[spacer height=”20px”]Raw Pre-Show 4/21/14

– Our panel is Josh Matthews, Alex Riley, Booker “Please Get This Guy Off My Screen” T, and Dolph Ziggler…. Really? Ziggler gets moved to the PANEL? He doesn’t even get a Superstars match?

– Evolution/Shield feud is recapped, video includes last week’s attack on the Shield… HHH challenges the Shield from SD…. Panel discusses…

– We see IC Champion Big E over Damien Sandow for Superstars in the background…

– Hugh Jackman returns to Raw next week… Jump for joy… Josh Matthews repeatedly calls him “Hugh Jackson”, at least that’s what it sounds like…

– Last week’s Wyatt Family promo, and the terrible comedy response from Cena… Panel discusses… Well my 6 year old enjoyed the photoshop Wyatt pics, so if that’s the demographic they were shooting for, they congrats….

– Jerry Lawler interviews Big E after his match with Sandow. Big E welcomes the best at Extreme Rules. He’s sucking wind and trying to make jokes… Iron sharpens iron, and all that…

– A video hyping the return of “monster” Kane

– IC Title Contender Tournament, first round highlights shown. Tonight it’s RVD vs. Cesaro, Barrett vs. Sheamus, in the semi-finals…

– Renee Young interviews Sheamus. What is it with all these wrestlers trying to be funny? They’re not… Stick to the story guys… Sheamus knows it’s going to be a fight, but Sheamus is going to give the bad news to Barrett tonight, via the Brogue Kick…

– Daniel Bryan returns tonight… He’s been gone an entire 10 days… What a return!!!

– Here comes the announcers so it’s go time for Raw!!![spacer height=”20px”]

WWE Monday Night Raw 4/21/14 from the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, MD.

– Raw opens with video of the end of last week’s Raw and the beat down put on the Shield.

– Out to the ring is Daniel Bryan and his new wife Brie Bella… Brie Bryan? Brie Bella-Bryan? Stephanie McMahon is out immediately to “congratulate” them… Steph brings Bryan a wedding present… A match against Kane at Extreme Rules… Not only is that the opposite of a present for Bryan, it hurts the fans as well… NOBODY wants to see that…

Kane’s music and pyro goes off, but Kane doesn’t show up… Bryan and Brie try to escape the ring, but Kane shows up at ringside and attacks Bryan… Kane goes after Brie, but Bryan attacks… Kane fights back and takes Bryan out… Stephanie continues to tell Kane “that’s enough”, as the Kane TOMBSTONES BRYAN ON THE FLOOR… Stephanie pretends like she wants Kane to stop, but it’s obvious she doesn’t… But Kane isn’t done yet!!!

TOMBSTONE ON THE STEPS….. “NO KANE STOP”…. Kane tosses Bryan off a stretcher…. TOMBSTONE ON THE TABLE!!!!!!!! Bryan is done… Here comes a stretcher…

Stephanie mockingly calls Kane a bastard… Fans starts chanting “Kane’s a bastard”…

Welcome back Daniel Bryan… Let’s write you out again so you can go tend to your father’s funeral (I’m assuming)… If he returns from this mess in time for the PPV, I’d shame my head to new levels…

-Commercial Break-

– Back from break, Daniel Bryan is being taken out on a stretcher with Brie by his side… Stephanie continues to mock Bryan with her sympathy… The announcers promise “medical updates” throughout the night…

Intercontinental Title #1 Contender Tournament Semi-Finals
1. Sheamus vs. Bad News Barrett. Barrett is over pretty good with the fans… Barrett cuts a promo on his way to the ring, he has some bad news, maybe not as bad as Daniel Bryan’s, but it’s still bad… Sheamus is losing, and ain’t no Irish lucky charms gonna save him… Stiff shots by both Europeans… Sheamus with a rolling Samoan Drop, he goes to the top, Barrett tries to stop him but he’s sent to the floor… Sheamus does a flying body block dive out onto Barrett on the floor!!! Back on the apron, Sheamus tries the “10 Beats of the Bodhrán” forearm clubs, but Barrett counters and tosses Sheamus into the ring post on the apron, then hits him with a big boot, knocking Sheamus to the floor as we go to commercial…

Isn’t it funny how guys are always falling out of the ring just in time for a commercial???

