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Raw Pre-Show 5/26/14
– Out panel this week… Josh Matthews, Booker, Alex Riley, and Santino returns again… Well, I’m assuming this means he won’t be on Raw, so at least there’s that…. Santino keeps in character with the Italian accent, but he ditches the comedy routine for the show.
– Discussion of the Daniel Bryan/WWE Title situation, complete with video from last week’s Stephanie MacMahon promo…
– Renee Young wants to interview Brie Bella on the Bryan situation, but Nikki Bella comes out of the locker room and says that Brie has been crying all day and can’t handle an interview right now…
– We’ve got Big E vs. Titus O’Neil going on as part of the Superstars Taping…
– We learn the Shield and Evolution will sign their “Payback” contract tonight on Raw… The panel discusses…
– Last week’s match with Cena vs. Harper is shown in highlight form. Wyatt once again gets the best of Johnny boy…
– Renee Young interviews Sheamus about his match with Cesaro at Payback. We go back to last week’s Raw and Smackdown with Cesaro getting the better of Sheamus, fella…. The panel talks the US Title match, Booker and Santino go with Cesaro. Riley sides with Sheamus just to keep things balanced…
– We go back to last week and Alicia Fox kicking the crap out of Paige… Alicia Fox vs. Paige for the Divas Title has been added to Payback…
– More discussion on the Daniel Bryan Title situation. The panelists are at ends on how the situation should be handled. Riley thinks Bryan should keep the belt, Booker disagrees…
– Out comes the announcers for Raw and we’re set to go…
– Final shot of HHH and Stephanie smiling and walking down the hallway of the arena sets us up for Raw to begin…
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WWE Raw 5/26/14 from Knoxville, TN
– This week’s Raw is dedicated to the men and women who serve and have served our country.
– The Authority is out to the ring first. Stephanie welcomes us to a “historic edition” of Monday Night Raw. She says Daniel Bryan has a “choice” to “do the right thing” and surrender the WWE Title or not. Steph says Bryan wishes he could defend the title for the fans, but tonight he will do the right thing and surrender the title.
HHH speaks up. He says every generation has stars who become legends, and stars who rise to the top and then fizzle out like Daniel Bryan… HHH says you either adapt or you fall to the side, like Daniel Bryan. HHH turns the interview into a Evolution vs. Shield promo… He brings up the contract signing later tonight between the two teams. HHH says if the Shield sign the contracts tonight that they will parish at Payback.
Stephanie now wants to address GM Brad Maddox for some unexplained reason… Stephanie brings Brad out to the ring… Maddox hesitantly enters the ring… HHH is pissed off that he said nobody should be at ringside last week during the Batista vs. Rollins match except Evolution… But Maddox allowed the Shield to be at ringside…
Maddox explains that the Shield beat him up… But the excuse isn’t good enough for the Authority and they sic KANE on Brad… Maddox tries to run but he gets decked by HHH, and Kane proceed to chokeslam and Tombstone Maddox….
Kane’s music and pyro go off, but Stephanie cuts it off to announce that BRAD IS FIRED… Somewhere my cousin is sad, as her old wrestling favorite, Kane, just killed her new favorite “hunk” Brad Maddox…..
Back to developmental for Brad??? or worse???
-Commercial Break-
– You can’t spell “challenge” without “change”… You WILL Bo-Lieve… TONIGHT!!!!
1. Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro (w/Heyman). We’ve got the IC Title contender vs. the US Title contender… Before the match can begin, Bad News Barrett comes out with some BAD NEWS… People are too fat for their bathing suits, and RVD won’t beat him at Payback… Barrett joins commentary… Match starts, Cesaro attacks… RVD battles back with some of usual kicking and whatnot… Cesaro takes back over with a gutwrench suplex and European uppercuts… RVD takes back over with more of his usual kicking offense and takes Cesaro to the floor with a clothesline… RVD tries a moonsault off the apron, but Cesaro catches him and drops him on the barricade… RVD gets thrown into the barricade a second time as we go to commercial….
