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Some quick Raw Pre-Show notes…
– WWE confirmed on the RAW Pre-Show on the WWE Network that Hulk Hogan will be appearing on tonight’s show with an “important announcement.”
– Also confirmed for tonight’s show is Dolph Ziggler defending the WWE Intercontinental Championship in a triple threat match against The Miz and Cesaro. Ziggler cuts a promo on the pre-show, acknowledging that he will cheat like his challengers to retain the belt.
– Mark Henry vs. Bo Dallas will also take place on tonight’s show.
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WWE Raw 9/29/14 from the Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois
– Raw kicks off with HHH and Stephanie heading to the ring… Loud “CM PUNK” chants since we’re near Chicago tonight. Stephanie addresses the chants, wondering why the fans would chant for a QUITTER, assuming the fans are quitters as well… She makes references to giving up, not sticking it out and quitting your job when it gets hard.
Somehow this turns into a promo about Dean Ambrose stealing the MITB briefcase from Seth Rollins last week. It won’t be tolerated…
Paul Heyman interrupts. His client… Buh-rock Lenar feels insulted and isn’t very happy after the Rollins run-in at Night of Champions, where Seth caused a DQ and tried to cash in on Brock. Heyman is here on behalf of Lesnar to relay some words, but Stephanie tells him to choose his words wisely.
Seth Rollins then makes his way out. Seth explains to Heyman that nobody told him to interfere at Night of Champions, and nobody told him to Curb Stomp and cash in on Brock. Rollins is surprised Heyman isn’t proud of him for being an opportunist. As Rollins finishes, LOUD “CM PUNK” chants follow, because nobody gives a crap about this storyline… Rollins ignores the chants and continues, apologizes to Paul Heyman if he upset him.
Heyman tells Rollins if it happens again that Seth won’t be dealing with Paul, but rather Brock Lesnar.
HHH cuts Paul off, gets in his face to intimidate him, and dismisses Heyman from the ring. So that concludes the Brock Lesnar portion of the show, and with Heyman gone from the ring, this promo becomes 20 times less interesting…
Rollins goes on, berating Ambrose for taking his briefcase and the belongings inside of it…
Dean Ambrose shows up on the Titantron, or whatever it’s called now. Ambrose is backstage with the case, he tells Rollins and the Authority if they wants it back, all they has to do is come and get it. The Authority march off up the aisle when JOHN CENA’s music hits. Cena attacks Rollins in the aisle, but Seth and the Authority manage to run off as Cena stands in the ring.
-Commercial Break-
– The Authority and Seth Rollins are backstage, WWE agents/producers Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury show up. HHH tells Noble and Mercury to go find Ambrose and get the MITB briefcase back, whatever it takes. Noble asks for a sledgehammer, but HHH declines.
1. Triple Threat Match For IC Title: IC Champion Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz (w/Damien Sandow) vs. Cesaro.
The heels attack Ziggler, but fight over who will beat him up, so the heels take turns trying to pin each other. Cesaro teases the Giant Swing on Ziggler but takes a kick to the face from Miz, and as Cesaro bumps backwards he catapults Dolph into the corner. Fun spot. Some three way shenanigans follow, Ziggler takes a nasty bump to the floor. Cesaro takes over on Miz and presses him over his head, but Ziggler slides back in with a dropkick on Cesaro, causing Miz to fall, and Dolph pins Cesaro for 2… Hey, this shit is actually pretty good so far… Which is why we’re off to break.
Back from break, more three way spots, lots of quick pinfall attempts. Ziggler hits a DOUBLE jumping DDT on both, but fails to cover. Zigglesworth with some corner splashes on both, and then lands a DDT/Hangman’s neckbreaker combo on both men at the same time. The fans seem to be enjoying the match. Sandow causes distraction and Miz almost gets a win on a roll up. Dolph kicks out and baseball slides Sandow.
Some good triple threat stuff follows between the 2… Cesaro tries a slingshot sunset flip on Miz, but Ziggler grabs Cesaro’s legs and catapults him head first into Miz;s crotch. Ziggler uses Miz’s Figure Four hold against him, Miz is about to tap, but Cesaro breaks it up with a DOUBLE STOMP on Dolph.
