Screen Caps from WWF Royal Rumble 2000
The WWE Raw Report – January 23, 2017
THE WWE RAW REPORT
JANUARY 23, 2017
QUICKEN LOANS ARENA – CLEVELAND, OH
Here we go, it’s the Raw brand “go home” show for the Royal Rumble and both Brock Lesnar and Goldberg are in the building tonight. It’s the final build to Charlotte vs. Bayley and Reigns vs. Owens, possibly even Swann vs. Neville. All of that and there’s still 11 open spots remaining in the Rumble match. Let’s hope creative pulls something good out of their ass and give us something good leading in to the Rumble this Sunday night.
* To Team BFF. We get a video highlighting Jeri-KO and their recent fights with Roman Reigns. Jericho has taken the U.S. Title and Owens has powerbombed Reigns through the announce table on the stage. The Cleveland crowd sounds happy about that.
What they’re not happy about is…….
– ROMAN REIGNS / OWENS / JERICHO SEGMENT –
The crowd jeers as Reigns makes his way to the ring. The Shark Cage is standing in the middle of the ring. Reigns talks about Jericho being in the shark cage at the Rumble and says that means he will be the new Universal Champion.
To the Jeri-KO. Pretty loud Y2J chant. Owens tells Reigns that he had the powerbomb through the table coming for years. Reigns needed help powerbombing people through tables, Owens put Roman through a table by himself.
Reigns responds and it reminds me of how terrible his promos are. Jericho asks Reigns if he’s “Notradamus”, yes that’s how he said it. Reigns is a stupid idiot and makes fun of Reigns for losing the U.S. Title to him. Jericho says he should fight Reigns tonight. Reigns calls it a title rematch. Jericho didn’t say that. But Owens agrees to the match for Jericho. Chris doesn’t seem too happy about that. I guess the match is on. Reigns says he’s THE guy.
Underwhelming opening segment. It’s like anyone who is feuding with each other is only plugged into segments with the guy they are feuding with. It makes me feel like I’m watching the same fucking show every week. Think outside the box assholes. More writers than ever and the writing just gets lazier.
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– CESARO VS. LUKE GALLOWS –
Sheamus accompanies Cesaro. Anderson is with Gallows. For those that don’t remember, Gallows and Anderson won the tag titles last week only to see the Dusty finish come into play and the title returned to Cesaro and Sheamus. The fucking return match is on the fucking Rumble PRESHOW. There will be two referees. I guess they couldn’t fit it on the fucking four hour PPV. So Raw now has four matches and 2/3 of the Rumble slots. How disrespectful to put that on the preshow-ski. Nerds
Cesaro hits a corkscrew uppercut early but it’s Gallows who takes over. Cesaro fights back with uppercuts but Anderson distracts and Gallows hits Cesaro with a big boot. Raw to commercial.
Raw rolls on. During the break Karl Anderson was chased backstage by Sheamus after interfering. Sheamus still at ringside. Cesaro with a dead lift vertical suplex on Gallows. Impressive. Cesaro boots Gallows outside and Sheamus lays Gallows out with a clothesline much like what Anderson did to Cesaro earlier. In the ring Cesaro locks in the Sharpshooter. Anderson comes flying back down the ramp and lays Sheamus out with his flying kick. Anderson on the apron causes Cesaro to release the Shooter. Gallows drops Cesaro with a shitty flapjack for the win in about 9:00.
Winner is Gallows-ski
* To the Foley. He’s talking to Bitch Steph on speaker phone. Bitch Steph isn’t showing up for the go home show? She really is a bitch! Anyway, Sami Zayn interrupts and wants to be in the Rumble. Took you long enough. Foley is about to give Zayn the spot when Bitch Steph informs Sami that in order to get a Rumble spot that he has to beat Seth Rollins tonight. Zayn acts as if he has to fight Andre the Giant in his prime or Hulk Hogan circa late 80’s. Zayn walks away. Steph asks Foley to pick up the phone to privately give him another job. It involves Seth Rollins but it isn’t divulged what she says to Mick.
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* To the sit down interview. Corey Graves sits down with Bayley. Seriously? This is your hard sell for the Charlotte vs. Bayley match? Bayley sitting down talking about her life as a WWE fan. Bayley’s mannerisms are all over the place too. Like she doesn’t know what emotion to have, then she awkwardly smiles at the end.
* To the Rollins. Mick Foley has come to give Rollins the news from Bitch Steph. Rollins vs. Zayn is next. If Sami wins he’s in. It also means Rollins is out. Zayn will get Seth’s spot. Shitty. Like there’s not room for both guys. Stupid to keep either one of these guys out. I assume this is a way to begin the HHH/Rollins stuff.
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– SETH ROLLINS VS. SAMI ZAYN –
This is a stipulation. There’s no reason both of these guys can’t be in the Rumble match. What a shit load of fuck. So these guys are fighting over a Rumble spot. I can’t wait to see what jobbers get spots instead. Cole puts over the fans for their energy. This one gets a scientific feeling out process early on. Both men try quick pin falls but no luck. Zayn is finally sent to the floor and Rollins lands a suicide dive which takes Raw into a break.
Raw rolls on. Sami sends Rollins to the apron but gets kicked. Rollins springboards in but can’t hit the knee. Sami hits the Blue Thunderbomb for a 2 count. Sami fights back out of the corner and hits a crossbody for a close 2 count. Sami with a Michinoku Driver for another 2 count. Rollins comes back with the top Blockbuster for a close 2 count. Rollins catches Zayn with a superkick on his knees for an awesome near fall. Rollins with a Falcon Arrow for another 2. Stiff shots are traded but Rollins pulls out the Slingblade. Sami fights back with a Tornado DDT off the top and sets up for the Heullva Kick. Zayn misses in the corner.
Rollins tries for the Pedigree but Sami backdrops him to the floor. Zayn goes up top but Rollins meets him and tries a Pedigree off the top. Zayn turns it into a super sunset flip bomb for a near fall. Crowd enjoying this one. Rollins counters back with an enzuiguri. Sami with the Exploder Suplex into the corner. Sami readies for a Helluva Kick on the apron. Rollins kicks him and nails a Pedigree on the apron!
