WWE Raw Preshow Notes 3/16/15

– The first 12 minutes of the show are spent focusing on the Orton/Rollins feud. We get a replay from last week’s Raw when Orton made the turn, and then we get the lengthy interview done by Orton from Smackdown, explaining his actions. Otunga, Corey Graves, and Scott Stanford discuss the situation.

– Bray Wyatt finally got his answer from Taker last week… Or at least a recording of the Undertaker’s voice… Bray Wyatt will respond tonight on Raw. The panel discuss if Wyatt is nervously laughing, or simply insane.

– John Cena finally got himself a US Title shot at Mania after his attack on Rusev last week. Rusev wasn’t happy with Lana… Lana needs to go make a WWE Film so let’s see what they do with her to kill this gimmick in favor of another direct to DVD film.

– Sting Promo. Oddly they don’t focus on this match even though it’s reported Sting will be on Raw…

– Roman Reigns build up… It doesn’t even seem like they’re selling Reigns vs. Lesnar so much as using all their time to put over Reigns as “ready”… The two men haven’t even come to blows or had much of an altercation… Best of luck getting the match over next week when Lesnar decides to show up for an episode… They’ve done nothing to get Reigns over the way he needs to be. I think Reigns wrestles Mark Henry tonight based on their Smackdown issues last week…

The WWE Raw Report 3/16/15 from the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, Iowa

– Okay, so last week I thought for sure there was no way the show could suck because we were only 3 weeks out from Mania… Boy was I wrong… They did just about everything wrong. The Taker response was lame, the Orton beatdown on Rollins went on way too long, and what shitty booking didn’t kill, that terrible Pittsburgh crowd did…

Fast forward a week later… We’re 13 days out from Raw… They essentially have two shows to get this PPV over to the best of their ability… Surely you can’t screw up a show that’s 2 weeks out from Mania??? Or can they???

– Raw begins with some of the Orton interview from Smackdown mixed with footage from Orton’s beat down on Rollins from Raw. Orton plans to spit in Seth’s face and challenge Rollins to a match at Mania…

– Raw begins with Seth Rollins, Kane, Big Show, and J&J Security in the ring. Rollins talks about being betrayed, but fans can’t relate because you have to be a “somebody” to get screwed over. Rollins is a hometown Iowa native, so he works in some extra heel heat to get the crowds to boo him. Seth whines about Orton turning on him and calls him a sociopath. That last part may be legit.

Big Show begins to talk. He apologizes to Rollins for believing in Orton. Show says he feels partially responsible and it breaks his heart. Big Show says he will crush the Viper under his boot for Seth.

Kane apologizes to Seth as well, though he says he wasn’t as gullible as Big Show. Kane says he too will make Orton pay.

Jamie Noble, voice and all, gets promo time. He KNEW Orton was evil. Jamie says it was OK that Randy beat him up, but not Seth, because Seth is his friend.

Joey Mercury teases talking again this week, but hands back the mic. LOL… Mercury cries into the chest of Big Show.

Rollins takes back over. He says Orton has always thought he could get away with whatever he wanted with no consequences. Well that’s changed. Rollins then says he ACCEPTS Orton’s challenge for a match at WrestleMania… But only under one condition… Orton has to face Rollins in a match tonight as well…

FINALLY, Randy Orton cuts this monotonous droll promo to an end. Orton shows up on the stage, and says he made Seth look like a little bitch last week. Orton accepts the match for tonight… Orton says he knows it’ll be 5 on 1 tonight, but that’s cool because Orton is ready for them all… Randy says it’s worth taking a beating tonight to get the match at Mania… Orton says if they don’t finish him tonight, then he will finish the “future” Rollins at Mania…

17 minute opening segment… THIRTEEN minutes of rambling from Seth and company to get to a 1 minute promo from Orton.

We learn that there’s a prerecorded, yet controversial, interview with Brock Lesnar tonight…

AJ vs. Nikki Bella after the break…

So far, so bad… Ugh….

–Commercial Break–

– WWE App Interview with Dolph Ziggler. There’s another 6-Man tag slated for tonight with several of the guys in the IC Title ladder match at Mania. That’s what we need, recycled Smackdown matches. Eh, it should be good if they give it time.

– Rasslemania is 13 days away. Michael Cole says it’s at 8pm, then has to correct himself… It’s at 7pm est.