Back from break, rest hold by Barrett. Sheamus breaks free and comes back with the 10 forearm clubs, the Irish Curse backbreaker, 2 count… Sheamus remains on top, misses a Brogue Kick and Barrett counters with a WINDS OF CHANGE side slam!!! Barrett goes for the Bull Hammer Elbow… Barrett misses and Sheamus counters with WHITE NOISE for a near fall… Punches are traded, fans behind Barrett… Sheamus with a body block and the momentum carries them both over the top to the floor… Back in the ring Sheamus tries a dive back out onto Barrett but gets met with a BULL HAMMER FORM THE FLOOR!!!!! 1…….2…………3!!!! BARRETT ADVANCES TO THE FINALS after 10:30!!!!

-Commercial Break-

– BO-lieve in Bo Dallas…

– Hugh Jackman crap… He’s crucial to the Extreme Rules set up….

– YOU can pick Cena’s opponent for tonight, 1 Wyatt Member, 2 Wyatt Members, or ALL THREE!!!!

– Wyatt Family Promo… The lights go out… A spotlight on the Wyatts who are now standing in the arena… Bray cuts a promo on Cena and encourages the fans to sing along with him, and they do…. “He’s got the whole world in his hands”…

-Commercial Break-

2. Los Matadores & El Torito vs. Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre, & Hornswoggle. Heath Slater is in the corner for his crew… The little guys start off slapping each other, Torito with a series of flippy moves on Swoggle… Drew tags in and knocks Los Matadores to the floor so he can take on Torito… Torito gores Heath SLater in the nuts to send him off the apron… Drew tries to pick on Torito, but Los Matadores come in and hit a triple team finisher on McIntyre and TORITO PINS DREW in 2:45…

Heath did more in that match than Jinder… Well, that was a completely worthless segment, meant to be comedy, but it wasn’t… If they’re firing writers, they need to start with the comedy ones…

– A limo pulls up and out steps Evolution…. Good to see the main eventers showing up an hour into the show… The Attitude Era is back!

-Commercial Break-

– Call that last “match” whatever you want, we’re now an hour into the show and we’ve had one real match so far… And that pattern will continue for a while longer, as out comes Evolution in dress clothes to cut a promo… It’s your typical generic heel crap, they’re the best, nobody can stop them, blah, blah, blah….

A video is shown of the dominance Evolution created during their first run in the company, as well as the Shield beat down…

The Shield come to the ring and Evolution evacuates to the top of the ramp… The Shield cut a promo on Evolution… The Shield call out Evolution, giving them two options, fight or look like “cream puffs”. HHH creates an option three, with a series of heel wrestlers coming out to stand with Evolution on the stage to prevent the Shield from attacking… That makes me take Evolution seriously, get Titus O’Neil to fight your battles!

– Update on Daniel Bryan… He’s undergoing x-rays and whatnot for his neck and head….

-Commercial Break-

3. WWE Tag Team Champions The Usos vs. Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Rybaxel on commentary and they want a title shot. Good tag teaming by the Rhodes brothers. JBL squeezes in a mention of Sweet Sapphire… Rybaxel having fun on commentary… Good back and forth stuff… Goldust damn near gives himself a backdrop… Crazy… Goldust eats a superkick… Cody goes for Cross Rhodes but misses a blind tag… Superkick from the legal Uso brother and down goes Cody… Usos get the win in 3:00….

Wait this long for a match and it goes 3:00??? And then Cody Rhodes finally starts to hint the split between the Rhodes brothers, when he leaves his brother Goldust behind… Goldust comes walking after Cody…

Back in the ring, Rybaxel attack the Usos… Ryback lays one out with Shellshock…

-Commercial Break-

So far, we’re halfway through the show and there’s been one good segment/match…

Oh, but the crap rolls on…

4. Emma (w/Santino) vs. Layla (w/Fandango). HOW MANY TIMES do we have to see this junk. It was hardly over the first week, and here we are in what feels like (and very well may be) 2 months later and this crap is still going on… Fandango distracts and Layla jumps Emma. Emma goes for a dropkick but misses. Emma still manages to come back with a clothesline in the ring. Santino nails Fandango with the COBRA on the floor.. Then Emma pulls a PINK SOCK in the ring… It’s a female Cobra!!! Emma with a female Cobra on Layla for the win in 2:15.

After the match, the two cobra socks kiss and wrap around each other. The crowd makes absolutely no noise for the stupidity, though they did pop for the pink cobra initially…

I can’t begin to guess how many minutes of this show has been wasted to pointless and/or worthless matches and supposed “comedy”…

-Commercial Break-

– Renee Young with John Cena. Funny man Cena isn’t so happy this week… He knows the Wyatts are over, and they get more over by the week… John seems upset the fans might stick him in there with 3 guys. Tonight’s objective is to simply survive and to make it to Extreme Rules… Will John face Harper, Harper and Rowan, or all three Wyatts? YOU DECIDE!!!!