Rollins looks to put Sami away when Triple H’s music hits. Rollins waits for Triple H to appear, forgetting about Sami. He turns back around and Sami cradles him for the win in 15:00.
Winner is Zayn
Rollins is pissed after the match and so are all the fans. So if this stands it fucks the fans out of seeing Rollins in the Rumble. It fucks Rollins out of a good showing at the Rumble. It fucks Zayn because he needed a distraction to win. It screws Zayn again because now he’s the asshole who cost Rollins his spot. This helped nobody and made the Rumble match much shittier.
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* To the pissed off Rollins. He’s pissed and looking for Triple H. He runs into Foley who knew nothing about it. Mick promised to get to the bottom of it. Michael Cole stresses that Rollins will NOT be in the match.
– MUSTAFA ALI, TJ PERKINS, JACK GALLAGHER VS. TONY NESE, DREW GULAK, ARIYA DAIVARI –
Austin Aries joins for commentary. Gallagher dazzlers early. Perkins blind tags in with a springboard body block. Unique submissions and pins by Perkins. Gulak lays Perkins out with a hard strike. The heels do some work on TJ. Nese ends up missing a springboard moonsault. Gulak and Ali tag in. Ali unloads with offense. Ali nails a neckbreaker and Daivari breaks the pin. All six men get involved. Ali ends up hitting the inverted 450 on Gulak for the win.
Winners are Ali, Perkins and Gallagher
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– NEW DAY / ENZO & CASS / RUSEV & MAHAL / TITUS SEGMENT –
New Day out first. Rumble is coming. Enzo and Cass interrupt for some reason. Then Rusev and Jinder interrupts them. Rusev with more of his comedy. Titus O’Neil joins in. Everyone shits on poor Titus. O’Neil announces an 8 man tag even though there are only 3 heels. They tease Lana as a fourth before Braun Strowman is announced.
Shitty quick segment.
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– NEW DAY / ENZO & CASS VS. BRAUN STROWMAN / RUSEV & MAHAL / TITUS O’NEIL –
We’ll call this the final build for Strowman because that’s all this is. New Day do some work first. Nothing to note. Cass gewts a hot tag and does his move set on Mahal. Rocket Launcher from Enzo on Mahal. Titus breaks it up. Now everyone starts doing spots. Cass big boots Rusev to the floor. Kofi dives out onto everyone but Braun, Enzo and Mahal. Enzo enzuigiri on Jinder. Braun tags in. Poor Enzo. Vince obviously hates Enzo. Braun murders Enzo like a jobber. Enzo tries a flying DDT but Braun turns it into the powerslam and that ends it.
Winners are Strowman and company
How the fuck do you bury someone as over as Enzo and Cass were?
WELLLLLLLLLLLLLL IT’S THE BIG SHOW.
Show joined the Rumble earlier today.
Big Show in the ring and he looks serious. They slowly step towards each other. Strowman finally steps past Show and leaves the ring.
The announcers hype the PPV when New Day and Big Show interrupts. It seems unplanned. LOL.
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Heading into the final segment of hour 2 and there hasn’t been anything worth a shit on this entire show. Big Show coming out was cool but the Rollins bullshit negates that and then some. Triple H screwing other people over to build for his return.
– U.S. CHAMPION CHRIS JERICHO VS. ROMAN REIGNS –
Title rematch for Reigns. Owens is with Jericho. Reigns takes over first and sends Jericho outside. Reigns flings Jericho into the barrier. Reigns nails a Drive By and Owens talks trash to Reigns as we go to commercial.
Raw rolls on. Jericho now has control. Owens joins commentary during the break. Reigns finally makes a comeback and tosses Jericho to the apron. Jericho goes to the top and Reigns decks him. Jericho sends Reigns to the mat and comes off the top but gets caught with a right hand. Reigns keeps control but runs into a boot in the corner. Reigns blocks the bulldog. Jericho counters a Samoan Drop. Jericho mounts Reigns with right hands now. The referee warns him. Jericho stands tall but gets caught in a Samoan Drop for a 2 count. Reigns goes for a Superman Punch but Jericho dropkicks him for a 2 count. Reigns blocks a Codebreaker.
Reigns with a sit out powerbomb on Jericho for a near fall. Owens gets pissed off and heads back to ringside. Jericho starts to come back and set up for something but runs into a Superman Punch. Kevin Owens attacks Reigns to cause the DQ.
Winner by DQ is Reigns
The heels stomp down Reigns and call for the shark cage to be lowered. They put Reigns in the cage. Reigns fights his way out and rams both their faces into the cage. Reigns puts Owens in the cage and locks him in. Reigns has the cage raised. As Owens is going up Jericho hangs onto the cage and is hanging in the air, Reigns Superman Punches Jericho in mid air. LMAO. Now that was fun.
Owens has to watch from above as Reigns spears Jericho.
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* To the BFF’s. Still in the ring Jericho finally gets Owens out of the shark cage. Charly Caruso interrupts the duo to announce that not only will Jericho be in the shark cage at the Rumble, but the match will now be No DQ. Somebody must have realized this shit was going to suck.
* Corey Graves sits down with Charlotte now. What a shitty lead in to their first big match. This is better suited for a more storied feud.
* Nia Jax waddles backstage.
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Well, Raws been shitty so far and we’re guaranteed another shit segment with Nia Jax in the ring.
– NIA JAX VS. RAY LYN –
Nia splashes her into the corner. Jax busts out the fucking BANZAI DROP. And it’s over in short fashion.
Winner is Jax
Charly Caruso tries to interview a BLOWN UP Nia post match but Jax sends her away. She’s blown up from one fucking move. Jax dedicates her victory to Sasha Banks. Jax gets the WHAT treatment. Her promo is clearly scripted. Nobody is listening to her and they’re WHAT-ing her in the middle of sentences hehehe.
Sasha Banks makers her way out on a crutch. She swings the crutch at Jax’s ankle and beats on Nia with the ctuch. Jax NO SELLS THE FUCKING CRUTCH. Female Braun Strowman. Jax takes a slow motion bump out of the ring. Just fucking terrible. Sasha off the apron with the double knees. Isn’t her knee hurt? Banks leaves walking fine.
