Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back and getting ready to go with the second episode of the new Smackdown Live. I warn everyone in advance, I pull no punches, I’m hardly “PC”, and I say what I think and yes that includes swear words. So I guess you could say this live review is rated M for mature.
Generally I plan to list Smackdown Preshow Bullet Points here each week, but I missed the first half of the preshow this week while taking care of some things. There was however a piece on John Cena and some of the ladies at the Teen Choice Awards or whatever it was called. Then they did short pieces of Carmella and Eva Marie. They announce Marie as wrestling tonight.
They spent the rest of the Preshow talking about the resurgence of Dolph Ziggler. After only one week I’d hardly call it a resurgence but I’d like to believe so.
Also looks like Brock Lesnar is at Smackdown so that could be cool. Nobody pisses off the beast. I just hope Randy doesn’t pop his shoulder out while walking to the ring. Back to back pay days for the Brockster, doubt he will be on TV next week.
WWE SMACKDOWN LIVE
August 2, 2016 – NASHVILLE, TN
BRIDGESTONE ARENA
* The show kicks off with Shane McMahon, D-Bry and RKO standing backstage watching Randy’s attack on Lesnar. Shane has hired a slew of security to guard the building and Orton tonight because Shane has a feeling that Brock will look to get revenge.
The Miz & Maryse jump in. Miz is upset he’s not getting the welcome as IC Champ that Ambrose got. Bryan explains he didn’t want to draft Miz but rather the IC Title. Miz will meet the winner of a triple threat match tonight at Summer Slam. Triple threat is Apollo Crews, Corbin and Kalisto.
– DEAN AMBROSE AND DOLPH ZIGGLER SEGMENT –
Dean Ambrose makes his way to the ring for a promo. He talks about how he got here, beating those other Shield fucks. Dean calls out Ziggler. Dolph says he thinks they’re the same but Ambrose disagrees. Dolph says Ambrose came in on top with the Shield while Ziggler was cast as a male cheerleader. True Story.
Ambrose says Dolph is too worried about the office, his looks, shaking his ass, his fancy moves, his outfits, everything but what’s important. Dean says Dolph will steal the show with Dean but he will also lose to Dean Machine. Ziggler returns fire talking about his drive to be a WWE star since age 5. Dolph talks about being disrespected and overlooked for the last 7 years. Ziggler gets fired up. Pretty cool shit from both guys, very intense and very good promos from both sides.
Ziggler says he’s that damn good. Dean says he’s not. Dean says Dolph’s real problem is that he’s not as good as he thinks he is. Ambrose leaves.
Really good opening segment from both guys.
TO THE BRAY WYATT.
WHAT THE FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK????????????????
BRAY WYATT FUCKING ATTACKS ZIGGLER OUT OF NOWHERE WITH SISTER ABIGAIL. HE MOCKS ZIGGLER. HE SAYS DOLPH DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A CHAMPION AND THAT DOLPH STOLE HIS SHOT AT THE TITLE LAST WEEK.
WYATT WANTS ZIGGLER ONE ON ONE TONIGHT FOR THE RIGHT AT THE SUMMER SLAM TITLE SHOT.
Sorry for the caps. Hehe. Wyatt has some weird white shit in his hair. Looks like this will be our main event. Pretty fucking badass opening segment. Bray Wyatt is already floating around the main event so that’s good shit too.
* TO THE BACK – Post commercial. Dolph Ziggler wants the match with Wyatt. He tells Bryan & Shane he wants the match and they try and talk him out of it. Dolph goes crazy, he thinks nobody thinks he’s good enough to be in the title match at Summer Slam and he DEMANDS the fucking match. Shane agrees. This is getting scary.
TRIPLE THREAT IC TITLE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER MATCH IS NEXT…
– KALISTO VS. APOLLO CREWS VS. BARON CORBIN –
D-Bag Miz is on commentary. Fucking shitty Maryse is there too. If Maryse was just a body I’d fuck her asshole off but I can’t stand her face and the fact that her dried out hair morphs into her skin color. It’s creepy shit.