1. AJ Lee (w/Paige) vs. Divas Champion Nikki Bella (w/Brie)

A Bella promo in the corner screen. Nikki beats AJ down in the corner and does pushups to flaunt… Nikki runs into a knee from AJ, and AJ counters something into a victory roll for 2. Lee takes over and Nikki looks off and SLOW, to put it nicely… Armlocks and wristlocks are traded. AJ lands a spin kick to Nikki’s face for 2. Nikki fucks up a side suplex spot for AJ to lands a head scissors. Jim Ross would call this match “bowling shoe ugly”. And this f’n match goes to a commercial… BOY, did they pick the wrong Divas match to “give a chance”. This has been terrible.

On the WWE App, Nikki works over AJ’s arm and this stuff looks better than anything they did on USA. AJ tries to fight back but eats a clothesline, Nikki gets 2…

Back from break, Nikki continues to work the arm for what feels like forever… AJ fights back with a front facelock choke and a Thesz Press. Neckbreaker by AJ and Lee goes up top. High cross body onto Nikki, and AJ gets a near fall… Nikki counters back with a face buster onto her knee that gets 2. Lee with a sunset flip only gets 1… AJ dropkicks Nikki, but Nikki sends AJ to the floor… All four women are outside… Nikki and AJ back inside, Brie lays out Paige on the floor by posting her, then Nikki uses that distraction to lay out AJ with a forearm, and then the Rack Attack finally ends this after 11:00… ELEVEN FUCKING MINUTES!

I see why they put this on first… There’s no way the crowd would have handled this in hour 3. The match was far better in the second segment than the first, but even still, Nikki Bella is no Arn Anderson. See what dating John Cena gets you? Undeserved TV time. See what marrying CM Punk gets you? Jobbed out to John Cena’s woman…

–Commercial Break–

– WWE APP. Los Matadores are now evil heels because they will do anything to win the WWE Tag Titles. Ole.

– So Roman Reigns killed Mark Henry in his return on Smackdown. He speared Mark through the barricade.

– Renee Young interviews Kane & Big Show. She asks what their role is in the Orton/Rollins match tonight. They start to argue. Rollins puts a stop to it and tells them their arguing screws shit up… Rollins calls them stupid. Big Show and Kane are not happy with that. Kane says Stephanie can call them whatever she wants, but not Seth. Kane said truth be told, he kind of enjoyed watching Orton kick his ass last week. He says Seth is a spoiled brat and Kane announces he will NOT be in Seth’s corner tonight. Big Show is asked if he will be in Rollins corner, Show just stares down Seth and walks away.

– Ryback on his way to the ring.

–Commercial Break–

2. Ryback vs. The Miz (w/Sandow)

The Miz cuts an insert corner promo, he’s winning the Battle Royal, and Sandow will ensure that or else he will be fired! Miz beats Ryback down in the corner, Ryback comes back with a gorilla press into a powerslam. Miz rolls outside. Ryback holds Miz for Sandow to hit him, Sandow teases doing it. Miz fights free and dares Sandow to hit him… While distracted, Ryback tosses Miz back inside, meathook clothesline and Shell Shock ends this in 1:54.

I’m all for Sandow turning on Miz, but maybe Miz shouldn’t look THIS weak beforehand?

After the match, Sandow helps Miz up, but Miz hits Sandow with the Skull Crushing Finale.

– We get a video package of Cena and Rusev from last week…

–Commercial Break–

– Sheamus is coming back, fellas…

– It’s a US Title contract signing for WrestleMania… Apparently ONLY this match requires an in ring contract signing. John Cena is out first. They cant get Sting, Taker or Lesnar ton Raw so the U.S. Title match gets the contract signing I guess… Cena talks up Rusev’s ability, then talks about Rusev being the UNITED STATES champion, meaning he represents the USA, Rusev represents us Americans… Cena is signing the contract because “enough is enough”. Cena continues with more patriotic talk to draw “USA” cheers from the fans. Cena says this isn’t a contract, and a Declaration of Independence, and WrestleMania is out revolution… The USA has been pushed too far, and now we come back to kick Rusev’s ass…

Rusev is out next, minus Lana, but he has some dude with him… What shitty timing to take Lana off TV. Shitty for the angle, shitty for Rusev’s push…. Giant “WE WANT LANA” chants. We learn that this guy with Rusev is his attorney. He informs Cena that Rusev will NOT be signing the contract, and will not be competing at WrestleMania. Rusev didn’t agree to the match. More “WE WANT LANA” chants.

