THE WWE RAW REPORT
FEBRUARY 27, 2017
RESCH CENTER – GREEN BAY, WI
Here we are at the go home Raw to the go home PPV to WrestleMania 33. Things will finally fall in line and make sense (hopefully) after this Sunday’s Fastlane PPV to set up Mania. But before we get there we have to make it through Raw first. Seth Rollins is scheduled for an interview, Goldberg is in the arena, Owens attacked Jericho (again) on a house show, Braun Strowman does nip ups, and I think Stephanie is setting Foley up to be killed (off camera). Could be an eventful program.
– GOLDBERG OPENS RAW –
The Berg says in 6 days he will be champion. Thank you and good night.
To the KO. Owens is out in a suit again and he talks about his accomplishments like beating Cena on his first night. He’s beat Ambrose, Styles, Rollins, and Reigns. He calls Jericho worthless. Owens informs Goldberg that he’s “next”.
Goldberg tells the fans to applaud Owens’ speech, but now the Berg is pissed off and wants KO right now.
Owens teasing a Street Fight, but says that Green Bay isn’t worth seeing it. The Goldberg chant dies Sunday says KO.
Underwhelming “go home” for Goldberg here.
NEW DAY VS. SHINING STARS –
We get the usual New Day promo to start. They’re still on this fucking Ice Cream shit. Crowd isn’t really into it. They’re even less into the Colons.
Oh wait, they’re mocking the Oscars mess up from last night. Google it. They tell the Colons they’re the wrong team. The Shining Stars actually face Big Show later. They open the Oscar envelop and realize their real opponents are Rusev & Jinder Mahal.
Barely anyone got the joke, it was tacky, and Vince continues to be so out of touch that it’s becoming embarrassing.
– NEW DAY (WOODS AND “E”) VS. RUSEV & JINDER MAHAL –
New Day send Rusev outside quickly and Mahal takes a Big E splash on the apron. To Commercial after a whole minute of “action”.
Raw rolls on and the heels now have control of Woods. I think they’ve killed the crowd in record time this week. Woods lands on his feet from a fall away salm by Rusev. Enzuigiri to Rusev and Big E tags in. Mahal takes the belly to bellies and big splash. Woods tags in high cross body on Mahal but Rusev breaks the count. Corner man Kingston distarcts Rusev by arguing with Lana and Woods rolls Mahal up for the win in 9:00.
Winners are New Day
These guys get to HOST WrestleMania? Fuuuuuck me.
Mahal argues with Rusev after the match.
* 34 Days Til Mania
* To the Enzo & Cass. Enzo is rambling and Cass is looking a little irritated by Zo and tells him to get focused, they have Gallows & Anderson for the titles at Fastlane. Cass has Gallows tonight. Zo starts talking goofy again and Cass walks off a bit irritated.
* To the Cesaro & Sheamus… And Samoa Joe. Joe shits on his Indy “pal” Cesaro and how he’s still trying to find himself and that “brass ring”. They exchange some heated words, Sheamus wants to kick Joe’s head off, but Cesaro wants Joe instead.
* To the Bitch Steph and Holy Foley. Steph wants to apologize to Foley for last week. She then shits on him and tells him how weak he is and a shell of himself. Apparently, this is the anniversary of when HHH ended Foley’s career, even though he kept wrestling beyond that. She mocks Foley and says he can barely stand, much less stand up for himself.
* To THE Kendrick. Kendrick sends another message, via video to Tozawa.
– AKIRA TOZAWA VS. NOAM DAR –
Aries joins commentary. Alicia Fox is with Dar. Fastlane Preshow has Swann & Tozawa vs. Dar & Kendrick. Tozawa yells and knees Dar in the face. Standing moonsault gets a 2. Tozawa goes on the middle rope, Dar knocks him off and Tozawa lands right on his fucking face on the mat! Holy fuck. He sells his face the entire rest of the match. Dar works an arm bar. Tozawa comes back with a Frankensteiner and a flying forearm knocks Dar off the pron. Tozawa with a suicide headbutt dive outside. They take the match back inside and after a few counters Tozawa lands the bridging German suplex for the win in 3:00.
Winner is Tozawa
Tozawa starts to celebrate when Brian Kendrick attacks and puts a beat down on him. Brian calls this Lesson #3.
Tozawa is great talent, they need to give him something better than this shit.
* Too the Holy Foley & Samoa Joe. Joe tells Foley that nobody tells him what to do. Foley says he knows his days as Commish are numbered, but for tonight he’s still in charge. Tonight Foley books Joe vs. Cesaro.
