WWE Raw 6/13/16 Preshow Notes
My Monday workdays are over and it’s back to the Raw Report… I hope I don’t regret this…
No Otunga this week… Woot. Something positive already.
– Tonight on Raw it’s lots of talky segments. Cena/Styles Contract Signing, Reigns & Rollins on Ambrose Asylum. Bleh.
– Backstage, Fandango & Tyler Breeze are in towels… They remove their towels and stare at each others private parts to notice they have no tan lines… Both men then get into a stand up tanning booth… TOGETHER…. Rather than leave it there… R-Truth and Goldust then turn the tanning bed all the way up to the highest heat level….
We return to the Preshow and Booker T has the most disgusted face, it’s actually hilarious… When Stanford & Graves try and talk to Booker about the previous segment, he just stares off into space in disgust…. Best thing ever on the preshow… Booker is disgusted with the Breezango “tag team” shenanigans.
– Cesaro vs. Zayn tonight. Well that’s cool.
– Titus vs. Rusev at MITB, the panel discusses. Booker notes Titus having a recent “setback”.
– We’re reminded that Stephanie stole Teddy Long’s idea last week for the Fatal 4 Way for the Tag Titles at MITB. Tonight all 4 teams will compete in an 8 man tag. Wouldn’t be surprised if Vince didn’t have Big Cass beat everyone up and be tag champs himself.
– The announcers are confused how the Ambrose Asylum is back. lol
Well, that’s about it. Uneventful as ever…
WWE RAW REPORT 6/13/16 from the Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, LA
Moment of silence for the Orlando murders, all wrestlers on the stage.
Oh, you didn’t know? It’s the go home show to MITB. The announcers hype the program while the wrestlers file to the locker rooms.
TAG TEAM PROMO-MANIA
New Day promo in the ring about their MITB Fatal 4 Way. They make fun of Kofi’s “old people shoes”. Kofi calls them his “Stephen Curry’s”.
Enzo & Cass promo. They’re cool with New Day, but they plan to take the titles at MITB. Then they mock Kofi’s shoes. And apparently Enzo had sex with Woods’ trombone last night. Xavier says he’s the only one who “blows his girl”. This really isn’t funny.
The Vaudevillains finally interrupt with their own promo… Ugh, this doesn’t end. They sing, and are interrupts by Gallows & Anderson. Anderson is sick of EVERYONE. He calls it a Camp WWE Talent show. Gallows rips the Saints defense for cheap heel heat.
Cass calls them all SAWFT…. And we finally have a match…… AFTER A BREAK…
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #1: NEW DAY, ENZO & CASS VS. GALLOWS, ANDERSON, & THE VAUDEVILLAINS
In progress from break, New Day work over the Vaudevillains, the other teams aren’t being tagged in yet. Enzo is soon in and the heels take over on Enzo. All 4 heels work over Amore. Enzo hot tags Cass after a few minutes. Cass comes in and mauls over everyone. All heels powder. Kofi does an OVER THE RING POST SOMERSAULT DIVE out onto the Vaudevillains… And we go to break.
Back from break, Big E in control but is soon lured into the heel corner and gets a beat down. An eventual hot tag to Kofi. Kofi takes out the heels, Anderson ducks Trouble in Paradise, but lands a body block for 2. Everyone starts to get involved, and we’ve got high spots everywhere… Anderson blind tags Gallows, and they land their double team move to beat Kofi in something like 14:00.
Anderson & Gallows celebrate in the ring while the other three teams stare from the floor.
— Commercial Break —
– Life Lessons with Bob Backlund… Make Darren Young great… Again???
– SHANE RETURNS… Shane’s in the back with Stephanie. Shane says Steph can have whichever show she wants and he will take the other. Steph says she should have both… They argue…. CORPORATE KANE RETURNS…. He wants to run one of the shows to help them out. He presents a resume and a letter of recommendation from The Undertaker… lol, wtf…
– Zack Ryder is in the back with some other random peeps… Mocking Sheamus who got his ass handed to him from Apollo Crews. Sheamus says he will beat down Ryder tonight, and Crews at MITB… Ryder scares Sheamus by pretending Crews is behind him. Ryder disappears when Sheamus turns back around… Fella. I’ll just say it now rather than wait for the match… Poor Ryder.
— Commercial Break —
– Shining Stars – Primo & Epico promo. Their beaches are cleaner. Come to Puerto Rico.
– Titus O’Neil making his way out for a match… RUSEV ATTACKS ON THE STAGE AND SENDS TITUS OFF THE RAMPS TO THE CONCRETE!!! Rusev flings Titus into the side of the ramp, and then onto the ramp and stomps his skull. Accolade on the ramp as Lana watches… And at least it’s the original Accolade and not this recent one where he falls back which looked so lame… Rusev is pulled off but applies the Accolade a second time… Say what you will, at least this gives the match some type of interest.
