It’s a new year and The Audit man I.R.S. (otherwise known as Ian R. Singletary) returns once again just in time for another Royal Rumble review. If you haven’t already done so, please go back and check out my other Reviews for Rumbles 88 – 91, and the “Lost” NYC Rumble of 1994 in the Audit Review section of Crazymax.
That said, here’s a little ditty I actually started writing last year but never formatted it for posting. It’s time for the 1993 Royal Rumble. Let’s get to it, shall we?
THE 1993 ROYAL RUMBLE!
Full card listed below.
* The 30 Man Royal Rumble Match
* WWF Heavyweight Champion Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon
* WWF Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon
* The Steiner Brothers vs. The Beverly Brothers
* Big Boss Man vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
* Bobby Heenan unveils NARCISSUS!
And now the 1993 Royal Rumble!
It’s January 24, 1993 and we’re live from the ARCO Arena in Sacramento.
Your announcers are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.
I’m not sure if Bobby and Gorilla can capture the magic of their calling of Rumble ’92 but I’m sure they’ll give it a try! And right out of the gate the Brain is already doing things to piss the Gorilla off. Well, at least the commentary shouldn’t be dull.
(Steiners vs. Beverlys notes going in: The Steiners have recently left WCW after Bill Watts tried to split them up and turn Scott heel. At the time Scotty had no interest in being split from his brother and seemed to often clash with the Cowboy, and so it was off to greener pastures and the WWF. The Steiners popped up “via satellite” in a surprise interview on one of the final episodes of Prime Time Wrestling and thus began the Steiners tenure with Titan Sports. This will be their first real competition as they face the Beverlys. The two teams had met before in Turnerland when Enos and Bloom were under masks as Ole Anderson’s Minnesota Wrecking Crew II in early 1990. It’d technically be more like Wrecking Crew III or IV if you count the variations of the Andersons in the Wrecking Crew, but that’s another story for another day. Here Enos and Bloom are working as the rich boys from Shaker Heights, OH, Beau and Blake Beverly.)
The Steiner Brothers vs. The Beverly Brothers
[spacer height=”20px”]At this point the Beverlys are without manager. They first lost Coach (John Tolos), and then the Genius left the company following Survivor Series 92. Now the Beverlys are manager-less and for the most part meaningless, as far as being taken as a threat goes. For the record, the Beverly Brothers had one of the awesomest intro themes (their second theme, that is) but for some reason the WWE Network likes to edit that theme out on PPVs and plug in a different song which may possibly be their original. You can actually hear the cool theme being played before Gorilla throws it to the ring and then it changes to the crappy song. Not sure why they always edit this music out of the PPV’s. (Update! The Beverlys second theme is alive and well on the 1992 Superstars episodes that the Network added this week!) The Steiners are out next to their generic theme that would be recycled in 1996 by Alex “The Pug” Porteau. How’s that for a little early trivia?
We kick things off with Scotty Steiner vs. Beau Beverly (Wayne Bloom). Scott dominates with basic offense while Beau complains of a hair pulls and tight pulling to referee Bill Alfonso, but to his credit Fonzie calls it right down the middle daddy. Beau tries some cheap stuff but Scott reverses into a sloppy tilt-a-whirl slam. Looked liked someone’s timing was off. Beau takes a powder to the floor before tagging to brother Blake (Mike Enos). Rick Steiner is in as well. Blake catches Rick with a powerslam. A fun Buzz Sawyer spot as Blake tries a leapfrog but Rick catches him in mid-air and turns it into a powerslam of his own. Scott back in and lands an overhead belly to belly on Blake.
Scott tries a double underhook powerbomb, but is clotheslines by Beau and the Beverlys take over on offense. They brothers work the back of Scotty, back breakers, side slams, a Boston Crab, etc… Scott reverses a suplex on Blake, but Beau tags in to prevent a hot tag to Rick. Beau ducks his head for a backdrop and Scott counters with a double underhook powerbomb.
HOT TAG TO RICK! Blake also tags in. Huge backdrop on Blake. RICK SENDS BLAKE INTO GERMAN SUPLEX CITY, BITCH! Damn that was a throw! Rick tries a top rope belly to belly on Blake, but Beau puts a stop to it. Rick winds up murdering Beau with a Steinerline! Then a Steinerline to Blake!
Rick gets back jumped by Beau while covering Blake. Rick stumbles into his corner and tags back to Scott. It feels like both Beverlys have been in the ring forever. The Brothers try a double team LOD Dooms Day Device on Scott. But as Beau jumps off the top rope with the clothesline, Scotty counters Blake into a victory roll! I loved this spot when I saw it live.
Beau misses the flying clothesline and Rick yanks him to the floor. Scott reverses an Irish whip by Blake and FRANKENSTEINERS him like a lawn dart. Fuck. DAMN DID HE SPIKE HIM. Scott covers and this one is over after around 10:30.
Winners: The Steiners
[spacer height=”20px”]Heenan has fun post match, using his “Brain Scan” to draw over top of the replay.
(Post Match Thoughts: In the original broadcast, the commentary audio actually goes out during the entrances and doesn’t return until a few minutes into the match. I remember watching live and thinking how awkward it is to watch a show without commentary, it was like being at a house show. Luckily by the time they released this show on Coliseum Video the commentary was returned to the video. As for the match, it was what it was. I’m not sure the Steiners were going to get a show stealer out of the Beverlys. Enos and Bloom had a very basic offensive set of moves that didn’t really help the flow. This wasn’t the best showcase for the Steiners abilities but it was an okay match for what it was. I enjoyed the finish sequence and the Frankensteiner here was like death. **1/2)
– A video plays highlighting the history of the Rockers tag team and their split. I’ll cover that in detail below.
