First of all before we get going, I just wanted to say it’s great to have the site back with a fresh new look and feel. Can’t thank you enough to those who helped prepare the new site, your hard work and effort is appreciated!
This is the first BJack Raw Report since 11/30/15, the first of the new year and it’s WrestleMania season so all bets are off when it comes to what to expect on Raw… Last week’s episode had it’s ups and downs… More downs than ups… But the Shane McMahon thing… WOW….
Now, with a full house of kiddies, one of those being a 3 month old baby, I can’t promise you’ll see my variation of the Raw Report EVERY week, but I do intend to do my best. Nevertheless, I do have backups standing by, who have offered to lend their own version of the Raw Report to Crazy Max should they need to step in and play Raw reviewer from time to time.
I’m here tonight, that much I know, and we’re looking for those who might be interested in writing reports for the weekly Smackdown, Lucha Underground, NXT, New Japan on AXS, and if you’re feeling really suicidal… even TNA.
That said, it’s time for the Raw Preshow…
WWE Raw 2/29/16 Preshow Notes…
– Ohhh, how I haven’t missed you Scott Stanford, David Otunga, and Corey Graves. And of course now add Booker T into the mix.. Earn that paycheck Book!
– Right out of the gate they announce the Freebirds are being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame… Somehow that talk turns into a discussion about the Oscars… Please, God, No, it was bad enough yesterday…
– It’s recap time!!! We get a video from last Monday night and the return of Shave McMahon… Evil Vince sets up Shane-O-Mac vs. Taker in Hell in a Cell at Mania… The Preshow panel have mixed opinions on where things will go from here… Shocker.
We get a glimpse of Shane working out for his match… Looking pretty good. And remember, Taker will be on Raw tonight to address Shane and Mania.
– We move on to talk about Brock Lesnar murdering Dean Ambrose around every corner. If they expect this thing to draw any interest, they’re going to have to book Dean differently than just getting his ass kicked. Brock no sold or blocked everything that Dean did to him at Fast Lane other than a chair shot, and then he got dropped on Raw again Monday. I get that Brock’s a monster, but Dean has to look like he has SOME kind of a chance.
– AJ and Jericho are buddies now, and for some reason tag team partners… I think we all see where this is going, ANOTHER match between the two??? I don’t want to see this AGAIN, three times was enough, and there are better things for AJ to do at Mania… And what’s the alternative in this storyline? They remain a team and work the crappy WWE Tag teams at Mania? WWE dropping the ball again… It’s like they’re the Cleveland Browns… They almost have to go OUT OF THEIR WAY to make such stupid decisions, nobody accidentally sucks this bad. And that’s coming from a Browns fan before I get a bunch of Cleveland haters on me.
– With like 2 minutes to go, they finally touch base on the beat down HHH put on Reigns last week… You know, the one where the fans erupted for the “heel” to kill the “face”. Sorry Vince, Reigns is NOT the guy…
– The try and talk Divas match, but there’s no time left… Revolution my arse… Maybe some day.
THE WWE RAW REPORT 2/29/16
It’s the first ever Leap Year (day) Raw from the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, TN…
Raw opens with a video recapping HHH’s beat down of Reigns last week to make sure everyone knows HHH owns Reigns.
HHH / DEAN AMBROSE IN-RING SEGMENT
It’s Trips in a suit with the WWE title opening the show. After trying to play badass baby face last week, he starts things off with an “Authority” heel promo, running down everyone in the crowd who has to bow down to Authority and fear authority. Roman Reigns chose to challenge Authority, and now his face is shattered… Trips insists that Roman is sitting at home now, which may be true after surgery, I have no idea.
