WWE Raw 3/7/16 Preshow Notes
– Worst attorney group ever – Stanford, Otunga, Graves, and T, kick off the preshow with some basic Raw notes for tonight and we head into a HHH/Dean Ambrose video package from last week. The panel discusses the ramifications on if Ambrose wins the title at WWE Roadblock and what that would do at WrestleMania.
– Okay, so while they pimp their ads, I’ll break down tonight’s show as far as what we “know” so far. Supposedly there’s a “big surprise” on Raw, some say it’s RUMORED for the opening segment but who knows. The “surprise” name has ranged from Sami Zayn to several former big stars.
– F*** YEAH!!!!! BIG BOSS MAN MUSIC VIDEO!!!! HARD TIMES!!!! Welcome to the Hall of Fame Ray, you deserve it my friend.
– Okay, the fun ends as we go back to the now… Back to Raw last week…. And just to be clear I would like to NEVER go back to that Raw…. But alas…. It’s AJ & Jericho beating New Day and earning themselves a tag title shot for tonight’s Raw… I can only hope it’s a split… Do I really want to see Styles vs. Jericho AGAIN? No, not really… But it’s better than Y2AJ defending tag straps at Mania against the likes of “greats” like Social Outcasts, Golden Truth, etc…
– They touch on the Divas Title situation with Charlotte vs. Sasha vs. Becky at Mania. The rely heavily on talking about how Charlotte doesn’t need to get beat now to even lose her title.
– We move forward to talk WWE Roadblock, they talk Wyatt vs. Lesnar and reference the Royal Rumble as the seed for this match… So this went from WRESTLEMANIA… to a Network special… This doesn’t bode well for Bray doing anything at Mania… WWE drops the ball again.
– Hey… Did you know…. that…. Shane McMahon is scheduled for Raw! We go back to Taker’s message to Vince last week. Shane has requested to open the show… So we shall see…
That’ll do it…
WWE Raw Report 3/7/16 from the Allstate Arena. Chicago, IL
We open Raw with the video of Taker and Vince from last week and then off to the very LOUD Chicago crowd… No surprise there… And HERE COMES THE MON-AYYYYY
SHANE MCMAHON / VINCE MCMAHON OPENING SEGMENT
Insane loudness as per usual in Chi-Town. Shane gets a few chants. Shane says he was watching Raw last week with his kids and he heard the Undertaker and Vince. Vince wrote Shane out of his will and renounced him as a son. Shane calls Vince a miserable old bastard who has lost touch with his business, fan base, and reality… WOW, I’m sure that was scripted…. But SOOOO true…
Shane says that pisses him off. Shane says it’s his destiny to be in control of RAW. YES CHANTS follow. If ONLY this were real. Shane says all of the backstage bullshit politics and the Authority STOPS because they’re choking the life out of this business…. Shane talks about guys having no talent and getting all the breaks… And all the guys who have talent and aren’t pushed, and he says that also stops… Oh dear God if only this were real…
Things will change the day after Mania when Shane takes over Raw….
GONG………………………….
Oh shit, the lights go out… But it turns into VINCE’s THEME
It’s Vince McMahon!!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA, the HIGHER POWER VINCE MCMAHON… HE FOOLED YOU ALL AGAIN!!!
Vince marches out to the stage. Laughing at the fans for thinking it was Taker. Fans chanting ASSHOLE at Vince. Vince mocks the fans… so they chant CM PUNK…… BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Vince lets the chant die out. He mentions how scared SHane looked when the gong hit… But the lights went out so how would he know that? Anyway, Vince was in his office and he found the first photo of Vince taking Shane to the matches in Worcester, Mass… Vince then destroys the picture… He says he is VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON… Shane is just “Vince’s son”.
Vince says Shane’s kids are going to watch their father fail them, something Vince has never done. Vince says he will comfort Shane’s kids as their new father figure… Vince says it’s ironic that his greatest creation (Taker) puts to rest his greatest failure (Shane)…
Vince then calls security out to remove Shane from the building. Shane warns security and says he will leave on his own. But Vince orders security to attack Shane… Here we go….