(Shawn vs. Marty notes going in: Originally a hybrid of the Rock & Rolls Express and Midnight Express, The Rockers were an amazing team who had a high flying innovative style that aided in changing the game of American style wrestling. Not to mention they had a lot of really great matches against the likes of the Rougeaus, Brain Busters, Orient Express, and the Harts. The time came when Vince felt it was time to disband the team and Michaels may or may not have lobbied for that next level singles push he knew he was ready for. The story supposedly goes Michaels told Jannetty they’d stick together but in reality he was 100% behind working with Vince and doing the split up. It’s like the screw job before the screw job. Anyway, during the fall their began to be hints of dissention as Shawn played the aggressor during matches on TV. When they lost a match, Shawn blamed Marty. There was even a squash where Michaels never even tagged Jannetty in. Eventually, the Rockers received a Tag Team Title shot against LOD on Superstars. After losing Shawn again blamed Marty and went so far as to put his hands on Jannetty. Marty threatened to strike back but left the ring without further incident. In January 1992 it was thought they would hash things out as part of Brutus Beefcake’s “Barber Shop” segment on Wrestling Challenge. Michaels assured Jannetty there wasn’t a problem and the two would continue to remain a team. Jannetty fell for the ruse and left himself open for Michaels to Superkick Marty on the interview set and then Shawn did the unthinkable. He threw Jannetty FACE FIRST through the Barber Shop glass window, leaving Jannetty a bloody mess.
[spacer height=”20px”]By Royal Rumble 92, the WWF ignored that Jannetty had already worked a singles squash on TV and explained Jannetty missing the PPV as being due to injuries he suffered on the Barber Shop. This was supposed to lead to a hot feud that would see the two men compete at WrestleMania VIII. Unfortunately, Jannetty only worked a handful of matches after this incident before he was released from the company due to his recent issues with the law involving possession of cocaine and getting handsy with the police officers. Shortly after Marty was never mentioned again…….. Until…
[spacer height=”20px”]Until… Twuz Halloween – 1992, nine months later. Shawn Michaels steps in the ring with his valet Sherri as he prepares for a typical squash match on WWF Superstars. As Shawn checks himself out in his trusty mirror held by Sherri, he sees a reflection in the mirror standing behind him. It was Marty Jannetty who had snuck in through the crowd. Shawn looked as if he’d seen a ghost and Marty went on the attack. After bumping Shawn all around the ring, looking for ultimate revenge Marty grabbed the mirror from Sherri and got ready to smash it over the head of his former partner. As Marty swung the mirror, Shawn pulled Sherri in front of him causing Marty to strike and break the mirror over Sherri’s head and face. An excellent angle, and unheard of for it’s time. Sherri was stretchered out while Shawn would claim innocence and claims Jannetty hit Sherri on purpose in future interviews. Finally, it was announced the two would finally meet a full year after the Barber Shop incident, at this year’s Rumble. There was an added catch. This match also marks the return of Sensational Sherri from her injury. However, the story was sold as Sherri would return in a neutral corner, leaving the fans to ponder if Sherri will return to her Sexy Boy, or would she finally see through the shallow facade of the future HBK? I guess we’ll all find out.)
Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty
[spacer height=”20px”]Naturally, Sensational Sherri comes out first with no music to a mixture of crowd reaction. This was her return from “injury” and a way to play up whose corner she was in. Jannetty is out next in his most over the top ring gear of his career, and that’s saying a little something. Creative, I’ll give his seamstress that. Shawn’s out last and he invites Sherri into the ring to be by his side, but she stands outside the ring just glaring back without emotion.
With Sherri in a neutral corner, referee Joey Marella calls for the bell. Shawn tries to play with Marty to start but Jannetty is hot and pops Michaels with a hard shot and chases him around ringside. Jannetty goes on the offense and Shawn does the flip upside down into the buckle. Marty with a kneelift sends Michaels out of the ring with a nice bump. Jannetty sends Shawn to the floor a second time with a clothesline and catches him with a dive off the apron. Marty climbs to the top rope and jumps off to the floor but runs into a hard right from Shawn. Michaels then scoops Marty up and rams his RIGHT shoulder into the ring post. Jannetty immediately gets up and sells his LEFT shoulder for the rest of the match. For those who aren’t aware, the American style typically favors working over the left ligaments of the body. So Shawn has to go back outside the ring and ram Marty’s LEFT shoulder into the post so that it all makes more sense. Even Gorilla starts questioning which shoulder is supposed to be hurt.
[spacer height=”20px”]Shawn works over Marty’s arm and slams him on the floor. Back inside Shawn hits a shoulder breaker and stays on the arm, because well it’s called telling a story. Marty tries a comeback, but Shawn cuts him right back off with a single-arm DDT. Michaels goes to the middle rope and jumps right off into Marty’s foot! I mean literally, he jumped off the ropes and landed by Jannetty’s legs. What other intention did he have in mind? It’s like Shawn threw himself into Marty’s boot. You’d think this was a work or something. Sheesh.
Shawn charges at Marty in the corner, but Jannetty moves and now Michaels runs shoulder first into the post! Both men are down but Marty starts shaking it off and throwing some punches. Michaels stops the momentum by hooking Jannetty by the tights and throwing him outside the ring. Shawn tries to suplex Marty back into the ring, but Jannetty reverses and SUPLEXES SHAWN TO THE FLOOR! You used to see guys tease that move in the 80’s and early 90’s but this was probably the first time I actually saw it work!
It looks like Sherri may be coming over to help Shawn up, but SHERRI SLAPS MICHAELS IN THE FACE, thus solidifying her face turn. The crowd pops for Sherri as Jannetty back suplexes Shawn back into the ring with a lazy “bridge” if you want to call it that and Shawn kicks out at 2. Marty gets fired up and starts flailing his arms all about, forgetting that Shawn had worked his shoulder over most of the match. Oh that adrenaline and how I love it so.