– Some unfamiliar music hits, with sirens and nothing you can hum to… It’s Cesaro’s new theme, and he’s out with Paul Heyman… MAN THAT MUSIC WAS BAD… Maybe they should have kept searching and left him with no music for another week…. Heyman cuts a promo and we go to commercial right in the middle of it… Wow, that music sucked… Sounded like music WCW would have given Doc Dean, Frank Andersson, or Villano #17 at a World Wide taping….

-Commercial Break-

Heyman is STILL cutting a promo when we come back from break… Heyman still going on about Brock Lesnar and “The StreaK”… Okay, that gets heat, but due to irritation, not because it’s something cool… And what does it do for Cesaro?

Intercontinental Title #1 Contender Tournament Semi-Finals
5. Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman). Well this should be decent… Second match/segment worth watching tonight as we’re now 2 hours into the show… Lots of drop downs, leap frogs, flip overs, and it all leads to two botched spots. Cesaro with a suplex, RVD slides out and lands a spin kick to the face… Cesaro back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker… RVD comes back with a monkey flip and takes over… So far it’s been lots of your typical RVD offense, just in slow motion compared to years gone by… RVD misses a shoulder in the corner and hits the post… Cesaro then sends RVD into the post a second time and Van Dam falls to the floor as we go to commercial…

What are the odds!?!?!?!?!?!?! RVD falls outside just we go to commercial… How does this keep happening? It’s like they KNOW or something…

Back from break, RVD escapes a chinlock, but Cesaro counters a sunset flip and then hits a gut wrench suplex on RVD for 2… Some face wash boots by Cesaro on RVD in the corner… RVD blocks a turnbuckle shot and kicks Cesaro in the face… RVD comes back, takes Cesaro down, Rolling Thunder gets 2… Flying kick off the top from RVD…He goes up for the Frog Splash, but CESARO IS PLAYING POSSUM!!! Cesaro jumps up and catches RVD with a European Uppercut that sends RVD to the apron… RVD comes back with another kick and hits the Split Legged Moonsault for 2…. RVD misses something in the corner and Cesaro comes back with something like a rolling DDT for 2… RVD with a body scissors roll up for 2..

Cesaro comes back with a NASTY TIGER DRIVER… RVD barely rotates enough to make the landing and damn near breaks his neck…. That was CLOSE… Near fall… Cesaro goes for the Swing, but Jack Swagger’s music hits!!! Out comes Swagger and Colter… They distract Cesaro on the floor, RVD comes off the top to the outside but gets hit with a EUROPEAN UPPERCUT!!!! Cesaro tosses RVD back in the ring and starts to climb in when he’s thrown into the post by Swagger…. Cesaro winds up getting counted out in 13:00… Wow… Lame… What is this, a 1980’s WrestleMania where nobody wants to job?

After the match, Swagger jumps Cesaro, but Cesaro fights back and tries for the Giant Swing on Zeb Colter! Swagger prevents it, but Cesaro ends up hitting the Giant Swing on Swagger!!!

The tournament finals are set with RVD vs. Barrett next week… and I assume Cesaro vs. Swagger for the PPV as well…

Daniel Bryan Update – After all those death moves, Daniel Bryan has only suffered a stinger and he will be fine… Seriously? Then I guess it’s impossible to take someone out anymore…

-Commercial Break-

– Renee Young with RVD… He’s proud of that win… Cesaro & Paul Heyman interrupt… Heyman talks about the crappy way RVD won the match… RVD is satisfied with the way he won… RVD tells Cesaro to keep his wallet, house, and future away from Heyman…

6. WWE Divas Champion Paige vs. Aksana. Aksana doesn’t even get to ringside before they play Paige’s theme… Poor Aksana, with Lana now in the company her days are numbered… There’s enough Divas that I’m not sure why we’re being treated to a second match with Aksana against Paige, but here it is… This time it’s Paige with the offense to get things going… Aksana fights back with a nice suplex throw and beat down on Paige… Aksana with a side slam for 2 and this match is starting to go too long… Paige fights back but Aksana with a spinebuster for 2… You can hear small “boring” chants begin…. Aksana tries a second spinebuster, but Paige breaks free and applies the Scorpion Crosslock for the submission in 4:30… Crowd doesn’t care.