DEAN AMBROSE INTERRUPTS… Fans chanting “Ambrose” and HHH looks pissed to be interrupted. Dean relays a message from Reigns, that Roman is coming for HHH… Trips mocks Ambrose. Dean runs down all of the happenings on Raw last week, from the Brock beat down, to HHH attacking Reigns, to Shane McMahon’s return. Dean asks HHH who he didn’t want to win the Triple Threat match at Fast Lane. HHH says only Reigns and Lesnar even meant anything in the match and Ambrose isn’t worth poop… Ambrose gets in HHH’s face and introduces himself, and tells Trips that Dean is the last guy HHH wanted to face at Mania. Trips laughs it off…
HHH realizes Dean isn’t just a gimmick, he really is crazy. Dean continues to taunt HHH insisting HHH doesn’t think he can beat Dean, he can smell it. HHH insists all Dean is smelling is clean clothes… HHH is really bombing with the jokes tonight. Ambrose challenges HHH to a match for the WWE Title. Dean says Reigns won the opportunity to fight the champ at Mania, but that doesn’t mean HHH will be the champ at Mania.
HHH says he won’t do it now, but he will think about it and give Dean an answer by the end of tonight. Until then, Dean has other things to do… HHH books Ambrose vs. Alberto Del Rio…. YYYYAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWNNNN!
And Michael Cole then informs us that this is the main event…. I can see people tuning out now…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Charlotte is out at ringside with Papa Ric to witness firsthand who she will be defending the Divas Title against at Mania…
#1 CONTENDERS DIVAS MATCH FOR WRESTLEMANIA
MATCH #1: BECKY LYNCH VS. SASHA BANKS
Well this is going one of two ways… Either Sasha is going over clean… Or we get some no contest spot leading to a Triple Threat. Curious to see how this plays out. Dueling chants as the crowd is divided on who they want to win. Some early back and forth, both girls go for early covers and they both go for their submission holds early. Finally, we end in a stalemate and the fans applaud. Lynch is tossed to the floor and Banks connects with a baseball slide, but BECKY NO SELLS… LMAO wow, somebody screwed up… And Lynch slides in and hits her own baseball slide to Banks outside… Becky attempts to reenter the ring but Banks sends her into the ring post as we go to break…
Back from break, Banks has control. Lynch tries several times to change the momentum but Banks just keeps finding a way to counter and stay on top. Becky finally makes headway and drills Banks with an Exploder. Banks comes right back driving her knees down onto Lynch for a 2 count.
There’s some sloppy spots or miscommunication going on and it’s fairly obvious… Banks lays Lynch out on the apron, but Becky comes back with a top rope dropkick for a near fall. The two ladies fight on the top rope, Lynch lays in a series of headbutts… Sasha leaps off the top rope with a sunset flip Powerbomb. she pins Lynch down to the mat, but Banks lays backwards and Lynch is also laying on her… THEY PIN EACH OTHER in 9:43…
I’m fine with that but what a garbage finish. This was anything but a good match. Was looking forward to these girls beating each other down to get that spot at Mania. This was sloppy, mainly on Becky’s side, and they went from basically a nothing match into a big spot, and then they were both dead… And I’m still not certain why Sasha was laying down… Bad agent booking IMO…
So the match ends in a draw… A double pin… So what does this mean??? The announcers have no idea… Charlotte seems happy because she THINKS she won’t have to wrestle either one of them… We’ll see about that…. And that’s how we leave this segment….
WYATT FAMILY PROMO
From somewhere in deepest, darkest, Nashville, Bray Wyatt and crew stands by. Bray cuts a short, but good, promo, though I’m not exactly sure where this leads??? Bray talks about the definition of insanity, and how he must be insane because he does the same thing over and over looking for a different result… Bray says his mind will save the entire world. It starts as an idea, his idea becomes a plan, and he asks everyone to take his hand, join him and he will give them eternal paradise… Defy him, and you will end up like the rest of them… Conquered… RUN!