Shane starts punching and kneeing the shit out of all four of them and tossing them from the ring. Vince doesn’t look happy…. Shane’s music hits and he leaves on his own, just as he said.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #1: IC CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS VS. NEVILLE
This is non-title… Michael Cole says Owens is looking for “an opponent” for WrestleMania… So much for the multi-man match… Sounds like it may be Zayn. Owens pounds on Neville to start. Owens dominates until Neville gets his knees up on a senton. Neville comes back with a variety of kicks and a huracan rana to send KO outside… Neville tries a twisty spinny dive to the floor, but Owens moves…. But Neville LANDS ON HIS FEET!!!! But Owens grabs Neville and whips him into the steel steps as Michael Cole continues to shill #KOMania, and we go to commercial.
Back from Break, KO has a chinlock applied, Neville dodges the running cannonball in the corner…. Neville tries a German suplex, but KO reverses and Owens drops Neville on the back of his head… Owens tries a second cannonball, but runs right into a Neville Enzuigiri and KO rolls to the floor… Neville goes up top SHOOTING STAR PRESS FROM THE TOP TO THE FLOOR!!!!! “Holy shit” chants follow… This guy NEEDS a Mania spot…
Standing Shooting Star Press back in the ring gets 2… Neville puts Owens on the top rope, but KO knocks Neville down and goes for the double springboard moonsault… But Misses… Neville lays out KO and connects with a Stardust Splash from the middle rope…1……….2………Owens kicks out!!!
Neville starts to go back to the top, but Owens rols him up from behind and hooks the tights for the win in 10:21…
Neville complains of his tights pulled and Owens attacks from behind… Owens begins to beat the piss out of Neville post match and takes him to the floor… KO looking for the Powerbomb onto the apron when……
CUE SAMI ZAYN’S MUSIC!!!!!
Owens sells it like a million bucks, his scared facials are LOL….
Zayn rushes at Owens and they start punching the piss out of each other… The fight goes into the ring… Zayn dominates, Owens tries to leave but Neville prevents… And Zayn sends KO to the floor to end the segment… Sami Zayn is headed to Mania…. But if I’m Neville, I’m a little upset that I get leapfrogged after the time he’s put in. I will say one thing, at least they ditched the Miz/Neville feud.
Off topic, I’ve noticed the last few months WWE has went back to shorter matches, with half the match during commercial, and moved away from quality matches… I wish they’d go back to that. This was pretty damn good for the 6 or 7 mins we saw…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– THE ROCK sends in a quick promo to hype WrestleMania… Thanks for coming Rock… Stealing Kevin Nash’s phone ins to WCW back in the day… Only difference is, Nash had nothing else to do was being paid by WCW… And you wonder why they sank…. Sigh…
– We get the HHH/Ambrose video package next. They meet at Roadblock this Saturday.
– Backstage, Dolph Ziggler runs into Stephanie and they talk about when Dolph beat the Authority at Survivor Series… Playing off the earlier Twitter situation… Dolph says he beat the Authority and so will Shane… Stephanie says speaking of Survivor Series, she puts Dolph in a Elimination Match tonight against three members of the League of Nations… 1 vs. 3…. Poor Dolph…
– Brie Mode on the way to the ring….
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #2: BRIE BELLA VS. SUMMER RAE
Summer controls to start, Brie makes her comeback… YES kicks and a shitty Brie Mode knee that Summer clearly didn’t want to take (and I don’t blame her)… Brie misses a middle rope dropkick and LANA’s MUSIC HITS…. Lana distracts Brie and Summer rolls Brie up for the win in maybe 2:00….
Well that was short and somewhat painless….