Miz takes down Cesaro, but comes off the top right into a EUROPEAN UPPERCUT from Cesaro! Cesaro doesn’t have time to cover before he eats a Ziggler SUPERKICK… And Dolph covers Miz for the win in just under 10:00….
That was pretty damn good… Add another 5:00 and stick it on a PPV and I doubt anyone could have followed it… A shame it was so short compared to most of the crap commercial break matches they feed us that go 15:00…
– Backstage Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury are looking for Ambrose. For some reason, Adam Rose, all of his Rosebuds, Big E & co., and the Great Khali are just standing around in the hallway. They confront Khali. I have no idea what Khali said, and I’m not trying to be funny… Noble and Mercury looked about as puzzled as me…
-Commercial Break-
– Susan G. Komen for the Cure – Breast Cancer Awareness, is in full effect for the next 33 days in WWE world. Everything is pink, except the Wyatt Family…
– The announcers are promoting breast cancer awareness, when they’re cut off by a Wyatt Family Video. Not your typical promo here, all sorts of clipping and cutting from inside a barn, to the woods… Pretty cool video, Bray Wyatt talks about setting Luke Harper free or something. Luke seems to walk off into the woods on his own and disappear… Not sure what this was all about… Sweet video, just hope it keeps the Wyatts together and relevant.
– The Authority are yelling at Noble and Mercury for not finding Ambrose yet. The Miz and Sandow barge in. Sandow talks for Miz, demanding a rematch on Miz’s behalf. HHH gets pissed, he sticks Sandow in a match with Sheamus, and then belittles The Miz for his “Straight to DVD” career and says he’s nothing and can fire him. Well that’ll get a character over…. When the “owner” is bitching out the talent, that doesn’t do ANYTHING for the talent. I’m not even a Miz fan, at all, but that was just stupid HHH nonsense to put himself over… Buried the Miz if nothing else. At one point, it seemed like HHH taking over was looking like a good idea, but after this last 12 months, it’s a very scary thought.
-Commercial Break-
2. Layla (w/Summer Rae) vs. Rosa Mendes (w/Natalya & Tyson Kidd). The entire backdrop here is for Total Divas. Apparently Tyson and Nattie are fighting on the show still, and so they come with Rosa to ringside but argue the entire time. Nattie cheers Rosa on, but Tyson sits on the steps and plays with his phone or something with headphones on. Really lame crap. Layla rips some of Rosa’s extensions out, lol… Summer and Natalya fight at ringside, because they also hate each other on Total Divas. This match on the other hand, is a complete clusterf*ck. Layla finally ends it with her finisher after 2:00. THIS WAS TERRIBLE… Even for 2 minutes.
– Dean Ambrose is seen roaming around backstage. We’ll be back at the top of the hour, so they hint we could see Dean next… Not a mention of Hulk Hogan at this point… Probably just another WWE Network shill anyway.
-Commercial Break-
– Dean Ambrose comes to the ring with the MITB briefcase and a bag full of WWE merchandise he stole… He places the stuff on a table in the ring. Mercury and Noble rush to ringside to confront Dean, but then back off and leave. Ummm, okay… Dean tosses the merchandise out to the fans.
Seth Rollins, Mercury and Noble return with security. Ambrose asks the security if they were real, because he thought they were Rosebuds last week. Dean apologizes and exits the ring, jumps the barrier into the crowd, leaving the briefcase in the ring all alone. Dean starts walking deep into the audience to allow Rollins to enter the ring and get the case. Dean stands in the lower deck and watches on as Seth opens the briefcase when GREEN SLIME SPRAYS OUT into Seth’s face… I’m not making this up peoples… JBL asks if Kabuki is in the case.
Dean looks on “surprised” in the crowd. Rollins is mad, because in his words he “looks like a jerk”.
That was the payoff, a DX/Spirit Squad style prank? Not really Ambrose’s character IMO, but then again I guess they know the character better than me. I’m sorry but if you break my face into bricks, my response isn’t to spray green slime on you.
