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Raw Pre-Show 8/4/14 from WWE Studios
– It’s Byron Saxton, Booker T, and Alex Riley once again… Some random convo begins the show, and of course the always beloved WWEShop.com endless shilling starts off early. For those who care, you’ve got until Raw starts to purchase your WWE shirts for 35% off…
– We’re off and going with clips from last week’s Stephanie/Brie Bella segment that closed the show. Actually a fun segment given the parties involved… Oh, and they have a Contract Signing tonight on Raw!
– We watch as Randy “Be a Star” Orton attacked Roman Reigns from last week. Discussion about their match at Summerslam.
– Last week, we see the Wyatt Family attack Jericho as he was preparing to defeat Seth Rollins. Then on Smackdown, Jericho defeats Rowan to bar him from ringside at Summerslam. Jericho meets Luke Harper tonight on Raw with the same stipulation. They really need to reach deeper with something more clever for guys this talented….
– The panel talks Cena vs. Lesnar at Summerslam. Tonight on Raw we take a “special look” on their careers leading up until now… ie. neither of these guys are at the show tonight, which I find pathetic and somewhat disgusting when they’re 2 weeks out from the PPV… I guess you don’t have to try as hard when you sell your PPV’s for $10… And they wonder why their Network numbers are crap…
– Renee Young interviews Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter about Swagger’s Flag Match against Rusev at Summerslam. Tonight they go “Russian Hunting”. We the People!
– Working hard to sell Summerslam, squeezing in as much as they can. It’s like a weekly PPV hype show anymore rather than a preshow to Raw…. Rollins and Ambrose discussion next. Not scheduled for Summerslam yet, but it will be…..
– AJ Lee and Paige are feuding… Shucky Ducky Quack Quack…
That is all…
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WWE Raw 8/4/14 from Frank Erwin Events Center in Austin, Texas
– The Authority kicks the show off with Kane, Seth Rollins, and Randy “Miss Piggy” Orton in tow… HHH plugs the WWE Network for $9.99 about a dozen times to the point where the fans chant $9.99 for him… They plug the entire WWE Summerslam lineup… We learn Seth Rollins will meet Dean Ambrose… Tonight Ambrose vs. Del Rio and Rollins vs. RVD, the man who wins fastest (you know, because they’re already expected to win) gets to pick the stip for their match at Slam…
Steph and Brie Bella have a contract signing tonight… Stephanie talks for a moment and gets major heel heat.
Randy “Be a Star” Orton takes the mic and trash talks Roman Reigns.
Reigns interrupts the segment… This should be good considering the major difference in numbers… The entire heel faction stare down Reigns as he stops in the middle of the fans to cut his promo… Reigns says people won’t have to pay $9.99, because he will beat Orton for free, tonight… HHH announces Reigns will actually face Kane on tonight’s Raw in a Last Man Standing match! And that match starts… RIGHT NOW!!!!
-Commercial Break-
1. “Last Man Standing Match”: Roman Reigns vs. Kane. Kane takes Roman down first in the ring, but we’re only seconds in. The match spills to the floor with Reigns taking Kane down next, but Kane is back up and sends Reigns into the steel steps… Kane props the steel steps up on their side in the middle of the entrance aisle.
Both men take turns driving each other into the barricade… Kane randomly finds a kendo stick under the ring and beats Reigns with that, then cracks him in the head with the second pair of steel steps… The two men fight towards the barricade with Kane getting thrown into the crowd as we take a break…
Back from break, Kane in control. Kane tries to whip Reigns into a chair in the corner, but Roman reverses and Kane eats steel…. Reigns on the comeback… Some of the usual, the dropkick on the apron, referee starts to count, but Kane rolls out onto his feet… Back on the floor, Reigns whips Kane into the propped up steps in the aisle. Reigns tosses a table in the ring, and hits a Samoan Drop on Kane. Lawler continuously plugs 9.99 to the point that it’s just ridiculous.
Kane comes back and chokeslams Reigns through the table… Reigns beats the count right before the 10, are you ready for this, at the 9.99 count. Kane grabs Reigns to slam him on a chair, but Roman DDT’s Kane on the chair… SUPERMAN PUNCH FOLLOWS… Announcers can’t figure out why the ref isn’t counting… Stupid ref… Reigns tries a spear but gets goozled… Roman breaks the chokeslam and hits the SPEAR… Kane stays for the 10 count… From a spear…. Match is finally over after 15:00
-Commercial Break-
– Up next, we take a special look into John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar at Summerslam… This is what you do when BOTH of your top two headliners on your so called “#2 PPV” decide they’ve got better things to do than promote the show they’re already getting guaranteed paydays for only 13 days out from the match. You’ve got two Raws left to build the match, they haven’t even worked a show together yet, and now this week neither are here to even promote it… Sad and pathetic, and I blame WWE. Shouting $9.99 isn’t going to make people buy it, you need to actually sell people on the product, common now…
Brock Lesnar proceeds to cut the longest PPV in his entire time back with the company as part of a video. In fact, he cuts a promo longer than everything he’s said for the last 18 months combined. He enjoys hurting people, he drops some swear words cuz he’s cool like that, he ended the streak but asks why it’s so hard to believe. What he does to Cena at Slam will be “ugly”.