— Commercial Break —
AMBROSE ASYLUM WITH SETH ROLLINS & ROMAN REIGNS
Ambrose chatter. Both champ and challenger come out. Ambrose gives Seth a bunch of shit and tells him to be happy. Seth begins to loosen up and talks about good times the Shield had. He talks their great 6 man tags. How they ran Batista off… Boo-tista chants. Seth says he most favorite time with the Shield was when he turned on them… Which gets a pop. lol. Seth also likes when he stole Reigns’ moment and took the WWE Title last year at Mania.
Crowd boos Reigns promo. Reigns asks if Seth is champion, then why is Roman holding the title. Seth puts over Roman beating Ambrose, Sheamus, and HHH, but he hasn’t beaten Seth. Rollins says he’s going to beat Reigns all on his own. Reigns responds with typical THE GUY verbiage…
Ambrose asks which will win… Rollins… Reigns… Or MAYBE Ambrose with MITB and cashes in to become the champ!!!
After the segment, ROLLINS ATTACKS REIGNS… Ambrose takes Seth down… REIGNS THROWS AMBROSE OFF ROLLINS… SUPERMAN PUNCH TO SETH….
But Dean doesn’t like getting thrown around… So, DIRTY DEEDS TO REIGNS!!!!! Awesome!
Boring as hell promo segment, but Dean was great at the end and the finish of the segment rocked, IMO… Too bad it took TWENTY MINUTES to get there.
Seriously, this segment could have served it’s purpose with half the time.
— Commercial Break —
– Stephanie informs Ambrose that he will face Jericho tonight in the main event… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… Not again.
MATCH #2: WOMENS’S CHAMPION CHARLOTTE VS. PAIGE
Dana Brooke with Charlotte, Natalya & Becky on commentary, and everyone gets a jobber entrance. Way to get that division over. Ninety minutes into the show and we have our second match. Paige controls, Charlotte with a big boot tries the Figure 8 but gets kicked outside by the babyface team. Back inside, RAMPAIGE gets the win in 2:30.
WTF WAS THAT???? She just jobbed LIKE A BITCH….
– Renee Young interviews Cesaro. Sami Zayn interrupts. Zayn wants to add his thoughts. Cesaro says Zayn still has a lot to prove.
— Commercial Break —
– Charlotte is in the back arguing with Dana Brooke. Charlotte blames Dana for the loss. She mocks Dana and Emma’s failure. She says if Dana costs her another match at MITB then she’s done… Wow, that was fast.
MATCH #3: ZACK RYDER VS. SHEAMUS
The Sheamus/Crews match is now a preshow match. Ryder controls early. El-Bro drop from the top gets 2. Sheamus comes back Brogue Kick ends it in 2;00…
WTF is up with this 2:00 match shit?
Sheamus attacks Zack after the match, Apollo Crews attacks Sheamus and sends him running off into the crowd.
— Commercial Break —
– Backstage, Kane is talking with Shane. Kevin Owens interrupts. He’s ratting on Alberto Del Rio just showing up to the building and being disrespectful. Owens thinks ADR should be removed from MITB… ADRio interrupts, he blames KO for causing him to be detained at the airport. Shane allows Kane to make a match. ADR & KO vs. Lucha Dragon, and if the heels lose then the Dragons will get their spots in MITB. lol, that’s a laugh.
MATCH #4: CESARO VS. SAMI ZAYN
These guys with back and forth goodness, feeling out and setting the tone. A nice solid opening sequence and we go to break.
Back from break, Cesaro with the uppercut train. He looks for the Swing, but settles for a double stomp on Zayn for 2. Cesaro nearly breaks his ankle in the process, he needs to lay off the double stomp. Zayn comes back, Michinoku Driver for 2 on Cesaro. Back and forth, Cesaro superplexes Zayn in from the apron for a near fall. Cesaro has control, launches Zayn up into a powerbomb but Sami rolls through into a sunset flip bomb for the win in 8:12.
This started off solid, then commercial ate up 3 minutes of the match, and there were a few spots after the break, but this was very underwhelming… Not blaming the guys involved, they did what they were told to do. Zayn gets a needed win heading into MITB.
— Commercial Break —
– WTF IS THIS??? We learn that WWE has gone green and they use hard drives instead of tapes to record footage… lol
CONTRACT SIGNING – JOHN CENA VS. AJ STYLES
Michael Cole is hosting. If I hear the f-ing words “WrestleMania caliber match” one more time… UGH!!!! Cena out first. Cena has respect for AJ Styles for fighting through PWG, Ring of Honor, New Japan, (he doesn’t mention TNA, LOL) to get to the WWE. And he finally made it here in the new era. Cena tells Cole to leave the ring before AJ comes out.
Out comes Styles. Dueling chants for both men. LMAO at AJ using Vince’s lines “in this very ring”.