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* Emmalina is coming. This shit has gone on so long I’m done coming up with witty things to say.
– CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION RICH SWANN VS. NOAM DAR –
Austin Aries back on commentary. Alicia Fox is with Dar. I swear Fox must be the greatest sex on Earth to still have a job. Swann gets control and sends Dar outside. Swann tries a dive but Dar hides behind Fox. Rich instead delivers a kick off the apron. Fox argues with Swann and Dar catches Swann with a kick as he’s coming back in the ring. Raw to commercial. Wow they gave this match a commercial, they really are out of shit.
Raw rolls on. Swann double stomp to the spine of Dar. Nails his spin kick and lays Dar out in 5:00. About 90 seconds of this match was shown with a commercial break in between.
Winner is Swanny
Swann calls out Neville with new music. Neville climbs half way into the ring and then backs off. BUT SWANN SUICIDE DIVE right outside onto Neville. Swann lays into Neville and Neville runs off. You can’t handle this.
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* To the Cedric Alexander. Alicia Fox and Noam Dar interrupt. Noam wants no hard feelings for stealing Fox. Cedric says no hard feelings about Fox, he’s happy she’s gone. But Cedric is still mad about Dar attacking him last week. Cedric knocks Noam on his ass. Fox says Dar almost cried. This was so bad it was funny.
* Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax is added to the PRESHOW. What the fuck? What are they putting on the four hours and why does Raw get like 900 matches on the PPV? Smackdown has ONE match, Raw has FIVE.
– GOLDBERG SEGMENT –
It’s Goldberg to the ring. Goldberg has a cut on his head, must’ve went old school and headbutted the door on the way to the ring. I wonder if they’ll stop the promo to cover the blood. Goldberg completely fucks up his lines TWICE. He admits to it and laughs it off. He blames the fans chants. Goldberg was never the best promo guy but hopefully he makes it through this and gets the point across. He’about to tell the 29 guys they are next when he’s interrupted by
To that Paul Heyman guy. Heyman talks from the stage about all the different wrestlers Goldberg could end up fighting in the Rumble match. He leaves Brock’s name for last. AND HERE COMES THE PAIN!!!
It’s Brrrrrrock Lesnar. Brock has a Cavaliers Suplex City shirt. That’s pretty pimp. They remain on the stage. Goldberg doesn’t look impressed and cuts Heyman off. Her asks Lesnar if he will come to the ring or be a dumb ass. LMAO!!!!!
Lesnar comes storming down and circles the ring. The two men lock eyes. THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
They come back on and UNDERTAKER IS IN THE FUCKING RING WITH THEM.
They have a triple stare down.
Show ends.
That’s it?
The ending was pretty good but it felt like more was coming. Almost 3 hours of shit and 2 minutes of good stuff at the end. I shouldn’t say that Zayn vs. Rollins was good. Everything else was skunk. See you at the Rumble.
The WWE Raw Report – January 16, 2017
THE WWE RAW REPORT
JANUARY 16, 2017
VERIZON ARENA – LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS
The Royal Rumble is just two weeks away. Brock Lesnar is on the show this week, Kurt Angle’s headed to the Hall of Fame, and the Road to WrestleMania is upon us. Let’s get to it, shall we?
* Raw begins with a “In Memory of” logo of “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka. RIP, bruddah.
* Followed by a Martin Luther King, Jr. Video which turns into a video on famous African Americans.
– REIGNS / HEYMAN / JERI-KO /  ROLLINS / STROWMAN / LESNAR –
Reigns isn’t going to complain about losing the title last week outnumbered because he used to do the same thing in the Shield. But at Rumble Jericho will be in the shark cage and Reigns will face Owens one on one. Reigns can beat anyone one on one. And he will main event his third WrestleMania. Sounds pretty heelish to me.
Paul Heyman interrupts Reigns. Heyman warns Reigns and the fans that Brock Lesnar will be here tonight. Fans chant for Golberg but Paul informs them that Goldberg isn’t here. Heyman reminds everyone that at Rumble it’ll be Eat, Sleep, Elimination, Repeat at the hands of Lesnar.
Jericho and KO interrupt. So they’re the U.S. Universal Champion and they’re the best, and blah blah.
Seth Rollins interrupts. He’s going to win the Rumble and headline Mania because he sat out last year and fuck that.
RRRROOOOOAAAAARRRR. Braun Strowman to the ring. He stares down Reigns.
IT’S BRRRROCK LESNARRRRR!!!!!!!!!
Sami Zayn randomly attacks Strowman from behind while Lesnar stands at ringside. Reigns, Rollins and Zayn lay out Jericho, KO, and Strowman.
Brock Lesnar jumps in and takes Rollins, Reigns, and Zayn to suplex city. Die Reigns!
Braun Strowman back on the apron and Lesnar calls him in. The crowd pops for it, they have a stare down but Strowman backs off.
Reigns back in, SUPERMAN PUNCH to Brock.
Jeri-KO distracts Reigns aaannnnd,
F-5 TO REIGNS!
Brock leaves Reigns laying and he and Strowman stare at each other from afar.
I hope this isn’t all we get from Brock tonight. I hope they didn’t blow the wad that early. It was a good way to get the crowd going but I hope they try and sustain that excitement for more than one segment before they lose it.
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– ENZO & BIG CASS VS. RUSEV & JINDER MAHAL –
Lana at ringside. Looks like Enzo is cleared to wrestle and hopefully we can end this shitty feud or whatever you want to call this. Jinder and Enzo starting. It turns into all four men in the ring pretty quickly. Enzo clotheslines Rusev and he doesn’t move. Get the fuck out of here. Why do they use Enzo like a fucking midget? The heels wind up bumping to the floor and Raw to commercial.
Raw rolls on with the heels beating on Enzo. Big Cass gets a hot tag. Fall away slam and Stinger Splash to Mahal. Empire elbow, Rusev breaks up the count. Cass big boots Rusev off the apron. Mahal rolls Cass up and hooks the trunks but only gets 2. Big boot to Mahal, and Rocket Launcher by Enzo ends it in 8:34.