Lana, dressed much more whore-like this week I might add, takes off her heels and enters the ring… Brie turns around from Summer and Lana hits Brie in the gut and lands her own FACEBUSTER…Lana lays out Brie like a bitch, puts her heels back on, and walks off… Nice.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
DEAN AMBROSE / HHH SEGMENT
Ambrose talks about last week, and HHH trying to make him respect Authority… Dean says it didn’t work and he plans to Roadblock WrestleMania by winning the WWE Title this Saturday…
Here comes HHH… H lays some verbiage down on Dean… Ambrose says he’s gonna make HHH “SUCK IT”, that gets a pop, lol…
HHH calls Dean delusional, Dean says he’d rather be delusional than whatever HHH is… They continue going back and forth until Dean calls HHH to the ring… But Trips stays firm on the ramp and says only he decides when he fights… But he will delegate tonight that Dean Ambrose will meet Bray Wyatt…. And whether Wyatt kills him tonight, or Trips kills him Saturday, Dean will learn nobody beats the Authority….
Funny how Wyatt is a bad ass for tonight, but can’t get a fair shake at Mania… I guess Bray needs to do something big tonight, since Lesnar isn’t even at the show… yeah, that’s right, no build to Wyatt vs. Lesnar for Saturday… If that doesn’t tell the tale, I don’t know what does… Sheesh
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
1 VS. 3 HANDICAPPED ELIMINATION MATCH
MATCH #3: DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. SHEAMUS, RUSEV, & KING BARRETT
Ziggler gets going on Barrett, but Sheamus distracts leading to Wade nailing the Winds of Change for a near fall on Dolph. Sheamus hits a variation of the 10 beats next to no response… Rusev takes over as the fans chant for Lana… The announcers bring up the earlier Twitter situation saying Dolph is paying for it… How right they are… The League continue to take turns beating down on poor Dolph. NO REACTION. Dolph finally comes back planting Sheamus with a jumping DDT… Sheamus tags in Barrett, but Wade immediately misses a charge in the corner and sells a shoulder injury after hitting the post… Ziggles with his comeback spots to Barrett, Rusev tries a distraction but gets dropped, and Wade eats a Superkick… Barrett is eliminated in 5:45..
Ziggler holds his own with Sheamus next, landing a Superkick and Rusev breaks up the count… Dolph sends Rusev to the floor and goes for the Famouser on Sheamus… But Sheamus shoves Ziggler off into a round house kick from Rusev… Ziggler then turns into the BROGUE KICK and thus pays for his earlier Tweet and does the job at 6:33…. And thus life imitates art… Shooting on a guy in a work… Amazing…
And thus all of the Dolph/Miz crap from last week amounts to NOTHING and had no point… Was it a last minute change due to Dolph’s Tweet… Orrr do they really just have no idea WTF they’re doing… You decide…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– We get a Shane McMahon career video, covering Shane’s in-ring career, to familiarize the younger fans I suppose… And to re-familiarize everyone else… If Vince is so Anti-Shane, why is he making him videos? lol. Cummon guys, let’s make this a little more “real”. So this video tells me Shane plans to kill himself in a stupid stunt at Mania since all this video did was play up his crazy spots…
– We’ve got Becky & Sasha backstage preparing for a tag match… Becky tries to be friendly… But Sasha is focused on Mania…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
Well….. Raw started off decent… and then… I dunno WTF happened…
MATCH #4: SASHA BANKS & BECKY LYNCH VS. NAOMI & TAMINA
They keep finding ways to get Tamina and Naomi on TV. Blah. Tamina beats on Becky, Becky hot tags to Sasha maybe a minute into the match… Fastest Hot Tag EVER…. Tamina and Becky fight to the floor, Naomi tries the bulldog into the corner, but Sasha counters and nails the Backstabber into the Banks Statement… Naomi taps in 1:51.