We go back to video footage of Stephanie telling Cena that the only way he can wrestle Rusev at Mania, is if RUSEV says so. Then we see last week that LANA, NOT RUSEV offers the title match. JBL and Booker T rip apart this attorney guy with his TERRIBLE RUSSIAN ACCENT. Booker and JBL mock him, call him a parking attendant and note his Texas accent… Wow this guy is BAD…. The announcers are just ripping apart this guys shitty acting. JBL thinks he came from community theater… Wow they’re trashing this guy and ignoring the angle…

Rusev takes over, thank God… He trashes America, it’s a cancer to the world. Rusev says this country will die. “USA” chants”. Rusev decides to sign the contract, then flips the table over on Cena and takes off… Cena shows off the contract as the Russian flag drops. I doubt we will ever see this “attorney” again.

Sooooo… This “lawyer” gives us reasons why the match won’t happen, then Rusev immediately signs the contract afterwards without further provocation??? Did Rusev hate the accent THAT much?

–Commercial Break–

– WWE App Interview with Naomi & Jimmy Uso. They talk about Jey Uso and his shoulder injury. They’re waiting to see if Jey can even compete at WrestleMania… Oof, what bad timing…

3. The New Day (Kofi & Big E w/Xavier) vs. WWE Tag Champs Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (w/Natalya)

New Day, just as UN-OVER as ever… Cesaro & Tyson with an insert promo, FACT. Before the match can start, Los Matadores & El Torito come to ringside… New Day double team early, Cena comes back and hooks Kofi in the Giant Swing, but the ref holds Tyson back from the double team. Big E charges and misses a shoulder in the corner, Kofi lays Tyson out with Trouble in Paradise, but Cesar lands a European Uppercut into the back of Kingston and gets the win in 1:55. Eww, poop match.

After the match, New Day brawl with Matadores, Matadores lay out New Day. Cesaro with a Neutralizer on Xavier Woods. Torito lays out Cesaro, no seriously…. Matadores celebrate in the ring. Ole.

– We’re reminded of last week’s segment with Bray Wyatt and the Undertaker… Well, Undertaker’s voice…

–Commercial Break–

– WWE App, Rene Young interviews GOLDUST! Goldust has been stuck as a participant in the lowly Andre Battle Royal… Sigh. Sorry Goldy. Looks like the last ladder match spot is for someone like Sheamus…

– Backstage with Seth Rollins & J&J Security. Seth instructs J&J to do everything he says and not to leave like last week. Jamie reminds Seth he TOLD them to leave last week. Rollins wants to know if Noble is being paid to argue, then Seth puts down Noble. Rollins slaps Noble. Mercury gets in between both of them. The two men argue, and Seth says he should fire Noble… NOBLE QUITS… Then Mercury walks off as well… Rollins says he doesn’t need them… Be careful Randy, they’re all fooling you! Don’t fall for it!!!

– Brock Lesnar interview. He says he was put on this Earth to hurt people, and he enjoys it. To Brock Lesnar, WrestleMania means that he gets to kick somebody’s ass and get paid. Undertaker didn’t stand a chance. He doesn’t care about the disappointed fans, he loves it. Brock’s take on his WWE contract, if he stays he will be WWE champ, if he goes he will be WWE champ. Reigns isn’t beating him either way. Lesnar sent Rock to Hollywood, he ended the streak, he murdered Cena. This is his world, and he was in hunt mode before, stay tuned for defense mode at Mania. Lesnar tells Reigns to dream, but Brock is going to kick his ass. There’s no fairy tale ending, at WrestleMania he “is going to F*CK UP ROMAN REIGNS, THE END!”.

– Big Show on his way to the ring.

–Commercial Break–

– WWE App, Heath Slater announces he’s in the Andre Battle Royal. Lovely.

4. The Big Show vs. Erick Rowan

This is probably NOT the best match to turn things around on this show… Just when u thought it couldn’t get shittier, a Big Show match ladies and gentlemen. Show attacks Rowan before he can even get in the ring… Doesn’t he do this every time? Poor Rowan. Show grabs Rowan by the beard and lands the KO punch… Show hits a giant elbow off the middle rope for good measure… Match never starts… Shitty. Couldn’t they have done this to somebody besides Rowan???

– Larry Zbyszko added to the WWE Hall of Fame.