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #2: DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. THE MIZ
Okay, so they ran out of time last week, probably because of that 31 minute Shane segment, but they finally touch base on LAST WEEK’s Raw preshow, where Ziggler shit all over Miz… And now the two wrestle to resolve some issues. No intro for either, we go right into the match. Back and forth to start, Ziggler goes running into the buckle, and Miz rolls him up FOR THE PIN in like a MINUTE…. Miz pins Dolph in 1:00… WTF WAS THAT???????
I guess we were better off NOT seeing this after all…
Yeah, Dolph’s WrestleMania is looking promising…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any Shane McMahon this week… Or maybe we will with the Taker segment, I dunno… But right now, we get a video package recapping Shane’s return from last week and the Mania match being laid out…
Side Note from Jack: We’re an hour into this show and it’s done NOTHING worth anything to aid in the Mania build up.
And apparently it’s only getting worse… Up next, Stephanie McFunbags gets to come out and bask in her glory about her Legacy award she won… WHY would you tell people that was next? I can hear the people changing the channel now… Or fast forwarding their DVR’s… or whatever….
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
STEPHANIE MCMAHON SEGMENT
So Stephanie is out to give her speech from last week that was interrupted. Fans chant for Shane, but she informs them that Shane isn’t here… Steph keeps trying to read and the crowd keeps booing her to shit… Finally, a pissed off Steph puts her speech down and picks up her award. She gives up on the speech. Crowd chants for Shane. Steph talks about all she does for us, and how do they repay her, by chanting for Shane. Stephanie flips the table over and starts running down Shane and the fans. And it goes on and on. Shane is evil. The fans are evil. I think she believes a lot of this… After WrestleMania we will have to bow down the King.. And bow down to the QUEEN… Stephanie!
How’s that for a TOP OF THE HOUR segment… Ugh.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #3: THE LUCHA DRAGONS VS. SHEAMUS & RUSEV
Wasn’t Rusev doing some type of Body slam challenge tonight? As lame as that sounded… So the entire “League of Nations” is out here… SIGH…
Why is Kalisto stuck in these matches when he is US Champion? Sheamus gets the upper hand on Sin Cara early and sends him into the barricade. Rusev takes over, and then it’s just back and forth with the heels playing beat down on Cara… Fun.
Finally a hot tag to kalisto who hits all his fancy spots on Rusev, and the spike huracan rana gets a near fall. Kalisto dives outside onto Barrett and Sheamus… Back inside, Del Rio distracts Kalisto and Kalisto turns right into a savatte kick from Rusev… And Rusev gets the win in 5:05…
Del Rio then lays Kalisto out with the double stomp on the corner post match, ya know, cuz he’s still mad about the US Title… What a mess of a storyline this is… Or whatever you call this garbage.
– Backstage Renee Young interviews Natalya about how to stay in shape while on the road… What is this crap… Oh okay, it’s a shill for Subway… Eat Subway and you can be in shape like Natalya.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #4: RYBACK VS. ADAM ROSE (w/ The Outcasts)
We get a RyBERG insert promo, he’s going to take the spotlight since it’s not being given to him. RyBERG tosses Rose around like a turd. Rose tries to fight back but Ryback hammers his face off and Shell Shock finishes it in 2:02… Ryback leaves without celebrating… The announcers put over Ryback like he’s a monster, and that this new Ryback is putting everyone on notice.
There’s been a lot of matches involving guys tonight with NO direction.
– To keep Brock fresh in everyone’s minds, we relive last week’s beat down of Dean Ambrose… Both of them…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– What’s a New Day match without a promo beforehand… New Day are the greatest three man team in wrestling history… I assumed this was a knock on the Freebirds… But it turns into a promo against Jericho and AJ Styles… which sadly leads us to…
MATCH #5: THE NEW DAY – KOFI & BIG E (w/ XAVIER) VS. CHRIS JERICHO & AJ STYLES
Kofi & Jericho start it off. Jericho sends the New Day to the floor early, and he and AJ do stereo planchas out onto New Day to take us to a quick commercial…
Back from break, it’s some New Day in control… Then we get the big hot come back frm the baby faces… AJ lays out Big E on the floor, Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise, but Jericho catches his foot and turns it into the Walls of Jericho for the tap out win in maybe 8:00, half of which was during the break..