Immediately following the match, Charlotte attacks Banks and lays her out… Becky hits the ring and Charlotte lays her out as well… Wooooo
– R-Truth is walking backstage with a Chicago deep dish Pizza box. Mark Henry wants some… lol… Truth presents it to Goldust. Truth says he dressed up like Goldust does… Goldy says he’d never be a pizza delivery man. Truth presents the pizza as a gift but Goldust is lactose intolerant and his.. “Butt would explode”… LOL… Jesus… Goldust says Truth wouldn’t be a good partner because he didn’t know Goldy was lactose intolerant and walks off… Truth follows Goldust out of the screen with “Wait, I didn’t know about your exploding butt”. Ugh…
The camera pans to the pizza box, when a hand reaches in and snatches it… It’s Mark Henry… He’s hungry… and he loves Chicago…
A few pieces of “comedy” in there… But can someone explain to me why they rush feuds that could last months and cram them into 2 and 3 weeks… Yet they take shit like this Goldust/Truth story and just beat the living hell out of it to death… Ya know, I was fine with it the first few weeks… But at this point…. the few people that cared are over it…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
What’s a New Day segment without a New Day promo? Big E talks about getting a unicorn tattoo on his butt… Okies… And that abruptly ends the segment… Here comes the challengers…
MATCH #5: WWE TAG CHAMPS NEW DAY (w/Xavier) VS. CHRIS JERICHO & AJ STYLES
Dig those Y2AJ shirts… Bleh. Please lose and split up. It’s Kofi and Big E defending, as per the usual. Jericho sends both New Day to the floor and he and Styles hit stereo planchas outside as we head to a quick commercial.
Back from break, we see a clip during the break of Xavier landing a kick to the head of Jericho to give New Day control. Unicorn Stampede on Jericho and the Kofi dropkick in the corner ends it. Trombone music follows. Jericho finally manages a hot tag to Styles who cleans house and catches a near fall on Kofi after a moonsault inverted DDT… New Day land a Big Endind/Kofi DDT combo spot! 1…………….2…………… Jericho breaks it up… Damn
Jericho tags back in and works over Kofi and dropkicks Big E off the apron. Jericho hits the Lionsault as AJ tags himself in…. Jericho goes to the floor after Big E, while Styles with the SPRINGBOARD 450 on KOFI!!!! 1……………….2…………………….BIG E PULLS KOFI OUT!!!
It’s back and forth near falls like F’N Crazy at this point… Kofi with spinning superkick about kills AJ… Awesome… Jericho tags back in WALLS OF JERICHO ON KOFI… Styles with a diving forearm on Big E on the floor… Kofi isn’t tapping!… Kofi reaches for the ropes, Xavier pushes them to Kofi, but before he can reach them AJ with a flying forearm off the steps onto Woods!!! Kofi may tap now!! But Big E blind tags in… Big E tries to attack Jericho, but now Chris goes for the WALLS on Big E… But it’s blocked…. Jericho tries the Codebreaker, Big E catches him and turns it into the BIG ENDING…1……….2……………3…………. New Day retains in 11:31.
Damn that was pretty damn good for 10 minute actually… Wow, there were like 40 false finishes I couldn’t even type up, lol.
After the match, AJ helps Jericho up and eats a CODEBREAKER….
A SECOND CODEBREAKER…..
Jericho grabs AJ by his hair and shouts at him, And a THIRD CODEBREAKER….
Jericho then shoves a Y2AJ shirt into the mouth of Styles…. And leaves with a disgusted look on his face. Crowd heeled Jericho good.
Honestly, this played out about as good as it could have. This would mean a lot more if they hadn’t done it three times already… And that 5+ minute finish was pretty awesome.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– They show a video promoting the Rock at Mania… He’ll be there, we promise.
– Backstage, Renee Young asks Chris Jericho why he turned on Styles… Jericho was sick of the fans just chanting for AJ… And not Jericho… So now he’s going to make sure they don’t chant it anymore… That… Doesn’t…. Make…. Sense… And somehow only Byron Saxton points that out, so I’m basically alone here…
– Shawn Michaels on ESPN Sports Center tomorrow. Interesting.
MATCH #6: US CHAMPION KALISTO VS. TYLER BREEZE
This match seems out of place… Is this where Ryback comes down and kills Kalisto, or are they just finally giving Kalisto a win as champ. Fun stuff from Kalisto to start, but he dives into a superkick from Breeze for a 2 count. No heat for Breeze, Kalisto makes his flippy comeback and gets the win with his finisher Salida del Sol in 2:10.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
BIG BOSS MAN VIDEO – HEADED TO THE HALL OF FAME 2016 BABY! WOOOO!
