fucking dead for this. Gallows and Anderson get the win when it doesn’t matter.
* To the Jeri-KO. Backstage they try to get Braun Strowman to work with them in the Fatal Five Way. I’ll pass.
=======================================================
– GOLDEN TRUTH VS. THE SHINING STARS –
Even more tag team ‘fun’. I feel for Primo and Epico, I really do. They get the win here and I don’t now if this puts them in the Survivor Series match or if Golden Truth keep the spot even though they lost. This shit is confusing, all four of these guys could be utilized better than this shit.
=======================================================
– LADIES ‘TEAM RAW’ REVEALED –
So out come the hookers on parade. We know from last week Charlotte is the captain. That makes sense. We also learned that Bayley and Nia Jax would be part of team Raw. Adding to the team are Alicia Fox to play jobber for the contest. And last but not least Sasha Banks is announced for the group. Dana Brooke gets left out. Bwahahahaha. Ugly bitch.
No Emmalina in sight but I’m sure she’s still ‘Coming Soon’.
Crowd doesn’t give a shit about this segment and chant for Becky Lynch. Not sure if this was edited for TV and it was worse i person but the way it was reported online was that the fans hijacked this segment.
* We learn that Setphanie McMahon will be on Smackdown tomorrow and that Shane and Daniel Bryan will be on Raw next week. The draft was fucking pointless people. I haven’t seen this much crossover since I watched the LOGO channel.
=======================================================
– BAYLEY / SASHA BANKS / FOXY VS. CHARLOTTE / NIA JAX / DANA BROOKE –
So the men get a fatal five way and the ladies do a 6-woman tag. Lots of thought put into this ‘quality’ program. The baby face team wins when Bayley pins the champ Charlotte. Woooo.
=======================================================
– SAMI ZAYN VS. RUSEV –
Lana looks all hooker-y in her pink plaid outfit and her tits hanging out. I’ve read online that Lana referred to Scotland as America. I don’t know if they edited it out or I missed it. I don’t care either, she’s slutty hot and can call me whatever she wants.
This match is to determine who will meet Dolph Ziggler for the Intercontinental Title at Survivor Series. Zayn over Rusev, who is now just a punching bag for everyone. I would have rather Zayn just came out as a surprise at Series. This takes a little of the starch out of the interest for me.
=======================================================
– OWENS VS. JERICHO VS. REIGNS VS. ROLLINS VS. STROWMAN –
Fatal 5 way, first fall wins. Not even an elimination match in light of the Survivor Series. Lots of thought put into this match. #ratings. Corey Graves is determined to get over the term ‘Abominable STROW-MAN’. At least he’s trying. Spots going on everywhere. Finish sees Reigns smash Owens with a Superman Punch and KO falls on top of his best friend Jericho. Owens unknowingly pins Jericho to get the win.
The best friend angle continues to paint it’s story and the champ gets a pin fall. Honestly I thought this would end up being Strowman getting a win with the other four currently entangled in a feud of some sort. Happy Owens won instead.
That ends Raw.