Michaels takes a whip into the corner and does the old Harley Race backwards flip to the floor. Back inside Marty lands a powerslam and goes up for the flying fist drop but Shawn moves. Luckily Jannetty lands on his feet and connects with a DDT. The crowd goes nuts but Marty only gets a 2 count. Shawn misses a Superkick, but Jannetty connects with one and gets another near fall on Shawn.
The two trade a pinfall attempts until Jannetty catapults Shawn into the corner and rolls him up for 2. Shawn cocks back for a punch but his elbow nails referee Marella in the process. REF BUMP. You could actually see Shawn looking for Marella to make sure he elbowed him. It’s like they script this stuff sometimes, I swear.
The baby faces turn heel as Marty holds Shawn Michaels for Sherri to come in and do some damage. The crowd pops for Sherri as she takes her high heel off and enters the ring. Sherri goes to clock Shawn with the shoe, but Michaels moves out of the way and Sherri hits Jannetty instead! Marty goes down, from a high heel. What is this, Nitro?
Sherri realizes her mistake and begs off as Shawn begins to corner her. It looks like Shawn is waiting for Marty to get up, but Jannetty continues to play dead. So Shawn actually has to go over and pick Jannetty up off the mat and deliver a Superkick (before it was his finisher) to pin Jannetty as a hysterical Sherri runs away. By the way, it was a lackluster Superkick yet Jannetty sold it with one of those inside out style bumps. Looked fake and shitty. Anyway, Michaels gets the win to retain after 14:20.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
[spacer height=”20px”]- After a brief celebration, Shawn sees Sherri on the big screen in the locker room talking to Mean Gene (RIP). Sherri’s cups overfloweth as Okerlund tells her to “Dammit, settle down!”. Michaels quickly confronts her in the back and Marty Jannetty magically revives himself and goes sprinting to the back after Michaels.
As Michaels starts to confront Sherri, Jannetty comes flying into the screen and jumps on Shawn’s back. The two men continue their fight backstage when a random ORANGE goes flying through the screen.
It was hilarious in 1993, and I love it still today.
We get referees, Lanza, Patterson, Dave Hebner into the brawl to separate the two sides. Unfortunately, this would lead to nothing. More on that in a minute.
(Post Match Thoughts: A lot of people give Marty crap for selling the wrong shoulder after the first post job by Michaels. Anyone who knows how things work knows you work the left arm, which is the arm Marty sold. In Marty’s defense he was trying to fix the mistake caused by Michaels here. Now, as for the rest of the match.. I can’t defend Jannetty for anything else here. He was perhaps a bit lethargic or going through the motions of spots at a slower speed than usual. It made for some awkward spots and noticeable timing issues. Tack on the much slower methodical pace of the match than what most anticipated and it was a big letdown. Story goes Michaels complained to Vince or whomever about Marty being hungover from a binger the night before and thus ruining the match, or something along those lines. And for the second year in a row it would be Jannetty’s “bad habits” that would cost him a revenge match with Shawn Michaels at the money show, WrestleMania. Shawn would ultimately get put into an impromptu “feud’ with Tatanka to replace the planned rematch with Jannetty. Even with all of the issues this match still somehow managed to reach ***1/4, partly due to Michaels keeping it on track and partially because of the match picking up near the finish. Imagine what it could have been if circumstances had been different.)
– And what do we have here Bru-thaaaaas. On the live version, it’s the Dr. of Style, errr I mean the Reverend Slick. He’s the new manager of Kamala, but Kamala is not here. Instead, Slick is here in a prerecorded promo to put over the WWF’s Headlock on Hunger, the Somalia Relief Fund.
(Boss Man vs. Bigelow notes going in: Bigelow has recently returned to the company while the Boss Man is on his way out. No story here, just two big guys clashing.)
The Big Boss Man vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
[spacer height=”20px”]This is Bammer’s first WWF PPV since WrestleMania IV in 1988. This would be Boss Man’s LAST WWF PPV until Survivor Series 1998. Boss Man has his right hand and wrist taped up pretty good. Bigelow jumps Boss Man and splashes him in the corner. Bigelow sends BBMan to the floor as Danny Davis lays the count. Boss Man returns to the ring but it takes two clotheslines to drop Bam Bam. Boss Man on the offense with a whopping 21 punches in a row, before Bigelow counters a headlock with a back suplex. Boss Man won’t stay down and he comes back with more punches. The screw up a bulldog and Boss Man just looks like he’s totally not into this at all. Bammer finally gains control after he backdrops Boss Man out of the ring to the floor.
Bigelow applies a bear hug from behind, Boss Man escapes but runs right into a Hot Shot across the top rope. BBMan powers out of a cover at 2. Bammer goes back to a reverse bear hug (it’s a frickin waist lock). Boss Man finally escapes and reverses a suplex but barely gets Bigelow over sideways. It’s like Boss Man doesn’t even want to be here. Bigelow right back on top as the crowd is near dead. Bigelow is by no means setting a speed record in this match but he’s still moving at a faster pace than Boss Man who seems to be doing everything in slow motion, including getting in place for spots (see next sentence). Bigelow tries a running body block, I’d like to say the Boss Man ducked it but he appeared too lazy to ever even stand up in order to duck it. So Bam Bam misses, but Boss Man never actually stood up for it. Bammer basically jumped over top of Boss Man and missed.
It’s time for Boss Man’s comeback. Bigelow takes an impressive backdrop before Boss Man reverts back to more punching. BBMan whips Bigelow into the corner and then WALKS INTO BIGELOW’S FOOT. He fucking walked into his boot. WTF? Bigelow drops Boss Man with a nice clothesline out of the corner and finishes this with a top rope diving headbutt for the win in just over 10:00. That was rough to sit through.
Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow
Image #1 features Boss Man performing an awful suplex. Image #2 is Bigelow missing a body block after Boss Man failed to ever even stand up.
[spacer height=”20px”](Post Match Thoughts: Well, from the first time I watched this until now my thoughts haven’t changed much these past 26 years. This was pretty bad, and disappointing at best. If there was a definition of “phoning it in” or “going through the motions”, that would be how I would define the Boss Man’s lackadaisical attempt here. Now that’s coming from a huge Boss Man fan. With two of the best big men in the business going at it I had anticipated a fun and faster than normal paced big man match. Instead, Bam Bam was on his way in, Boss Man would soon be on his way out to places like All Japan, SMW and eventually WCW by the end of the year. It wasn’t like Boss Man was trying to make Bigelow look bad, he cooperated with Bammer, but he just didn’t seem to give a shit about anything. When Boss tried to suplex Bigelow over and kind of dropped him to the side, it just came off lazy and lack of interest. At one point Boss Man WALKED into a boot in the corner. 99% of BBM’s offense were punches. He didn’t even use many of his signature spots before doing the cleanest job since turning face three years earlier. A couple of impressive bumps for guys this big but the entire match was slow, dull, plodding. A huge disappointment for one of the biggest Boss Man fans there were. It didn’t help Bam Bam a whole lot either. I’ll go 1/4* to be nice and show appreciation for the couple of big man bumps, but otherwise this thing would be a DUD. I never want to watch this match again. Ever.)
– To set up the WWF Heavyweight Title match they play a couple of quick videos. First we go back to WWF Mania where Razor Ramon attacking an unsuspecting Owen Hart during an interview conducted by Raymond Rougeau. Razor did this to get into the head of WWF Champ Bret Hart. This video is followed by Raymond Rougeau conducting an interview with Razor at a Sacramento Kings game the day before the Rumble.
[spacer height=”20px”]We see Stu & Helen Hart with ringside seats. During Razor’s entrance Bret Hart responds with his own live interview backstage. It’s promos like this that explain why Hart never reached the level of success as a Hogan, or Macho, or Flair, etc. One direct quote from Bret in the promo, “Defend my family’s honor, and defend I’m gonna do”. Maybe Bret’s promo should have been taped as well.
[spacer height=”20px”](Bret vs. Razor Notes Going in: As mentioned above, Razor was granted a shot at Bret’s WWF Title. In order to get into the head of the Hitman, Ramon attacked baby brother Owen on WWF Mania. There was also another incident on Superstars in which Ramon appeared on the big screen to interrupt Bret Hart during an interview on stage. That type of thing was cutting edge for 1993. Razor hadn’t been wrestling with the company but 7 months and he was already getting a World Title shot here on PPV. Outside of Flair he was, by far, the best option for this show. I had actually attended a house show days before Bret won the WWF Title and saw Razor pin the Hitman so I bought him as a contender. According to Bret Hart based on several interviews he has done, Bret has claimed the challenger here on this PPV was originally planned to be the Ultimate Warrior. While I find that intriguing, I must point out the original advertising material for the event has Bret vs. Razor as the Title match and Warrior thrown in with the rest of the faces as part of the Rumble match. I must admit, I am curious what Vince would have done with Warrior in 1993.)
WWF Heavyweight Champion Bret “Hitman” Hart vs. Razor Ramon
[spacer height=”20px”]Bret hands off his sunglasses to a fan, and Razor turns around and flicks his toothpick at the kid. LOL. Awesome. Early on Bret realizes he’s not matching size of strength with Ramon so the Hitman shows off his wrestling prowess and goes to the knees of the Bad Guy. Hart winds up applying a Figure Four early on in the match. Razor reaches the ropes but Bret rams Ramon’s leg against the steel post. Surprised to see the champ with so much offense against the larger Ramon so early on. Eventually Razor manages to send Bret into the ring post. From there Razor goes on the offense, driving Bret down with a pair of backbreakers on the outside.
Bobby Heenan has some fun mocking Stu and Helen. Back in the ring Ramon with a Fall Away Slam and Irish whips Bret chest first into the corner buckles, a move Bret always sells like death. After a failed pinfall attempt, Razor relies on an abdominal stretch to continue working over Hart’s ribs. Hart reverses the hold, but Ramon hiptosses his way free. Ramon slaps Bret around, but Hart comes back with a running body block for 2 and sends Bret outside. Back on the apron Hart tries a sunset flip back into the ring, but Razor blocks and sits down but Hart still counters for another 2.
Razor cuts Bret off and goes to the rest holds. First a seated chinlock, then a bearhug. Bret escapes with some biting. Great, Technical, Excellently Executed Biting. Hart backdrops Ramon to the floor and nails a nice looking suicide dive! Back in the ring, Hart starts pulling out the old 5 moves of doom. Actually, Bret goes crazy and hits all 6 moves of doom. Inverted Atomic Drop, hooking clothesline, backbreaker, middle rope elbow, bulldog, and yes even the Russian legsweep.
Hart looks for the Sharpshooter, but Razor wiggles free as Heenan states Ramon’s legs are too long and Razor uses the referee as a shield so that he can take a cheap shot on the champ. Ramon sets Bret up for a top rope back superplex, but Hart escapes and counters with his own back suplex. Hart goes for another middle rope elbow but comes crashing down into the foot of Ramon. Razor tries for the Razor’s Edge, but Hart wiggles free and counters into a backslide for 2.
Razor gets back on top and hooks Bret in a knuckle lock, which Bret first counters into a sunset flip pin for 2. Bret then hooks Razor’s legs while laying on the mat and turns it over into the Sharpshooter. Ramon submits almost immediately at 17:52.
