The WWE Raw Preshow Notes 8/22/16
– It’s Stanford, Lawler, Lita, and Booker. We immediately learn that Finn Balor is out for at least 6 months with a shoulder injury thanks to the powerbomb into the barricade last night… When he took the bump and tried to catch himself for protection I thought an injury was imminent but when he kept going on with the match I assumed he survived any serious injuries. Guess I was right the first time… Ban the Curb Stomp, but let Rollins end Sting’s career and now this with the powerbomb move. And don’t even get me started on how lucky Ambrose has been when taking the move outside…. Balor will relinquish his newly won title tonight.
– So this Brock Lesnar guy, he made Randy Orton a jobber bitch last night. I don’t even begin to understand the rationalization of this type of booking. The finish, the fact that it went on last, after another match that didn’t even take place, with the hard way strikes that could potentially cause a concussion…. none of it makes sense… Oh, and Randy Orton looked like a bruised turd from the entire fiasco. Go Smackdown! But then they turn the story to Shane McMahon, who sold the F-5 longer than the bump he took off the frickin Cell at Mania.
– Rusev & lana on Skype. Roman Reigns sucks.
– Charlotte post match interview. She’s humble, she beat the best, and did it on her own.
– Angle alert. The Dudleys are teasing retiring tonight. Maybe Bubba gets that singles run.
– Big E returns vs. Karl Anderson tonight. Ugh
WWE RAW REPORT 8/22/16 from Brooklyn, NY
FINN BALOR RELINQUISHES TITLE
– Show opens with Stephanie and Foley in the ring. Out comes Finn Balor to relinquish his title. He promises to return and regain the title when he’s ready. The new Universal title is turned over to the authority…
Seth Rollins passes Balor on the top of the stage as Finn makes his way back… Seth hits the ring and wants the title turned over to him, he wants to celebrate winning the championship…
Cue Zami Zayn…
Cue Chris Jericho…
Cue Kevin Owens…
Cue Enzo & Cass…
Cue Roman Reigns….
They all want a shot at becoming Universal Champion… So a tournament will start tonight to determine the new champion. The first match starts now between Rollins vs. Zayn…
ROllins attacks Zayn pre-match and knocks him silly and sends him to the floor…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #1: SETH ROLLINS VS. SAMI ZAYN
Match has already started, solid back and forth stuff leads to Sami doing his reverse springboard leapfrog and he comes down really funky on his right leg… Looks like he hurt his ankle to me, might be the knee… Zayn can barely stand on it but refuses to stop the match and wants to continue… Barely able to walk on it, Zayn manages a somersault dive to the floor. Raw goes to break…
Back from break, Zayn is still having issues with his leg but never stops, working as best as he can to put on a solid match. He eats a boot when trying the Helluva Kick, which he can’t even run so it was for the best… Rollins ends the match in around 10:00…
Honestly, for a guy who literally had one leg to stand on, Zayn put on a HELLUVA show for what it was. Hoping the injury isn’t severe. This is getting out of hand…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #2: KEVIN OWENS VS. NEVILLE
Apparently, Neville wasn’t good enough for the opening segment, but he IS in the title hunt here… Good solid stuff to get the match going. Neville lands a twisty dive to the floor on Owens. Neville also connects with a 450 splash off the apron to the floor. We go to break early on.
Back from break, Chris Jericho is at ringside. Neville dodges a cannonball splash in the corner. Owens misses a frog splash. Neville with a corkscrew moonsault from the middle rope gets 2. Neville with amazing strength dead lifts Owens into the air for a German… Owens dodges a Red Arrow but Neville lands on his fet. Superkick from KO… Owens tries for the powerbomb but Neville turns it into a roll up for 2… Neville with an enzuigiri drops KO… Neville goes for the Red Arrow but Jericho distracts… Neville hits a sliding dropkick on the apron to Jericho’s face… Neville goes back up top but gets crotched… Owens plants him with a fireman’s neckbreaker for the win in maybe 10:00.
This match was okay. Nothing bad at all, but could have stolen the show if given the time and was allowed to do so. It was fine for TV but nothing “must-see”.
