Don’t fear, my friends. Bobby “The Brain” Mayo hasn’t left you in a bind. Crazy Max reviews took a two week hiatus and I was instructed to follow suit. Good news is I’m back now. I DVR’d Smackdown the last two weeks and watched them. God bless me, I watched them. Terrible shit overall. Two minute matches, every major name just cuts promos, and James Ellsworth gets robbed by the Jizz last week.
For those who aren’t familiar with my writing, I’m not what you’d call a politically correct kind of guy. I don’t really have a filter on my brain when typing, so if you’re oversensitive to certain words or thoughts, this is not for you. Anyone who gets butt hurt over naughty words or strange thoughts you can close this page now. These are MY opinions that Crazy Max has kindly given me the platform to share my thoughts. You are welcome to share yours by replying to my review.
For those who enjoy free thinking and freedom of speech, stick around and see if you find some of my views entertaining.
WWE SMACKDOWN PRESHOW BULLET POINTS
- Looks like they flew Lawler from Memphis because these pre-shows are so important.
- Miz has beat Ziggler enough, he doesn’t feel Dolph deserves any more chances. They supposedly have a IC Title match tonight. Doubt it.
- Cena vs. Ambrose tonight. And Usos vs. American Alpha to determine #1 contenders.
- Lawler finds ways to put himself and his career over a lot on this show. He talks about his insult book, wrestling in Tupelo, owning a Batmobile, other shit.
- Alexa Bliss on Skype and BOOO because she’s not dressed in Quinn mode. I do like that she’s in full heel mode character though because Carmella and Eva Marie were the shits when being interviewed. She can play Harley Quinn in my bedroom all night, ride me til I explode repeatedly, but she has a long way to go int he ring. Hmph, when you google Alexa it says she’s a real slut. Maybe I do have a chance.
WWE SMACKDOWN LIVE
September 20, 2016 – BIRMINGHAM, AL
LEGACY ARENA @ BJCC
– WOMEN’S TITLE CONTRACT SIGNING –
Daniel Bryan is in the ring to conduct a contract signing between Becky Lynch and Alexa Bliss for next month’s No Mercy PPV. A little early for this, no? Bliss without the Harley Quinn gimmick is just shitty. Becky says she has thick skin. Bliss tells her to use moisturizer. Bliss has better lines in this promo, Lynch sounds like shit between her voice cracking and her accent. Lynch sucks here, promos aren’t her thing. Bliss is actually coming along as a character and in line delivery. Bliss calls Lynch a ‘One Hit Wonder’, busts her in the face with the contract, signs it, and flips the desk over on Becky. Becky looks like a full blown BITCH.
Lynch chases Bliss to the back. Even as champion they book Becky to look like shit. Becky goes back to the ring and signs the contract.
To the Bryan. He’s walking down the hall when Miz has a problem. Daniel says he will cancel the match with Ziggler for Miz, which also cancels Miz’s contract. Miz promised to defend his title if the contract was renegotiated and now he must live up to his end of the bargain. Bitches
– AMERICAN ALPHA VS. THE USOS –
Winners get Rhinoceros and Heath Slater for the Tag Titles at No Mercy. Alpha looking for some revenge here. Usos heel gear just completely fucking sucks. I mean it sucks more than this bitch I met on AOL back in 1998 named KrazyKim19, and let me tell you, that girl could suck. Gable starts plexing Usos at the start. Rhyno and SLater are watching in the back eating cheez whiz on crackers. Fucking gross. Both the food and the fucking way they’re treating the titles. Usos get Gable’s knee tied up in the ropes and one of the Usos hits a shitty superkick on it. Gable sells us into a 3 minute break. Break ends and the Usos work on Gable’s leg. Gable counters a corner rush and backdrops an Uso outside. Hot tag to Jordan. Jordan showing off his power, dudes a beast. Plexes getting thrown everywhere on the Uces.
Usos come back with a superkick and Superfly splash. Chad Gable stops the count just before the three. High Cradle Tazplex and a Clothesline from Hell from Jordan. Jordan looks to tag Gable then decides not to because Gable is hurt. Please don’t tell me they’re already splitting these guys. Uso chop blocks Gable out of the ring, then a double superkick and the Superfly splash to Jordan ends it in 10 minutes 30 seconds. Easily the longest Smackdown non-main event.
Winners: Uso Crazy
To the Cheez Whiz. Slater and Rhyno try and cut a promo when Usos interrupts. They threaten to spill Rhyno’s crackers. Rhyno says ‘don’t touch my crackers’. GAY. They threaten Heath Slater, which makes Rhyno mad. Rhyno crushes his Ritz crackers. He’s mad now. What a great set up for No Mercy. ROLLING MY EYES.
To the SWAGGER. Jack Swagger joins commentary for a Corbin match. Swagger comes from being a jobber on Raw to being a lamb to the slaughter for this shitty Corbin push.