Cena notes they’re 2 contracts. One is one on one, the other is Cena vs. AJ WITH The Club at ringside. Cena admits he will lose is the Club is at ringside, but AJ will be a little bitch. Or AJ can be a man and sign one on one without anyone at ringside.
Styles talks a while. Cena says his Club isn’t full of Bullets, it’s full of Bull. He says AJ is just like all the other “INDY DUDES” who came in thinking they were entitled. OUCH! Cena tells AJ to sign the one on one contract, or he will be on a Bullet train back to Japan to find his balls.
AJ Styles signs the one on one contract. No interference. AJ says he’s not every other “Independent Wrestler” with Cena’s “K-Mart Shopper Ass”… LMAO…. I dunno WTF that had to do with the segment, but I still found it funny.
And the segment ends without the typical brawl, thank God.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #5: ALBERTO DEL RIO & KEVIN OWENS VS. THE LUCHA DRAGONS
Remember now, if the Dragons win they get the heels’ spots in MITB… LOL. Kalisto gets his butt kicked, Del Rio has words with KO. Owens starts to leave but realizes they can’t lose the match, so Kevin tries to prevent ADR from losing a fall. With the heels arguing, the Dragons do some flippies and suicide dives to the heels outside and we go to break.
Back from break, Del Rio takes over on Kalisto. The heels argue again and get in a shoving match. Kalisto knocks ADR into Owens and Salida Del Sol to Del Rio!!!! Hot tag to Sin Cara. Swanton to ADR, but Owens saves the match. Owens drags ADR to the corner and tags himself in. Cara springboard reverse body block and springboard back elbow. And springboard moonsault to KO.
Kalisto tries a suicide dive on ADR, but Rio side steps and sends him into the barricade hard… Back inside, Cara sends Owens into Del Rio on the apron. Cara tries a roll up for a near fall… Then runs into a KO Pop Up Powerbomb ends it in 8:00 or so.
After the match, ADR lays out Owens with a kick to the head.
– We go to a video of IC Champion the Miz who is busy making a movie… What a great choice for champion, a guy who can’t even work shows. But that’s Zack Ryder’s luck….
— Commercial Break —
– Backstage, Kevin Owens is arguing with Stephanie. Stephanie agrees with KO that Shane is making bad decisions. Steph agrees. We find out that Zayn and Owens will be on guest commentary for Jericho vs. Ambrose. Del Rio gets named guest time keeper. Ugh. I hope Bray Wyatt shows up and lays everyone out. Wouldn’t that be nice?
– Shane and Steph argue about things. They talk about Corporate Kane.. Speaking of which, Kane returns. They inform Kane he won’t be General Manager of Smackdown. Kane is bummed. Mark another one off the list… Still waiting for Vicki and John Laurinitis…
– Cesaro is now guest ring announcer for the main event. Lovely.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #6: DEAN AMBROSE VS. CHRIS JERICHO
Okay, so Owens & Zayn on commentary. Cesaro was ring announcer. ADRio is time keeper. Go all that? Ambrose looking good as things get going, he knocks Jericho off the apron and lands a suicide dive. Ambrose and Owens get into an argument, and Jericho attacks from behind to take control. Chris works over Dean and then dropkicks him off the apron back outside. Owens tries to attack Dean, but Sami Zayn stands up to prevent it. Then Cesaro steps in, and Del Rio with a chair. All four men that are NOT in this match have a bit of a staredown at ringside while we go to commercial.
Back from break, Jericho has control and all the other guys are back in their seats. Dean tries a comeback but Jericho cuts him off. Chris tries a top rope superplex but Dean throws him off. Flying elbow from Ambrose, no Chris counters with the Walls of Jericho. Dean gets to the ropes. Lionsault gets 2. Dean comes back with a wicked clothesline, and the top rope elbow gets 2. Lots of finisher teases and counters. Ambrose counters a Codebreaker and lands DIRTY DEEDS. Ambrose wins in 12:00. Jericho must be on his way out, he’s jobbing left and right now.
And now the predictable Six man brawl commences between the men involved in MITB. Zayn launches himself off the top rope with a somersault dive on everyone but Jericho. With everyone down and out, Jericho places a ladder in the ring and climbs to the top. And Jericho takes the briefcase to end the show. Says a lot for this show that I’m even curious.
Lackluster would be too kind to describe this crap. Even the matches that should have been decent weren’t really much of anything. I had some chuckles at the opening promo in reference to Kofi’s shoes, and I liked some of the Cena/Styles banter. But overall, this show just dragged. No need to watch any of the matches.
So as I scroll back through I just realized, we never got the payoff for the Breezango in the tanning booth thingy from the preshow… No big loss, but weird. Says a lot about the show when I reference that at the end. lol
If you recorded it, if you’re into New Day or Enzo/Cass you can check out their part of the opening promo. You can check out the closing moments of the Shield segment, and you can watch Cena/Styles promo. Otherwise, nothing to see here at all.