–Commercial Break–

I don’t know WTF is going on in the ring, but we’ve got a dozen or so Andre Battle Royal guys in the ring… Kane wants them in the ring to demonstrate what’s going to happen at Mania… MARK HENRY surprisingly adds himself to the match and joins everyone else in the ring. Now everyone brawls in the ring, so we’re getting the Battle Royal before the Battle Royal… OK…. Kane and Mark Henry start tossing guys out left and right, Ryder, Goldust, Swagger, Titus, Heath, others… It comes down to Kane and Mark Henry in the ring very quickly… Curtis Axel stays out of the fight and just stands by the Andre statue… Mark Henry dumps Kane, Curtis Axel sneaks in to dump Henry, but it doesn’t work… Henry dumps Axel too… This entire thing lasted maybe 2 minutes… SHITTY… The running theme of the night thus far…

And we’re right back to commercial…

–Commercial Break–

– 6-Being Interspecies match on Smackdown. Matadores & Torito vs. Cesaro, Tyson, Natalya.

– Paul Heyman is in the ring. Time to put over Brock Lesnar. He’s the greatest wrestler and MMA superstar, then, now, forever. Lesnar is coming to WrestleMania to make war on Roman Reigns. Heyman wants to know what will happen if Lesnar doesn’t follow the rules, will they cut the feed on the Network? Will WWE refund everyone’s money? We’re stuck with Brock Lesnar as champion and there’s nothing we can do about it… The mic goes out for the third week in a row… Vince must get a kick out of this.

Heyman covers as usual and continues on. Heyman talks about everything Reigns has done UP UNTIL NOW… Lesnar will give Reigns a PRISON BEATING at Mania. Reigns isn’t the next great Samoa AmeriCAN, he’s the next Samoa AmeriCAN’T. Reigns can’t beat Brock, he CAN’T… Oh that word can’t pisses Reigns off…

Out comes Roman through the crowd. Reigns has respect for Paul, the best talker ever. Roman says he doesn’t think Paul is talking trash, he’s warning people of where Reigns came from. Reigns says his issues aren’t with Paul, but rather Brock. Reigns addresses Lesnar. Reigns says he expects a fight, and expects to be carried out, but he’s going to win at WrestleMania. He’s going to beat Lesnar simply because he can. He believes that.

Heyman retreats as Reigns stares him down…

The prerecorded promo from Lesnar earlier did more for the match than Reigns promo… Heyman was good though, as usual…

–Commercial Break–

– WWE App interview with Stardust. Right now I’d prefer Cody’s mustache…

– Renee Young interviews Paul Heyman in the back. Heyman is agitated but announces that Brock Lesnar will be here next week and anything Roman Reigns has to say to Brock he can do to his face NEXT WEEK!!!

5. Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, & Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett, Luke Harper, & Stardust

R-Truth comes down to ringside right before the match. As Truth walks around ringside, we can see the IC Title clipped to his back. Truth joins commentary while Ambrose and Stardust go at it… Bryan tags in with a Mexican suspended ceiling hold on Cody. Stardust continues to take a beating from the faces. Stardust is knocked to the floor while Bryan and Ziggler have some words with each other. Off to commercial…

On the WWE App, Ziggler is in as Stardust tags to Barrett. Ambrose takes over for his team and works over BNB, until Barrett lands a boot to the gut of Dean. Harper tags in and catapults Dean throat first into the rope. Harper hooks a chinlock on Dean as we head back to USA…

Back from break, and it’s at this point I realize that the Divas match has went about SIX TIMES longer than any other match on the show tonight until now… Ambrose hot tag to Ziggler, Ziggles goes to town on Stardust. Jumping DDT gets Ziggles a 2 count. Dolph goes to the apron, Harper distracts, and Cody kicks Dolph’s face off… Ziggler bumps to the floor where Barrett works him over. The heels dominate Mr. Zigglesworth. Barrett lands a neckbreaker for 2. BNB misses a big boot in the corner, then Harper takes a bump outside. Stardust tries to stop Ziggles from tagging, but Bryan and Ambrose are knocked off the apron… Dolph counters a Harper powerbomb with a facebuster, and the FAMOUSER!!!! 1…2… It’s broken up… Pier 6 brawl with everyone all around the ring… Harper with a sit-out POWERBOMB on Dolph 1……….2………..Ziggler kicks out!!!!! We’re back to commercial…

Back on the WWE App, Ziggler is back taking the heat as the heels beat the crap out of him… “Cody” chants distract Stardust, but he manages to keep control for the heels. Harper destroys Ziggles as we head back to USA…

