THE WWE RAW REPORT
FEBRUARY 20, 2017
STAPLES CENTER – LOS ANGELES, CA
* RIP, GEORGE “THE ANIMAL” STEELE (April 16, 1937 – February 16, 2017)
NOTHING FOR IVAN KOLOFF….. FUCKING WOW.
An all new low from the classy McMahons.
After that bullshit open we go into a video of highlights from the Festival of Friendship from last week. Owens kills best friend Jericho.
– KEVIN OWENS INTERVIEW SEGMENT –
Owens is already in the ring sitting in a chair with the lights off and a spotlight on him. “You Suck” chants begin. Owens acknowledges that the spotlight is now solely where it belong. He answers the “Why?” question. Not that question, but rather “Why” Owens will walk out of Fastlane still the Universal Champion.
Owens doesn’t believe Goldberg’s hype, he never did, even as a kid. Goldberg never impressed KO. Brock Lesnar simply took Goldberg lightly and Goldberg got lucky. Owens says he doesn’t have to beat Goldberg, he just has to outlast him. Goldberg can’t hang with KO over time. Owens will outsmart Goldberg.
He talks about Goldberg wanting to be a super hero to the kids, KO says he will prove Bill if no super hero. Goldberg says “You’re Next”? Owens says “You’re nothing”.
Owens finishes up “Now, as far as Chris Jericho goes…..”, he drops the mike and leaves.
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– ENZO & BIG CASS VS. CESARO & SHEAMUS –
This is a #1 contenders match to determine who will challenge Gallows & Anderson at Fastlane. Enzo & Cass do their routine. Cass takes it to Sheamus to start. Enzo is tagged in and Cass launches Enzo into Cesaro, and then launches him into Sheamus. Enzo climbs the ropes but Sheamus knocks him off the floor where Cesaro hits a running forearm into the barricade. Cesaro mocks Enzo’s dance outside as Raw takes a time out.
Raw rolls on. Irish Curse Backbreaker on Enzo gets 2. Rolling senton and a double stomp combo gets another 2 count on Enzo. Enzo ends up sending both opponents to the floor, he dives to make a tag to Cass but dives right into a Cesaro uppercut, and Csshas to break up the pin fall. Enzo drop toe holds Cesaro into the buckle and Cass gets the hot tag. Sheamus as well.
Css hits some of this stuff on Sheamus but misses a blind tag to Cesaro. Css big boots Sheamus to the outside. Cesaro with some nice rope walking body block and the springboard corkscrews uppercut. Enzo prevents the Cesaro Swing on Cass. Cesaro tosses Enzo outside but turns right into a spinning sidewalk slam and Cass gets the win in 9:10.
Winners are Enzo & Cass
Enzo starts cutting a promo on the losers after the match when Sheamus catches him with a Brogue Kick to the face on the floor.
Crowd actually chants “thank you Sheamus”. Looks like Vince is finally succeeding in turning them against Enzo.
* To the Holy Foley and the KO. Owens is leaving the building when Foley informs him that he has a match tonight, against Sami Zayn. The same Sami Zayn that we were told last summer that that these two would never fight again. Owens warns Foley that he’s going to end up with more wrestlers out injured than in the locker room if he keeps making these matches. Foley looks confused as Owens heads back to his locker room.
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* Video replay of last week Charlotte vs. Bayley. We see Sasha Banks get involved, leading to Bayley’s title win. Charlotte has demanded that Bayley relinquish the title back to her tonight after the screw job ending.
* To the Holy Foley & Roman Reigns. Reigns assured Mick that he won’t interfere in Braun vs. Big Show tonight, but after the match is another story. Gallows & Anderson interrupt and want a rematch this week. Foley tells Roman to find a partner. Reigns doesn’t need a partner because tag teams are shitty compared to Superman. Reigns wants them handicap style again.
I guess the terrible rating and immediate decline from that match last week wasn’t enough for Vince.
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– BRIAN KENDRICK VS. AKIRA TOZAWA –
Kendrick stomps to the ring on a mission. He’s pissed that Tozawa refused to be his “student” and told Brian that he doesn’t like him. Thems fightin’ words. Kendrick asks for a handshake but suckers Tozawa into a clothesline. Kendrick attacks from there and beats down Tozawa before the bell can even ring. Kendrick locks on the Captain’s Hook and lays him out.
Match never happens. Kendrick leaves angry, Tozawa lays in the ring, also angry.
* To the Kendrick & Caruso. Charly interviews Brian. Nobody disrespects THE Brian Kendrick. Tozawa has a lot of learning to do. He needs to learn respect, and tonight was only the first lesson.
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– ROMAN REIGNS VS. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON –
As if it wasn’t shitty enough last week, we get a second dose of this handicap shit. The tag team champions (shitty music and all) are here to give Reigns something to do until his match with Strowman at Fastlane. The champs dominate the first several minutes, Gallows with a near fall off a bear hug slam. They take the fight outside and double team Reigns. Gallows brings a chair into the ring but Roman fights him off and lays in a big boot on Luke. Reigns takes the chair and smashes Gallows with it. Match went 4:00.