Winner: The Hitman
[spacer height=”20px”](Post Match Thoughts: A solid match with excellent psychology. I don’t think you’d expect anything less from Bret. Ramon held his own here playing the larger heel. I liked that they played Razor’s height and longer legs into the story in regards to Bret needing to find a different way to apply the Sharpshooter. I admire Bret for often finding different ways to go into the Sharpshooter hold to keep things fresh, but I questioned the finish here a little. Razor was clearly in control when Hart turned a hold into a sunset flip. That doesn’t exactly knock a man out, yet Razor just laid there after kicking out to allow Bret to hook on the hold. I just think it would have been smoother if Ramon had a better reason for laying there dead. Nothing fancy here, still this was a perfectly fine match. ***1/4)
[spacer height=”20px”]- Bobby “The Brain” Heenan is standing by to unveil “NARCISSUS”.
[spacer height=”20px”]For those out of the loop on this, Bobby Heenan had been appearing for the past 4 weeks on TV in recorded segments promising that “Narcissus” was coming to the WWF. It was clear by the promos that this Narcissus character would be in direct competition with Heenan’s rival Mr. Perfect. Hennig had turned face on an episode of Prime Time back in November 92 after agreeing to join Randy Savage for a tag team match against Ric Flair & Razor Ramon at the Survivor Series. During that turn Perfect dumped a pitcher of water over his former manager Heenan’s head. With Ric Flair on his way out of the promotion it was time to find a new opponent for Hennig to feud with.
Back to the show, we go to the arena floor where Heenan is standing by a large silver curtain and ready to unveil his Narcissus. As the curtain begins to raise, Heenan announces it’s LEX LUGER! Kneeling in front of several full length mirror, and covered in his silver and purple cape, a body building show style theme music begins to play as Luger rises to his feet and removes his cape to show off his body. Luger begins hitting poses for the cameras and for himself in the mirror. Heenan goes into an uncomfortable homosexual style rant on Lex’s physique and body. I have no problem with the LGBTQ community, but seeing this live in 1993, the 13 year old me legitimately questioned if Bobby Heenan had just turned gay. Heenan’s commentary mixed with Lex’s tanned, oiled jacked up muscular poses here were just too over the top for my mind in 1993. Even today, it’s still a bit much. Bobby sounds like he’s ready to cream before asking to hear Luger’s “melodious voice”.
[spacer height=”20px”]Lex says he’s beyond perfection, then calls out Mr. Perfect. For the first time Lex refers to himself as “The Narcissist” rather than Narcissus as well. I guess nobody gave Bobby the memo.
As the curtain begins to drop to end the segment, Heenan begs for Lex to flex more and show him more body parts. Heenan drops to his knees as the curtain falls and pleads with Lex to show him “a little more leg”. I’d imagine this could be confused with a scene straight out of a gay porno. Straight, Gay, this could have been man and woman it’s still awkward and uncomfortable as Heenan sounds almost predatorial. He puts Attitude Era Lawler to shame. It was very awkward for me in 1993, I remember that much.
Oddly enough, Heenan would have nothing to do with the Narcissist character ever again.
Well, with that out of the way…
IT IS NOW TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!
No, wait.
It Is Now Time For More shit.
The Fink introduces… JULIUS CAESAR AND CLEOPATRA?
[spacer height=”20px”]Let me channel my inner 1993 again and say What in the F*CK is this shit on my TV screen?
Silly me, they’re here to sell WrestleMania IX to us. It’ll be live from Caesar’s Palace, after all. The crowd shits all over this segment and it’s just as shitty now as it was in 1993. Vince may have thought this was a good idea for cross-promotion with the Casino and whatnot but there was no place for it here among the wrestling fans. At least Caesar wouldn’t speak at Mania.
OKAY, NOW IT IS REALLY TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!
(Rumble Notes Going In: You should know the rules by now, 30 men, every 2 minutes, over the top rope, all that jazz. What is new to the Rumble this year is the concept of the winner now receiving a guaranteed WWF Title shot at WrestleMania IX. This would be the first Rumble where this stipulation was put into place. Spoiler Alert – While not revealed on the original LIVE broadcast of the event, the Coliseum Video version has an Exclusive Interview where Ric Flair announces that he drew the #1 this year.)
THE ROYAL RUMBLE MATCH
[spacer height=”20px”]After drawing #3 last year, RIC FLAIR has the unlucky spot of #1 this year. He’s followed out by #2 BOB BACKLUND. This felt like an odd choice for #2, but given what Backlund will do here it makes more sense later on. Bob wants a handshake, Flair instead fakes him out, fixes his hair, gives him a strut and a WOOOOOO! Bob with some unorthodox offense and jumping around the ring. Flair doesn’t know how to take it, and frankly neither do I. Backlund lands his old time finisher the RUNNING ATOMIC DROP and Ric takes a Flair flop on his face. Backlund tries to hoist Flair out as #3 PAPA SHANGO makes his way down. Shango goes right after Backlund and takes him to the ropes. Flair sneaks up behind and quickly dumps Papa Shango. That was fast. It’s right back to Backlund and Flair, though I think they dropped the ball on the fun they could have had with Shango and these two in the ring. Flair tries to dump Backlund, before the two trade some shots and battle off into a corner.
Here comes #4 “MILLION DOLLAR MAN” TED DIBIASE. Ya know, ever since Teddy bought that #30 slot in 1989 he’s had some bad luck with drawing numbers. He’s been #1 (1990), #2 (1992), and now #4 in 1993. Of course, Flair and DiBiase double teamed Backlund for the entire 2 minutes, failing to eliminate him. #5 is “NASTY BOY” BRIAN KNOBBS. As a former member of the Jimmy Hart stable, Knobbs has a score to settle with DiBiase, but the Nasty fellow also nearly eliminates Flair. Things quickly slow down and become boring as the 4 men pair off and fight against the ropes. #6 is VIRGIL, who also has some personal issues with the Million Dollar Man going back 2 years to the 1991 Rumble. Virgil comes in a house of fire and takes it to DiBiase for a bit. Knobbs charges at DiBiase, but Ted drops down and pulls down the top rope sending Knobbs sailing out of the ring.
