The WWE Raw Report 8/1/16

WWE Raw Pre-Show Notes For 8/1/16

Before we begin, just want to say it’s good to be back. Sorry I missed last week, but was out of town visiting family for a week or so. Was able to watch Raw on DVR on Tuesday and sorry I missed out on the reviewing of the Banks/Charlotte match and Finn Balor’s debut… But things continue to move forward and it’s time for week two of the new era Raw Brand…

– WWE.com exclusive, New Day are entering the arena when Tom Phillips stops them. For some reason New Day has to face Anderson and Gallows tonight with the third New Day member barred from ringside. And they never thought of doing this before?

– The preshow this week features Stanford, Jerry Lawler and Lita. Poor, poor King. Booker is MIA this week because he was hospitalized over the weekend but is apparently fine. Lita is f’n LOST right out of the gate.

– Brock Lesnar returns tonight in time to hype his Summer Slam match with RKO.

– Recap of last week’s match with Banks winning the title from Charlotte. Corey Graves pre-taped interview with Sasha Banks airs. Sasha will further address the fans tonight on Raw.

– They replay the entire WWE Universal Title angle from last week with the Fatal Four Ways and Reigns vs. Balor.

– Rusev & Lana were married. Yay.

– Darren Young & Titus O’Neil are chatting backstage. They’re facing each other tonight. O’Neil wants to know when Young was great to begin with in order to be great again… I smell a Titus heel turn.

Well that’s that….

THE WWE RAW REPORT 8/1/16 FROM ATLANTA, GA

– Show opens with a highlight video of last week’s episode. The 4 Ways, Balor over Reigns, Sasha wins the gold. Raw then opens with the new song and video. I’m not a fan… I’m also not a fan of this new announcer position away from the ring. Let’s see how long it lasts this time…

SASHA BANKS / CHARLOTTE / JERICHO / ENZO / FOLEY IN-RING SEGMENT

– “You Deserve It” chants begin. About this time last year at NXT Takeover, Bayley vs. Sasha OWNED the show, and this year at Summer Slam Sasha gets to do it again….. Charlotte interrupts, noticeably absent is her troll companion. “You tapped out” chants. Charlotte says she doesn’t need her resting home dad or Dana Brooke to beat Sasha. Charlotte says she will beat Banks at SSlam by herself. She refers to Banks as a one night stand. Banks says Charlotte was the productio of a one night stand.. LMAO…

Chris Jericho interrupts by saying “quiet” 80 times… Jericho calls Sasha a little punk. lol. Jericho puts over Charlotte’s lineage and says she is better than Ric Flair. Jericho asks who Ric Flair has ever beat. lol. Jericho wants to know what makes Sasha a Boss. He calls her the boss of stupid idiot fans. Jericho says Sasha isn’t a boss, but rather a brat.

Enzo Amore interrupts… lol. Enzo is over with the crowd. Enzo asks to make a Certified G deposit in banks… Jesus Christ…

Charlotte describes Enzo’s penis… Jericho wants to spell it out – SAWFT. LOL. Back and forth stuff. Enzo says watching Jericho speak is like passing kidney stone. He compares Jericho’s promos to watching an iphone response typing but never sending. lol… More comedy between Enzo & Jericho. It’s actually pretty fun, though running a little long.

Mick Foley interrupts. Foley isn’t THE Boss, but he is their boss. Foley books Jericho & Charlotte vs. Enzo & Banks, and it’s next.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Kevin Owens has joined the announce team for this match.

MATCH #1: ENZO & SASHA BANKS VS. CHRIS JERICHO & CHARLOTTE
The ladies get things going with some solid back and forth for the first couple minutes. Kevin Owens trash talks Enzo Amore tons, apparently KO is mad Enzo interrupts him on the Smackdown Draft post show. Enzo tags in and sends Jericho outside. STEREO SUICIDE DIVES by Enzo & Sasha onto Jericho & Charlotte on the floor, and Raw goes to break.

Back from break, Jericho has control of Enzo. Enzo counters a bulldog by shoving Jericho into the corner. Amore takes over and gets some near falls. Jericho catches a middle rope dropkick and locks in the Walls of Jericho. Enzo gets the ropes to break. Enzo comes off the top right into a nice Jericho dropkick and both men are down. Hot tag to the chicas. Banks with the double knee in the corner. Back Stabber. Dana Brooke runs up to the apron, Banks knocks her off. Jericho tries to interfere but Banks lays out Jericho as well, but the distraction allows Charlotte to his Natural Selection for the win in 9:53.

After the match, Jericho lays out Enzo with a Code Breaker. Big Cass rushes down but Jericho bails. Kevin Owens is still on commentary, still not sure what this is leading to for him.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #2: BRAUN STROWMAN VS. EVAN ANDERHOLM?