– We learn that the winners of tonight’s tournament matches will meet next week in a Fatal Four Way for the title…Booking as they go along… 😛
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
NEW DAY / GALLOWS & ANDERSON SEGMENT
An entire segment of a New Day promo.. Surprise… Eventually, Gallows and Anderson interrupt and call it stupid… So says the guys who have been carrying eggs in a jar and wearing lab coats… They argue back and forth. Nothing happens. We go to break. Very eventful… Yawn.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #3: BIG E (w/NEW DAY) VS. KARL ANDERSON (w/GALLOWS)
Match is in progress, probably for the best. Abdominal stretch by Big E and he slaps Karl’s ass in the process. Anderson takes over and works on the leg of E. Big E battles back and sends Karl to the floor… Gallows lays out Kofi & Woods on the floor… Big E tries the spear/drive through the ropes but Anderson blocks it with a knee to the face…
Outside the ring, Kofi & Woods lay out Gallows, Big Ending finishes off Anderson like a jobber in 4:00 of TV time.
This was basically nothing, the heels can’t even get a singles win. Pointless. New Day doesn’t need wins like this to stay over…
– Dudley Boyz say Good Bye tonight.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
TITUS O’NEIL / BACKLUND / YOUNG SEGMENT
Lats year the Prime Time Playas were the tag champs until they lost to the New Day. He rips on Brooklyn. Darren Young wouldn’t be relevant if it wasn’t for Titus. He rips on Young. THIS IS TERRIBLE… I can’t believe he hasn’t been cut off yet. Titus blames Young for all of his failures… He’s screwing up his lines.. lol… This must be amusing Vince… Rips on Backlund. Titus calls out Young. Nobody comes out… I think this is a rib, lol… Titus ad-libs and keeps going… IT’S EMBARRASSING….
Out comes Bob Backlund. Titus attacks, but Backlund fights back!!! Bob trying the crossface chicken wing!!!!! Titus escapes and drives Backlund to the mat. Backlaund acts as if he’s killed. Darren Young rushes out to check on Bob, and gets the Clash of the Titus…
O’Neil leaves to no crowd noise… The Titus promo was so embarrassing it’s almost worth watching, especially the (assuming) ad-lib stuff where he had to keep talking.
This is NOT how to make Darren Young GOOD, much less great…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #4: BIG CASS (w/ENZO) VS. RUSEV (w/LANA)
This is another tourney match. Apparently Enzo isn’t good enough to be in the tournament but somehow Big Cass is. Apparently Cesaro doesn’t deserve a spot because he’s off doing a best of 7 for absolutely nothing. Literally, for nothing.
Rusev is sporting taped ribs. This match barely has time to start before the take a break…
Back from break, Rusev has control after Cass misses a Stinger Splash and Rusev hit a spinning heel kick. Basic offense from Rusev. Cass makes the coneback. Rusev rolls outside to dodge the Empire elbow and sells his ribs on the floor… RUSEV WALKS OFF…. HE FUCKING GETS COUNTED OUT ON PURPOSE IN A UNIVERSAL TITLE MATCH… WHAT… THE…. EFFFFF??????
Match went 8:45… It was nothing… Seriously, who the hell is writing this garbage???
– Backstage, Phillips interviews Owens & Jericho. It’s immediately brought up if both men advance to the 4 way next week. They both say they will win.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
CHARLOTTE & DANA BROOKE / FOLEY PROMO
Ugh, Brooke is back with her. Please don’t let this be the next feud. Charlotte gloats for a while and then tries to leave, but she’s interrupted by Mick Foley… Mick says Sasha will get a rematch when she returns.
Mick Foley introduces the newest woman to the WWE roster….
BAYLEY DEBUTS…….
Boy Smackdown can’t get a fair shake at shit. Charlotte doesn’t look pleased.
“You deserve it” chants follow. She wants to seal it with a hug… She hugs Foley…
Charlotte mocks Foley’s new acquisition. She says there’s a reason Bayley was left behind in NXT. Charlotte says Bayley is trying to upsateg her. bayley corrects her, and says she just wants to challenge Charlotte for the title. Charlotte says Bayley has to beat Dana Brooke first… Since when did Brooke become the #1 contender???
Foley agrees to the match and it’s next!
