Back again for the go-home Raw to Summer Slam… I’ll keep this short and say let’s just hope they give us something good.
The WWE Raw Preshow Notes 8/15/16
– It’s Stanford, Lawler, Lita, and Booker. They b.s. for a bit with a whole lot of nothing and then we finally go into the Balor/Rollins storyline. Balor means Demon King, not to be confused with Demon Kane. That’s not confusing or anything…
– Holy Foley garbage is coming… No thanks.
– Sasha vs. Charlotte is discussed. Dana is barred from ringside, but does Charlotte have another Plan B?
– There’s a backstage interview from Raw with Darren Young & Bob Backlund. Titus O’Neil immediately interrupts and apologizes for being jealous. He wants to resurrect the Prime Time Playas. D-Young says it’s his singles run and it’s about making him great. Backlund talks Young into reforming the team PTP. Backlund stumbles all over his words and has trouble remembering their tag team name, Titus even looks off camera and laughs. Backlund goes to talk with Foley about getting the PTP a title shot. Wow, that quickly?
– Backstage, Curtis Axel & Bo Dallas confront Jinder Mahal about keeping Heath Slater from getting a job. Mahal has a match with Neville tonight and he will do something the Outcasts can’t do, and that’s win a match.
– Lana was put in cake last week, so Rusev wants to open Raw tonight. Ugh.
– Brock Lesnar returns tonight.
WWE RAW REPORT 8/15/16 from Corpus Christi, TX
– “Last week on Raw” video plays. Lana ate cake.
– Seth Rollins promo from outside the arena… He calls out “the Demon King” but Finn Balor doesn’t show. So Seth says tonight he will find Demon King…
RUSEV & LANA / FOLEY / STEPHANIE / ROMAN REIGNS SEGMENT
Ohhhh, Lana & Rusev are pissed from last week so tonight there will be no Raw. Rusev isn’t leaving the ring until Roman Reigns comes out and apologizes.
Cue Mick Foley. Foley is telling Rusev and Lana to go to the back right now, which totally contradicts the preshow where they announced Rusev was given this time. Rusev wants respect, he refuses to leave the ring and tells Foley he SUCKS. lol. Rusev says Foley isn’t real authority, he wants to see Stephanie McMahon.
Cue Stephanie… Steph and Foley enter the ring. The heels are wayyy too happy to see Stephanie. Steph says Rusev’s behavior is unacceptable. She shits on Rusev for not respecting Foley. Rusev teases going to Smackdown and calling Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon because they respect talent…
Cue Roman Reigns… Roman says he will apologize. Reigns is sorry Rusev found Lana as a amil order bride. He’s sorry they will “bump uglies” and make Sasquatch babies. The fans chant USA and for some reason this crowd is really into Reigns. Roman wants to do the fight tonight. Rusev accepts… But Foley nixes it. Foley likes the idea to defend the honor of his wife, so he books the U.S. Title for Slam… but tonight they fight for Lana’s honor!
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Byron Saxton interviews Sheamus about Cesaro. Sheamus said he proved he’s better than Cesaro last week. Fans hate Sheamus.
MATCH #1: SHEAMUS VS. SAMI ZAYN
Zayn comes in scrappy as hell, throws his jacket at Sheamus and they brawl to the mat. They have to be separated to start the match. Cesaro joins the announce table. Sheamus gaints the upper hand but that doesn’t last long. They go to the floor, Zayn tries the diving tornado ddt through the ropes but Sheamus posts him instead. Raw goes to break.
Back from break, Sheamus controls. Kneelift. Clothesline. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets 2. Sheamus with the 10 beats. Zayn comes fighting back and clotheslines Sheamus to the floor. Zayn with a somersault plancha outside. Back inside, Sami runs into White Noise for 2…
Zayn battles back again with a Blue Thunder Bomb for 2. Cole is screwing the names of the moves up bad tonight. Zayn goes for the Helluva Kick but runs into an Irish Curse backbreaker. Sheamus sets up for the Brogue Kick but Cesaro comes to ringside and distracts… Zayn sneaks in the Helluva Kick on Sheamus and scores the win in 10:15.
This one is hard to rate. It wasn’t very good, but it seemed like IF they were asked to have a good match they could. This was a little slow and segmented, Zayn did very little. It wasn’t offensively bad as some Sheamus matches can be, but nothing worth watching either.
– Backstage, Chris Jericho & Kevin Owens promo. They are Jeri-KO. They do some comedy. Owens faces Cass tonight.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Backstage, Sheamus & Cesaro are fighting. Mick Foley separates them and creates a BETS OF SEVEN SERIES between the two. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Poor Cesaro. It starts at Summer Slam… Well that’s bullshit. Cesaro just beat Sheamus twice and those don’t count???
– Another DOCTOR skit with Gallows & Anderson. More “balls” humor.
