THE WWE SMACKDOWN LIVE REPORT (900th Edition)
NOVEMBER 14, 2016 – PRUDENTIAL CENTER
NEWARK, NEW JERSEY
* To the Bryan and Shane. They open the show from the stage area. Bryan advertises the return of Edge and the Undertaker for tonight. Shane announces the IC Title bout will kick off the program.
– INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. THE MIZ –
The match starts off with both men feeling each other out. They’re pretty much at a stalemate when Smackdown goes to commercial early in the match. Smackkdown rolls on and they show Miz throw Ziggler into the barricade during the commercials. This explains why Miz is now in control. Miz hits his neckbreaker combo for a 2 count. Miz then goes after the left leg of Dolph and works it over. Ziggler fights back and begins his usual offensive arsenal. They get a little sloppy with a spot but eventually get back into things. Ziggler locks in a sleeper but Miz gets to the ropes.
Miz with a Mafia kick to Ziggler and covers, but the ref catches Miz’s feet on the ropes. While Miz argues with the referee, Ziggler hits a Famouser out of nowhere and gets 2 and a half. So close! Smackdown to commercial AGAIN. Where’s that shit where they show the match during the break when you need it?
Smackdown continues and the match is still going. Miz begins mocking Daniel Bryan by using his Yes Kicks. Crowd makes them ‘No Kicks’. Miz hits Bryan’s RUNNING KNEE.. AND A SKULL CRUSHING FINALE! HOLY FUCK!!!!
1, 2, HOLY SHIT NO! Ziggler kicked out! Fucks alive!
Dolph counters a Figure Four. Miz counters the satellite DDT. ZIG ZAG! 1, 2, MIZ KICKS OUT!
Ziggler looks for the Superkick but the SHITTY SPIRIT SQUAD on the apron. Ziggler Superkicks them off. Miz attacks Dolph from behind and locks on the Figure Four to Dolph’s injured leg. Ziggler is trying to reach the ropes. HE GETS THEM! Rope break!
Ziggler counters another Figure Four with a small package. Maryse reaches in and pushes Miz over on top. 1, 2, 3.
Miz wins in 20:00.
Winner and new champion, The Miz
For crying out loud. For fucking fucks sakes. Miz don’t need the fucking title. Dolph vs. Zayn would have been great. How many times are they going to fucking keep rehashing the same fucking finish in the same fucking feud?
You build to a fucking retirement match and then you have him drop the belt back a month later on fucking television? Fuuuck me.
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* To the BLISS. Alexa is arguing with Daniel Bryan about how she lost her match to Lynch. Bliss had her foot on the rope when she lost the match. Bryan says she will get another rematch but right now she needs to focus on Survivor Series. Natalya enters blowing a whistle. Nattie quotes Chumba Wumba. I hate her.
– KALISTO VS. ONEY LORCAN –
Lorcan is from NXT. He must be a jobber. Lorcan attacks from behind and beats the shit out of Kalisto. Half Nelson fucking suplex by Lorcan. Kalisto fights back, he tries a springboard and fucking straight up SLIPS AND FALLS on his face. LMAO. Salida del Sol still ends it but he couldn’t recover from that humiliating spot. This was one of those Smackdown 2:00 specials we’ve become familiar with.
Winner is Kalisto
* To the Ominous Music. We hear Taker’s music. We see his hand reach into the screen and pick up his hat. The dead man has arrived!
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* To the ROCK! But not really. They show this quick video of the Rock, since this is ‘his show’.
* To the Tag Teams. All the teams are in the back. Heath Slater has brought them a motivational speaker. IT’S KING BOOKER!! ACCENT AND ALL! KING BOOKER RETURNS TO SMACKDOWN! Breezango show up in police uniforms an hand out citations for being shitty at fashion. They give ‘King BOOGER’ a citation and he gets ghetto on them. Now can you dig that, Suckaaaaaaaaa!
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– NIKKI BELLA VS. CARMELLA –
Nikki Bellas starts things off on a rampage, but Carmella does a fucking neckkbreaker off the apron onto the fucking floor. DAMN! Nikki beats the count back in. Carmella with some more unique shit. Not bad so far. Nikki tries a roll up for the win but no dice. Carmella with a superkick to Nikki and a sleeper applied. Bella gets to her feet and breaks the hold by falling back into the corner. Carmella stays on her and just beats the piss out of Bella. Another sleeper on Nikki and some choking. Carmela misses a Bronco Buster. Both ladies are down. HERE COMES CHARLOTTE! Charlotte has a front row ticket. Smackdown to commercial.