Back from break, Cesaro with some quick pinning attempts. RVD battles back and more of the same old stuff… Rolling Thunder for 2… and RVD with a somersault body attack off the top for 2…. Cesaro goes to the floor, but Rob dives out onto him, and then RVD just THRUST KICKS Barrett out of nowhere…. Bad News goes down on the floor… RVD with the split legged moonsault on Cesaro for 2… RVD lays Cesaro back out with a kick, then knocks Barrett off the apron as he plans to go up for the Frog Splash, but Cesaro hooks RVD from behind in a German Suplex with a bridge and gets the 3 in 10:00….
As soon as Cesaro wins, Sheamus’ music hits… ahh the element of surprise…. Sheamus still manages to hit a Brodgue Kick to drop Cesaro… fella…
-Commercial Break-
2. Eva Marie vs. Summer Rae… Awww shit, they’re letting Eva work on TV in a singles match… This is based on their Total Divas rivalry or something… Some back and forth, Eva works the crowd by blowing kisses but the crowd doesn’t care… “Daniel Bryan” chants start as the match is stale… Summer gains control when FANDANGO’S music hits… Out comes Fandango and Layla to dance and make out, it distracts Summer and Eva Marie rolls her up for the win in 2:00….
– Backstage with Batista and Randy Orton… Cody Rhodes and Goldust interrupt. Cody talks about how he and his brother beat the Shield, but Evolution can’t… Cody mocks “RK-Blow” and Batista’s skinny leg jeans… HHH storms in and makes a match between the two teams for later tonight… To end the segment, HHH reassures Batista that he doesn’t have skinny legs…
-Commercial Break-
3. El Torito (w/Matadores) vs. Drew McIntyre (w/3MB and Hornswoggle). You know it’s bad when your mascot is working Raw matches instead of you… Torito tries to fly early, Drew catches him and tosses him in the air, but Torito catches him on the way down and sends Drew flying… A similar spot follows, but this time Drew drops Torito… McIntyre throws Torito around the ring by his leg and almost kills him… Wow…. Drew tries to Superplex Torito, but Torito slides down… 3MB and Los Matadores go at it outside the ring… Torito trips Drew up and McIntyre falls face first into the steel post… Torito covers for the win in 3:00…
After the match, Hornswoggle attacks Torito and rips his tail off and beats him with it… Yes… I just typed that… Torito then ran from the ring in comedic fashion, holding the spot where his tail had been…. Wow, a Stephanie promo, a slow motion RVD match, Eva Marie in the ring, now this…. Raw is batting a thousand tonight….
-Commercial Break-
– Los Matadores want the doctor to fix Torito’s Tail… Doc says he’s not a veterinarian… Torito has an ice pack on his butt… They’re seriously playing this into a SECOND segment???
And we go from that to the Wyatts… Why on Earth would you put that comedy garbage on and then move into a Wyatt segment?
The Wyatt Family come out to the ring, Bray starts off by singing, and this song crap it starting to get boring and irritating… Let’s not do it to death… Bray talks about sacrifices and dealing with bosses… Bray asks the fans if he’s the Snake, or the Cure to the snake’s venom… He says he’s the necessary evil this world needs… Wyatt says Cena is the enemy to us all, and Bray will be the Last Man Standing at Payback…
Bray says Cena shouldn’t be the only one punished… He calls Cena the “King” but says there are pawns in front of Cena that need to be punished… Bray Wyatt asks Jerry Lawler to enter the ring… Lawler declines… The Wyatts surround Lawler, and Bray threatens JBL and Michael Cole not to interfere with their message. JBL has enough and he stands up to get involved… Harper and Rowan take out JBL with Harper’s spinning clothesline on the floor….
Harper and Rowan force Lawler into the ring… Bray makes Lawler take a seat in the ring… Wyatt talks about Lawler being friends with Cena and helping Cena, and believing in Cena’s garbage… Wyatt asks Lawler if he’s feels guilty and destroying millions of lives… Rowan and Harper jerk the King up and hold him… Bray sets up for Sister Abigail when JOHN CENA RUSHES TO THE RING!!!!
Cena fights with Rowan and Harper… but they manage to drop him… Rowan and Harper hold Cena to make him watch Bray Wyatt hit Lawler with Sister Abigail… AND NOW HERE COME THE USOS….
The Usos and Cena clear the Wyatts from the ring… Lawler gets saved… Cena tells Bray he has crossed the line and that he is pure evil… The fans are still 50/50 at best on the side of Cena… Cena says Bray needs to be stopped… Payback isn’t about winning or losing, it’s about being the Last Man Standing… Wouldn’t that also be winning???