Cena responds in the video, says he knows he’s going to take an ass beating, but he’s going to be the one, who beat the one, who beat the one. Cena says Brock comes back for random matches for the money. John has been here for 12 years straight due to heart.
Eh, video was better than I expected. It wasn’t just your typical highlight package gimmick…
Brock closes by saying he’s going to leave Cena in a pile of blood, urine, and vomit…
They hype $9.99 a month FOUR MORE TIMES…
-Commercial Break-
– Boomer Sooner Music hits!!! It’s Jim Ross!!!! No… It’s Damien Sandow in a Sooner’s uniform, mocking the Texas Longhorns…
2. Mark Henry vs. Damien Sandow. Henry is sporting a Longhorns shirt… Henry scoops Sandow up in the World’s Strongest Slam, walks around for about 30 seconds, and dumps Sandow in a major squash… Match was 45 seconds.. Henry wins as the announcers take liberties on Jim Ross…
– Adam Rose and his Rosebuds are in the back with the “Oculus Mirror”. He looks into the mirror to see his evil self… We go into a dream sequence, and it’s Rose in a suit and a pen in place of a sucker… It’s a frickin Lemon!!! WTF was the point of that?????????????????????????
-Commercial Break-
Next Monday, it’s Hulk Hogan’s BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION on Raw, with special surprise guests!!! The final Raw before Summerslam, the hard sell, Hulk’s Birthday! Wooo!!!
3. Dean Ambrose vs. Alberto Del Rio. It’s beat the clock challenge time. If Ambrose can win his match faster than Rollins, he gets to pick their Summerslam match stip. It’s back and forth to begin. ADR gets Ambrose to chase him outside and Dean gets thrown into the barricade. Del Rio takes over in the ring. Del Rio controls the next few minutes, but they end up back outside where Ambrose takes over with a suplex on the floor. The announcers continue to CONSTANTLY plug the Network and it’s absolutely stupid by this point. Ambrose misses a charge in the corner and hits his injured shoulder on the post. ADR goes to work on Dean’s shoulder, but Ambrose keeps fighting back. ADR counters a Tornado DDT and flings Ambrose into the middle of the ring and hits a big kick to the side of Dean’s head. Dean rolls outside to the floor and it’s time for a break! We’re 6:59 into the match…
Back from break, we’re 10:22 into the match now… ADR has a wrist lock on Dean. Ambrose fights back, ADR to the floor… Dean with a Suicide Dive on Alberto. Ambrose with a dropkick off the top on Del Rio. Del Rio reverses an Irish whip, but Dean ducks the enzuigiri in the corner… Ambrose comes back with a Tornado DDT for 2… Dean goes for his finisher, but his shoulder hurts and ADR escapes… Del Rio rips Dean’s bandages off his shoulder and hits him with an INVERTED SUPERPLEX!!!! 1……2…………AMBROSE KICKS OUT!!!
Ambrose counters a Cross Armbreaker with a roll up for 2… Dean bounces back from a superkick with a clothesline for 2… ADR blocks Dean’s finisher again and locks on a Cross Ambreaker over top of the ropes until a 4 count… ADR sets up for the Cross armbreaker in the middle of the ring again, but Dean counters into Dirty Deeds for the win in 15:42…
Either Del Rio took Dirty Deeds really crappy, or Dean has been forced to make the move more wrestler friendly.