– We learn it’s Cesaro vs. Swagger on Smackdown this week…

-Commercial Break-

Heeeere’s Lana…. Russian words follow…

7. Alexander Rusev (w/Lana) vs. Sin Cara. I think they did this match on a Main Event recently… Cara is already standing in the ring, and there’s NO LIGHTING!!! Is that all it takes to get rid of the lighting, wrestle Rusev? Cara with some kicks, but Rusev just overpowers and dominates… Jumping knees in the corner. Cara tries to come back with a flying rana but Rusev just stands there and flings Cara over his head, but Sin counters with sunset flip for 2…. Cara battles back, jumping inzuigiri kick drops Rusev to a knee, and then a missile dropkick off the top on Rusev!!!! Rusev comes back, swats Cara away and lands a pure power gutwrench throw and a spike slam, before locking on the Accolade for the submission in 3:00….

Rusev meets R-Truth AND Xavier Woods at Extreme Rules… Not that should be jobber-rific… Poor guys…

-Commercial Break-

– You’ve just got to BO-lieve in Bo Dallas….

John Cena is out now to find out his fate… What have the fans stuck him with??? And with a 53% vote, Cena will face the entire Wyatt family, when we return….

-Commercial Break-

8. John Cena vs. The Wyatt Family. The Wyatts attack and beat down Cena before the bell… Harper and Rowan take turns tagging and working John over… Fall away slam by Rowan… And Bray now tags in… Wyatt has fun waltzing with Cena’s lifeless body before tagging to Harper… Cena comes back momentarily with a Stinger splash, but Harper gets right back on top… Cena counters with a German suplex on Harper, but Rowan tags in and stays right on top of John… The Wyatts continue their tagging, Cena tries an STF on Harper but the family break it up…. Harper tosses Cena out of the ring, Rowan tries to attack but he’s driven into the barricade…. But it’s Harper from behind who sends Cena into the steel steps and down goes Cena as we head to commercial…

WOW!!! AGAIN!!! Third time tonight we go to commercial as a guy goes down outside the ring… How do they do that???? Wonder if we will return from break with a rest hold of some sort by a heel followed by a comeback attempt by the face…

Back from break, we missed the Cena comeback, he’s already making the attempt, but misses a shoulder block and falls right back to the floor… Harper tries to Superplex Cena back in, but John blocks it and hits a jumping swinging DDT… Wyatt tags in though and goes right back to work on Cena… John keeps trying to fight back, but the Wyatts keep making tags… Rowan misses a shoulder in the corner, but tags to Wyatt…. Splash by Wyatt in the corner… Bray does the upside down crab walk thingy… but Cena comes back with a clothesline….

Cena knocks Rowan & Harper out of the ring and hits his usual stuff on Bray from the shoulder blocks the to 5 knuckle shuffle… And Cena hits the AA for the cover…1….2….Harper breaks it up…. AND THE REFEREE CALLS FOR THE BELL??? WHAT THE FFFFF?????? Harper breaks up a cover on his TAG TEAM PARTNER and gets DQ’d????? WHO THE HELL BOOKED THAT FINISH????????? Cena wins by DQ…

Match went about 13:30 or so… The Wyatts drop the referee and lay Cena out after the match… Bray hits Sister Abigail on Cena and grabs the mic and sings to John… his time we get three verses! And it sends us off the air…

[spacer height=”20px”]WWE Raw “Backstage Pass” Post Show

– We see the Wyatt Family still in the ring… Bray Wyatt says he isn’t leaving the ring because there’s nobody in the back that can beat the Wyatt Family… Bray instructs his family to pick Cena up…. BUT HERE COMES THE SHIELD…. We’ve got a Shield vs. Wyatt Family brawl… Reigns with a SPEAR on Reigns and they run off the Wyatts…

– The panel is in the actual arena part of the building this week for the post show… They discuss Bray Wyatt and John Cena… They dwell on the fans sticking Cena in this situation… God this would be a great reason for Cena to go heel… I know it’s only wishful thinking between all the merch he sells, the make-a-wish stuff, and the Post cereal deal, but if they wanted to pull the trigger, this makes a good “Die, Rocky, Die” situation for Cena….

– There’s obviously no dark match, so that’s likely why the panel is in the arena…

– We see clips from earlier of the Daniel Bryan and Kane debacle as the panel discuss the situation… I believe Booker T compares the monster Kane to a “crackhead baby”. Then Dolph references Willy Wonka… Interesting indeed…

– Discussion of Evolution and the Shield feud… We see a short clip from earlier tonight when the Shield go after Evolution, but a series of heels come out to back up the Evo…

That does it for this week ladies and gents….

Please feel free to leave a comment… Always like to hear from the readers!!!

[spacer height=”20px”]