– After the match, Styles & Jericho challenge the New Day for the titles after just defeating them… Styles & Jericho suck each other’s asses for a couple of minutes… It feels SOOOO forced… Jericho challenges them to a title match next week on Raw… Well, at least they’re not going to stretch this thing out much longer before Jericho goes heel… I so don’t wanna see this AGAIN…
This match was a backdrop for next week… Just a prop, we barely saw anything.
UNDERTAKER IS NEXT..
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Todd Chrisley in the front row… Oh boy…
VINCE MCMAHON / UNDERTAKER PROMO
Vince McMahon out first for the Taker segment. Vince reminds us of the ramifications of the Taker/Shane match, and what the fans want and expect from a Shane win. Vince says only fools believe in miracles. Vince says he loves Shane, so he’s going to teach him a lesson… Vince intros the Undertaker… Cue the loooooooonnnng drawn out entrance. Sorry fans of Taker, but I’m over the entrance, unless it’s live, then it’s pretty awesome still…
Vince starts to call Undertaker his, and Taker grabs him by his throat… Taker tells Vince that he knows what will happen when he closes the Cell door at Mania. Taker says the blood of Shane will be on Vince’s hands… Not Takers… And then he leaves….
HE FUCKING LEAVES….
His entrance was 3 times longer than the 2 minutes he was in the ring… The crowd isn’t even popping at this point… What a waste…
After Taker leaves, Vince says the reality is, Vince will be the one in the ring the night after Mania. Shane will have failed him in business and as a son, and Shane is being written out of his will and give it all to Stephanie…
Vince then renounces Shane as his son. Shane won’t be a son… just a son… of a bitch…
THIS SHOW HAS BEEN THE WORST THING YOU COULD PULL OUT OF YOUR ASS… Seriously… WTF
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
So 3 weeks ago, the Dudleys turned heel… And we’re just now looking at a video from when they attacked the Usos…
MATCH #6: JEY USO (w/ JIMMY USO) VS. BUBBA RAY DUDLEY (w/D-VON)
Uso goes right after Bubba and controls early… Jey superkicks Bubba into the corner and looks like he’s going to charge… But D-Von pulls a TABLE out from under the ring… LIARS!!! Jimmy Uso launches off the steel steps onto D-Von, but D-Von rams the table right into Jimmy’s face!! Nice! This distracts Jey who comes out and superkicks D-Von… Bubba catches Jey coming back in with a boot and lands the Full Nelson Bomb for the win in 2:00…
– Oh no… Another R-Truth and Goldust segment… Truth doesn’t even let Goldy talk… He cuts Goldust off and verbally berates him, never letting him speak. Truth tells Dust to F-off… Goldust walks away sad… Truth looks like he feels bad now… Awwwwww
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #7: IC CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS VS. THE BIG SHOW
Pleeeeeease don’t let this be a Mania match. So Owens purposely beat show by count out on SD, and this is the rematch… Show beats on KO and sends him to the floor… Owens nails Show with a Superkick on the floor and beats him down, hoping for another count out… But Show gets up… Owens with a TORNADO DDT off the apron to the floor!!!! KO looking for the count out again, but Show beats the count back in. Owens with a senton splash for 2… Owens goes to the top rope, but Show catches him in a choke and yanks KO off and crotches him on the top rope… Owens falls to the floor….. and…. say it with me… Owens is count out… in 2:30ish….
Show smiles in revenge… And this must continue….. Who is booking this crap fest of a night?