– We get a video package of the Brie/Stephanie feud, and then Rusev on his way to the ring for action…
-Commercial Break-
4. Rusev (w/Lana) vs. Sin Cara. Okay, so apparently this entire match took place during the break… Rusev CRUSH…
So when we return, Rusev is already celebrating his win. Lana shows pictures of Putin with a Leopard, and Obama with a dog. It’s Obama’s birthday today. Lana sings Happy Birthday to Obama in… in Russian…
Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter cut her off, though not quick enough… Swagger is OVER… Wow… Can’t believe this foreign crap is getting over so well in 2014… Zeb shuts Lana up, says Russians drink vodka to drown out the women’s voices… Colter shows pictures of who Swagger is fighting for, images of construction workers, nurses, and of course the soldiers. Loud “USA” chants follow. It’s fun when a mid-card match is this over…
Zeb gets the fans to stand up and say “We the People”…
Rusev starts to talk trash to Swagger off mic. Rusev attacks Swagger with the flagpole and beats him down. Rusev knocks Jack out of the ring and then goes after Zeb Colter…
Colter backs into a corner, but he won’t run… Go Dutch Go!!! Zeb stands his ground, but Lana pulls Rusev back and just mocks Colter… Segment ends with Lana getting her jollies and Colter fuming…
-Commercial Break-
5. Dolph Ziggler vs. Cesaro. The Miz is on commentary. Back and forth to start, Ziggler hits the standing dropkick, Zigs charges for a jumping DDT for Cesaro spins it into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2… Cesaro picks Zigs up for a one arm vertical suplex, but Ziggler counter and turns it into a ZIGZAG for the win in 2:00… Holy shittyness… One week after working Cena, Cesaro jobs in 2:00…
The Miz confronts Ziggler after the match. Miz holds up the IC Title, and Ziggler mocks throwing a Superkick. Miz takes a bump to dodge the kick and Dolph gets a laugh out of it. Don’t hit that moneymaker… Oh yeah, these two are locked for Summerslam.
– Tom Phillips interviews Paige after we see Smackdown footage of Paige knocking AJ off the entrance stage. AJ is suffering from ‘whiplash’ from the incident.
– Stardust and Goldust RETURN to Raw…
-Commercial Break-
6. Stardust & Goldust vs. Ryback and Curtis Axel. First things first… They need a team name. Typing that gets confusing. Have the Rhodes boys wrestled another team with this gimmick yet? Still not sure why they were even off TV ring wise, nothing appears to be different. Goldy and Ryback start. I can’t say enough how much Axel and Ryback have progressed since teaming together. Rybaxel takes over after Curtis trips Goldust up from the outside. Stardust is all over the apron getting the crowd to chant. Hot tag to Stardust, cross armed DDT on Axel gets 2 when Ryback breaks it up. Goldust takes Ryback out of the ring, and Stardust hits a Downward Spiral which Michael Cole calls “Dark Matter” for the win in in 3:15.
No idea how this was any different than the other Dusts vs. Rybaxel matches.
– Backstage, HHH & Stephanie are talking. Kane walks in and takes his mask off. Kane hands his mask back to Stephanie and walks off….
-Commercial Break-
7. Chris Jericho vs. Luke Harper (w/Rowan). If Harper loses, he is barred from ringside at SummerSlam during the Wyatt/Jericho match… Still not a fan of this Rowan and Harper theme… Maybe it’ll grow on me. Lots of Harper on offense, Jericho with plenty of counter attempts, but Harper just kept plowing through… Big boot and sit-out Powerbomb by Harper gets damn near a 3 count… Close fall!!! Jericho comes back, goes for the Lionsault but Rowan gets onto the apron. Jericho dropkicks Rowan off. Jericho gets Harper in the Walls, but the lights go out!!!
When they come back on, Bray Wyatt is pacing at ringside… Rowan attacks Jericho but eats a Codebreaker… Harper attacks Jericho next but also eats a Codebreaker and rolls to the floor… Bray attacks causing the DQ @ 5:15.
Wyatt now has a taped thumb and jabs it in Jericho’s throat before landing Sister Abigail to end the segment…
Well Harper lost by DQ, I GUESS that means he’s barred at SummerSlam? No idea with WWE…
-Commercial Break-
– AJ Lee returns tomorrow to address the Paige situation.
8. Diego (w/Torito, Leyla, Summer Rae) vs. Fandango (w/Hornswoggle). Really??? Again??? This is what happens when you cut your entire job squad… Please, tell me, WHO thinks this is funny, good, or belongs on TV in any capacity? Fandango charges Diego, Diego moves and Fandango runs into Hornswoggle on the apron. Horny gets knocked to the floor, Fandango is distracted and takes a Backstabber from Diego for the finish in 40 seconds…
Everyone celebrates after the match, including Hornswoggle. Fandango attacks Hornswoggle, Diego whips Fandango into REY MYSTERIO OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A SEATED SENTON!!!! No wait… It was El Torito… I was confused due to the similar height comparison… But Torito delivers it better… And Torito likely didn’t get hurt….
– Renee Young is in the back with Randy “The Bully” Orton. Short promo, he’s anti-Roman Reigns… All Orton needs is a derby, a turtleneck, and a cigar, he’d make a great Bully.
– Bo Dallas on his way to the ring… Hope he doesn’t start a losing streak… He started getting over, and we just can’t have that….