MATCH #2: WWE TAG CHAMPS NEW DAY VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ
Big E is still out. D-Von accidentally runs into Bubba, Kofi hits Trouble in paradise and beat the Dudleys in 90 seconds… Yes, seriously…
And then they don’t even show the Dudleys post match or play up any angle… They just cut back to Anderson & Gallows who explode an egg in a microwave. It’s supposed to be Big E’s testicle. New Day respond from the ring. They will win at Slam. This was pure shit.
You have this bad ass team who murdered people and then turn them into a comedy act (a really bad one at that) that crack jokes about balls. And all of this is supposed to lead to a compelling or interesting match at Summer Slam? Crowd isn’t really into it either. Why does EVERYTHING have to be about comedy? Not just comedy, but shitty, unfunny, nobody thinks it’s good, comedy.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Backstage, Seth Rollins is looking for Finn Balor. He runs into Neville, who tells Seth he isn;t ready for the demon king.
MATCH #3: NIA JAX VS. RACHAEL LEVEY
Levy gets an interview like Strowman’s jobbers. Here’s another squash. Jax places Levy on the top rope and shoves her to the floor. Nice bump as Levy plays dead. Jax throws Levy back inside and hits the fireman’s carry into the side slam for the win in 1:00.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
BROCK LESNAR & PAUL HEYMAN SEGMENT
They enter the ring. Heyman starts to speak when he’s interrupted by….
HEATH SLATER…
Heath interrupts and goes back and forth with Heyman. Paul jokes about Heath wanting to be managed by Paul. But Heath isn’t here for that, Slater was told if he can fight and beat Brock tonight he will have a contract with Raw, and he needs to feed his kids. Rather than a comedy approach, Slater shows balls and says he’s doing this for a job, keeping it fairly serious.
Finally Brock speaks. He tells Heath that he “doesn’t give a shit” about Slater’s kids… Brock tells Heath to either leave or he will kill him. Heath goes to leave but attacks Brock instead. Suplex City. F-5. Slater rolls out. Announcers play up his guts/stupidity.
Heyman then hypes Summer Slam, Lesnar vs. Orton.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #4: BIG CASS (w/ENZO) VS. KEVIN OWENS (w/JERICHO)
Owens sends Cass outside early and Jericho lands a sneak attack. Owens then posts Cass as Raw goes to break…
Back from break, Cass escapes a chinlock but misses a Big Boot as KO low bridges him and Cass falls to the floor. KO wants to do the powerbomb on the apron but Cass counters with a backdrop. Cass works over KO outside the Jericho lays out Enzo, and then Big Cass for the DQ in 6:15.
Cass gets the DQ win, but Jeri-KO beat him down. Cass fights back but eats a KO superkick and the Codebreaker to end the segment…
This match went 6:00, and half of that was commercials. This match was basically non-existent and a backdrop to get the heels a little heat for the tag match at Slam.
– Backstage it’s a really bad Roman Reigns promo. It’s saved by Rusev attacking him. The brawl back and forth with Rusev smashing Reigns into a garage door and then tossing him onto a table and jerking him around… They’re pulled apart to end the segment…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #5: PRIME TIME PLAYAZ (w/BOB BACKLUND) VS. THE SHINING STARS
Backlund does the Millions of Dollars dance. WTF are they doing with the Colons? The PTP dominate early with their signature stuff. Backlund talks with Titus on the apron and Young accidentally runs into O’Neil and knocks him tot he floor… Young nails Primo with a roaring elbow, but Titus gets mad and lands Clash of the Titus on Darren…. Primo climbs on top after a delay and gets the win in maybe 2:00….
Backlund yells at Titus as Titus leaves ringside. What a heel!
Primo & Epico belong on SD to work with American Alpha… This “win” did nothing at all for them. AND we’re promised even more Titus vs. Young junk. Yayyy.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #6: NEVILLE VS. JINDER MAHAL
Jinder gets a little offense. Neville half misses an insane looking red arrow type top rope dive to the floor because Mahal is too far away. Very dangerous… This leads to a Red Arrow and Neville wins in a couple minutes.
Three hours, half the talent roster they used to have, and somehow there’s LESS wrestling than before. How can that be???
– Mick Foley & Stephanie are backstage. Jon Stewart is going to be their guest at Summerslam. Seth Rollins interrupts. He’s trying to find “the demon king”. Rollins gives up, he did his part. He’s ready to take the night off. Foley suggests Rollins try calling Balor out in the ring. I refuse to write “the demon king” every time I mention Balor, but wanted to note that’s all they refer to him as on this show. So he hs two persona names now.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
SETH ROLLINS CALLS OUT “THE DEMON KING”
Seth cuts a promo. He will be the first Universal champion. He gives the Demon King one more chance to face him right now… But nothing happens… Seth gloats some more. He says Finn Balor is scared of him and is just using this demon king crap to intimidate him. But he’s Seth freakin Rollins and everyone should be terrified of him. Seth keeps ranting…
A FAN JUMPS IN THE RING!!!! But the cameras never show it… Seth just stares at the fan and laughs while he’s taken out. Rollins never addresses the fan, nor does the camera show it… But it’s clear what is going on.