– Later on, Rusev will respond to being KO’d by the Big Show on Smackdown. Also, Hulk Hogan will be here, and he’s in a pink shirt, so I see where this is going already…
-Commercial Break-
– Backstage, Rollins is pissed, the slime/mist is making his eyes burn and he says he could have been blinded. Randy Orton and Kane are laughing at Seth. HHH sends Rollins to the trainer to get his eyes checked. HHH makes a match, Orton and Kane vs. Cena & Ambrose. Orton is pissed he’s getting revenge for Seth again. All of a sudden a loud vibrating noise starts to interrupt the promo. Is it something cool? No it’s the MITB briefcase vibrating on a table…. Did Ambrose plant a bomb? No…. Rollins returns to grab the briefcase and exclaims “it’s an electric razor”… Everyone snickers… You see, we’re supposed to think it’s a vibrator. Because that is funny and all. More unfunny comedy…
– Mark Henry comes to the ring to apologize to the fans… Didn’t he just go heel last week on the fans? Bo Dallas interrupts almost immediately. Bo tells Mark to apologize to himself, not the fans. Dallas says it’s time to close the Hall of Pain, and join the hall of the BO-Lievers.
3. Mark Henry vs. Bo Dallas.
Mark beats the living crap out of poor Bo, a real stiff kick looked nasty. Henry drops Bo and tells him to “Bo-lieve that”. Henry tries a Vader Bomb, but Bo moves. Dallas capitalizes on a stunned Henry with the Bo-Dog for the win in 1:45… Yikes.
First they kill Bo’s momentum weeks ago, and then they put him over Henry. I have no idea WTF is going on. The crowd is silent, because they appear to agree with me. We’ve had one real match in the first HALF of Raw…
-Commercial Break-
– Backstage, Renee Young stops Bo Dallas for an interview. Bo is proud of his win, but he’s quickly attacked by Henry, thrown into a door, some crates, and stiffed some more. Henry crushes Bo between rolling crates twice and shouts “That’s what I do”. Bo was out of it.
– Network shill time. New Monday Night War episode tonight featuring “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.
– Stardust and Goldust cut a promo backstage. They have found the Cosmic Key, I assume Goldy means the Tag Titles, I dunno… I’m not really into these characters. I like that they’re trying something different, and I really respect Cody going way outside the box, but he’s talented enough that this is hindering him. A year ago, I loved these guys as the Rhodes Brothers…
– “Brie Mode” theme hits, that Autotunes crap creeped up on me out of nowhere. Irritating. More Divas junk next. That should make it a full 2 hours of Raw with one real match by the time this is done.
-Commercial Break-
Nikki Bella interrupts before the match, trashes Brie, Daniel Bryan, and the fans. Fans with “YES” chants. Nikki does her best what about me, what about Raven… Only she’s no Raven… At all… Nikki announces since she used to be stuck in handicap matches when Brie quit, that tonight Brie will be in a handicap match. Goody.
4. Handicap Match: Brie Bella vs. Eva Marie & Cameron.
Cameron AND Eva Marie? That scares me. That’s like two Rosa Mendes at once. Brie kicks Cameron off the apron early, but the heels take over. The crowd shows the McMahons what they think of this crap, chanting for JBL, Lawler, Michael Cole, amongst other things to entertain themselves. Miscommunication and Cameron runs into Eva, knocking her off the apron. Brie rolls Cameron up for the win in about 3:00…
Follow me here for a minute. We’ve had 4 matches in the first two hours… Two of those matches are Divas matches, and based around Total Divas storylines. BOTH Divas matches, which were the drizzling turds, went longer than Henry vs. Dallas. We’ve got a generic main event with Kane involved, and Sheamus vs. Sandow on the docket, and what looks like a Hulk Hogan promo to promote breast cancer awareness. On top of all of that, HHH has made the Miz look like worthless poo, and made their big angle of the night into a joke about a sex toy.
This isn’t brain surgery here people, it’s not rocket science. Ugh.
-Commercial Break-
So after that rant above during the commercial break, what do we return with??? It’s Adam Rose and the Bunny on commentary… Slater Gator on their way out to rassle, they’ve got Hornswoggle in an Alligator costume crawling to the ring.
With ALL of this nonsense going on, THE REVERAND JESSE JACKSON IS IN THE FRONT ROW and he hugs Titus.
I CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP.
5. Los Matadores (w/Torito) vs. Heath Slater & Titus O’Neil (w/Hornswoggle the Alligator).
Some back and forth very quickly. Matadores take over on Slater. Titus sends the Alligator crawling across the ring… Seriously… Torito climbs in and runs Hownswoggle off. This distrats a Matador on the middle rope, and Slater yanks him off and pins him in 2:05.
Oh but it doesn’t end there… Titus yanks Torito back into the ring and drops him on his face. Hornswoggle the Alligator then crawls across the ring and looks like he’s going to eat Torito (YES, SERIOUSLY), but then hooks him in a Gator roll around the ring….. Finally, Adam Rose and the Bunny have seen enough…. AM I ACTUALLY TYPING THIS STUFF??????????????
Rose and The Bunny climb on the apron, Rose pulls the rope down on a charging Titus and O’Neil spills to the floor…. Slater becomes destracted by the two, and Los Matadores catch Heath in their double Samoan Drop move thingy… THEN the Bunny lands the Bunny Hop flying splash off the top rope on Heath, before celebrating with JESSE frickin JACKSON….
Do me a favor… Scroll back up prior to the last commercial break… Ready my mini-rant about this show again… Then re-read this segment… Dear God… Just WTF…..
-Commercial Break-
– Mark Henry vs. Bo Dallas Rematch on Main Event tomorrow… Hope Bo survives that one.
– And now out comes Rusev & Lana to address Big Show knocking him out on Smackdown. Lana speaks a little Russian, and then shows us a few clips from SD that shows us “the decline of American society”. She says Big Show snuck up and sucker punched Rusev like an American. She says Show then tried to intimidate her, but Big Show’s music hits to cut her off…
Big Show says Lana twists everything around to make her and Rusev look good. He calls Vladimir Putin and Lana’s words a bunch of crap. “USA” chants. Show goes into mocking movie lines… More comedy… Then we go back to last week and see what really happened, with Show taking on Rusev on SD, hitting a chokeslam, and Lana interfering, then Rusev hitting show with the Russian flag for a DQ. Show then came back to KO Rusev. Honestly, it was a good segment from Smackdown… It’s almost like a parallel universe compared to the crap they’re feeding us on Raw tonight.
Rusev speaks! Rusev cuts a promo… And it’s terrible… He will bite Show’s ear, he will kick him in the groin. LOL… Show cuts him off and charges the ring. Rusev and Lana retreat without any contact. Big Show isn’t done. He grabs the giant Russian flag hanging from the rafters and rips it down! The crowd pops for that.
Rusev rushes the Big Show, but Show just grabs him and throws him back out of the ring. Show stands in the ring alone to end the segment.
-Commercial Break-
– Renee Young interviews John Cena. John tries to get the fans to chant Ambrose, that doesn’t really work. John talks about he and Dean both having issues with Seth Rollins. Dean randomly shows up in the backdrop of the promo and Cena pauses. Both guys argue over who wants to get their hands on Rollins tonight should he show up during the main event. Dean shrugs off Cena’s comments. Fans then chant “Ambrose”.
Can the WWE not see that Ambrose is more over than Reigns… His character is very “Stone Cold-ish”, unstable and a vigilante. I know they have their “vision”, but dear God I can’t begin to name all the guys they either buried or killed their momentum because it wasn’t in their vision. Go with what’s working… This show overall, and for the most part, is NOT working…
-Commercial Break-
Before the next match, Paige makes her way out, and announces Alicia Fox as her new best friend.
7. Divas Champion AJ Lee vs. Alicia Fox.
THREE DIVAS MATCHES? SERIOUSLY???? AJ takes down Fox with a spinning kick to the face and Fox rolls to the floor. AJ then dives off the top rope onto both Fox and Paige outside, and starts skipping around. AJ starts to fight with Paige, and Fox is able to snake up and hit an axe kick from behind for the win in 1:25…
After the match, AJ tries to fight of Alicia and Paige, but Fox kicks her in the face, and Paige then lands the “RamPaige” DDT. Paige holds up the Divas title….