The faces send Corbin outside to start. Corbin pulls Crews out next. Kalisto dives out onto Corbin and we go to commercials like a minute into this shit. How nice. Corbin is heel and Kalisto has lost heat so I’m guessing this is Apollo’s push to fuck up. They gave him the Battle Royal win and slot in the WWE Title contender match last week. This week he gets another chance at working Summer Slam for a title. What a lucky fuck. So we rejoin the match with some neat little three way spot shit. Crews nails a wicked ass fall away slam into a Samoan drop for 2 on Kalisto. Corbin rushes in and drops Crews with one of his signatures for 2.
Kalisto tries a flying rana off the top but Corbin catches him. Crews dropkicks Corbin and causes him to fly out of the ring. Crews pins Kalisto with a shitty roll up out of nowhere and the match ends just like that in 7 minutes. What a shit finish and a heel thing to do.
Winner is Apollo Crews
Corbin attacks Kalisto after the match. Crews makes the save. Miz sneaks in with the Skull Crushing Finale on Crews. Miz looks to pose in his suit but Corbin drops Miz with End of Dayz mother fucker. Corbin is the last man standing. Crews has great moves but no charisma.
– BECKY LYNCH VS. EVA MARIE –
Eva gets the same intro she got last week. To quote a Terry Funk line from years ago, you can just look at Eva Marie and tell she’s a son of a bitch. But I’d take that lingerie outfit she’s wearing and fuck somebody’s holes with it all night long. Eva’s knee seems to be bothering her after she enters the ring and so she forfeits. What the fuck is this garbage? The ref and a trainer help her to the back. This is fucking no way to get over the women’s division at all.
Seriously, what the fuck was that shit. That doesn’t help Eva, Becky, OR the women’s division. What the fuckshit taco.
* TO THE BACK – Renee Young interviews Carmella who says Eva is faking. Natalya interrupts, she namedrops Bret Hart because her dad the Anvil isn’t big enough. Carmella has enough and challenges Natalya to a match later.
So we’re coming up on an hour of TV and only one match with 7 minutes of wrestling. I thought this was the show that was going to focus on WRESTLING?
– AMERICAN ALPHA VS. THE VAUDEVILLAINS –
This is Alpha’s WWE TV debut. The Villains get a jobber intro already in the ring which pretty much kills their whole shtick. JBL compares Alpha to the Steiners. Gable does some nice riding on the mat and some slick ass counters. JBL namedrops Nick Gulas since they’re in Nashville, where tag teams thrived. Nice double team spots by Alpha send the Villains outside. Gotch trips up Gable and the Villains take over. Gable gets a tag to Jordan who unleashes the most wickedly awesome of fucking suplexes. Capture suplex. Insane fucking overhead belly to belly launch. Taz and the Steiners would be proud. Alpha hits their back suplex into the bridge finisher and win the match in 3 and a half minutes at best.
Winners are American Alpha
Great debut for AA, bad premonition for the Villains future. They were essentially jobbers here. Alpha looked great with their Steiners meets Rockers spots.
* They show the John Cena – Teen Choice shit again.
– AJ STYLES AND JOHN CENA SEGMENT –
So I forgot to mention this earlier, but they’re showing these facts about each wrestler on the side of the screen as the wrestlers come to the ring. It really doesn’t do shit for me but whatever. AJ rushes into the promo and Cena’s music hits right away. This seems a little rushed for time. Anyway, Styles has a message for Cena. A SOCCER MOM HAIR chant starts. Gay. Styles message is that he doesn’t want Cena here. Styles takes a shot at TNA in the process. Styles craps on the kids and their parents for buying Cena merchandise or some shit. Styles shits on Participation Trophies. Amen to that brother.
Styles calls Cena a fraud. The future goes through Cena. AJ went through Cena at MITB and Cena is still in the way. Cena defends the kids. Cena is still here out of love for the business and the fans. In so many words Cena talks about AJ leaving TNA, leaving New Japan, but Cena is loyal to WWE and he’d never leave his home. Cena says he’s loyal and AJ is not.