Winners are Enzo & CassÂ
This match was all beat down on Enzo and Cass getting his spots in. Well if they were going to have this match at least it was early. This would have dragged ass later in the show.
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* Jack Gallagher joins commentary. If you didn’t before, now you KNOW he’s over with Vince.
– LINCE DORADO vs. ARIYA DAIVARI –
Austin Aries is also on commentary with Gallagher. Daivari meets Gallagher on 205 Live tomorrow night in an “I forfeit” match. LMAO. Gallagher is money, it’s just too bad he’s being wasted on Daivari. Dorado with a reverse crossbody and a handspring Stunner early on for a pair of near falls. Gallagher refers to Dorado as a “wrestler”, surprised they didn’t bleep that bad word. Daivari comes back and ends it with a Cobra Clutch Crossface. Simple but neat move. Dorado taps in 2:15.
Winner is Daivari V2.0
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It’s odd to go this deep into the show with no Bitch Steph, no Foley, no mention of the opening segment or the booking of matches for tonight.
* A reminder video that the Undertaker entered the Royal Rumble last week.
* UK Title Tournament Recap Video. The building they ran the show in was awesome. Now that I think about it, Michael Cole must be jet lagged like a bitch.
* To the earlier today. Sasha Banks is being evaluated in the ring by medical personnel before the show. Nia Jax attacks Sasha in the ring before the doors are even open. Pretty cool set up during a time period they never mention. Too bad it’s wasted on Jax. They’re just determined to kill Sasha’s heat dead.
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Hour #1 is down, we’ve got two more to go.
– WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS CESARO / SHEAMUS VS. GALLOWS & ANDERSON –
We learned earlier today that Cesaro and Sheamus have joined the Rumble match. Cesaro and Anderson start. Cesaro catches Karl in mid-air and turns it into a whirlybird backbreaker. Cesaro misses a forearm into the corner and Gallows tags in. The challengers hit the Demolition Decapitation on the mat. 2 count on Cesaro. Cesaro blind tag to Sheamus who comes in with a slingshot shoulder tackle on Gallows for 2. Sheamus with the old Kwang kick in the corner and hits the 10 forearms on Gallows. Anderson hits a cheap kick to Sheamus and Gallows follows up with a kick upside Sheamus’ head sending the Celtic Warrior off the apron to the floor. Commercial time.
Raw rolls on. Sheamus getting worked over. Gallows and Anderson with double teams getting near falls. Gallows runs into a powerslam from Sheamus and Cesaro gets a hot tag because of it. Anderson also tags in. Cesaro goes uppercut crazy on Anderson and a standing dropkick gets 2. Cesaro sends Gallows to the floor. Swiss-1-9 to Anderson. Cesaro cross body dive off the top to the floor on Gallows. Springboard corkscrew uppercut to Anderson gets a close fall. Cesaro is all over the place.
Cesaro Swings Anderson. Sharpshooter applied, but Gallows kicks Cesaro right in the mouth. Anderson covers for 2. Anderson Spinebuster gets a near fall. Now everyone is in the ring. Sheamus starts punching everyone, including the referee. Oops.
Ref goes down, the challengers post Sheamus. Magic Killer to Cesaro. New referee slides in 1…2…3!
I’ll call it right now, Dusty finish.
This ain’t sticking, don’t get excited.
Gallows and Anderson have their hands raised by referee #2.
Referee #1 recovers almost immediately. He changes the result and disqualifies Sheamus after 13:00. Gallows and Anderson still win, but they don’t get the titles.
Winners by DQ, Gallows & Anderson.
There it was, a fucking DUSTY FINISH. Fucking lame. That type of shit put Crockett out of business. Well, that and the fucking jet airplanes.
* RIP to the Superfly, Bruddah. The Superfly gets a nice video. It’s followed by several Twitter comments from various wrestling personalities.
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* Emmalina. Premiering soon. Oh just get in my fucking bed already and ride it.
* So there’s a six man tag with Rollins, Reigns, and Zayn vs. Stromwan, Jericho, Owens. So in the back it’s the faces getting ready for the match. Zayn is being overly gay trying to strategize and asking for fist bumps. The Shield members roll their eyes and walk off. Zayn comes off as a fucking tool. Way to book’em.
– CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION RICH SWANN VS. TONY NESE –
Match doesn’t happen, Neville hops the barricade and attacks Swann from behind. Nese just leaves. Fuck that I’d want my title match. Neville lays Swann out and mocks him. Swann comes fighting back, which leads to Nese jumping Swann.
Nese lays Swann out and that pisses Neville off because this is his fight. Neville throws Nese out of the ring like a bitch. Neville with a swift kick to the face of Swanny.
Well that was. Eh. I thought it was going to lead to a Neville vs. Nese match for tonight but Nese laid there dead after being thrown to the floor.
So they can dive out of the ring 80 times a match, but when you throw them they’re fucking dead? Where’s the continuity in that?
It’s really building Neville up as a good heel though. I’m somewhat surprised he’s pulling it off so well.
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* To the Neville backstage. He’s asked why he attacked Swann before their title match at Rumble. Neville says Swann attacked him last week. Americans are all hypocrites. At Rumble he will break Swann and take the Cruiser title.
– NEW DAY TALKS THE ROYAL RUMBLE –
They mention many of the names involved, including themselves. They know it’s friend vs. friend and foe vs. foe. It’s every man for himself. It seems they all plan to win together or something.
Titus O’Neil is back. Help us all. The crowd immediately groans. He wants to replace the New Day in the Rumble match. He wants one of their spots. They aren’t giving up their spots. Titus says he will just take one. They make fun of Titus and his failed football career. Man they just hammer this guy.
Big E accepts the match on the term that Titus will never bother them again. O’Neil calls Big E “thick’ems” because Ti-Tus Rocks.
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– BIG E VS. TITUS O’NEIL –
New Day at ringside. Big E’s Rumble spot on the line. Match is in progress, which is a plus. Titus has control but Big E with a shoulder tackle. Abdominal stretch and E slaps on O’Neil’s ribs. Titus sent outside, he shoves Woods down. O’Neil back in with a big boot on Big E. Crowd is dead once again. Shitty offense. Titus with a fucking Dominator on Big E. Holy fuck. E kicks out.
