Raw Preshow Notes
– I’ve learned that Sheamus has the night off… +1 point already…
– Paige vs. Charlotte tonight, as well as Ziggler vs. Corbin (yawn), and a 6-man elimination Usos & Reigns vs. “The Club”. Yes, they’re called “The Club”, for now. See it’s different from their last two 6 man matches LAST WEEK, because it’s ELIMINATION… Three times in 8 days… No thanks.
– Some crappy internet interview with Kalisto. Rusev wrestles Sin Cara tonight… And at this point they’ve announced half of tonight’s card and I’m wondering why the hell I plan to continue to review it for the sake of my sanity…
– Booker T is on a role tonight, he already made a comment about “people bein’ fired this week” and “Ryback getting run off”. He just doesn’t care… Or he knows that nobody of relevance is watching.
– Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel kicks off Raw… And it’s also New Day vs. The Dudleys… Man this show sounds like pure ass… They NEVER announce this many segments in advance… They’re basically DARING ME to review this crud… Blah… It’s gonna be one of those nights folks… And sadly I know what I’m walking into…
The WWE Raw Report 5/9/16
– Well IF Ryback was in the intro video, he’s not anymore…
* CHRIS JERICHO’S HIGHLIGHT REEL / BIG CASS *
Jericho’s guest was “supposed to be” Ambrose, but Dean is physically unable to appear because of Y2J. Dean may never return because of Y2J. Jericho then presents the remains of MITCH the plant. A small Mitch chant begins… Poor Mitch is now just dead leaves and roots… Mitch is more over than half the roster… Jericho shows Social Media comments about the passing of Mitch… More Mitch chants.
Jericho thinks it’s funny the crowd cares more about Mitch than Ambrose. Jericho says Mitch has more worth than Ambrose. Ambrose is a loser and slob just like the fans.
Big Cass interrupts… The new era of stars have arrived and he will run through Jericho. Y2J tells Cass to go run & find Enzo “Annoying”. Cass doesn’t run, he fights… Right now… Jericho is the best in the world…. But Cass is 7 feet tall, and you can’t….teach…that….
Jericho teases fighting Cass, but leaves the ring. Cass informs Jericho that he is S-A-W-F-T….
Jericho gets pissed and jumps back onto the apron and Big Cass big boots Jericho to the floor!
— Commercial Break —
– Jericho confronts Stephanie McMahon backstage. He thinks Shane is crazy, but Steph is backing Shane… She books Jericho vs. Cass for tonight and questions if Jericho is
Sawwwwft. She tells Jericho not to drive a wedge between her and Shane eeeeever agayne.
MATCH #1: DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. BARON CORBIN
Insert promo from Baron Corbin, this isn’t a new era, it’s HIS era. Baron starts out aggressive, they fight to the floor, Baron misses a boot into the barricade, Ziggler dropkicks him into the crowd and we go to break.
Back from break, Corbin has control… Ziggler makes his comeback… Corbin lands a Deep Six for a near fall. Dolph comes fighting back but runs into End Of Days and this one is over in 8:00 or so. Extended squash.
— Commercial Break —
– Shane McMahon is confronted by Ric Flair & Charlotte. They kiss Shane’s ass and ask him to think over Stephanie banning Flair from the Submission match at Extreme Rules. Shane goes one further and bans Ric from ringside tonight as well…
– Jojo is with AJ Styles, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson. Reigns put Styles through a table last week. AJ wants revenge and says the club is now officially back together again.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #2: FANDANGO (w/GOLDUST) VS. R-TRUTH (w/TYLER BREEZE)
Truth has blond in his locks now. Typical R-Truth offense begins. Dango sends Truth to the floor and he takes over. Goldy & Breeze up on the apron, Dango sends Truth into Breeze sending Tyler to the floor, yet somehow Truth comes back with the Lie Detector and gets the win as the crowd remains silent. Michel Cole rips the tag match set for Smackdown.
