The WWE Raw Report 8/29/16

WWE Raw Pre-Show Notes 8/29/16

Before I begin just a quick shout out to the great Mr. Fuji… Thank you for the memories, and RIP.

– Stanford, Lawler, Lita, Booker T are in the studio. Lawler rips Colin Kaepernick early in the show… He says Kap is drawing attention by doing stupid things to take people’s mind off the fact that he sucks at football… I love it. lol

– Finn Balor won the Universal Title… Then relinquished it 24 hours later… Tonight there’s a Fatal 4 Way to determine the new champ… It appears now the 4 way has been changed to an ELIMINATION match…. Interesting. That actually makes me care a little more now that 3 guys have to job.

– Cesaro was pissed he’s stuck in a 7 series with Sheamus and didn’t get a title chance. No shit… Lawler says Cesaro is a great wrestler but the reason he isn’t pushed is because he needs to go to the mall and buy a personality… Ouch.

– Bayley debuted last week and will be facing Charlotte for the title. Sasha Banks joins via Skype to talk to the panel. Booker labels her as “injury prone like Wade Barrett, and now he’s gone”. Damn, these preshow hosts are tough… Sasha answers questions the best she can but she’s not really in Boss character….

– Mr. Fuji clip is played. They briefly talk Mr. Fuji.

THE WWE RAW REPORT 8/29/16 at the Toyota Center in Houston, TX

– Show opens with an RIP image of Mr. Fuji…

– Video plays of last week’s WWE Universal Title situation.

SETH ROLLINS / ROMAN REIGNS / BIG CASS / KEVIN OWENS SEGMENT

Raw kicks off with all four title challengers sitting in the ring with Corey Graves. Rollins immediately cuts Corey off to take over. Seth craps on Finn Balor and suggests he is the favorite to win tonight. Rollins doesn’t need to talk so he gives Kevin Owens the mic to get himself over. GIGANTIC “Fight Owens Fight” chant. Owens buries Graves, lol. Owens suggests Cass is tall but has no ability.

Cass and Owens go back and forth, it’s actually somewhat funny. Seth says Cass has no chance to win and even Enzo bet against him. Cass tells Seth that he has a small wiener, I think. They establish this is a elimination match.

Once all that is over Seth turns to Reigns and says the certainties in life are death, taxes, and Seth beating Reigns every time. Crowd boos Roman’s response, lol. Reigns doesn’t speak, he just attacks Owens… And it’s on with all four men brawling… It comes down to Cass and Reigns for a staredown before Rollins attacks… Reigns dumps Cass, Superman Punch to Rollins…. Reigns stands alone in the ring with the title… Enjoy the moment Roman, because you’re not winning the belt.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Backstage, Tom Phillips interviews Chris Jericho. Jericho puts over Owens as the next Universal Champion. Jericho proceeds to tell Neville he’s going to get…. Tom Phillips says “IT”… Jericho says IT doesn’t even make sense… Instead tonight Neville will get the gift of Jericho… Drink it in maaaaaaan. LOL

MATCH #1: CHRIS JERICHO VS. NEVILLE
Neville with a nice flying forearm early, and he catapults Jericho to the floor. Neville teases a dive but Jericho goes running. Back inside Neville hits an insanely HIGH cross body for 2. Jericho hides behind the referee and goes to the eyes of Neville. Jericho with a cheap shot and he takes over as we go to break.

Back from break, Jericho throws Neville off the top rope. Neville still manages to come back with a baseball slide knee on the apron and then an Asai Moonsault to the floor on Jericho. Springboard dropkick gets 2. Jericho counters a German and tries the Walls, but Neville wiggles free and drops Jericho with an enzuigiri. Jericho moves from Red Arrow, but Neville lands on his feet. Neville tries a Rana, but Jericho counters into the WALLS and gets the tap out in 11:00.

Really solid TV match.

– Bayley is walking in the back and she runs into New Day. They have fun. Dana Brooke rumbles in. They mock her. Dana namedrops Gallows and Anderson, New Day mock them too. Seems to be leading to a 6 person match tonight.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #2: NIA JAX VS. HYAN
No idea how to spell the name of this girl (pronounced Hi-On)… Terrible one sentence promo from Hyan, or whatever her name is. She sounds HIGH ON something. Nia obliterates her and pins her with the fireman’s carry into the side slam in just over 1:00.

– Dear God, the “comedy” segments continue with Gallows and Anderson. They “used to be” doctors, now they work in a retirement home. Hence them retiring the Dudleys last week. New Day needs to retire as champions. Nurse Dana Brooke shows up. Then the segment abruptly ends. Ummm Okay.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– A video hyping Seth Rollins for the Title match tonight.