– Backstage, Renee Young speaks with Brie Bella about the recent tribulations. Lana interrupts and runs down Nikki, Brie, and Bryan… Then Lana puts over herself and Rusev. Brie responds by pointing out that Lana has never even wrestled, and RUsev should shave his back…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #8: BRIE BELLA VS. NAOMI (w/ TAMINA)
Brie controls early, Naomi knocks Brie to the apron where Tamina gives Brie a bump. Naomi takes over on Brie for the next bit after a baseball slide. Brie comes back with YES kicks, but winds up in some submission hold from Naomi and Brie TAPS in 4:00… UGH
– Lana’s music hits… Lana comes out to the stage and just looks at Brie, dressing her down…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Michael Cole announces the Freebirds are headed to the Hall of Fame. And much like the Godfather, they don’t get a traditional video, just a short video with Cole talking over it.
– Backstage, Becky and Sasha are arguing about who should be going to WrestleMania… Charlotte interrupts to inform them that they get another match on Smackdown to make the decision… When did Charlotte become the go-to for Diva match info?
Main event is next…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Next week on Raw Shane McMahon RETURNS… Plus AJ & Jericho vs. New Day for the tag belts.
MATCH #9: DEAN AMBROSE VS. ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/LEAGUE OF NATIONS)
Del Rio beats down Dean early and sends him to the floor. Back in the ring ADR plants Ambrose with a DDT for 2 and then we move into an exciting chinlock. Ambrose backs Del Rio to the corner, but ADR locks in a cross arm breaker hanging over the top rope, breaking just before a DQ… Dean keeps trying to fight back, but ADR keeps dropping him for near falls. ADR puts Dean in the tree of woe to set up for the stupid double stomp spot. But Ambrose yanks Alberto off the top rope. ADR comes right back with a BACK STABBER and Dean rolls outside…
Del Rio hangs Dean on the barricade… SERIOUSLY???? Dean just VISIBLY lays in mid air while he holds onto the barricade so Del Rio can jump off the the double stomp… That was by far the stupidest, fakest spot ever…. Ambrose clearly physically kept himself hanging on the barricade… Shoot me…. ADR hopes for a count out, but Dean makes it back inside… Wicked clothesline from Ambrose. And Dean fires up with his usually stuff… Bulldog gets 2 for Dean. Ambrose goes up top, Del Rio completely MISSES a jumping punch… LMAO… ADR has to punch Dean again… ADR tries a superplex, but he’s thrown off and Ambrose lands a top rope dropkick for 2…
ADR comes back with an enzuigiri, but misses a charge and flies out to the floor… Ambrose comes off the top rope onto the entire League of Nations on the floor… Dean rolls back into the ring when HHH’s music hits… And here comes Trips. As Ambrose is distracted by HHH, the entire Nations attacks Dean for the DQ in 9:10… Another crap finish.
The League beat down Ambrose as HHH enters the ring to shake their hands… The League leaves the ring. HHH starts trash talking Ambrose, and Dean explodes with a PUNCH out of nowhere!!! Dean knocks Trips into the corner and starts swinging on him… But HHH comes back with a boot and the Pedigree to drop Dean…
HHH informs Ambrose he will give him his title match. As HHH leaves, Ambrose crawls to the mic and says HEY HUNTER… THANKS. The crowd pops…
But here comes HHH back after Ambrose again, and he sends Dean to the floor and over the table… Unlike Reigns, the fans boo HHH attacking Dean. Trips beats down on Ambrose on the announce table. A half dozen refs finally pull HHH off…. And the show ends…
HOW DOES THAT GET ANYONE OVER, OR DEAN READY FOR BROCK LESNAR??? SERIOUSLY, WTF…. My head is exploding…
Boy did I pick one of the crappiest weeks ever to come back with the Raw Report. Not a single salvageable segment out of this entire mess of crap. Not one good match on the entire show, the Wyatt promo was short but good, but it led to NOTHING… And then HHH murders Ambrose… I guess he was filling in for Brock. ::ROLLSEYES:: #TripleLame