Styles wants Cena at Summer Slam, no Club, no excuses, one on one. Cena accepts. When AJ wins Cena needs to say AJ is better than him. If Cena doesn’t say it he’s a liar. If he does say it he’s a loser. Either way Styles wins.
Styles struggled early in the promo. Cena cut some good shit for sure. Styles last portion of the promo was good as well. This started off iffy but Cena saved it and AJ took it home so they accomplished what was needed.
– RANDY ORTON VS. FANDANGO –
There’s security all around the ring just in case Brock Lesnar shows up. Derrrr. Tyler Breeze is out there too. Garvin stomp right away. Breeze distracts and Fandango hits a dropkick. Fandango takes over but not for long. Snap powerslam to Fandango and one for Breeze too. Draping DDT on Fandango.
BROCK LESNAR IS AT RINGSIDE!
RKO to Fandango.
BROCK STORMS IN — F5 TO ORTON!
Winner by DQ is Randy Orton.
Match was 3 minutes.
Shane rushes out with more security and Brock leaves willingly.
Some good security was. Brock didn’t even get to kill any of them. What shit. That segment was too tame.
* We see footage of Brock and Paul Heyman being escorted out of the building. Apparently they parked in the wrestler’s garage area.
* Heath Slater interrupts Daniel Bryan and thinks he should be at Summer Slam. Nothing is bigger than Heath Slater. If Slater wins a match next week he gets a contract with Smackdown Live. He guesses his opponent will be Jumping Marty Lunde (Arn Anderson’s real name). Out of nowhere Rhyno GORES Slater in the office. Slater will face Rhyno next week.
* Renee Young interviews Dean Ambrose. Dean trashes Ziggler some more. This time for ruining his own push after a week rather than a couple months like in the past. Ouch.
* Some chick named Charli Caruso tries to interview Randy but Orton just shoves a door and walks away.
– NATALYA VS. CARMELLA–
Mella does her Enzo impersonation. Natalya attacks her in the aisle. Natalya beats the shit out of her and Sharpshooters her on the floor. Two women’s matches and NEITHER FUCKING MATCH TAKES PLACE. WHAT IN THE FUCKING WORLD?
No. fucking seriously. Who the fuck books two matches (much less the same type of matches) on the same fucking show and neither of them happens. Find new Smackdown writers pronto.
This entire show has been two good promos, the rest have been mainly squashes and matches that don’t happen.
* Shane and Bryan continue to try and talk Ziggler out of putting his title shot on the line. He said they don’t believe in them and says ‘screw you’ to both of them. He’s pissed that nobody believes in him. I’m cool with this turning into a Ziggler heel turn but not at the cost of the Summer Slam spot.
– DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. BRAY WYATT –
Ambrose on commentary. This is for Ziggler’s #1 contender spot at Summer Slam. This match goes to the floor right away and Wyatt clotheslines Ziggler’s face off. To the ring. Wyatt controls. Ziggler tries a roll up and Wyatt takes an awkward bump and looks like he reinjured his calf. FUCK.
Wyatt rolls to the ropes pissed off and starts headbutting the the mat. FUCK DAMN FUCK.
They rush to commercial and surprisingly they return with Wyatt giving Dolph a Superplex. Thank God Bray is still okay. Something was definitely fucked up before the break though. Dolph comes back, Stinger Splash, neckbreaker, jumping elbow. Wyatt fights back and a senton gets 2.
Wyatt unties a turnbuckle pad, ref backs him up into a ZIGZAG that gets 2. They trade some falls. High angle Urinage from Wyatt gets 2.
Dolph is up and yanks the pad off the corner buckle. The both tease hitting it and the ref WATCHES Dolph drive Wyatt into the exposed steel buckle. Superkick ends it in 12 minutes.
Winner is Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler shit talks Ambrose from the ring. Ambrose watches from the announce table.
ERICK ROWAN ATTACKS ZIGGLER.
Ambrose tries to save but Rowan somehow lays him out too. Not bad for a jobber.
Wyatt is back up and Ziggler gets another Sister Abigail to end the show with Wyatt doing his pose.
I guess this leads to Ziggler and Ambrose being forced to team against Wyatt and Rowan next week. That’s just a guess.
Goodnight all.