Titus shakes his ass and hits a legdrop for 2 while mocking E. O’Neil applies the abdominal stretch and slaps Big E’s ASS for a little revenge. E makes the comeback. Belly to belly. Big splash. Big Ending. Titus Brand is over in 4:00.
Winner is Big E
No shock as Big E keeps his Rumble spot.
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– CHARLOTTE FLAIR PROMO –
Charlotte runs down Bayley. Called her an easy win. She calls Bayley average like all the fans. She says Bayley should stay a fan. Charlotte shows pictures of Bayley with random wrestlers from her younger years as a fan. She shows poems Bayley used to write while Charlotte was competing in sports. Charlotte tries to read a poem from the screen but she can’t see it, lol. Charlotte shows a video of Bayley reading an essay from highschool. She calls Bayley’s essay a pile of unfulfilled dreams.
To the Bayley. Bayley stomps her way down and Charlotte goes running away from the ring. Charlotte goes up the ramp smiling while Bayley gets on the microphone. Bayley questions Charlotte’s intentions. Bayley isn’t embarrassed and ashamed of her passion she has for the business.
Her dads not Ric Flair, but her dad bought her a ticket to every WWE event, even when they didn’t have the money. Well that’s just bad parenting.
Bayley has a new poem for Charlotte.
Roses are red, violets are blue. At Royal Rumble I will defeat you.
There’s more but this is cheesy. Charlotte is getting mad.
Bayley’s inflatable tube people shoot up and Charlotte hits one of them on the way out.
Well we’ve got about an hour left counting the run over. Let’s see what they have left.
* To the Strowman. Jericho and Owens come to talk strategy. Owens thinks Braun should take Reigns out for 2 weeks. Strowman says he does what he wants, when he wants. He says he’s throwing everyone out at Rumble while looking at Jericho. He looks at Owens and says he’s winning the Rumble and taking the title at Mania. Tonight Braun destroys his opponents.
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– THE BRIAN KENDRICK VS. CEDRIC ALEXANDER –
Is this 205 Live or Raw? WTF? Aries is back for commentary. Alexander dumped Alicia Fox last week after she cost him another match. Foxy went crazy. Ref wants a clean break and Kendrick drop toe holds Alexander into the corner buckle. Alexander comes right back with some impressive flashy shit including an Arabian Press to the floor. Damnz.
Kendrick takes over offense and applies a full nelson crossface. Cedric breaks free. Noam Dar is watching in the back. Shots traded. Spinning back elbow by Cedric. Kick to the back of the neck on Kendrick. Alexander off the top for a near fall.
Alexander tries a back suplex but Kendrick spins it into a Captain’s Hook. Alexander tries to make the ropes when Alicia Fox comes running down and pushes the ropes toi Cedric for the break. Alexander talks to Fox, he doesn’t want her help. Kendrick with a sliding dropkick from behind. Kendrick goes for the Captain’s Hook again but it’s turned into the LUMBAR CHECK for the win in 5:00.
Winner is Alexander.
Alicia Fox comes for a hug after the match and Alexander ducks under it and leaves the ring. Bitch got played.
Good little match.
* To the Nia Jax. She laughs at Banks being called “The Boss”. She squashed the aura around the boss. She squashed it all right. Jax says she broke the Boss.
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* To the Fox. Alicia says her and Cedric just had a disagreement, that’s all. She doesn’t want to talk about it. Then she yells in comedic fashion.
If you haven’t seen it already, WWE announces that this year’s headliner in the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2017 is…..
OLYMPICÂ GOLD MEDALIST, KURT ANGLE!
OH IT’S TRUE, IT’S DAMN TRUE!
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– ROMAN REIGNS, SETH ROLLINS, SAMI ZAYN
VS.
KEVIN OWENS, CHRIS JERICHO, BRAUN STROWMAN –
A brawl starts the bout which winds up seeing Strowman dominate all three of the faces. Strowman sends all of the faces out of the ring before the bell even sounds. Raw goes to commercial again before the match officially starts.
Raw rolls on with the match now in progress. The heels are getting the heat on Zayn. Owens goes for a senton but lands on Zayn’s knees. Hot tag to Reigns. Roman starts to clean house. Outside the ring Strowman sends Rollins into the barricade. Reigns comes after Strowman but gets thrown into an Owens superkick. Kevin gets 2 and a half and Raw cuts to commercial.
Raw continues again. The heels are causing a distraction and it allows them to keep beating on Reigns. Things fall apart and it’s a pier 6. Suicide dive by Seth on Jericho. Somersault plancha by Zayn on Owens. Strowman gets sent into the post. Flying knee on Jericho in the ring by Seth gets 2. Jericho escapes a Pedigree and tags in Strowman.
Strowman drops Zayn and Rollins. Seth escapes the powerslam and hits an enzuigiri on Braun. Superman punch on Braun. Rollins dives off the top cross body to the floor on Jericho. Zayn off the top cross body on Strowman for a near fall.
Zayn tries the Helluva Kick but runs into a Strowman clothesline. Running powerslam ends Zayn.
Winners are Strowman and Jeri-KO
Strowman carries Zayn up the ramp and over to the announce desk. Rollins follows him up and swats him with a chair. Roman Reigns spear on the stage on Strowman!
Reigns and Rollins plan to powerbomb Strowman through the table but Owens and Jericho attack. Sami Zayn has mysteriously disappeared.
Reigns and Rollins fight back. PEDRIGREE ON THE STAGE ON JERICHO.
Owens nails Rollins with a chair. Reigns tries a spear but runs into the chair. Owens lays Reigns out with the chair.
OWENS POWERBOMBS REIGNS THROUGH THE TABLE.
Crowd chants YES. lol
Raw ends.
WWE ANNOUNCES KURT ANGLE TO THE HALL OF FAME
WWE announced the following:
Kurt Angle to be inducted into WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2017
It’s true, it’s true! Kurt Angle will be taking his rightful place in the WWE Hall of Fame’s Class of 2017 just two days before WrestleMania 33, as first reported by ESPN.com.