Smackdown rolls on. Bella hits the Alabama Slam. And a Disaster Kick. They fight out of the ring. Charlotte keeps taunting Nikki and Bella just explodes on Charlotte and yanks her over the rail. Nikki beats on Charlotte in the ring when all of the ladies from Raw come rushing out of the crowd and it’s 6 on 1. All the team Raw women plus Dana Brooke beat on Nikki. Funny seeing Bayley act in a heel manner. Carmella tries to help but they’re outnumbered.
Here comes Becky, Nattie, Naomi, and Bliss! It’s 6 on 6 now. Shit breaking down. BECKY LYNCH MURDERS NIA JAX FACE FUCKING FIRST THROUGH THE BARRICADE. That was awesome!
Naomi with a sprinboard dive onto Team Raw outside. Crowd is going bonkers. Team Smackdown looking good as Team Raw retreats!
That was cool.
Oh, the match went about 10:00 I guess. No contest obviously.
* To the shadow. We see his shadow walking and his music playing. He’s coming! I hope this doesn’t lead to a shitty Undertaker and Kane segment.
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* Goldberg / Brock Lesnar Video. It all comes down to this Sunday night.
– BREEZANGO, HYPE BROS, THE USOS, AMERICAN ALPHA
VS.
THE VAUDEVILLAINS, HEADBANGERS, ASCENSION, SPIRIT SQUAD –
A 16-man tag match. All the shitty teams that didn’t make Survivor Series are facing the Series teams. Slater and Rhyno are coaching their team at ringside. Crowd wants Slater. I can’t stand Mojo Rawley. I hope everyone doesn’t wear all these fucking stupid Smackdown and Raw shirts at Survivor Series. Ryder looking sharp in the ring but he gets blind sided on the floor by the Ascension. All 16 men argue outside the ring and Smackdown goes to a break.
Smackdown returns. This shit fest match is still going on and there’s only 25 minutes left in the show since Smackdown isn’t allowed to run over. Leaving Undertaker and Edge segments barely any time. I don’t get it. Is Taker replacing Shane? Zack hot tags it to Chad Gable. Headbangers are in with American Alpha. Have you ever seen old guys try and take young guy bumps? Slow and not pretty. We Grand Amplitude on Thrasher and Gable gets the pin in around 12:00.
Winners are Hype-Zango-Uso-Alpha
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– THE CUTTING EDGE WITH TEAM SMACKDOWN –
Edge makes his return with his hair grown back out and a big beard. You thought you knew him. So with 15 minutes left I can only guess the Undertaker is replacing Shane?
We get Team Smackdown to the ring. If you don’t know them by now, it’s AJ Styles, Dean Ambrose, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, and Shane McMahon. James Ellsworth is their mascot because he looks funny. WAY TO BE A STAR WWE. Ellsworth gets mike time. He wants to do a 5 second pose with Edge. Styles puts a stop to the fun. He says it was stupid then, and stupid now. Edge mocks Orton for being a follower now. Wyatt speaks for Orton. Edge says Shane has his work cut out for him at Series if he wants to keep all these guys working together.
Shane speaks. He has faith in his unit. Styles agrees and says he will co-exist with Dean Ambrose in order to win it for Smackdown. Dean and Styles argue.
This separates when there’s a GONG. The lights go out. Here comes the Undertaker. By the time he gets to the ring Smackdown will be over. With 3 minutes to go he finally gets in the ring. Large Holy Shit chants.
Taker supports Shane as Commissioner because he has no fear. The Undertaker says HE’S BACK and WrestleMania will no longer define who he is.
Survivor Series was where the Undertaker was born. Smackdown has always been his home. THE UNDERTAKER THREATENS TEAM SMACKDOWN. If they lose he will come after all of them. He says team Raw will Rest In Peace.
Umm, OK?
The announcers are still plugging Survivor Series when they’re cut off mid-sentence because Fuck You Smackdown you don’t get to run over!
So that was it. Edge barely did shit. Undertaker did shit. And Survivor Series is Sunday.