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #5: BAYLEY VS. DANA BROOKE (w/CHARLOTTE)
If Bayley beats Brooke then she gets a title match. Well that was fast. Bayley has fun with Brooke and controls on the mat. Brooke is terrible and completely MISSES turnbuckle smashes by a half a foot, hitting it with her pony tail, looked absolutely ridiculous… Dana sends Bayley to the floor and beats her down outside. Brooke with a surfboard type move back inside. Bayley makes her comeback. Spinning elbow. Bayley to belly and beats Dana like a turd. 5:00.
– Backstage interview with Roman Reigns. He means business tonight. Crappy, but short.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Cruiserweight Classic video. Cruiserweights arrive on Raw September 19th.
– Sheamus interview. He’s up 1-0 on Cesaro in a Best of 7 for nothing series… Apparently they’re waiting until next week for match #2, which prolongs this entire turd pile an extra week.
– Byron Saxton interviews “Johnny Knockout”, Strowman’s opponent. Knockout says he’s doing this because he “likes big, sweaty, men”… OOOOOOOOOOOOOOkay. So this is how they incorporate gay characters?
MATCH #6: BRAUN STROWMAN VS. JOHNNY KNOCKOUT
Strowman mauls the guy and the reverse chokeslam ends this in 1:00.
Post match Strowman hits his old finisher, and makes the referee count 3 again…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
THE DUDLEY BOYZ SAY GOODBYE…
Bubba talks the last year and thanks the fans for respecting them whether they loved or hated them. D-Von talks about their history, being a part of TLC. He puts over the people they have faced and calls WWE his home. Without the fans their would be no Dudleys. Bubba says they’re going out on their own terms and thanks the fans. TESTIFY…
The Shining Stars interrupt… They call the Dudleys washed up and tell them to leave. They have a going away present for the Dudleys. They got them tickets to Puerto Rico. They run down the Dudleys.
The Dudleys finally attack…. 3D on Epico… What’s up headbutt to Primo. Time to GET THE TABLES….
They set up putting Primo through a table, but Anderson & Gallows attack the Dudleys… Ugh, WTF? Is the tag title feud just over???
Nagic Killer on the floor on Bubba.
D-Von tries to fight back but he gets put through the table with the Magic Killer.
Segment ends… Wow… Definitely not what I was expecting… And that’s not a good thing either…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #6: ROMAN REIGNS VS. CHRIS JERICHO
The winner of this one gets the final spot in the Fatal 4 Way next week for the Universal Title. Jericho does some running around early and gets Reigns to chase him. Eventually, Jericho catches Roman in the eye and knocks him to the floor. Raw goes to final break.
Back from break, Jericho has control and the crowd is strongly behind him. Jericho with a nice dropkick gets 2. Chinlock time. Jericho goes back to Reigns’ eye and tries a bulldog but gets thrown off into the corner… Actually it looked like Jericho threw himself off and Roman has no idea WTF is going on… Reigns makes his comeback. Clothesline-O-Mania is running wild.
Jericho ducks a Superman Punch, Reigns counters the Walls, Jericho nails an enzuigiri for a 2 count… Jericho comes off the top right into a punch from Reigns. Drive By dropkick on the apron. Jericho comes back but tries a Lionsault and lands on the knees of Reigns…
Superman Punch gets a near fall… Reigns tries the spear but runs into a boot from Jericho. Chris tries the Codebreaker but Reigns holds on and turns it into a sit out powerbomb for a near fall.
Kevin owens rushes to ringisde, but Reugns knocks him off the apron…. Jericho rolls Reigns up from behind but gets 2… Back and forth leads to WALLS OF JERICHO!!!!
Reigns eventually makes the rope for the break, but SUPERKICK FROM OWENS!!! Reigns turns into the CODEBREAKER!!!!!!!!!!! 1………..2…………………………Reigns kicks out…. You’ve gotta be shitting me……… BLAH….
Owens up on the apron, Superman Punched off…. Jericho tries another sneaky roll up but Roman rolls through and SPEARS Jericho for the win in 13:00… Blah… Bullshit…
Reigns advances… Nooo. God no…. Ugh…
Rollins vs. Owens vs. Cass vs. Reigns next week…
This surely sent the fans home happy again.