The lights start to flicker… there’s demonic noises… There are heartbeats… The Demon King arrives… He does the entrance for the first time on Raw. Rollins is outside the ring. Balor removes his garments and sits in the corner waiting for Seth to enter the ring.
They go face to face. Rollins throws the first punch and they begin to trade blows. Rollins with an enzuigiri… Balor with the pele kick. Balor with a shotgun dropkick into the corner. Rollins rolls outside to escape the Coupe de Gras… Balor dives outside with a somersault plancha onto Seth. Rollins slinks off as Balor goes back in the ring…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #7: KARL ANDERSON & LUKE GALLOWS VS. THE GOLDEN TRUTH
Another basic squash… A pattern here. Gallows and Anderson win with the “Magic Killer” on Goldust in 2:17.
Post match, New Day attacks Anderson & Gallows and lay them out. Woods teases smashing his trombone on Anderson’s balls, but Gallows saves his partner and they walk off.
– Backstage, Charlotte is talking with Dana Brooke. Charlotte talks herself up and then questions Dana for failing her last week. Charlotte calls Brooke an epic failure and says she might replace her. She mocks Brooke for looking like she’s going to cry. Charlotte walks off.
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
MATCH #8: CHARLOTTE VS. ALICIA FOX
Sasha Banks on commentary. No Dana Brooke with Charlotte. Fox gets some quick offense to start. Charlotte yanks Fox off the middle rope and then lands Natural Selection. Two moves and it’s over… Charlotte wins in 1:28.
Sasha Banks confronts Charlotte in the ring, Dana Brooke comes running out to distract and Charlotte clips Sasha’s leg and puts her in the Figure 8… It’s a Flair set up damn it! Now we go from a potentially great match at Slam to a match where Sasha has to sell a f’n leg injury… UGH.
If this shit becomes all squash matches I’m done…
— COMMERCIAL BREAK —
– Braun Strowman video of him murdering jobbers…
MATCH #9: ROMAN REIGNS VS. RUSEV (w/LANA)
Non-title match, for the honor of Lana. Reigns hits the ring and the two immediately start going at it, but they bell never sounds. Reigns sends Rusev to the floor and hits the drive by, which is no longer called the drive by… Didn’t see that coming… Rusev drives Roman’s ribs into the barricade and then into the post as we go to break… Michael Cole implies the match still hasn’t even started, for whatever reason.
Back from break, Rusev has been working Reigns’ shoulder after ramming it into the post. Roman makes the big comeback but misses a charge in the corner and injures his shoulder further. Outside the ring Rusev drives his arm into the steps repeatedly. Rusev dominates Roman’s arm as we go back to commercial.
Back from another break, Rusev is still working over Reigns and talking on the mic to get heat. Lengthy offense from Rusev, Reigns blocks a Superplex and knocks Rusev off the ropes. Roman hits a flying clothesline and both are down. Reigns makes his comeback with signature spots and no sells 20 minutes of frickin shoulder work…
Rusev blocks a Superman Punch and lands the spinning heel kick for a near fall. Rusev with two diving headbutts, gets 2… A THIRD diving headbutt for another near fall… Lana looks PISSED. FOURTH diving headbutts, and again Reigns kicks out…
SOMEHOW Superman Reigns fights back again and sends Rusev to the floor. Reigns tries a Superman Punch off the steps but runs into a Rusev kick… Back inside, Rusev tries the jumping kick but eats a SUPERMAN PUNCH instead… Reigns gets a near fall… Off one punch…
Rusev blocks a spear with a kick and then the kick to the head… but only gets a near fall. Rusev tries the Accolade, but Reigns fights it off… Rusev counters a superman punch with a tackle, savatte kick… ACCOLADE LOCKED IN….
Of course Superman gets to the ropes for the break. Rusev and Lana are frustrated to no end. Rusev rushes Reigns, Roman side steps, SPEAR….
Reigns wins in 26:00. F’n BLAH….
If you’re into the old school art of STORY TELLING, then you’d respect this match. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t a classic, but it was solid. Reigns going over here with the anticlimactic spear finish was lame, though. Nothing Earth shattering at any point in the match. Rusev worked the arm with really good aggression and kept this from being a snoozer. Lana’s facials and Rusev’s selling of frustration was really good too. Reigns seemed out of gas near the end and started getting sloppy… If you watch it you won’t be mad, but if you don’t watch it you’re not missing anything huge.
That’s it for Raw leading into Summerslam…