“Kurt Angle’s accomplishments both in the Olympics and WWE were extraordinary,” said WWE’s Executive Vice President of Talent, Live Events and Creative Paul Levesque. “He was one of the most gifted athletes to ever enter the ring, and we are honored to welcome him into the WWE Hall of Fame.”
Before becoming a legend of the squared circle, the proud Pittsburgh native was a world-class amateur competitor, becoming a two-time All-American and a two-time NCAA Champion while wrestling for Clarion University in his home state of Pennsylvania. His incredible amateur career culminated at the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, where he fought off the incredible pain of a “broken freakin’ neck” to win the gold medal for the United States of America.
In 1998, Angle made the jump from amateur to professional wrestling by signing with WWE. One year later, the gold medal grappler made his debut at Survivor Series 1999, picking up the first win of an undefeated streak that saw Angle capture the European and Intercontinental Championships. His unbelievable rookie campaign culminated at WWE No Mercy in October 2000, where he defeated The Rock to capture his first WWE Championship.
Though his wrestling ability was unparalleled, Angle adapted to the entertainment side of sports-entertainment better than anyone could have expected. Whether it was preaching his “three Is” – intensity, integrity and intelligence – taking part in a five-second pose with Edge & Christian or joining “Stone Cold” Steve Austin for a backstage sing-along, The Olympic Hero was able to make the WWE Universe laugh when he wasn’t wowing them with his athleticism.
By the time he left WWE in 2006, Angle had become one of the company’s most decorated stars in a short period of time. His resume includes four reigns as WWE Champion, a World Heavyweight Championship, the WCW, United States, Hardcore, Intercontinental and World Tag Team Championships. In addition, Angle was the 2000 King of the Ring and even served as General Manager of SmackDown.
In honor of these accomplishments, along with his incredible contributions to the WWE Universe during his storied career, Angle will be enshrined in the WWE Hall of Fame.
Tickets for the 2017 WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony will be available starting this Friday, Jan. 20, at 10 a.m. ET. For complete information on how you can see Kurt Angle take his place in sports-entertainment history, visit Ticketmaster.com.
The WWE Raw Report – January 9, 2017
THE WWE RAW REPORT
JANUARY 9, 2017
SMOOTHIE KING CENTER – NEW ORLEANS, LA
Just three weeks out from the Royal Rumble things continue to heat up for the PPV. With only 9 names confirmed will we see more stars throw their name into the hat to be part of the 30 man match on January 29th?
We’ve got Roman Reigns defending the U.S. Title in a handicap match against Jericho and Owens tonight. I assume the winner of the fall would win the title. This could get interesting.
Plus, we’ve got The Undertaker AND Shawn Michaels scheduled for tonight’s show. Let’s hope Vince doesn’t screw this one up.
Check back for the start of Raw.
* To the Bitch Steph / crew cut Foley. Mick with a new buzz cut. We’re backstage. Tonight is Mick’s 2016 performance evaluation. Stephanie questions Foley if he is sure the Undertaker will be here tonight. They’re interrupted by Seth Rollins who announces that he is entering the Royal Rumble match. Braun Strowman immediately interrupts and wants Reigns or Goldberg tonight. Braun is informed that Reigns has a match and Goldberg is not here. Rollins doesn’t like being interrupted so he has something for Braun…..
Rollins attacks Strowman and the two start going at it in the back. They throw chairs and fake plants and shit. Security breaks it up. Stephanie says she will handle this and sends Foley to find out what was up with Undertaker.
We go to the ring to kick off the action.
– U.S. CHAMPION ROMAN REIGNS VS. KEVIN OWENS & CHRIS JERICHO –
2 on 1 handicap match here for the title. Still not sure how this works but I’m guessing winner of the fall wins (or retains) the belt. The heels will have to tag in and out.
Before the match can start Braun Strowman makes his way out. Roman meets Braun on the floor and they go at it. Strowman feeds Reigns to Jeri-KO and they triple team Reigns in the ring. Seth Rollins comes running in to make the save with a chair. VAN DAMINATOR on Strowman. Rollins sends Jericho and KO to the floor. Reigns and Rollins both whack Strowman with chairs until he bails.
No Match
Bitch Steph is out now and she’s not happy. The U.S. Title match WILL happen but she will give Roman time to recuperate so he doesn’t make excuses when he loses later tonight. Instead we will start with Rollins vs. Strowman.
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– SETH ROLLINS VS. BRAUN STROWMANÂ –
Rollins doesn’t fare well early on as his offense isn’t working on Braun. Strowman pounds on Seth, jerks him up onto his feet and pounds him back down. Rollins takes a beating for several minutes and tries to make some offense with some striking kicks and shit but Strowman counters with a fucking high ass chokeslam without the choke. He just threw Rollins up and drove him down like a chokeslam. Fuck sakes. Strowman plows into Rollins on the apron and sends Seth to the floor for a commercial break.
Raw rolls on and I’m just waiting for a gaggle of springboard knees from Rollins. Seth hits Strowman with an enzuigiri on the floor. Seth with a suicide dive but Braun just sort of bends over to sell it. Shitty. Rollins goes to Strowman’s nee to take him down to size. Here we go.. Springboard knee. Strowman doesn’t even bump. Rollins off the top but Braun catches him. Seth kicks him back and jumps into the BLOCKBUSTER but Strowman catches him upside down and drives him onto the top buckle.
Rollins kicks Strowman in the face as they fight on the top rope. Seth knocks Strowman off the ropes and hits a Frog Splash for 2. Rollins sends Strowman outside and leaps off the top rope. Braun moves and Rollins goes throat first onto the barricade. Strowman sends Rollins into the fans. Strowman drags Rollins back to the ring but they’re both counted out 11:30. Fucking shitty. Crowd shits on it too.
Double Count Out
Strowman isn’t done yet, he grabs a chair to go after Rollins. Seth manages to get the chair and swings it to clear Braun from the ring. Strowman tries to enter again but backs away.