Wow, that segment covered a lot of ground… To think it started with a midget bull getting his butt iced…
-Commercial Break-
– Lawler announced JBL is in the back for medical attention. The King returns to the announce table… Zack Ryder’s music hits… Wow… he gets a full intro before he gets killed…
Zack Ryder has a giant American flag and starts to talk about Memorial Day… Cue LANA…. Russian is great… Blah blah blah… Vladimir POOOO-tin… America, behold your future, behold your destiny… Here comes Rusev….
4. Zack Ryder vs. Rusev (w/Lana). We’re already back to the beginning of the rotation of jobbers for Rusev. Even my 6 year old says “he’s fighting Zack Ryder again?’… Ryder throws some punches, but Rusev runs him over, punches the crap out of him and puts him in the Accolade while the fans chant “USA”… Ryder gives it up in less than a minute… That was the most uneventful match yet for Rusev…
Big E hits the ring to make the save… Big E knocks Rusev from the ring… Lana holds Rusev back… I guess this sets up a Payback match…
– We see Stephanie backstage talking with Alberto Del Rio… But why???
-Commercial Break-
5. Cody Rhodes and Goldust vs. Batista and Randy Orton. The Rhodes brothers get on Batista early, and then it’s Orton’s turn… Goldust with an Oklahoma Roll for 2, and then a powerslam on Orton… Cody tags in, and works over Orton in the corner… Cody comes off the ropes but runs into a knee from Orton and Evolution take over… As Batista and Orton work on Orton I can’t help but wonder, who has the more indistinguishable tattoos of the pair… Cody manages a tag to Goldust, but Batista ends up landing a spinebuster for a near fall… Orton tags in and plays to the crowd as we take a commercial break…
Back from break, Evolution still working on Goldust… Goldy fights back, tries to make the tag to Cody, but runs into a clothesline from Batista… Goldust hits a springing back elbow off the middle rope and gets the hot tag to Cody, while Orton also tags in… Cody all over Randy, and a springboard dropkick gets 2… Rhodes Disaster Kicks Batista off the apron… Cody sets up Randy for the Disaster Kick, but Orton catches him in an RKO…
Rather than covering, Randy lands a second RKO and makes the pin in 11:00….
At the end of the match, Justin Roberts says he was just informed that this is an Elimination Match… Cody Rhodes must leave ringside while Batista and Orton now face Goldust in a “No Holds Barred” 2 on 1 match…
Goldust tries to fight off both men, but it doesn’t last long. Randy back suplexes Goldy onto the barricade, and then Batista throws Goldust into the barricade on the opposite side… Back in the ring, Goldust knocks Randy to the apron, but Batista hits Goldy with a spear…. Orton comes back in the ring and lays Goldust out with the RKO… Batista follows with the powerbomb for the win in maybe 2:30…
– You best Bo-Lieve… Bo Dallas is next!!!
-Commercial Break-
– JBL returns to the announce desk.. Lawler thanks JBL… Layfield says he’s been hit by Stan Hansen to the Undertaker, but he’s never been hit that hard… JBL says he’s never saving the King again, and has a laugh…
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Bo Dallas with a quick promo before his match… JBL compares him to Churchill
6. Bo Dallas vs. Sin Cara. Cara knocks Dallas outside and hits a dive to start things off… Dallas takes over on offense, but Cara comes back with an enzuigiri and a body block from the middle rope for 2… Cara hits a handspring elbow and a variation of the Olympic Slam…. Sin goes to the top rope, but he’s knocked off… Bo lands the “Bo-Dog”, the Spike Dudley-like tornado bulldog out of the corner, for the win in around 3:00….
Bo runs around ringside celebrating, and tells the fans if they Bo-Lieve that they’re already winners… After the match, Bo comes over and forces a handshake and a hug with a confused Sin Cara…
Up next, it’s time for Daniel Bryan to announce his decision….
