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WWE Raw 9/22/14 from the FedEx Forum in Memphis, Tennessee
– On the heels of a puzzling Night of Champions event, we kick Raw off with video stills from last night’s WWE Main Event between Lesnar and Cena. Great way to seel the Network my friends, when you pay $9.99, you get DQ PPV main events and false MITB cash in’s just to add extra insult to injury.
– Out first to the ring tonight is Dean Ambrose. He’s back, ya know. Dean-O says he isn’t leaving the ring until he gets his hands on Seth Rollins. Dean stages a sit-in and takes a seat in a chair in the middle of the ring. Who answers the sit-in? JOHN CENA. Joy…
Out comes Cena, who incidentally was screwed by Rollins last night. For some reason, Ambrose removes the chair from the ring. Dean tells John that he’s “flying real close to a plane right now”, and advises Cena not to give him a reason to dislike him. But Cena’s out here because he too has his issues with Seth. Cena says he’s going to kick Rollins ass tonight, and NOBODY (including Ambrose) is going to stop him. Dean warns Cena a second time not to get in his way, Cena replies by stripping down to his shorts… They’re going to fight in order to fight the same person??? Lame…
Out comes HHH, Corporate Kane, Randy Orton and Seth Rollins to the stage. HHH kills the crowd immediately by informing both men that NEITHER get to fight Seth tonight. HHH starts to announce Cena and Dean’s matches tonight, when Cena and Ambrose just charge the entire Authority, attacking Orton & Kane while Rollins runs off into the crowd. Ambrose goes after Rollins and they brawl through the crowd and into the back. Cena catches up with the two, and both he and Dean chase after Rollins.
Seth then commits GRAND THEFT AUTO right on camera, He yanks a guys from the trunk of his vehicle and proceeds to steal an SUV. Seth takes off in the car while Cena and Dean try and chase. Cena and Ambrose stare each other down to end the segment.
-Commercial Break-
– Apparently the WWE Network will feature a special on WWE 2k15 following Raw (Part 1 of 2). Looks like there may be clips from the panel that included Sting a few weeks back.
– With Seth Rollins now running from the law for committing Grand Theft Auto (not really, but he should be), but with Seth gone, HHH makes the boring matches of Kane vs. Ambrose, and Cena vs. Orton. Don’t believe me that they’re boring? You can hear a guy shout it in the crowd.
The new (and crappy) IC Champ the Miz is out with Damien Sandow. Sandow is even sporting a cheap toy copy of the IC title. Damien actually mimics Miz’s stances before the match, it’s honestly more entertaining that the Miz…
1. IC Champ The Miz (w/Sandow) vs. Dolph Ziggler.
No R-Truth this round. Miz waited 6 months for his rematch, Ziggler gets his the next night. Though Ziggler makes some offensive attempts, Miz controls the early minutes of the contest. Miz grabs a chinlock and Sandow actually kneels down outside and pretends to hook a chinlock as well. Ziggler comes back with a splash in the corner, but they screw up something badly and I can’t tell what they hell was supposed to happen next. Miz does some type of neckbreaker thing across the top rope and Ziggler falls to the floor for a break.
Back from break, Miz in control, but he comes off the top rope into a Dolph dropkick. Ziggler comeback with the usual stuff, splash in corner, neckbreaker, and finally a jumping DDT gets 2. Miz dodges a Famouser, Ziggler dodges the SC Finale. Miz takes Dolph down and applies the Figure Four. Dolph finally reaches the ropes but Cole thinks the damage has been done. Ziggler winds up on the floor, but he lays out both Miz and Sandow with cloptheslines.
Ziggler sells the leg after getting back inside, and Miz lands the Skull Crushing Finale…1………..2………..ZIGGLER KICKS OUT!
Ziggler with a roll up for 2… FAMOUSER! 1………..2………….Miz out… Booo….
Miz blocks a ZIGZAG. Sandow up on the apron, but he eats a SUPERKICKS… Sandow bumps off the apron, but Miz sneaks up behind, rolling reverse cradle on Ziggz…1……..2…………Dolph reverses…1………..2…………3!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZIGGLER REGAINS THE BELT @ just about 13:00!!!!!
Well they sure showed me. I never saw that coming. Not that I’m complaining. Just hope Miz doesn’t win it back again. Somehow I wonder, could this be leading to a Sandow fill in and a title win in Miz’s absence one day? Then Miz wants “his” belt handed over, but Sandow refuses. Hmmmm. I’m probably giving the writers too much credit…
-Commercial Break-
2. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb) vs. Bo Dallas.