Back from break, AGAIN, Barrett goes for Wasteland, but Ziggler counters into a DDT… Hot tag to Daniel Bryan… Bryan dropkicks Harper & Cody off the apron, and goes to work on Barrett… Bryan suicide dive out onto Harper as Dean tags himself in… FLying elbow by Dean onto Barrett for 2… Cody breaks it up, but Ambrose lays him out with a nasty clothesline… Harper Big Boot Ambrose… Ziggler Superkick to Bryan (accidental), Ziggler Superkick to Harper… Barrett scoops of Ziggles and gives him WASTELAND over the top rope and onto Stardust & Harper outside… Barrett sets up for the BULL HAMMER to Ambrose, but Dean spins it into DIRTY DEEDS and gets the win in 17:00 on the nose…

The six men continue to brawl after the match, taking the title from each other… R-Truth stands back until the belt ends up at his feet, so he picks it up and starts to walk away, until Harper stops him… Truth throws the belt into the ring to get away… Ziggler & Bryan are in the ring with the belt and start trading crazy punches with each other, crowd loves it….

Stardust misses a Disaster Kick on Ziggler, Dolph with a Superkick to Stardust… Harper runs in but eats the running knee from Bryan… BAD NEWS BARRETT sneaks in BULL HAMMER ON ZIGGLER… BULL HAMMER ON BRYAN… Dean Ambrose climbs into the ring and he too eats a BULL HAMMER….

Barrett picks up the IC Title and says the game are over… As Barrett leaves he lays out R-Truth with a BULL HAMMER as well… BNB says the games are over it’s time for WrestleMania… BOOOOOOOM

Wow, that was a lot… lol

– So does everyone fool Orton, beat his ass, then Sting makes save?

– Seth Rollins talks with HHH and Stephanie. He’s bitching about not having anyone in his corner. Stephanie blames Seth… Rollins gets smart with both HHH and Stephanie… Setph tells Seth to take responsibility of his own actions and man up. HHH tells Seth to run along before his situation goes from bad to worse…. DON’T FALL FOR IT RANDY… IT’S A TRAP I TELL YOU!!!!!

– Bray Wyatt is next.

–Commercial Break–

– LL Cool J at WrestleMania… Because, you know, it ain’t Mania with Cool J…

– Bray Wyatt promo time. We’re reminded of last week, and then it’s off to a backstage interview with Bray in the dark. He has a new urn and talks about Sister Abigail in the rocking chair. Spooky Halloween music plays in the background… Ooooh, aaahhhh. Bray says Taker tried to use the Rocking Chair symbol of Abigail against him. Bray says Taker failed, he merely turned a chair into dust… Wyatt dumps the smoking ashes out of the urn, presumably the chair??? Bray reminds us of Taker’s broken soul from last year, and Taker is now afraid to show his face. Bray says WrestleMania will be Taker’s requiem, his final resting place. Wyatt says he will take his rightful place among the Gods, while Taker is destroyed. After Mania, Bray says NOBODY IS SAFE.. Behold, the new face of fear!

Good promo, but I wish they’d give him more time than people like, oh, I dunno, Seth Rollins…

–Commercial Break–

6. Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is introduces second, he comes out alone, but stops to cut a promo on the stage. Seth talks about Randy scheming against Rollins for 3 weeks… Oh, here it comes…. Rollins laughs, it took him 3 hours to fool Randy… HAHAHAHA… Wow, didn’t see that coming 2 hours ago…. How predictable… Anyway, out comes J&J Security, Kane, Show, HHH, Stephanie…. Randy Orton rushes and grabs a chair as the entire Authority walk to ringside…

The Authority surround the ring as “WE WANT STING” chants begin… The Authority rush the ring, but there’s a CROW caw… The lights go out!!!!!

The lights come back on, and STING IS WITH RANDY ORTON!!!! Sting has a bat, Orton with the chair… They run everyone off except J&J Security… STINGER SPLASH to J&J!!! Sting points out to HHH and hits Noble with a Scorpion Death Drop… RKO on Mercury…

Giant “STING” chant. HHH is pissed. Orton and Sting stand together…

Well, you can’t say it wasn’t predictable, but it really got the crowd hot… This and the entire IC Title segment were solid or better.

There’s a Randy Orton AND Sting interview on the WWE Network, next…

– Michael Cole is in the ring with Orton and Sting on WWE Network. Orton tells Sting he doesn’t need anyone to have his back, but he has to admit, that was pretty damn cool… And they shake hands… Cole interviews Sting. Sting speaks… And it isn’t distorted!!! Sting says he’s been waiting 14 years to get in a WWE ring. He says somebody needs to take HHH down, and that’s what Sting is going to do at WrestleMania… Whole interview went maybe 90 seconds, lol… But it was fun.