#7 is JERRY “THE KING” LAWLER, sans crown. Story goes that someone, or several someones, took a “Perfectly” huge SHIT in his crown before the match. Lawler’s Memphis territory had screwed some people on payoffs over the years and this was a little bit of revenge. It’s fun seeing Lawler go at it with Flair, but this has been a fairly stale Rumble thus far for action. #8 MAXX MOON doesn’t make matters much better. Moon blasts Lawler with a spin kick in the corner. He tries a second spin kick in the corner to Lawler, but Jerry ducks and Maxx Moon goes flying out of the ring. At the same time of Moon’s elimination, #9 GENICHIRO TENRYU makes his way down. Monsoon claims Backlund and Flair have been in the ring for 20 minutes, but it’s more like 14.
[spacer height=”20px”]#10 is MR. PERFECT. And Hennig comes FLYING into the ring. The first real big pop of the match as Perfect goes insane on Flair and has him bumping all over the ring. They work in the slam off the top on Flair, and Hennig follows with a rolling neck snap. They trade some chops in the corner, and here comes #11 SKINNER. Perfect ducks a Flair rush, and Hennig sends Flair backwards out of the match! FLAIR IS ELIMINATED!!! That blew my mind when it happened live. Didn’t see that coming so early in the match.
[spacer height=”20px”]#12 is KOKO B. WARE. He comes to the ring pulling his baggy pants up to his chest and doing a ridiculous dance. He does little more once he gets to the ring either. Perfect tries to eliminate Skinner, but he pulls the old Steve Keirn and SKINS THE CAT back inside. I guess you could say he “Skinnered” the cat. I know, BOOOO. Anyway Skinner gets back in the ring but is immediately eliminated by a Perfect dropkick. Fun spot.
#13 is HEADHSRINKER SAMU. Afa drags Samu to the ring by his hair. I got nothing. #14 is THE BERZERKER, and what’s his specialty Monsoon? Pick’em up and throw’em out! Lawler comes charging at Perfect, and Hennig backdrops Lawler out of the match! Dibiase dumps Hennig to the apron, and we can see in the background Berzerker with a Big Boot sends Virgil out of the ring. And while Dibiase and Koko Ware try and push Hennig to the floor, Lawler comes over and pulls Hennig off the apron to aid in eliminating Mr. Perfect. Fun note, Hennig had just dropped the AWA Title and was feuding with Lawler when he left for the WWF in 1988. There’s a great episode of CWA from that period where Hennig destroys the Memphis TV Studio right before jumping. Maybe this was Lawler’s revenge.
[spacer height=”20px”]In at #15 is THE UNDERTAKER. In a comical spot, Lawler almost runs into Taker during his way to the ring. Berzerker and Backlund go THROUGH the ropes and to the floor, where Bob gets slammed on the concrete and is laid out. Meanwhile, business picks up in the ring. Taker dangerously chokeslams Samu backwards over the top and out of the match. A few seconds later, Taker backdrops Tenryu out of the match. #16 is “TERRIFIC” TERRY TAYLOR. Imagine how he’d crow if he won this thing. Well that’s not happening as DiBiase dumps Koko Ware and Terry Taylor out together. I doubt Terry lasted 30 seconds. Taker then clotheslines DiBiase out of the match!
We’re down to just Taker and Berzerker in the ring as we see Harvey Wippleman bringing out what we’d come to know as the GIANT GONZALEZ. Taker dips a shoulder and sends Berzerker out of the match. Taker is standing alone in the ring as the Giant Gonzalez enters and steps to him. Plus also remember, Bob Backlund is still not eliminated, but laid out on the floor. Even though the Giant is NOT a Rumble participant, Gonzalez quickly eliminates Taker from the match. Technically only Backlund is legally in this now.
So this is one of the years that an illegal man can eliminate a Rumble participant because of how they felt like writing the story. #17 is DAMIEN DEMENTO, and even the goofy Demento isn’t getting in between Gonzalez and Taker. While Demento watches from outside the ring, Gonzalez beats down Taker and leaves him laying in the corner of the ring. #18 is IRWIN R. SCHYSTER, the other IRS. Irwin also opts not to get involved in the Gonzalez drama. If only Vince had made the same decision before signing him. Harvey had made mention on TV that he’d drop a BOMB on Taker after the demise of Heel Kamala, and I guess this was it… a HUGE STINK BOMB.
[spacer height=”20px”]As Gonzalez leaves ringside, Backlund crawls back into the ring and is worked over by IRS and Demento. What odd choices to get the second half of the match going. In at #19 is TATANKA. Paul Bearer returns to ringside with the urn to try and revive the Undertaker, who slowly rises and falls over before limping to the back. So ring count right now is 4 men. #20 is “NASTY BOY” JERRY SAGS. Schyster has to remind Sags that they have issues. As I look around the ring I draw the conclusion that this is perhaps the weakest Rumble roster ever. The next entrant only confirms my thoughts as #21 TYPHOON heads to the ring to little fanfare. He’d go off to play the Shockmaster soon, so you know better things are ahead for him. As #22 HEADSHRINKER FATU gets in the ring, we now have 4 different individual members of tag teams in here and jobber Demento. #23 is EARTHQUAKE who joins his Natural Disaster partner. Quake goes right after his own buddy Typhoon and sadly the fans could care less. The ring has filled up with fodder and besides counting down the clock the crowd is half dead. Quake and Typhoon have a fun jousting in the corner, but when Typhoon tries a corner splash, Quake sort of ducks and dumps Typhoon out of the ring. He eliminated his own partner! IT’S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF DAMN IT!