Yeah, so these guys have had issues lately, but not important enough to be featured on a 60 minute PPV preshow… Instead they continue the battle on network TV. Fans chant “USA” at Jack, failing to realize Bo is also from the “USA”. It’s all Dallas early. Swagger takes an odd bump off a knee from Bo as he’s coming off the ropes and the ref checks on him. Swagger’s fine, he makes a comeback and lands a big boot. “We the People” Vader Bomb. Apparently it’s a worthless move now as Dallas is right up with a swinging neckbreaker for 2… Bo mounts Jack in the corer for punches, but Swagger turns it into an Ocean Cyclone Suplex situation and throws Bo forward, grabbing his ankle on the way down. ANKLE LOCK gets the win in 1:15… And just like that, Bo’s a jobber.
– To add the exclamation point to the loss, Colter gets on the mic, mocks Dallas’ voice (really well I may add), and says that he BO-Lieeeeves that Dallas just tapped to the Ankle lock…
-Commercial Break-
– Howard Stern Whack Pack member Eric the Midget/Eric the Actor has passed away. Michael Cole makes mention of it.
3. Summer Rae (w/Layla) vs. Natalya (w/Rosa Mendes).
Summer and Layla are still together? Ugh, it appears Total Divas scripts are getting too Soap Opera-y right now. Just abysmal. Lay-Rae are apparently now heels. Summer cuts a heel promo. Match begins, crowd cares less. Old timey women’s body scissors spot goes on for like a minute. Natalya finally powers out and slams Summer on her face. Natalya runs over the back of Rae and lands the spinning clothesline. Layla distracts, Summer with a roll up, but Nattie counters with a Sharpshooter for the win in 2:15. Layla tried to distract again but was pulled off the apron by Rosa.
Hold on a minute here… Face is winning, check. Heel’s Cornerman Climbs on Apron to distract, check. Heel in ring rolls up face, check. Face counters for the win, check… Didn’t they JUST do this exact same finish in the IC Title match? These Agents or “Producers” need to start checking with each other to prevent this sort of thing…
-Commercial Break-
4. Dean Ambrose vs. Kane.
Missed the first couple minutes of this one putting the little one to bed. Seemed to be back and forth, Kane’s involved so I doubt we missed much. Kane to the floor, Ambrose dives out onto him. Dean goes for something under the ring, but he’s stopped by Kane. Back inside, Kane works an armbar, blah. Some more back and forth. Kane sets up for a chokeslam, Ambrose counters with DIRTY DEEDS…1……2……..SETH ROLLINS INTERFERES FOR THE DQ in 5:30…
The carjacker is back! Seth attacks Dean, but Ambrose takes over and dumps Rollins to the floor. Dean goes to dive out on Rollins but he gets nailed by Crappy Kane. Kane chokeslams Ambrose in the ring, leaving him for Rollins, but Dean grabs a chair, and Rollins backs off… That was the quickest chokeslam sell job ever. Finishers don’t mean crap tonight…
-Commercial Break-
– Backstage, HHH, Kane, and Seth Rollins are chatting. HHH tells Seth to “stop setting fires”. Dean Ambrose attacks Rollins, but security breaks it up. HHH tells security to kick him out, but Stephanie intervenes by pointing out that every time someone is kicked out they always come back. So instead, Stephanie has Dean locked in a closet so they can keep an eye on him… Add kidnapping to Grand Theft Auto… All on camera.
– We go back to the weekend Network report where Roman Reigns was announced as having hernia surgery. Reigns is set to miss “several months” of action.
– Sheamus makes his way out for a 6-man tag. Sheamus sporting that nappy red beard, looks like his chin is on fire… The Usos are out next… I can only guess their opponents will be the Dust Busters and Cesaro… I think they did this match already a week or two back.
-Commercial Break-
5. Sheamus & The Usos vs. Stardust, Goldust, & Cesaro
The Usos on the offense early as the 45 year old Goldust plays the bump machine for his team. Stardust tags in and gets more of the same. Cesaro and Sheamus tag in and pick up where they left off last night. Back and forth from the singles competitors, but it isn’t long before Goldust and Jey Uso are back in and going at it. Jey gets the better of that exchange and Stardust tags in. Star gets in a little offense, but the Usos remain in control.