I didn’t see either guy losing here so the finish wasn’t very surprising. While Vince continues to build up the shitty Strowman others continue to suffer. Rollins looked helpless here, just a tier above Sami Zayn because at least Seth got a few moves in. It’s making me really scared as to where Strowman goes from Rumble to Mania.
* Shawn Michaels movie ad. He’s not even the main character. I don’t think he even speaks in the ad.
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* Drew Brees isn’t in the playoffs but he is at Raw.
* Sasha Banks cost Nia Jax a #1 contenders match against Bayley last week. Let me give Sasha a trophy.
* To the Banks n’ Bayley. Sasha and Bayley are putting each other over. Sasha says her knee is fine. Bayley is pumped about getting the title shot against Charlotte at Rumble. Sasha wants a title shot if Bayley wins. Charlotte interrupts them. Charlotte reminds them that Sasha nor anyone else has beaten Charlotte at a PPV.
Nia Jax shows up and kicks the bad leg out from under Sasha. Banks goes down. Charlotte takes the opportunity to lay out Bayley. After the baby faces are laid out Charlotte pats Nia on the back. Jax then grabs Sasha and slams her up against some shit. Nia don’t need no friends. Jax waddles off on her own.
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– JACK GALLAGHER VS. DREW GULAKÂ –
Cruiserweight time. Austin Aries has joined commentary. No Tony Nese in Gulak’s corner which is surprising. Gallagher working some technical comedy spots in. Gulak throws Jack into the ropes upside down and he lands on the back of his neck. Gulak with a straight jacket chinlock. Gallagher with some offense, he blocks a spinning fist with a headbutt to the chest. Gallagher hits the Daniel bryan running dropkick into the corner and somehow that gets a win after 3:15.
Winner is the Extraordinary Gentleman
Jack Gallagher with a promo. He invites Ariya Daivari to 205 Live to talk out their differences.
* To the HBK. Backstage TJ Perkins is teaching Shawn Michaels to dab. Fuck me. SMH I have a bad feeling about this segment.
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* To the Foley. He’s backstage looking for the Undertaker. Stephanie finds Mick. He can’t locate Taker but he assures Steph that Taker will be here. Stephanie wants FACTS. Foley’s entire performance evaluation will be based on if Taker shows. She gives Foley until the top of the next hour. How convenient.
– SHAWN MICHAELS RETURNSÂ –
Shawn has missed the fans. He’s missed coming out on a regular basis. And he misses being in WWE this time of year. Shawn mentions the Royal Rumble and how it’s in his hometown. He talks about Rumble 97 being 20 years ago and admits he’s old. Shawn namedrops some of the beasts in the 2017 match. ‘One More Match’ chants begin, Shawn has fun with chant.
Shawn builds up the Rumble then says he wants to talk about his movie. Fucking gay.
Rusev, Lana, and Jinder Mahal interrupt. Rusev shits on Shawn Maichaels and his movie. He tells Shawn to use CGI to insert Lana into the movie. Fans chant ‘Sweet Chin Music’. Some fun comedy between Shawn in Rusev. Both of them having some ad lib fun. Rusev rips on Shawn.
Enzo and Cass join. Enzo still in the wheel chair. Enzo & Cass join the rest in the ring. Shawn calls Rusev and Jinder HATERS. Tons of ad libbing by everyone. It’s honestly funny shit.
Cass calls Rusev out right now. Rusev agrees to the match but puts Jinder in the match rather than himself. Mahal seems reluctant but Rusev talks him into it.
Shawn says he’s going to stay at ringside for the match and if you’re down with that SUCK IT.
=======================================================
– BIG CASS VS. JINDER MAHALÂ –
Cass has Enzo & HBK. Mahal has Rusev & Lana. Match is in progress. Cass all over Jinder until they get tied in the ropes and Mahal lands a cheap shot. Mahal with chinlock and knees. Yawn. Cass comes back, two Stinger splashes. Rusev distracts on the floor and Mahal attacks Cass.
Shawn Michaels SUPERKICKS Rusev outside! Big Cass in the ring with the East River Crossing but it gets totally fucked up. Empire Elbow ends it in 4:00.
Winner is Cass
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* To the EMMALINA momma. Coming Soon.
– NEVILLE VS. LINCE DORADOÂ –
Austin Aries is back on commentary. Dorado looks like he’s becoming a jobber lately. Dorado with a fucking HANDSPRING STUNNER, a flying rana and a suicide dive over the top rope to the floor. Great shit. Top rope crossbody gets 2 on Neville. Neville takes over with some ground work. I get that you take away high spots from heels but Neville WAS highspots so he needs a few. Neville works Lince’s arm. Dorado comes back and tries a huaracan rana but Neville counters it into a gut buster and RINGS OF SATURN ends this in 4:00.
Winner is Neville
Neville reapplies the Rings of Saturn after the match but Rich Swann makes the save. Swann showing some fire. Neville bails as Swann tries the spinning back kick.
=======================================================
* To the Bitch Steph backstage. The injured Sasha and Bayley show up. They want a match with Charlotte and Nia Jax in a tag match.. next week. Sasha isn’t the BOSS, Bitch Steph is. Bitch Steph shits on them and then grants them the match, TONIGHT.
– SHEAMUS VS. LUKE GALLOWSÂ –
Cesaro and Karl Anderson are on commentary. Sheamus with the old Kwang spin kick in the corner. Slingshot shoulder block on Gallows gets 2. Sheamus with a rolling senton and kneedrop, Gallows rolls to the floor. Sheamus follows but Luke lays him out. They’re back in the ring but Sheamus is knocked off the top rope outside. Raw to commercial.
Raw rolls on. Shamus breaks a chinlock. Sheamus looked like he was going for a Brogue kick then just threw a knee. The ten forearms to the chest of Gallows. Sheamus dropkicks Luke to the floor. Top rope clothesline by Sheamus gets 2. It’s back and forth from there. Crowd is kind of quiet. No real heat. Felllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Karl Anderson attacks Cesaro on commentary! Anderson dives off the announce table onto Cesaro on the stage. The distraction lets Gallows drop Sheamus for a near fall. Cesaro comes back and chases Anderson to the back. Now Gallows is distracted and turns into a BROGUE KICK to end this in 10:00.