-Commercial Break-
9. R-Truth vs. Bo Dallas. Truth ended Bo Dallas’ streak last week. Living proof, that you better not get over unless you’re booked to get over, damn it! Some quick aggressive stuff from both guys. Truth gets off some of his better offense. Truth with a huge Stinger Splash in the corner and damn near falls out of the ring… Truth misses a scissors kick and Bo rolls him up with the hook of the tights for the win in 1:30…
Bo begins to celebrate post match, Truth attacks Bo on the floor. But Dallas hits the BODOG ON THE FLOOR!!! Well, Truth asked for it!
Dallas takes another victory lap… Fun
-Commercial Break-
– Bray Wyatt Promo from the darkness… Sweet, was hoping we’d get one of these so close to SummerSlam. Bray acknowledges that both Rowan and Harper won’t be in his corner at Slam, but Sister Abigail will be. Good little promo, Bray closes with a song…
– We get the Cena vs. Lesnar video package…. AGAIN… Seriously? You can’t find something else to fill the segment?
Just a fun note… As I type up this show, I’m chatting with four people online… Three of them have stopped watching the show by this point… Some left many segments ago.
I seriously can’t believe they played that Cena/Brock video again… It’s not like it’s a short package… Fill that time boys!
-Commercial Break-
10. Seth Rollins vs. Rob Van Dam. Beat the Clock Challenge. Seth has to beat RVD AND 15:42 to pick the SummerSlam match stip against Ambrose. If this match were to go 15:00 we’d be looking at 11:03, and would still have a contract signing segment… Soooo, my guess is Rollins just loses this match outright, thanks to Dean…
As the match begins, it’s announced that RVD WON’T BE THE CHALLENGER…. Heath Slater comes out to replace RVD… Wow…. This truly is “CRAP ON THE FANS” night… Still be funny to see Slater win here though…
10. Seth Rollins vs. Heath Slater. Rollins invites Slater to leave the ring. Slater starts to leave but attacks Seth… Rollins is immediately on the offense and beats Slater down. Ambrose shows up at ringside and distracts Rollins. Slater hits a flying neckbreaker for 2… Seth right back on top… Ambrose grabs the MITB Briefcase, Dean opens the Briefcase and grabs the Contract! Ambrose RIPS THE CONTRACT IN HALF… Seth gets distracted, Heath hits a Booker T side kick for another near fall… Ambrose continues to play with Rollins from the outside, dumping popcorn and pop into the briefcase. That’s right I call it POP… Ambrose finally sticks JBL’s hat into the briefcase and closes it shut with all the garbage inside. Seth becomes distracted again, Slater with a roll up and the 3 count in 4:50. Heath Slater wins, with the 3 Man Band music still in tact.
Well, I got the finish right, just the wrong guy…
-Commercial Break-
It’s contract signing time, and we’re already past the 11pm hour… This should be good… Did they throw Heath Slater in the semi-main segment to blame him for this week’s low ratings???
They spend time hyping the Network, immediately following Raw the Cena vs. Lesnar match will stream live. Yayyy
It’s 11:02 and Stephanie and Trips are just now entering the ring. I hope this means the segment is short and sweet. Nikki is with Brie. Is this where Nikki turns? Nah, too early…
HHH puts over his wife. Brie is gagging from the love. Stephanie mocks Daniel Bryan and wants to know if he recovered.
Brie asks Stephanie has she “Still Recovered” from the slap… Great promo. Brie calls Steph a “jail bert” and continues with more bad promo. Brie says she’s going to show Stephanie up. It’s for Big Show, Vickie, The Rhodes Family, and everyone else that has paid due to the Authority taking advantage of them. Huge “CM Punk” chants.
Steph points out she’s a 4th generation McMahon… Because apparently the McMahon’s have only been alive for 4 generations. They do their back and forth crap and sign the contract. McMahon says she’s going to tear Brie’s heart out. Stephanie then knocks Nikki Bella to the mat. Stephanie Pedigrees Nikki Bella, while HHH holds Brie back in the corner.
HHH mocks Brie with a “Yes” chant, and Brie slaps the crap out of Trips… Stephanie then attacks Brie, rams her on the table and Pedigrees her as well…. Nothing like putting yourself over when you’re a McMahon… Stephanie McMahon, world beater, grabbing the wrong kinda heat, the groan and moan heat.
Crowd doesn’t like it… And not in a heelish good way, but as in a “bullshit, I’m not going to make any noise” way.
That does it.
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No Raw “Backstage Pass” Post Show Tonight… Gotta save that money!!!
No complaints here, they’ve made it worthless anyway…
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