– Cut to another Wyatt promo… Similar to the first promo earlier, Bray says he has fixed Luke Harper. He sets Luke free… Promo looks awesome, but if this is their way of separating Harper from the Wyatts it makes no sense… Bray’s entire gimmick is he wants people to join, not leave. I’ll hold judgment for now, just hope they don’t drop the ball.
– Red beard Sheamus in the ring for action with the Miz’s stunt double Damien Sandow next. The crap just keeps coming.
-Commercial Break-
– On Smackdown, it’s Dolph and Sheamus vs. Miz & Sandow. I don’t know why they announce SD matches, they change them 50% of the time…
8. US Champion Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow.
Miz on commentary. Remember when everyone was anticipating big things for Sandow at this time last year? Sigh. Stalling, generic offense, Sheamus blatantly calls a spot in Sandow’s ear. Sandow with the DDT while Sheamus is kneeling, gets 2. Damien on offense, but Sheamus makes the comeback, hits a high knee in the corner, some other junk, and the 10 beats right in front of Miz. Miz leaves commentary to check on Damien. Sheamus comes out and throws Sandow right into Miz. Back in the ring a BROGUE KICK ends it in 5:25. They call this an extended squash.
– Hulk Hogan is next, with a “special message” before the main event… Joy…
-Commercial Break-
– STING video hyping the best of Sting DVD collection coming out.
– Hulk Hogan makes his way to the ring, in pink brother. Yup, knew it, shilling the Susan G. Komen / Breast Cancer Awareness month. Hogan points out the breast cancer survivors at ringside and asks the fans to applaud them. Watcha Gonna Do when Komen-Mania runs wild on you. Wow… I hope that was worth the money spent…
– Kane and Randy Orton are backstage. They are sick of putting out Seth’s fires. They both crap on Rollins, but Stephanie shows up and barks orders at them. Steph says they are a family, and they’re going to stick by Seth Rollins. She tells them to man up and reestablish their dominance. Stephanie starts dressing them down, saying they’ve gone soft and lost their killer instinct. It’s similar to when she wanted Kane to go monster earlier this year. Kane calls her out on it, but Stephanie puts him in his place. Yeah, really scary pair of guys being dressed down by their boss… Female boss at that.
Main event is next.
-Commercial Break-
9. John Cena & Dean Ambrose vs. Randy Orton & Kane.
Cena and Orton starts, John gets the upper hand to start, but is eventually backed into the heel corner and Kane and Orton take over. Cena tries a comeback on Kane, but essentially fails. The heels continue to beat down Cena into a commercial break…
Monday Night Football update… The Chiefs are MURDERING Tom Brady. Brady just threw an interception for a TD, and the Chiefs are up 41 to 7. Travis Kelce rocking it out for me… Not trying to be greedy, but 7 more yards and he has 100. Gimme those bonus points.
Back from break, Orton poses while Cena is laid out. As if they haven’t replayed the green slime gag on Rollins enough throughout the show, they actually do a split screen and show it DURING the match here. Kane with a side slam on Cena for 2. This beat down on Cena is so slow, so predictable, so boring. Orton works the chinlock, and tries for the draping DDT, but Cena counters and backdrops Orton to the floor… Ambrose is shaking in anticipation for the tag. HOT TAG TO AMBROSE….
Ambrose is all over Orton, and clotheslines him out to the floor… Dean then dives out onto Kane… Then dives out the other side onto Orton… Dean does the rocking horse thing on the middle rope and lands the big clothesline and DIRTY DEEDS ON ORTON!!! 1……….2……..SETH ROLLINS ATTACKS… ANOTHER DQ…. 10:00.
Rollins tries to take off after the match, but he has nowhere to go. Ambrose and Cena take turns beating down Rollins, but then start to fight each other over who is going to beat up Seth. Ambrose tosses Cena out of the ring, but Orton lands an RKO on Ambrose, then Kane with a chokeslam on Dean. Cena gets laid out by the three heels as well….
Rollins Curb Stomps Ambrose into the briefcase.
Then Cena gets laid out with an RKO, a chokeslam, and a Curb Stomp on the briefcase as well. Crowd actually chants “Thank you Rollins” for that one, lol…
Show over, heels reign supreme.