I’m not sure if that last name is correct. Byron Saxton asks Evan why he’s doing this. Evan is getting grand for this, and if he wins, he gets 5 grand… lol… Okay. $250 either way is more like it. Strowman MURDERS the smaller guy and hits the reverse chokeslam in 57 seconds. Strowman’s music starts with him roaring…

– Backstage Steph and Foley are complimenting each other. Mark Henry interrupts. Henry is excited for the new era and he made some renovations in the Hall of Pain. It’s time for a reopening, he says. Steph and Foley said they brought Mark back just as a mentor, basically he’s washed up. Henry says he has one more run. Foley books Henry vs. Rusev for the US Title tonight.

– Golden Truth are playing Pokemon Go, well R-Truth is. They have a match tonight, Goldust wants Truth to focus and he’ll help him catch Pokemon later if they win.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #3: GOLDEN TRUTH VS. THE SHINING STARS
Poor Colons, they don’t even get an entrance or even an announcement. Way to re-brand them. Goldust is doing well handling both until the number game becomes too much. The Stars take over. Truth continues to play Pokemon Go. Goldust still manages to take both men out again. Goldy goes for the hot tag and Truth walks away playing the game and accidentally misses it. Truth drops his phone and has to drop off the apron to get it and Goldust can’t tag up. One of the Colons rolls Goldy up and pins him in 2:00 even.

After the match Goldust tries to speak with Truth but Truth loses focus and goes off hunting Pokemon again… Crowd didn’t make a frickin noise for this shit. JUST LET THEM F’N WRESTLE!!!!!

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

FINN BALOR / SETH ROLLINS IN-RING SEGMENT

Michael Cole interviews Finn Balor in the ring. His “titan tron” video reds BALOR CLUB WORLDWIDE. Sort of conflicting with “The Club”, no? Foreshadowing? Eh.

Seth Rollins immediately comes out and dismisses Cole. Rollins is going to interview Balor. Rollins says everything Finn did was great but Rollins did it better. He compares Balor to bad Hollywood remakes like Ghostbusters, and calls himself Bill Murray to Balor’s Melissa McCarthy. Rollins riles up the crowd by ripping on the Braves.

Everywhere Balor has gone there’s been a Seth Rollins, and everywhere he’s went he’s beaten those guys and taken their spots. Seth says he’s better than all those other people Finn is alluding to. There’s arguing over who THE MAN is. Rollins says the Universal title will be handed to him at Slam. Blor says the only thing Seth will have handed to him at Slam is his AAASSSSSS.

Seth tries to sneak attack Balor, but Finn fights him off fast. Seth retreats.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #4: U.S. CHAMPION RUSEV (w/LANA) VS. MARK HENRY
Well, one of two things is going to happen here. Either A. Henry will do the job and solidify the final leg of his career in the enhancement spot. OR B. Henry will win the title here and drop it back at Slam. And the ONLY reason I say “B” is an option is because Henry will be representing the WWE during the Summer Olympics this year, and you know how much they love their publicity. So Henry as champ at the Olympics sounds like something Vince would do. Or, maybe Mark just jobs. We’ll see…

Lana is sporting some wedding bride meets whore outfit. No complaints. Henry overpowers Rusev early. Henry does the rope straddle on the back of Rusev’s head and slides outside to take us to break.

Back from break, Rusev has taken over and looks to apply the Accolade. Henry powers out of the attempt. Henry makes a comeback briefly before Rusev lands a spinning heel kick and the big jumping kick floors Henry. Back stomp and the Accolade is applied. Mark taps fast like a beeeeotch. Oh well. Thanks for playing Mark. Match went a little over 6:30 total.

– Rusev mocks Henry as an Olympic hero. Rusev says America wins at the Olympics because they’re rigged. He runs down America and the Olympics… This would be an AWESOME set up for a Kurt Angle return… But instead we get….

ROMAN REIGNS… PUKE…. BLAH….

They WON’T STOP putting Reigns in positions where they think the fans HAVE to cheer him. The two have a stare down, Rusev tries to leave but Reigns won’t let him. Rusev finally attacks Reigns, BUT… you guessed it… Reigns battles back and Rusev retreats to dodge a Superman Punch… But Reigns darts outside for a Superman Punch on the floor. Well, this is a step down for Roman.

– NIA JAX video airs

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #5: TITUS O’NEIL VS. DARREN YOUNG (W/BOB BACKLUND)
Titus just mauls over, plows over, and slaughters young with power spots and all his signature stuff. Young hasn’t gotten a move in. Finally DYoung counters the Clash of the Titus with a sunset flip for a near fall. Then Titus escapes Young’s finisher and rolls him up with a hook of the tights for the win in 4:00. Blah

– Backstage, Steph and Foley are chatting. Shamues interrupts, he deserved a US Title shot, not Henry. Cesaro joins in. The two verbally go at it. Foley makes a match between the two tonight to prove themselves and the winner will get a title shot “in the near future”.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #6: NIA JAX VS. ARIEL MUNROE
SQUASH. Jax wins with a fireman’s carry into a forward powerslam. Match was 1:00. Byron interviews Nia post match but she just beats up on Monroe some more.