Goldust tags in, and Jimmy Uso gets caught in the heel corner and tripped up. Stardust comes back in with a Hot Shot on Jimmy across the top rope as we head to break…
Throughout the show, the fans don’t seem to be responding to much during the matches as far as moves go, but they start up chants. It’s really weird… Anyway, back from break, Jimmy Uso boots a charging Stardust and hot tags to Sheamus. Rolling senton on Stardust, and the 10 beats gimmick. Cesaro tags in, while Cody ducks a charge, but Sheamus nails Cearo off the apron. Sheamus goes to slingshot into the ring on Cody, but Cesaro jerks him off the top rope and Sheamus takes a face bump all the way to the floor…. Damn…
Back inside, Cesaro works over Sheamus, and then it’s Goldust’s turn. The Usos try and rally the crowd, and the crowd is just DEAD. That may have been the worst crowd response ever. Finally, about 10 people start clapping for Sheamus to make the tag. Stardust tries a Top Rope Disaster Kick, but Sheamus blocks it and they land awkwardly in a dangerous sort of way… Sheamus tags to Jey, and Star tags Goldy…
The Usos hits a double team Hot Shot on Goldy, then Jimmy Uso lands Whisper in the Wind on both Dusts… And a Uso superkick to Cesaro. Usos with stereo dives onto Stardust and Cesaro outside. Uso up top with the SUPERFDLY SPLASH, but Goldust gets his knees up!!! Goldy with FINAL CUT!!! 1……2……. Sheamus breaks it up!
Sheamus BROGUE KICKS Stardust off the apron, then Cesaro with a clothesline takes him and Sheamus to the floow… Goldust gets dropped, and now the Superfly Splash connects this time, and the Usos and Sheamus win it in 15:30.
– Seth Rollins confronts a pissed off Randy Orton. Ortoon is mad he has to face Cena because of Rollins. Seth cheers Randy up by telling him there’s a “surprise” at ringside for the Cena/Orton match, presumably cinder blocks. Seth also informs Randy that both Rollins and Kane will be at ringside for the match.
– Mark Henry on his way to the ring to address his loss at NoC.
– WWE2k15 Promo
-Commercial Break-
– Security is guarding Dean Ambrose’s room.
– We’ve got Mark Henry out to address the crowd in regards to his loss to Rusev last night at the PPV. Mark apologizes to the fans for letting them down. They “What?” Henry, and Mark says he deserves it. He apologizes again, and then just stands there, waiting for the cue…
And here’s the cue… It’s Lana and Rusev. “Shut up” she says, three times, even. Wow, what great mic work. Lana challenges Henry to wrestle Rusev again here tonight. Lana tries to do a Russian accent doing a country accent. Kudos to her for trying.
Henry says is the fans want him to destroy Rusev tonight, then he accepts the challenge.
Another NoC rematch, is next.
-Commercial Break-
– Dean Ambrose on MizTV tomorrow on Main Event.
6. Mark Henry vs. Rusev (w/Lana).
Rusev goes after the injured ribs and back of Henry, beating the crap out of him in the corner before throwing him down to the mat. Rusev stomps down Henry and works a variation of the chinlock. Henry tries to fight back and Rusev lands a STANDING DROPKICK! And right back to the chinlock. This guy needs a better move set… They give this match a top of the hour spot, and it’s one big chinlock. Henry comes back with some clotheslines and a big slam, but Rusev goes outside. Rusev tries to drive Henry into the steps like last night, but Mark reverses and whips Rusev into the stairs instead… Then Henry sends Rusev into the barricade. This match is moving much like last night’s… Sooooooo…..slooooowwwwwwww.
Mark Henry misses a Vader Bomb and plays dead. RUSEV CRUSH. Accolade is applied. Henry passes out from the pain, in record time. Rusev wins again in 7:30… Where’s Big Show to help his buddy? Big Show fears Rusev?
Supposedly Rusev is being groomed for Cena… They better let him do more than chinlocks if that’s the case.
This crowd sucks… But given the crap they’re feeding us tonight, I really don’t blame them. Paying for a ticket to Raw is like throwing darts. You never know how it’ll turn out.
-Commercial Break-
7. Adam Rose & The Bunny vs. Heath Slater & Titus O’Neil.
Rose starts it off with Titus. Slater Gator dominate Rose right off. Bunny doing a lot of hopping in the corner. Rose wants to tag out but Titus throws him around. Rose finally manages a hot tag to the Bunny. The Bunny lays out Heath, and then sends Titus to the floor. Bunny hits a spinning kick to Slater and then a flying seated senton off the apron onto Titus. Rose comes in to hit the Party Foul on Slater for the win in 3:00.