– CHARLOTTE / BAYLEY / SASHA BANKS INTERVIEW –
* Charlotte & Dana Brooke. Dana has trimmed down. Charlotte shits on Bayley for not returning the Women’s Title and questions her integrity. She calls Bayley a one his wonder.
To the Bayley. She is the champ and will remain the champ. Charlotte says Mania is in “40 days” (it’s 34). Charlotte continues to run down Bayley.
To the Sasha. Here comes Banks to join the convo. Charlotte says Sasha keeps stealing Bayley’s spotlight. Sasha says Charlotte has a STUPID FACE. LMAO WTF? The crowd chants “stupid face”. PG sucks for a Boss.
OK it’s match time, but Charlotte announces that her partner isn’t Dana, it’s Nia Jax. Brooke looks disappointed and surprised.
Well that is kind of shitty booking when you already showed us an image on the screen and had the announcers state that Dana was in fact the partner. Shitty producing right there. These girls were also worse than usual on the mike.
– BAYLEY & SASHA BANKS VS. CHARLOTTE & NIA JAX –
Jax beats on the faces, the faces fight back. Temporarily. Jax runs over the ladies and tags in Charlotte. Banks with the double knees and a flying head scissors on Charlotte. Bayley tags in, Dana Brooke trips her up and Bayley throws Charlotte out onto Brooke. Bayley goes to the floor and hits a Bayley to belly on Brooke. Raw back to commercial again.
Raw rolls on. Jax is dominating Banks. No sells Sasha’s offense. Over the shoulder gut buster and elbow drops on Sasha gets 2. The heels continue to tag and work over Banks. Sasha with a hot tag to Bayley and Bayley works over Charlotte. Charlotte blind tags Jax in and Nia plows over Bayley and catches a Banks cross body and slams Sasha onto Bayley. Then a legdrop on Bayley ends the match after 12:00.
Winners are Jax & Charlotte
I don’t fucking get this shit. I just don’t get it. Push this fat clumsy goo turd at the expense of making everyone else look like shit.
* To the Strowman and Foley. Braun wants a contract signed against Reigns for Fastlane. So they usually just book matches without contracts? Apparently the match is booked but there’s no contract, Braun wants contract so Roman doesn’t no show. Another segment that makes no sense.
– BIG CASS VS. LUKE GALLOWS –
Enzo and Karl Anderson at ringside for their respective teams. This is a nothing match. Gallows gets the jump on Cass. Karl and Enzo get into it, Zo sends Anderson into the steel steps. Gallows becomes distracted and Cass hits a Big Boot for the win in 2:00.
Winner is Cass
Great set up for their tag title match, but not really. What a fucking throw away shit show this has been so far.
* At catering Titus O’Neil discusses becoming a team with Sheamus. He says they’re the Irish Connection, make America “Green” again. Sheamus starts to walk away and Titus pulls Sheamus back, but Sheamus decks him.
– SHEAMUS VS. TITUS O’NEIL –
Titus attacks Sheamus before the bell and beats the living shit out of him. Great aggression by Titus honestly. Sheamus is groggy as fuck after taking a blast to the floor. Finally, the bell sounds to start the match, Titus backs up the ref and turns into a Brogue Kick. It’s over in mere seconds.
Winner is Sheamus
The announcers put over Titus’ newly found aggression, even in losing. Sheamus still sells the effects of the attack.
* Triple H / Seth Rollins feud package is aired.
– SETH ROLLINS INTERVIEW –
Corey Graves interviews Seth Rollins in the ring about his future and if he will make WrestleMania. Seth heads to the ring on a crutch and in a tight knee brace. Seth claims the tear in his MCL was a little more severe than thought. Seth talks about the injury and wonders that maybe he deserved this injury. A “CM PUNK” chant starts because nobody gives a shit bout this segment. LMAO
Seth wonders if he deserved the injury after everything he’s done. Graves asks the question if Rollins will be at WrestleMania. Seth with a long pause, and says right now that it doesn’t look good. He doesn’t think he will be cleared for Mania.
TO THE KING OF KINGS. Triple H comes smirking to the ring. Samoa Joe is now standing behind Rollins on the floor. Trips tells Seth he won’t be at Mania if he knows what’s good for him. Trips reminds Seth what an asshole he was as champion but in reality it was Triple H who did everything for him.
Trips calls Seth washed up and beat up, he’s not the future, he’s the past. Trips says if Rollins calls him out t Mania it’ll be the last thing Seth does in WWE.
Rollins says HE WILL BE AT WRESTLEMANIA. Rollins says it will also be the last thing Triple H ever does.
Joe leaves with Triple H instead of just taking Rollins out gain. How much sense does that make?