Winners by DQ are Gallows & Anderson
What is the point of this shit?
The champs begin to double team Roman after the match, but Reigns Super Man punches Gallows. Anderson jumps off the top rope right into a Spear. Reigns kills Anderson with the spear. It was nice.
The tag champs leave because Reigns is better than both of them combined or some bullshit.
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* New Day announces that they will HOST WrestleMania 33. I’m sure they’re really excited about that gig. From longest reigning Tag Team Champions, to HOSTING WrestleMania. Fuck sakes.
They drag out a long winded worthless shitty ass promo. They talk about their ice cream and other boring shit. I hope they don’t kill WrestleMania with shit like this. Their opponents tonight are Handsome Rusev and Jinder Mahal.
This week, Lana has the blue prints to the Ice Cream plans. They make a joke about Lana being Russian and a hacker. The crowd actually pops for that one. All in all this shit goes on way to fucking long and it’s nothing more than a way to keep promoting this shitty ice cream thing.
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– NEW DAY VS. RUSEV & JINDER MAHAL –
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, these guys are still teaming? Rusev is still wearing the face mask. Rusev with a spin kick on Kofi. The heels have control. Kofi leaps off the middle rope with a Tornado DDT on Rusev and hot tags to Big E. Mahal takes soime overhead belly to bellies from E. Big Splash on Jinder. Big E looks for the Big Ending, but Rusev boots him in the face. Kofi sends Rusev to the floor and hits a sweet dive.
Woods sneaks up behind Lana and blows his horn. She drops her tablet with the hacked information. Woods destroys Lana while the crowd chants USA. This is so fucking stupid.
Midnight Hour on Mahal finishes this in 4:30.
Winners are New Day
* We’re shown a tribute video for George “The Animal” Steele. RIP
It’s followed by another graphic of the Animal.
I don’t want to take anything away from George, it was a very nice video. But it’s pretty fucked up they’re pretending like Ivan Koloff doesn’t even exist. You’d never see another sports or entertainment organization do shit like this.
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– NEVILLE / JACK GALLAGHER CONTRACT SIGNING –
It looks like Austin Aires is hosting the contract signing, which includes tea and biscuits or some shit. Gallagher signs the contract before Neville even comes down. Aries foreshadows a little, calling Neville “delusional” for thinking he is the KING of the Cruisers. Neville signs quickly and starts to leave.
Gallagher asks Neville to stay and have some tea and biscuits. Fans chant “tea and biscuits”. Neville calls Jack a caricature. Neville is the real deal.
Gallagher says he’s not playing a gentleman, he is a gentleman. Neville’s problem is that he thinks he’s better than everyone else, and Jack won’t stand for it.
Gallagher removes his jacket, Neville flips the table over and taunts Jack. Gallagher drops Neville with a double leg and cracks him with the signature headbutt. Neville tries to reenter but Gallagher holds his umbrella to Neville’s throat. Neville leaves an angry troll.
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– NIA JAX VS. SARA PIERCE –
Well the Rock is in the building so you knew this goo turd was getting a spot on the show. Samoan drops ends it in well under a minute.
Winner is Jax
* Charly Caruso interviews Nia Jax in the ring. Caruso’s tits are hanging out and looking fine tonight. Normally I groan when Charly comes on camera, but after tonight I may change that groan to a moan. A good moan at that. Damn those tits are nice. Jax wants to know where her title shit is. She shits on Bayley and Sasha and puts the champ on notice.
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– BAYLEY / STEPHANIE / SASHA BANKS / CHARLOTTE SEGMENT –
Bayley tries to get a home state pop. I’m sorry, she sucks at doing promos. Bayley talks about always envisioning herself winning the WWE Women’s Title and it came true last week.
Bitch Steph comes out rocking some whorey ass clothes. Steph asks Bayley that when she envisioned winning the title, did she envision winning it in a tainted way. Did Bayley win it, or did Sasha win it for her? Steph guilt trips Bayley, saying that all the kids, the fans, even Steph’s kids look up to Bayley for being honest and fair and a good person. Does Bayley really want to keep the title and let down everyone? Crowd chants NO as Bayley takes the belt off and feels like shit. She starts to hand it to Steph when the Boss’ music hits.
Sasha Banks comes out to talk Bayley into keeping the title belt. She tells Bayley to ask her fans. The fans want Bayley to keep the belt.
Steph thinks Sasha Banks is only out here because Sasha thinks she can beat Bayley, and not Charlotte. Steph and Sahsa start to argue when Bayley cuts them off. Bayley doesn’t want to keep a title she didn’t earn, she didn’t win so she answers Stephanie. She tells Stephanie… HELL NO she isn’t giving up the Raw Women’s Title. She pinned Charlotte and she’s the champion.
Stephanie gives a death stare to both Bayley & Sasha.