– Backstage Bob Backlund is questioning Titus’ principles. Titus says that gets you nowhere. O’Neil threatens to beat up Bob’s “old ass”. Darren Young rushes in and knocks Titus on his ass. Backlund pulls Young off.

– Xavier Woods will be sitting out the tag match, even though this is his hometown and his parents are in the crowd.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #7: TAG CHAMPS NEW DAY VS. LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON
After a quick promo Woods is sent to the back. Big E tries to get the one up, but it ends up back and forth. Gallows yanks Kofi off the apron to prevent Big E from tagging and the heels take over. Gallows and Anderson become distracted, Anderson is rolled up and PINNED in 1:20… No seriously… a minute and 20 seconds.

Post match Gallows and Anderson lay out all three New Day…. Their finisher is now “The Boot of Doom”, ugh. Woods tries to make the save again, but Anderson lays him out with a phantom knee… No seriously Anderson missed a knee BY A MILE and Woods still sold it like he got shot.

Then they come back for more, crotching Big E on the steel post. They’re the Club. Too Sweet.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #8: CESARO VS. SHEAMUS
Back and forth solid stuff to start from both guys. Shemaus goes outside to dodge an uppercut train, so Cesaro does a running somersault dive off the apron. Sheamus ends up posting Cesaro. Sheamus with a shitty shoulder tackle off the top for 2. Crowd is dead for Sheamus. Cesaro with an INSANE delayed dead weight suplex… Cole calls it FREAKY STRONG… I tend to agree… That was insane… Sheamus still battles back and wants people to respect the hawk. Sheamus toys with Cesaro and ends up eating a springboard spinning uppercut. Sheamus with a tilt-a-whirl but Cesaro lands on his feet and hits the Neutralizer for the win in 6:00.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

We come back with Sheamus & Cesaro being pulled apart in the aisle. Ugh, don’t drag this on…

– HEATH SLATER & JINDER MAHAL are in the ring…. TWO MANNNN BAAAANNNND BABAY!!!!!

Mick Foley interrupts. He wants a Battle of the Band, with the winner getting a contract to Raw. Slater says they won’t fight, but Mahal tells the ref to ring the bell.

MATCH #9: HEATH SLATER VS. JINDER MAHAL
Mahal lands a big boot and pins the unsuspecting Slater in like 10 seconds… Mahal gets a Raw contract. Crowd does nothing. Slater gets screwed!

– Backstage, Chris Jericho runs down Enzo & Cass and says he has someone to watch his back. When Tom Phillips asks him who, Jericho is caught off guard and says Jimmen Marvinluder…. or something…. Kevin Owens interrupts and says Jericho just made that name up… But KO informs Jericho that he has his back… Summer Slam here we come.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

MATCH #10: SETH ROLLINS VS. SAMI ZAYN
Zayn gets the upper hand early and Seth goes to the floor. Rollins lures Sami outside and takes control. Rollins crotches Zayn on the top rope and knocks him off to the floor as we go to break about 4 minutes in.

Back from break, Cole informs us Rollins has been in control the entire time. Rollins uses Finn Balor’s Slingblade, not sure if it was intentional or not. Zayn blocks a Pedigree but Seth hits the powerbomb in the corner. Rollins tries a superkick but Zayn pops up and lands a lariat. Sami with the Michinoku Driver gets 2. BLUE THUNDER BOMB GETS 2!!!

Zayn blocks another Pedigree and hits a top rope Tornado DDT!!! Seth bails outside to dodge the HELLUVA KICK… Zayn with the somersault dive over the top rope drops Rollins. Back inside, Zayn misses the Helluva Kick in the corner and Rollins capitalizes with the Pedigree for the win in 11:40.

Really solid TV match, but Seth needs a new finisher, fast.

– Paul Heyman is shown leaving Brock’s locker room. They’re next.

— COMMERCIAL BREAK —

– Puff Daddy is on Raw next week, for whatever reason.

BROCK LESNAR RETURNS

We come back with Paul Heyman in the ring putting over Brock. He introduces “The Beast of the Brocktagon” pretty quickly. Brock is out and Heyman does a great job (as usual) shilling Brock vs. Orton at Summer Slam. Heyman talks about the RKO outta nowhere and how people say it could end a match at any moment. Heyman goes on this minute long spiel about how Orton will NEVER hit an RKO outta nowhere at Summer Slam, and wouldn’t you know it.

Randy Orton pops up OUTTA NOWHERE and hits an RKO….