– Backstage Jojo interviews Kalisto on his Road to WrestleMania. He’s dreamed of the moment his entire life. He’s interrupted by heel Ryback. Ryback says he respects Kalisto but rips on his size. He respects kalisto some more, but points out who this is REAL and not like the movies… Har har… He calls Kalisto a real champion and tells him to ditch Sin Cara… Ryback wants to know how Kalisto is going to Mania, but Ryback doesn’t have a match yet… Hopefully their next meeting isn’t as awkward as their title tournament match. Ryback basically builds up Kalisto, then shits on him, builds him up, shits on him. lol… Ryback tells Kalisto to watch him next.
– Social Outcasts promo in the ring… TERRIBLE… They all do “AX MAN” chops and dance around in a circle… I shit you not… Feed me more… But no please don’t…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #7: RYBACK VS. CURTIS AXEL
Axel has his boys at ringside, this match is already in progress and Ryback just beats the holy shit out of Axel for a minute, ground and pound punches his face off, and lands the Shell Shock in maybe 90 seconds… And they’ve now managed to take away ALL of Ryback’s moves and heat… Well played HHH, well played…
– Backstage, Vince is on the phone telling someone they’re going to break their WrestleMania III attendance record… Stephanie confronts Vince… She’s worried, because Shane will throw everything at Taker, he’s fearless, he’s careless, he will kill himself to win … Vince says he’s got this… Steph asks “but what if you don’t?”, to which Vince again responds “I’ve got this”…. Steph leaves and Vince now looks concerned… And here comes a gimmick referee into the picture I’d suspect.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Miz TV on Smackdown with Owens and Zayn.
– Bray Wyatt promo backstage on Brock Lesnar. Well it’s about F’n time they at least ACKNOWLEDGE the match… Tonight Bray says he will use Dean as an example on his way to Lesnar. Lovely of them not to even book Lesnar ONE TIME to sell the match. Not even a Heyman promo… Blah
MATCH #8: DEAN AMBROSE VS. BRAY WYATT
Oddly, Bray is all by himself. I guess so we forget he has a family until they’re needed. And here we go with this match for the 8 trillionth time. Bray starts off with the upper hand but Dean is quick to come back and take control, using a modified surfboard and some of his usual stuff… The two trade control a couple of times until Dean goes for the dropkick up against the ropes, Wyatt charges and runs Dean over with a flying body attack, and we head to the final break…
Back from break, and we have our third commercial chinlock of the night. We see Bray deliver a nasty suplex during the commercial break and he now has control. Wyatt with a suplex into a throw… Nice. Dean takes a spill outside. Wyatt rushes Dean, and we get a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE outside… Crowd is kinda dead. Both guys enter the ring at the count of 9.
Ambrose tries the wicked clothesline, but Wyatt intercepts with his own nasty clothesline and a senton for a near fall…
Bray counters a flying elbow, Dean counters a urinage, Bray counters Dirty Deeds… Wyatt to the floor, Dean suicide dive but Bray catches him… Dean counters Sister Abigail on the floor, but Bray still manages to finally land a Urinage onto the barricade…
And yet somehow Ambrose comes right back with a flying elbow….. AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT….
AND WHAT WYATTS SURROUND THE RING…. And they attack… And that’s a DQ…..11:48.
The Wyatts beat down Dean and Brat lands Sister Abigail.
Wyatt begins to pose when HHH’s music hits…. HHH on his way out… Really, you couldn’t even give Bray this to sell his match with Lesnar,,,, F’n HHH….
HHH enters the ring with the Wyatts… Bray and HHH go nose to nose…. Wyatt points to the title belt, but leaves with his family… Cuz ya know, HHH is bigger than the entire Wyatt family, even though we’re supposed to believe Brock Lesnar isn’t….
So the Wyatts leave, HHH removes his suit and looks to lay out Ambrose… But Dean sneaks in DIRTY DEEDS! The show ends with Ambrose holding the WWE Title and HHH laid out…
The crowd kinda sucked here.. I think they were expecting more… The show definitely fizzled for most of the program after the first 45 minutes.. The tag title match was good for action and false finishes. Dean and Bray have had better matches but this felt “TV level” if you will.
That’s all folks.