Charlotte Flair joins the segment. How nice of her. Charlotte apologizes to Stephanie about how disrespectful the other ladies are being. Charlotte doesn’t want Bayley to give back the title, because she’s going to take it back, at Fastlane.
Sasha Banks cuts Charlotte off. Sasha challenges Charlotte to a match tonight. Stephanie books for the match for right now.
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– CHARLOTTE FLAIR VS. SASHA BANKS –
We haven’t seen this 90 times before. Still better than anything else on this shit show. Bayley is on commentary. It’s back and forth to start with some chops thrown in. Sasha misses knees in the corner. CHarlotte misses a shoulder in the corner. Sasha gets offense for a moment until Charlotte drives Banks nose first into the mat and drops some knees for good measure. Sasha works over Banks with a grounded head scissors and a big boot. Sasha is thrown outside and Raw takes a break.
Raw rolls on. Charlotte applies a Dragon sleeper type stretch hold. Sasha flips her way out of it and goes on the offense with some nice dropkicks and a Mysterio bulldog for 2. Charlotte takes a hike to the floor but Sasha off the apron with double knees.
Here comes Dana Brooke jogging down again. But Bayley runs down behind Brooke and lays Dana out before he can interfere!
Charlotte yanks Sasha off the top rope but then throws kick at Bayley. This distraction leads to Banks hitting the Back Stabber, and the Banks Statement. Charlotte TAPS in 10:00!
Winner is Sasha Banks
* DDP IN THE HALL OF FAME
* To the sexy breasts. Can’t get enough of the Charly Caruso tonight. Gimme some momma. Especially now that Emma fucked herself. Sami Zayn is interviewed here. He knew Kevin Owens would turn on Jericho. He says Samoa Joe and KO are the same selfish person. Zayn says time will catch up to Samoa Joe at Fastlane. Time catches up with KO tonight when he faces Zayn.
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– SAMI ZAYN VS. KEVIN OWENS –
Zayn starts to make his way out when Samoa Joe attacks him in the aisle. Joe drives Zayn’s skull into the ring post three times. Zayn said his name in the last segment and Joe warned him about that. Samoa Joe with a running senton on the floor.
Owens looks on and doesn’t give a fuck. Looks like the match will happen anyway. The bell sounds and Owens just plows Zayn in the corner twice with a clothesline and then twice with the cannonball. Pop Up Powerbomb ends this in a little over a minute.
Winner is KO
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And NOW Ivan Koloff gets a random 5 second image in tribute. It’s almost like they got heat and threw something up.
* To the Powers that be. Foley and Bitch Stephanie are backstage. Mick says he enjoys watching Stephanie be embarrassed. They’re really rushing his removal from TV. He tells Stephanie not to treat him like he’s stupid. He refuses to be belittled and for Stephanie to prevent him from standing up for what is right. He isn’t happy bout this entire HHH/Stephanie/Samoa Joe/Rollins shit. Steph warns Foley to be careful, that she wouldn’t want any “accidents” to happen to him.
– BROCK LESNAR & PAUL HEYMAN INTERVIEW –
This is a backstage sit-down interview, and yes they’re really there. Michael Cole tries to conduct the interview but Heyman takes over and Brock runs Cole off. Brock sticks his face in the camera while Heyman cuts a promo. Heyman thinks Owens has shot at beating Goldberg, but Lesnar does not. Brock looks forward in taking Goldbergs legacy, career, and potentially the title from Goldberg at WrestleMania.
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The ring crew is reinforcing the ring for tonight’s main event.
– BRAUN STROWMAN VS. THE BIG SHOW –
This shit is starting 2 minutes into the run over so I don’t expect it to go long. Big Show grabs a wrist lock, Strowman fucking ROLLS THROUGH AND DOES A NIP UP. WHAT THE FUCK???
Show trips Braun down, but Strowman with a side headlock takeover. Strowman drops Show with a clothesline. Braun smashes Show in the corner and drops him with a big boot.
Braun charges Show in the corner hut he gets goozled. Strowman counters with a DDT on Show for 2. Strowman continues to pound down on Show. Another clothesline drops Show for 2. They struggle for a suplex, which Show eventually lands. Back up and Braun runs into a boot. Flying tackle by Big Show!
Chokeslam on Strowman. 1…2… Braun kicks out!
Show goes up for a Vader Bomb but gets knocked off. Show ends up putting Braun on the top rope for the old Superplex spot.
The crowd starts to stand, but they boo when Braun knocks Show off. Strowman jumps off the middle rope into the KO PUNCH! 1…2… BRAUN KICKS OUT. Oh come on get serious.
Big Show for the Vader Bomb again. Strowman gets out of the way and delivers a sloppy Powerslam. Show kicks out at 2!
Show grabs a choke but Braun shakes it off and a second powerslam ends it in 12:00.
Winner is Braun Strowman
As soon as Bruan wins Roman Reigns makes his way out. Superman Punch. A second Superman Punch drops Braun.
Reigns rushes for a spear but runs into a Strowman Dropkick. Running Powerslam drops Reigns.
Strowman reigns supreme again.