MATCH #3: SAMI ZAYN VS. JINDER MAHAL
Zayn is selling his ankle from last week’s match with Rollins. Zayn controls early, hits a spin kick. Mahal powders and takes advantage of Zayn from behind. Jinder with a little offense before Zayn clotheslines him hard and lands an Exploder Suplex into the corner. Helluva kick ends it just like that in 3:00.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Charlotte joins commentary. They replay a part of Sasha Banks’ interview from the preshow. Charlotte comments. She’ll stay on for commentary for the next match.

MATCH #4: NEW DAY (w/WOODS) & BAYLEY VS. GALLOWS, ANDERSON, & DANA BROOKE
For the first time in my memory Dana actually looks pretty hot. Might be the nurses outfit. Bayley with La Magistral on Dana early for 2. Brooke makes sure not to miss her face on the turnbuckle this week. The men tag in. Big E launches Anderson around the ring. Then it’s Kofi’s turn for some quick moves. Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise but still lands a spinning kick to send Karl into their corner. Unicorn stampede. Bayley even joins in. New Day & Bayley clear the ring and dance as we go to break.

Back from break, the heels have control on Kofi for the next few minutes. Gallows knocks Big E off the apron to prevent a hot tag, but Bayley gets the hot tag moments later. Bayley hits her spots, Anderson stops the pin. Kofi with an insane five out onto Gallows. New Day wipe out Gallows and Anderson on the floor. Bayley to Belly on Dana in the ring ends this in 13:30.

– Cesaro interview. Nobody likes Sheamus…. True

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Big Cass video hyping the title match tonight.

– In the ring Sheamus responds to Cesaro. He says Cesaro is desperate and blah blah blah. Sheamus is better.

MATCH #5: CESARO VS. SHEAMUS
This is match two in a series of….sigh… seven. Slow and boring. “Sheamus Sucks” chants. Sheamus sells his elbow. Cesaro sends Sheamus to the floor twice and we go to break.

Back from break, Irish Curse backbreaker gets 2. Cesaro comes back with Uppercut Mania all over the ring… They go outside, Sheamus backdrops Cesaro onto the apron and ring post… Nice bump by Cesaro who sells his back. Back inside Sheamus applies the Cloverleaf for the quick tap out in 13:00 or so.

The trainers check on Cesaro’s back post match. And since we;re not counting the first two weeks where Cesaro beat Sheamus, Sheamus is now up 2-0.

– We get a nice video on the passing of Mr. Fuji. BANZAI!

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Kevin Owens video hyping the title match tonight.

MATCH #6: BRAUN STROWMAN VS. AMERICO
Americo is so scared he can’t speak to Byron. Americo is about 4’11” and 130 pounds in a cheap red, white and blue outfit and mask. Oklahoma Stampede, then a reverse Oklahoma Stampede, both of them just ridiculously stiff for no good reason. He throws Americo into the air and spikes his face into the mat like the Beverly Brothers. Pure death. This goes 45 seconds at best.

Braun rips the mask off of Americo.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

STEPHANIE MCMAHON / PAUL HEYMAN SEGMENT

Well, it was nice to go without her for 2 hours, I almost forgot she existed… But here comes Stephanie in a terrible dress. Paul Heyman interrupts quickly. Brock was fined a whopping $500 for his attack on Shane, so Heyman is paying Steph right now. He starts counting one dollars bills and throws the money on the canvas, lol. Stephanie swats a wad of cash out of the ring.

Steph says Brock provides value, but Heyman does not. Stephanie tells Paul that a storm is coming his way. Heyman informs Steph that Brock IS the storm. Heyman apologizes and talks for a bit. Steph accepts. Steph walks off while Heyman laughs and makes an evil smirk. Apparently she doesn’t see it on the GIANT SCREEN titan tron thingy in front of her face.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Roman Reigns video hyping the title match tonight.

MATCH #7: TITUS O’NEIL VS. DARREN YOUNG (w/BOB BACKLUND)
No crowd noise for Titus at all. Not really any crowd noise for Young either. Young goes right after Titus and Titus bails. Titus whips Young into the corner and Young takes the Harley Race/HHH bump over the top rope outside and takes a nasty bump by the camera man. Much like their last match, Titus just destroys Young the entire match. Titus gloats and winds up in a crucifix and Young wins the match out of nowhere in 4:00. Young wins and the crowd doesn’t make a single noise…

Titus attacks both Young & Backlund post match. Clash of the Titus on Darren. Backlund gets dropped… Same old shit.