#24 is CARLOS COLON in his first and only WWF appearance in the ring (WWWF is another story). Gorilla refers to Colon as a “youngster” which is funny on two levels. First, Colon is in his mid 40’s and been wrestling over 20 years, but two is that Monsoon knows it because Gorilla owned a portion of Colon’s WWC promotion in Puerto Rico throughout the 70’s and early 80’s. Colon is able to eliminate Damien DeMento with a simple duck and backdrop. Little more happens here before #25 “EL MATADOR” TITO SANTANA enters, and the shits just keep coming. Yes, I know what I wrote.
Backlund eliminates Fatu. Backlund sells himself as being spent, but he continues to troop on. “THE MODEL” RICK MARTEL gets #26. The Strike Force feud never ends as Tito and Martel go at it right away. IRS tries a big clothesline on Quake, but Earthquake ducks and IRS goes flying out. Santana tries his best to eliminate Backlund, which actually riles up the fans. I’m not sure if the fans were happy Backlund was almost eliminated, or excited that he fought and survived. #27 is YOKOZUNA. And now we have 8 men in the ring.
Yoko wastes no time tossing out Tatanka. Next, Yoko sends Carlos Colon off the apron and out of the match. We get the showdown between Yoko and Quake, and the crowd is fairly excited for the first time since Flair was eliminated. #28 is “THE ROCKET” OWEN HART, but they don’t show his entrance at all because we’re glued to Yoko and Quake battling it out. Earthquake catches Yoko with a splash in the corner. Quake misses a second corner splash and Yoko BELLY TO BELLIES Quake out of the match!
[spacer height=”20px”]#29 is REPO MAN. Poor Smash. We get the spot where a half dozen or so wrestlers gave up on the big guy to try and eliminate him, but Yoko fights them all off. Should be noted that Repo is in the middle of an 8-day feud with Randy Savage after stealing Macho Man’s hat on the previous Raw. That’s about all the Repo character has done, ever. Speaking of which, #30 is “MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE!!!
It’s the final 8 guys now as Savage goes right after Repo Man. Yoko flings out Tito Santana. Sags holds Martel for Owen to dropkick. but the Model moves and Owen dropkicks Sags out of the match. Yoko hip tosses Owen Hart out of the match and it looked like Hart could have easily torn a knee in that nasty bump to the floor. Savage flings Repo out next, but they’ll meet again tomorrow night on Raw.
And we’re down to the final four. It’s Martel, Backlund, Savage, and Yoko.
Backlund crotches Martel on the top rope, then blasts the Model with a big right hand to send Martel tumbling and eliminates the Model. Yoko drops Savage and we get a quick showdown between Yoko and Backlund. Which Yoko easily wins and he finally tosses Backlund out of the match to the jeers of the fans. Bob lasted over an hour and the fans showed him some respect for that feat.
[spacer height=”20px”]It’s down to Yokozuna and the Macho Man.
Yoko dominates, but Savage keeps fighting back. He stuns Yoko with kicks and jabs. Macho levels Yoko with 3 clotheslines and comes off the top with a DOUBLE AXE HANDLE, and a second DOUBLE AXE HANDLE from behind drops Yoko to one knee!!! Savage comes off the ropes but right into a Yoko thrust kick! BELLY TO BELLY flattens the Macho Man. LEGDROP smashes the face of Savage. FLYING ASS SMASH in the corner as Yoko crushes Savage with his giant ass into the buckle. Yoko goes for it again, but HE MISSES! And Yoko finally takes a bump! Yoko is down!
[spacer height=”20px”]MACHO CLIMBS THE ROPES! FLYING ELBOW CONNECTS!
Macho Man… COVERS? There’s no pinfalls in the Rumble Mach, cummon!! Yoko “powers” out by tossing Savage up off of him and out of the ring. Yoko eliminates Savage by kicking out of a pin?!?!?!?!?
[spacer height=”20px”]And that’s not even the shittiest part. This isn’t one of those “power wrestlers” throwing another guy up in the air type of a kick outs. Savage literally gets pushed up to his feet and he has to manually then JUMP over the top rope. Now while Randy did this to the best of his ability to make it look believable, it was still a complete shit finish.
Well anyway, Yokozuna gets the win after 1:06:35 of action.
Winner: Yokozuna
The crowd doesn’t seemed too pleased. Neither was I. The winner goes to main event WrestleMania, the loser goes on to commentate WrestleMania. That’s not exactly the stipulation, but that’s how this played out. Just think about how shitty that is that you were runner up to the Rumble match, and all they have for you at Mania is an announce job. WTF is that?
They waste little time playing Yoko’s music. NO WAIT, they play CLEOPATRA and JULIUS CAESAR’S THEME instead because that’s truly all that matters. Why not keep things going in the same direction and end things on a shitty note. Makes sense.
There’s a smattering of boos mixed with silence and dissatisfaction.
We’re treated to video stills from the Rumble show, followed by a brief backstage squabble between Rumble winner Yokozuna and WWF Champion Bret Hart. Bobby Heenan becomes excited at the potential for a fight, but the show goes off the air with the two men arguing. At least they tried to add some type of hype for the Mania main event, I guess.