– THE BIG SHOW VS. THE SHINING STARS –
This is handicapped style. The Stars try selling Show on their resort but that doesn’t work. They try double teaming but that doesn’t work either. Primo off the top rope right into a big chop. Show Knock Out Punches Epico causing him to somehow DDT Primo. Chokeslam on Primo? ends this in a minute, maybe.
Winner is Big Show
What the fuck is the point with all of these 1 minute matches?
* MLK gets the nod this week for their Black History Month segment.
* To the Cruisers. Tony Nese is warming up and you can her the producer counting him down. LOL! Neville interrupts and says they have a tag match tonight but his only focus is Jack Gallagher. Nese says tonight it’s about Gallagher for Neville, but for Nese, tonight is about Nese. Neville tells Tony not to screw this up.
* To the Austin Aries. We see a video of Austin Aries. He was supposed to have a big surprise for us tonight. I guess that was it.
– JACK GALLAGHER & TJ PERKINS VS. NEVILLE & TONY NESE –
Aries is back on commentary here. Misterio style bulldog by Perkins on Neville. Perkins accidentally knocks Gallagher off the apron and the heels take over on TJ. Perkins escapes Nese and hot tags it to Gallagher.
Perkins with the Detontion Kick on Nese, Gallagher follows it up with the dropkick in the corner, a side Russian Legsweep into a submission hold on Tony. Neville contemplates making the save but decides against it. Nese submits in 2:30.
Winners are Gallagher & Perkins
Make it rain…… squashes. Squashes all night. Squashes for days. Fuck this shit.
* Beth Phoenix to the WWE Hall of Fame.
* To Bayley & Sasha. They’re nursing their injuries and looking like bitches. Sasha tells Bayley that she will be in her corner Sunday. Bitch Steph interrupts to stir the pot. Stephanie books Sasha vs. Jax for Fastlane because we need to see that again.
– CESARO VS. SAMOA JOE –
Joe throws the shittiest punches ever. Cesaro battles back with a dead weight gut wrench suplex and a flying uppercut. Top rope body block by Cesaro gets 2. Cesaro looks to have hurt his knee but keeps on the offense. Joe catches Cesaro in mid air and drives him down onto his bad knee. Cesro is in pain as Raw goes to commercial.
Raw rolls on. Joe is whipping up on Cesaro, but Cesaro comes back with a dead weight vertical suplex. Amazing. They trade some shots but Joe goes to the knee and locks in a knee bar. Cesaro powers up and counters to try the Sharpshooter, but Joe escapes. Cesaro rebounds with a big uppercut. Several uppercuts later and Cesaro drives Joe into the mat for 2. Double stomp by Cesaro gets another near fall.
Cesaro tries the Neutralizer but Joe bckdrops him, Cesaro lands on his feet and goes for the springboard uppercut but Joe knocks Cesaro off the ropes and hits a Uranage for the win in 10:00 or so.
Winner is Samoa Joe.
Match was kind of sloppy, especially the finish. Crowd wasn’t really into it and don’t seem to know how to react to Joe. Easily the worst match these two have ever had. They usually rock it out, but not here. But I get what they did and why they did it. Gotta build your monster.
* Charly Caruso interviews Joe on the stage and you can already see where this is going. Joe runs down the competition when Sami Zayn’s music hits. Joe readies for Zayn at the entrance, but Zayn comes off the left side and attacks. The two men brawl off the stage. Security try to separate the two and Joe takes a cheap shot. ZAYN SOMERSAULT DIVE OFF THE STAGE ONTO JOE! Officials pull them apart again.
– ROMAN REIGNS / BRAUN STROWMAN CONTRACT SIGNING –
Mick Foley is in the ring when Strowman interrupts. Braun dismisses the worthless Foley from the ring, and he threatens Mick but Mick stands his ground and refuses the leave. They get face to face when Roman Reigns heads out.
Braun meets Roman on the floor and the two start going at it. Strowman throws Reigns over the steps but Roman comes back with a flying Superman Punch. They brawl through the crowd and back to ringside where Roman Spears Strowman through the barricade. Reigns staggers into the ring to sign the contract when he notices Braun is back up. He’s not human for fuck sakes!
Strowman hits the ring and Reigns hits another Superman Punch. Strowman comes back and whips Reigns chest first into the corner buckles. So hard that Reigns snaps the top turnbuckle off the post! Reigns goes down and Strowman plays it up before he signs the contract. As Braun gets up the ramp Reigns pulls himself up and signs the contract as well.
Pretty good last segment. Only one on the show.
Not a single mention of KO vs. Goldberg after the first segment. Shitty