– Nikki Bella headed to the ring to address Brie’s comments from yesterday, which I don’t even remember what they were…
-Commercial Break-
– Screw the Wyatt’s! Let’s have another Bella segment! The crowd cares about as much as I do. Nikki claims she lost the match at NoC last night because she watched Brie’s comments about her and the words stuck in her head. Nikki calls Brie out, Auto Tunes “Brie Mode” hits, damn that’s annoying…
Brie says Nikki is making excuses. Nikki says Brie has never been supportive, and Brie is selfish. Nikki calls Brie an embarrassment and “Nikki’s Trashy Sister”. Nikki decides she wants to be called “THE Nikki Bella”, she wants rights to the Bella name, she wants Brie to drop her last name. I think maybe they need to talk to WWE about that… Nikki asks Brie if she’s having “buyer’s remorse” marrying Daniel Bryan. Nikki calls Bryan a troll, and Brie attacks. Brie tries for the YES Lock, but Nikki rolls outside..
AJ Lee’s music hits and she comes out skipping past Nikki… It’s Nikki vs. AJ, next.
-Commercial Break-
8. Divas Champion AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella.
Paige on the mic. Nikki controls AJ with some submission holds. AJ breaks out of a cross arm breaker by cradling Nikki for a pinfall. Nikki spike slams AJ into the mat for 2… Nikki misses a charge into the corner, AJ locks in the Black Widow, and Nikki taps… Match was around 4:30…
Paige has lost the “friendship” thing with AJ. Paige steps up to AJ after the win, but AJ just kisses the belt…
– HHH confronts the half dozen security members guarding Dean Ambrose’s room. He tells them to keep guard. Isn’t that what they were already doing?
-Commercial Break-
– Usos vs. The Dust Brothers on Smackdown.
9. John Cena vs. Randy Orton.
This match, for the 4 millionth time… Seth Rollins, Kane, and a table full of cinder blocks at ringside. It’s Orton on top early, Cena does a little battle back, but Randy takes back over and we go to our final commercial…
Back from break, Cena is dumped to the floor and rammed into the steps shoulder first. Orton slams Cena onto the announce table. Back inside, Orton tries for a draping DDT, but Cena counters and backdrops Orton to the floor. Crowd SUCKS, but so does this show.
Orton makes it back in to beat the count and lands his over the back backbreaker thing, Orton looks like he was trying a sleeper spot, but Cena reminds him that’s not the spot.. Then reverts back to slow motion Randy Orton. Ahhh, and HERE is the sleeper spot Orton tried a minute ago. Here comes Cena back with the shoulder blocks and he tries for the 5 knuckle, but Orton catches him with a powerslam for 2…
Orton tries a Draping DDT again, and again Cena counters and drops Orton across the top rope. Randy fights back with a clothesline. THIS CROWD SUUUUUUCKS. Seth and Kane are a non-factor thus far. Orton tries to Superplex Cena, but John knocks Randy off the ropes, but Randy comes right back and crotches Cena on the top buckle… Orton FINALLY connects with the Draping/Suspension DDT, off the top rope no less…1……..2………….Cena kicks out. Cena counters with an STF, and Kane and Rollins interfere… THE DQ’s CONTINUE!!!! 15:10 Cena gets a DQ win.
The trio attack Cena, Kane lays him out with a Chokeslam, and what barely phased Dean Ambrose earlier has apparently killed Cena. They drag Cena over to the Cinder Blocks… but when they remove the covered table, there are no cinder blocks…. IT’S DEAN AMBROSE UNDER THE TABLE!!!!!!!!!! Ambrose goes nutty all over Orton, Kane, and Seth… He dives off the table on all 3… Dean with a big clothesline on Rollins… Seth runs off through the crowd while Ambrose lays out Orton…
Cena drops Kane with an AA, as both Cena and Ambrose stare up into the crowd at Rollins. Dean’s music plays us out…
First no PPV, and now no Raw? WTF are they doing to the Wyatts??? And then Paul Heyman doesn’t even ADDRESS last night’s PPV? The PPV ends in a DQ, and then the two big matches tonight are DQ’s? I’d complain about the direction of the company if I had ANY CLUE exactly what direction that is…
That’s all folks…