[spacer height=”20px”](Post Match Thoughts: Well, that was… a Rumble. I think maybe I would have switched Shango’s spot with Terry Taylor or DeMento, and gave Papa a longer run in the match due to his size but that’s a very small detail and wouldn’t have affected the match either way. The early story with Flair and Backlund hanging in there, leading to the insanely over Perfect vs. Flair spot in the match made for a good first/third of the Rumble. Perfect’s entrance and Flair’s elimination may have been the two biggest pops of the night. To this day I still have no idea why they had Hennig go out so early. Jerry Lawler was a nice touch here. He had just arrived in the WWF the month before and this was his first big match. I had only known Lawler as the King of Memphis from the Apter Magz and watching him as a main eventer from the AWA and USWA Dallas on ESPN, so when he showed up here he was immediately a top star in my eyes and I thought maybe we’d get a Hennig/Lawler feud reboot from AWA after the King assisted in eliminating Perfect. Instead we got the Hennig vs. Luger feud instead. Joy.
It made sense to clear the ring to give Gonzalez and Taker that spotlight, I just wish it had been someone other than Gonzalez. Smart move using the wild Berzerker to lay Backlund out on the floor to keep him out of the ring during this entire showdown of the giants. I did like the nice little touch of guys like Taylor and DiBiase selling the size of Gonzalez as they passed him in the aisle. This was also the first year “outsiders” would show up to work the Rumble. When Tenryu and Carlos Colon were announced it piqued my interest of future possibilities. Of course the WWF never followed up on it.
The mini-showdown between the Natural Disasters didn’t draw interest from the fans, but it was still okay for me here with a partner eliminating a partner to promote the “every man for himself” tag. The Yoko and Quake showdown had far more interest and I liked that they let the two have a little tiff. Backlund going over an hour at 1:01:10 and beating Flair’s 92 record made for a fun story here, it was cool to see the fans show appreciation for his work here. Backlund’s long run in the match was a big deal because being in your 40’s in wrestling and getting any type of a push back in 1993 was a huge deal. Now it’s just called being John Cena or Triple H.
I’ve always been a giant fan of Rick Martel so I had no problem with him out there as part of the final four. Yoko eventually dumped Backlund to draw some boos before eventually tossing Macho as well in a questionable elimination spot. The Savage vs. Yoko stuff did garner crowd interest, however. Yoko going over left the crowd in silence.
I’d give this booking some crap for the lack of angles being touched on here, but honestly almost nobody in this match was in a feud or had big plans going into WrestleMania. We got Perfect/Flair which would culminate the next night on Raw, Gonzalez/Taker, and to a lesser extent we saw a little Nastys vs. Money Inc here after Nastys had recently turned face. Other than that, it was mid card or lower for the most part. The stuff with Backlund was admirable, but then they never bother to follow it up and Bob does nothing worth note again until he turns heel a year and a half later. Macho gets his hat back the next night on Raw and goes back to playing commentator. It’s almost like no full time wrestler besides Yoko or maybe Hennig could have won this match and been took seriously. And from the fans reaction, or lack thereof, it’s questionable to say the fans bought Yoko as the winner. Perfect was really hot at this time, and I’m not sure why Vince refused to pull the trigger on him as the lead face. Of course Hogan coming back will screw everything up for Bret as well.
Definitely one of the lesser star studded Rumble matches, but it wasn’t offensive as far as overall delivery of the action. It just lacked the stars AND the crowd participation beyond counting down. The fans were half dead, or completely dead at times and it hurt the overall aura. I see people bury this Rumble as the worst ever, I think it’s mostly millennials that didn’t live through this era and understand that this is the best they could do with what they had. Is it a great Rumble? By no means. I wouldn’t even call it a very good Rumble. But it wasn’t one of the very worst. I’d save that label for Rumbles like 99, 95, and a couple of others. To me, a really awful Rumble is based on poor booking decisions, whether it’s trying to throw a guy in the ring every 60 seconds (95), or keeping the ring empty for half the match, or eliminating the favorite early (Bryan) in hopes people will forget about him while you have two slow plodding unover “monsters” (Show & Kane) eliminate the rest of the field to the fans revolt as the winner of the match can’t even get a pop after the frickin Rock endorses him (2015). This was middle of the road for me, and a mediocre Rumble can still be better than an average match if you dig the Rumble concept. Tack on the fact this was the first Rumble where the winner was guaranteed a Mania title shot and I’d go *** on the Rumble Meter)
THE FINAL AUDIT
Nothing really sticks out here as must-watch television. The Steiners match was just there, the Boss Man/Bam Bam match was just sad. I could have also done without the Luger and Julius Caesar segments. While the Rockers match was okay, I can’t help but feel ripped off based on the performance. Loved the flying orange though. Razor vs. Bret was perfectly fine for a match, but nothing memorable. The lack of crowd reaction and the lack of big stars in the Rumble match hindered it from being really good, but I thought as a match it was fine and the commentary did help it quite a bit. Not a single match really goes beyond *** or so. On a scale of 1-10, I’d give this show a 5.5, which loosely falls in the C- range.
While not all that memorable, it’s not the worst show, or even the worst Rumble out there. If you watch it, you watch it. If you don’t, I won’t hold it against you. To me, I liken this PPV to a comfort food that you only eat when it’s cold outside. For me that might be a soup. Maybe you don’t eat it all the time, but when you do it makes you feel, well, comforted. That’s how I see this PPV. I lived through this era, I have fond memories of this era if you can sift through all the bad stuff. It nostalgic for me, it takes me back to my youth and for that reason I can sit through this PPV with fond memories and appreciation for this event. Rumble ’93 squeaks by and passes the Audit. Mild Recommendation.
Mooney asks Slick about his meeting with “The Million Dollar Man” earlier tonight. Slick says he doesn’t know what Sean is talking about. Mooney shows Slick the footage from earlier. Slick’s response; “You mean THAT Ted Dibiase, I thought you was talking about Ted homeboy where I get my shoes shined”… First off Mooney said Million $ Man, not Ted DiBiase. How many “Million Dollar Men” does Slick know? Anyway, Slick insists there’s nothing going on. Suuuuuure Slickster, we believe ya.