– Backstage, it’s Cesaro, Owens, Miz, Zayn backstage with Shane & Steph arguing about Extreme Rules and title shots. Right now Zayn isn’t in the match, but he wants Miz non-title tonight to get into the match at the PPV if he can beat Miz tonight. Mitch granted. Shane & Steph seem to be getting along, Shane looks confused and I can only assume Steph is setting him up for the HHH return.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #3: WOMEN’S CHAMPION CHARLOTTE VS. PAIGE
Non-title. Ric Flair barred from ringside. Natalya on commentary. Charlotte controls in heel fashion. Paige with some hope spots and a comeback with kicks and knee strikes for 2. NASTY knee to the face to Charlotte. Superkick to Charlotte gets a near fall. Charlotte fights back and chops the shit out of Paige. Paige prevents a moonsault, Paige lands a SUPERPLEX for another near fall. Paige looks for the PTO buy Charlotte gets to the ropes. Paige goes face first into the buckle, Charlotte rolls her up with her feet on the ropes, but Nattie gets on the apron to stop it.
Out comes RIC FLAIR….. Wooooo…. Flair distracts and Charlotte takes over… but HERE COMES THE MONAYYYYYYYYYY… Shane McMahon out with a group of referees to force Flair to the back… The distraction allows Paige to roll Charlotte up for the win in 7:41.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #4: IC CHAMP THE MIZ (w/MARYSE) VS. SAMI ZAYN
Non-title. If Zayn can win, he’s in the match at Extreme Rules. Zayn is all over Miz… Miz finally bails and pulls Maryse in front of him so Sami won’t dive out. The fight goes to the floor, Zayn hits a moonsault off the barricade and whips Miz into the barricde repeatedly. Maryse distracts which I assume leads to Miz taking over but I can’t be sure because we abruptly go to break…
Back from break, Zayn is taking control again. Miz dumps Zayn to the floor to take over. Owens and Cesaro are both shown watching backstage in their own areas. Miz looks for the SCFinale, but Sami blocks. Miz with the DDT instead for 2. Zayn with a Michinoku Driver OUTTA NOWHERE for a near fall. Sami goes up top but misses nd Mi locks in a Figure Four… Zayn gets the ropes for the break. Miz sits down on a sunset flip attempt from Zayn. Ref catches Miz using the ropes. Miz runs into a plex in the corner, and then the HELLUVA kick ends it in 2:38. Zayn gets in the Extreme Rules IC Title match.
– Backstage Renee Young interviews Becky Lynch. She’s pissed at Emma. Emma interrupts… Becky is attacked from behind by a debuting Dana Brooke from NXT… Brooke lays Becky out and leaves with Emma.
— Commercial Break —
– Darren Young / Bob Backlund Vignette… The announcers are speechless. Michael Cole says “whatever”.
– A shameless New Day / Ziggler / Sasha Banks vignette for Pizza Hut.
– Backstage Zack Ryder is talking with Shane McMahon. Ryder says he can be a player. Kevin Owens interrupts. KO hates losers like Zack. If Zack can beat Owens tonight, he will replace KO at Extreme Rules… Not likely… Sigh.
– Roman Reigns & The Usos promo. They’re blood. Reigns heels it up pretty good.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #5: SIN CARA (w/KALISTO) VS. RUSEV (w/LANA)
Rusev’s tights now read “BRUTE”. Rusev dominates, pure power. Cara finally comes back with a springing DDT and cross body. Moonsault press in the ring and a dive outside onto Rusev. Back inside Cara runs right into Rusev’s big kick. RUSEV CRUSH… NOOO… Kalisto & Lana on the apron. The ref is distracted by Lana and Kalisto lands a cheap enzuigiri to Rusev and Cara rolls Rusev up for the win in 3:46… WTF kind of booking is that? That really makes sense… Way to build Rusev back up… I don’t see how that furthered or built anything.
— Commercial Break —
– Primo & Epico Vignette… Still waiting for Carlito to show up 😛
Cole says Primo & Epico will return next week.
ELIMINATION MATCH
MATCH #6: ROMAN REIGNS & THE USOS VS. AJ STYLES, LUKE GALLOWS & KARL ANDERSON
Team Samoa dominate Anderson early. Gallows tags in and mauls Uso. The Club take over on Jimmy. Hot tag early to Jey. Jey with a roll up, Anderson kicks him off and into a shot from Gallows on the floor. Karl rolls Jey up with a hook of the pants to eliminate Jey in 2:40.