– BARON CORBIN VS. APOLLO CREWS –
Looks like Crews will job again. Crews gets his offense in early and for good reason I’m sure. Crews with some nice shit but he just has NO FUCKING CHARISMA whatsoever. Corbin makes the expected come back and hits End of Days like Crews is a piece of shit. Corbin wins in under 3 minutes.
Winner is Corbin
To the announce desk. Swagger and Corbin have a stare down.
To the Curt Hawkins. This shit is fucking garbage. It gets worse and worse. Jobber central.
To the Boobs. Nikki Bella and Naomi shit on Natalya.
To the Ziggler. Renee Young interviews Dolph. Dolph looks like he’s completely ditched the blond. He’s a Kent State hall of famer now. He needs to prove to himself he’s still great.
– INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER –
This is for the title. Maryse in Miz’s corner. It’s paint by numbers format to start. Face conquers then the heel takes over and gets the heat on the baby face. Miz with a top rope double axe handle. Or double sledge as Tony Schiavone would call it.
A bunch of kicks from Miz because he’s a karate champion now. Miz comes off into a dropkick from Dolph. Miz gets spiked with a DDT and Dolph gets 2.Ziggler with a clothesline and both men fall to the outside. Smackdown goes to commercial here. Miz tries a sunset bomb to no avail. Miz hits a slingshot powerbomb for a 2 count. Miz tries a Figure Four, Dolph counters with a sleeper but Miz gets to the ropes. Famouser by Dolph gets 2. Miz holds onto the ropes to block the Zig Zag. Maryse tries to spray Ziggler with perfume in the eyes again but the referee catches her. Maryse drops the perfume at ringside and is EJECTED. Bitch be gone. Crowd is hot for this match.
Ziggler connects this time with the Zig Zag. Crowd explodes. Ziggler gets a near fall. So fucking close. Miz rolls outside and grabs his IC Title and tries to leave but Ziggler attacks. Dolph sends Miz into the steps and back into the ring. The ref picks up the IC Title and while he’s handing it away Miz now has the perfume. Fuck Shit Cock Ass Balls. Miz sprays Ziggler in the eyes. You Mother Fucker! Skull Crushing Finale ends this one. They got at least 16 or 17 minutes here. Really good shit. Miz’s best in ring shit in light years.
Winner is Miz
– RANDY ORTON VS. ERICK ROWAN –
Rowan gets no entrance. Complete squash. Rowan maybe got a move or two to start then Orton kicked into gear with his usual arsenal. RKO ends this in 2 minutes flat.
Winner is Orton
To the Wyatt. Lights go off. There’s some type of a hybrid Doink meets sheep mask laying in the ring. Lights go out again and Bray is on the big screen. He is a God. A good that job. A God that has only won two singles matches this year. No foolies. You cant kill a God. Run, or some shit.
– NIKKI BELLA & NAOMI VS. NATALYA & CARMELLA –
Feel the GLOW or some shit. I think I can literally see Naomi’s vag hole through her neon yellow gear. Some white trash family got a seat upgrade to the front row and the dad looks like a complete fuck stick. Natalya looks for the Sharshooter on Nikki to start. Carmella kills Nikki before the match can go any further. Carmella tosses Nikki into the barricade like a hooker over and over. The faces win by DQ or something. Naomi kicks Nattie upside the head for shits and gigs.
To the Champ that runs the camp. AJ Styles hates the triple threat cuz he doesn’t have to get beat to lose his title. Styles looks forward to watching Dean and Cena beat each other up next.
– JOHN CENA VS. DEAN AMBROSE –
Is this fucking Monday Nitro? Giving away all these matches on TV? Seriously man what the fuck is wrong with WWE. They do that feeling out thing to get it going. It’s tit for tat and we have a commercial. When they come back Dean Ambrose is starting to get the better of Cena and plants John with the bulldog. Cena gets sent to the floor and Ambrose launches at him with the suicide dive. Back to the ring, Cena rolls through a cross body and hits the AA. Ambrose kicks out! Take that bitch! Ambrose lands on his feet from another AA and hits DIRTY DEEDS fucker. Cena kicks out just before 3. Indyriffic. They go back and forth with Ambrose doing a sunset flip type thing and he fucking PINS JOHN CENA. Match was 10 minutes tops.
Cena jobs again.
Winner is Dean-O Machine-O
AJ Styles rushes out and smashes Cena on the floor. Then to the ring with a Pele kick on Ambrose.
Daniel Bryan comes out. He says Shane McMahon promised Dean Ambrose a one on one title rematch. And the match will happen next week on Smackdown Live. AJ is fucking pissed now but he turns around into Dirty Deeds. AJ has to lay there and sell it for like 3 minutes because they have time to kill.
So they flipped the script on the show which was good. The 2 minute squashes were limited to the shit matches that should have been. They gave Ziggler and Miz lots of time and the Uso match was decent on time as well. Cena vs Ambrose going ten minutes for TV makes sense. Out of all the Smackdown Lives so far this was by far the best. It can still use some roster upgrades however.