How does this shit make Darren Young great? How does this shit make anyone even relatively okay?

– Backstage, Mick Foley thinks they should ban everyone from the Fatal 4 Way tonight. Stephanie agrees, all friends, partners, etc… are banned from ringside. Seth Rollins interrupts. Stephanie is selling this like they’re crowning the FIRST Universal Champion. I guess SummerSlam didn’t count. Stephanie backs Rollins.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Mick Foley & Stephanie at ringside for the main event. It’s only 10:26pm est, so this is going to be a long one.

FATAL 4 WAY ELIMINATION MATCH

FOR THE VACANT UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP

MATCH #8: SETH ROLLINS VS. ROMAN REIGNS VS. KEVIN OWENS VS. BIG CASS

Enzo accompanies Big Cass out as the last contestant in the match. They do their spiel on the ramp. The other three in the ring are SAWWWWFT. Enzo leaves ringside. The entrances and intros eat up about 7 minutes of time, and then we go to break to eat up another 3 minutes… So that knocked off 10 minutes of TV time. While we’re on commercials I might note I wouldn’t be surprised if Rusev comes out to cause Reigns his elimination.

Okay, so there doesn’t appear to be tags in this match so I’m obviously not going to try and call every spot. Four way brawl for the first several minutes leads to just Reigns and Cass int he ring. Crowd solidly in favor of Cass there. Cass blocks a Superman Punch and Big Boots Reigns face out of the ring… Nice! Rollins suicide dive onto Cass, Owens drops Rollins on the barricade. Reigns launches over the top rope for a dive onto Cass and KO. Raw goes to break.

Back from break, all 4 men are still outside. Owens then works over Cass in the ring. Rollins eventually pulls KO outside and sends him into the barricade. Seth drives Cass face first into the buckle. Reigns back in takes out Seth and KO, but Cass once again BIG BOOTS Reigns. lol. Cass starts Stinger Splashing everyone. He big boots KO off the apron. Empire Elbow to Rollins. I feel an elimination coming…

Cass goes for the Fall away slam but Reigns comes out of nowhere with a Superman Punch to Cass, then Rollins superkicks Cass, then Owens lands the Frog Splash on Cass, and big Cass is eliminated in 12:38. Crowd was happy Owens got the pin but wasn’t happy Cass is gone and Reigns is still there. Raw goes to break.

Back from break again, we get the suplerplex/powerbomb triple man spot. Owens rolls outside. Seth and Reigns battle. Rollins with a Falcon Arrow for a near fall on Roman. Rollins tries the Pedigree but is backdropped to the apron. Rollins with an enzuigiri and tries a springboard, but runs into the SUPERMAN PUNCH…1…………2………….Rollins kicks out!

Reigns tries a spear, runs into Seth. Enzuigiri by SRollins. KO comes in and superkicks Rollins. Cannonballs to both men by KO. Owens runs into a SUPERMAN PUNCH… 1……………2……………….KO kicks out.

KO tries the Pop Up Powerbomb, Reigns comes down with the SUPERMAN PUNCH again. KO rolls outside. Seth tries a pedigree on Reigns but Romn counters for a near fall. Drive By on Rollins. Superman Punch on KO outside…. SPEAR on the floor to Rollins… I smell another elimination coming.

IT’S HHH……….. HHH OUTTA NOWHERE…. HHH PEDIGREES REIGNS ON THE FLOOR. HHH throws Rollins into the ring. Seth pins Reigns in 23:46.

Now HHH throws KO into the ring and offers to help Seth beat down KO. HHH TURNS ON ROLLINS. PEDIGREE TO ROLLINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Owens looks shocked as fuck…

OWENS COVERS….

1………..2…………….3…………….

Owens wins in 26:00…

And after a great match with super crowd heat, the finish kills the entire fucking thing.

HHH eliminated 2 out of the 3 of the guys…

HHH hands KO the belt and celebrates with him.

HHH gets in the face of Mick Foley… Foley isn’t happy. Even Stephanie looks completely shocked… HHH leaves through the crowd…

Well I’m not sure what this does for Owens since HHH eliminated everyone for him. I’m not sure what this does for the title since it’s about as tainted of a title match as I’ve ever seen.

But the fans are excited that Owens is champion… “You deserve it” chants.

I’m good with KO as champ, but that entire finish was some of the biggest garbage I’ve witnessed, and that covers a LOT of ground.