Reigns comes in and goes off, Superman punch sends AJ off the apron. Jimmy Uso enzuigiri to Gallows, turns his attention to Anderson, and Luke nails Jimmy with a big boot. Anderson tags in but falls prey to a small package… Uso eliminates Anderson in 4:45. It’s 2 vs. 2.
What lackluster crappy eliminations… Blah… Off to commercial.
Back from break, Jimmy Uso was eliminated during the break… WTF… Wow… Guess they couldn’t wait… What garbage. AJ pinnes Jimmy with the Phenomenal Forearm during the break somewhere aroound the 8:00 mark.
Roman Reigns pins Gallows in 9:30 with a frickin Superman Punch… Really??? WTF…. This is doing nobody involved any favors.
It’s one on one… Styles nails a pele kick on Reigns and the fight goes outside. AJ clears the announce table off. Reigns fights back and throws Styles over top of the table. Reigns looks to powerbomb Styles through the table again, but Karl Anderson attacks with a chair to cause the DQ in 11:41. What crap
Superman Asshole spears Gallows… Spears Anderson…. AJ back in with n enzuigiri to Reigns. AJ tries a Styles clash but is dumped to the apron. Reigns dares AJ to try the Phenomenal forearm… AJ dares Reigns to use the chair at his feet. Both guys try to get the better but it’s a stand off.
How much more could they bury Gallows and Anderson already?
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #7: ZACK RYDER VS. KEVIN OWENS
If Ryder wins, he replaces Owens in the IC Title match at Extreme Rules… Not a f-kin chance….. Owens dominates and lands a senton. Ryder counters a powerbomb on the floor with a backdrop. Middle rope dropkick from Zack gets 2. Owens comes back with a clothesline to the back of the head. Owens misses the corner Cannonball. KO dodges a Broski boot and rolls outside… Ryder lands the boot against the barricade instead. Ryder with a top rope EL-BRO drop for 2. KO turns the Rough Ryder into a Stun Gun across the top rope. Superkick and Pop Up Powerbomb ends it for Zacky in 4:04.
Owens retains his spot.
– Renee Young with Big Cass… They are pushing the term “NEW ERA” down our throat tonight… That’s what this era is now called… The New Era… Better learn it… Or they will continue to say it 9,000 times a show.
— Commercial Break —
Video of Freddie Prinze as he shills his new TV show with Dana Carvey “First Impressions” and then Freddie intros the New Day….
Insert B&W promo from the Vaudevillains.
New Day Promo on the Vaudevillains… Dudleys music eventually interrupts.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #8: TAG CHAMPS NEW DAY (w/Woods) VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ
Match in progress with the Dudleys controlling Kofi. Eventual hot tag to Big E. Unicorn Stampede. Xavier Woods celebrates with the trombone and the Vaudevillains attack him. The distraction leads to D-Von murdering Kofi with a clothesline for the win in at least 5:30.
After the match, the Vaudevillains lay out New Day and hit the Whirling Dervish on Kofi.
— Commercial Break —
MATCH #9: CHRIS JERICHO VS. BIG CASS
Enzo getting hurt sadly had to of brought a smile to Vince’s face. A reason to try and push a 7 foot wrestler in singles. I do like that they’re keeping the Enzo/Cass team fresh, but I fear this is Vince’s way of trying to get himself a 7 footer singles star.
Big Cass waits in the ring as Chris Jericho makes his way out… But it’s Dean Ambrose in Jericho’s jacket!!! Ambrose dropped Jericho on the stage and took his jacket…. Jericho begs Ambrose not to harm his $15,000 jacket. Ambrose rips the lighting wire out of the jacket.
Jericho rushes the ring to save his jacket… Jericho eventually escapes with his jacket but runs into Big Cass. Jericho slaps Cass and gets thrown into the barricade for his troubles… Cass tosses Jericho inside into DIRTY DEEDS….
Ambrose then cuts up Jericho’s lighted jacket. THAT WAS FOR MITCH!
But seriously… LAME, LAME finish.
Jericho is pissy.
Backstage, Shane & Stephanie are talking about Dean & Jericho. They seem to begetting long… Shane walks off and Stephanie makes an evil face… mwahahahaha
This….was…. Woof….