Winner is Sheamus
* To the Holy Foley. Mick is still walking the halls in search for the Taker. If he wants to keep his job Taker has about 10 minutes to show up.
=======================================================
* To the Roman. Charly Caruso interviews Reigns. He has an obligation to defend the title no matter how he feels. What a man. Roman gets the WHAT treatment.
– THE UNDERTAKER RETURNS TO RAW –
Mick Foley is in the ring, He asks for the Undertaker to show up. The lights go out…. but it’s Bitch Steph, being a bitch. She apologizes for Foley not producing the Undertaker. She is going to give Foley his performance review right now publicly. She puts over Foley booking the Women’s Hell in a Cell, the Sheamus and Cesaro team, but he’s also had some flubs. It comes back to Taker ‘not being here’.
Foley begins to apologize when THE GONG HITS…… Lights go out. THE UNDERTAKER IS HERE! Like magic at the top of the hour the Undertaker is here. Foley and Bitch Steph back into a corner. Taker announces that he is entering the Royal Rumble. Why didn’t he do this on Smackdown?
Braun Strowman is shown watching in the back. After calling Smackdown home like 6 weeks ago he says nobody controls him and he goes where he wants, when he wants. He gets in Bitch Steph’s face and tells her ‘no one’. He has dug 29 holes for 29 souls. Corny.
Taker says he will win Rumble and headline Mania. If anyone stands in his way they will rest in peace. Gong.
=======================================================
* To Jeri-KO. Charly Caruso talks to the BFF’s. Nothing to mention.
– CHARLOTTE & NIA JAX VS. SASHA BANKS & BAYLEY –
Sasha and Charlotte start. Banks throws Charlotte into Jax and everyone argues, Raw to commercial.
Raw rolls on. Charlotte face bumps into the middle corner. Charlotte reinjures Sasha’s knee. Bayley tags in. Bayley trying to get the crowd into it but they’re not super into it. Not the best crowd to begin with. Bayley gets some stuff in but Flair takes over. They wisely keep Jax out so far. And now the dumpy pile of seeping goo tags in and beats on Bayley. The heels control and Jax knocks Sasha off the apron.
Bayley rolls Flair up but doesn’t know Jax tagges in. Nia plows over Bayley and drops a legdrop. Jax pins Bayley like shit in 8:00.
Winners are Charlotte & Jax
Mre of the Strowman effect here. Bury talent in order to build up your monster. In this case Jax makes Strowman look like Bret Hart. Jax is horrible and has terrible balance. She looks like shit and makes those against her look like shit and when she pins them that’s just more shit. Bayley has a title match at the Rumble but can’t beat shit lard.
* To the shitty accent. Noam Dar is in the back. Alicia Fox runs into him. He expects to be slapped but she KISSES him. Dar is speechless while Fox says he can’t handle a real woman.
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– THE NEW DAY AND TITUS O’NEIL SEGMENT –
Titus apologizes for last week. He wants another opportunity to join New Day. He just wants a chance. This segment is falling flat. The crowd doesn’t care and Titus just sucks. New Day plays a video of Titus in NXT fucking up promos and slipping and falling. Now this is just cruel. That fucking Vince.
Kofi Kingston produces a new keg. It’s filled with Booty Juice. Titus needs to redeem himself. He gets to run around the ring with the keg. This time he does it without slipping. He beats his old time by 0.6 seconds. But WAIT, he drops the keg right before the goal line. Titus gets pissed and shoves Kofi. This leads to a match.
=======================================================
– KOFI KINGSTON VS. TITUS O’NEIL-
Obviously they have nothing for New Day right now so we’re just going to kill time until the Royal Rumble with these Titus segments. Titus counters the SOS into the Dominator! Titus dominates. Kofi tries the same finish as Xavier but it doesn’t happen this time. Titus with some rag doll backbreakers. Woods plays the trumpet to distract. Titus throws Kofi out onto New Day but they catch him. O’Neil chases Kofi around ringside and back inside right into a Trouble in Paradise in 3:30.
Winner is Kofi
* The United Kingdom Title Tournament airs on Saturday & Sunday this weekend on the Network. I like how they changed about 1/3 of the UK tournament roster since the initial press conference.
=======================================================
– U.S. CHAMPION ROMAN REIGNS VS. KEVIN OWENS & CHRIS JERICHO –
Reigns attacks them in the aisle. He puts Jericho in the shark cage on the stage. Reigns tries to lock it but Owens helps his buddy out. Reigns getting a beat down on stage and they throw Roman into the shark cage and the cage falls off the stage. They beat on Reigns all the way down to the ring but Roman still wants to fight. The bell finally rings at 11pm. Jericho takes over on Reigns but it wouldn’t be Super Reigns if he didn’t make a come back. Reigns beats on both guys. Clotheslines everywhere by the U.S. Champ. Reigns throws Jericho into KO and a Samoan drop on Jericho. Nine more clotheslines by Reigns and a boot sends KO to the floor.
Reigns misses a Superman punch on Jericho and runs into a forearm from KO. LIONSAULT gets a 2 count. Owens hits a Superkick. They try for the pop up Codebreaker but Roman comes down with something. I think Jericho or Reigns fucked something up big time but they play it like Reigns hit a Superman punch. Then a Superman Punch on KO. Reigns near fall on Jericho.
Roman tries a drive by outside but KO moves and superkicks Reigns on the apron. Roman escapes a powerbomb on the floor and hits the drive by on KO. Jericho tries a springboard dropkick but flies right into the Superman Punch. Owens trips Reigns up and Roman gets hit with a CODEBREAKER, and a POWERBOMB INTO THE APRON!
The BFF’s drag Reigns into the ring. KO shouts in Reigns face, KEVIN.. OWENS.. SHOW.. and throws Reigns right into a CODEBREAKER.
Jericho covers.. 1–2–
JERICHO WINS!
Jericho scores the win in 8:00
Finally they do something right for the storylines.
Jericho is the new U.S. Champ.
BFF’s hold their titles high.
Raw ends.