-Commercial Break-
– Stephanie McMahon is back to hear Daniel Bryan’s decision over the WWE World Title…. We know Daniel’s first option is to surrender, but we haven’t heard any other options yet… Hmmmm… Steph speaks for a moment, just to hear herself talks and out comes Daniel Bryan… in a neck brace…
Stephanie is so happy to see Bryan, and says he needs to do the right thing and surrender the title… Bryan talks about winning the WWE Title and it being years worth of hard work… Bryan claims his injury is worse than originally though, and he blames Kane for that… He also points out that Stephanie is behind Kane… Stephanie tells Bryan after he hands over the title he can get another title shot and “do this all over again”…
Bryan said he agrees that he should hand over the WWE Title… But this isn’t about him… or the fans… It’s about Stephanie… She’s been trying to take the title off Bryan since he beat HHH and won the title at WrestleMania… Bryan says if he hands over the belt, that it’s screwing the fans over everything they’ve waited for and chanted for…. And he’s not going to screw the fans… He tells Stephanie a word she’s not used to hearing… Bryan answers if he will give back the WWE Title…. NO….NO…NO…..NO…..NO…..NO…. You get the point….
Stephanie is pissed…. she blames Bryan’s ego and the fans…. Stephanie says 2 weeks ago Brie Bella put her hands on Steph (video plays of the incident)… Stephanie says you can’t put your hands on the boss… Stephanie says she will give Bryan one more chance at Payback… Either he surrenders the title at Payback, or Brie Bella is fired… Bryan is stuck in a dilemma now…
Why exactly are we waiting until Payback for this decision? I guess because it’s in the script… This segment proved to be absolutely nothing, and it’s great to know we’re going to get a 20 minute interview segment on the PPV… I guess that’s what you get for $10…
-Commercial Break-
7. Alicia Fox vs. Emma. Emma skins the cat into the ring, and we get going… Emma gets the upper hand first with the Tarantula and the Emma roll and the splash in the corner… The crowd is dead as expected for a Divas match this late in the show… Alicia Fox threatens to leave ringside, but gets back on Emma and works her over… Fox ends up missing something and Emma rolls her up for awin in maybe 3:00..
Alicia Fox snaps after the match and beats the crap out of Emma and throws her outside the ring to a few boos but mainly dead silence… Alicia says she’s not a loser and pushes around some of the ringside attendants and rings the bell about 50 times… She announces she’s not a loser again and slams the bell down… I don’t have a clue where this is going….
Fox beats the crap out of one of the ringside attendants and gives him a wedgie, ripping his underwear…. She shoves the cameraman… She sprays pop in some guys face… Yeah, we call it POP here… Alicia takes a drunk of Orange Crush then throws the can at Emma…. Fox then apologizes to the half naked attendant and kisses him on the ground before finally leaving…. Wow…
-Commercial Break-
– Memorial Day promo, Cena thanks our fallen heroes… The announcers reiterate…
– Oh, and now we get a hair vs. mask Payback preshow match with Torito vs. Hornswoggle…
– Damien Sandow comes to ringside announced as and dressed as “Davey Crockett”… Sandow speaks
8. Damien Sandow vs. Adam Rose. There’s just wayyyyy too much comedy on this show anymore… Worse yet, unfunny comedy… Damien Sandow talks with some type of accent that is supposed to sounds southern, he claims he’s Davy Crockett, king od the wild frontier… Adam Rose is carried to the ring by his Rosebuds… JBL rips on both gimmicks… I couldn’t agree more… What crap… And the match is crap… and if it couldn’t get worse Jack Swagger comes out with a guy dressed as a lemon…. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING… Rose ends up hitting his finisher for the win in like 2:00… Poor Davy Crockett…
Immediately afterwards Jack Swagger attacks Adam Rose and the two go at it… Swagger comes out on the losing end and bails to the floor… Rose says “nobody touches my lemon” and celebrates with his rosebuds…
I can’t take much more of this crap tonight… Way to sell a PPV…. What’s with all the comedy garbage, and plain stupidity… NOBODY can think this is good, can they? How do you build all the way to WrestleMania perfectly fine, and then veer off into this mess of bull dung???
How the hell they expect this to sell Network subscriptions is beyond me… They deserve a crap rating this week for sure… In three hours you should ACCIDENTALLY have a couple of good segments… So far… one… at best…
-Commercial Break-
9. US Champion Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio. Okay, I thought we were done with wrestling for the night, but I guess they’re squeezing one more in before the main event segment… Trading punches early and Sheamus with a rolling Samoan drop for 2… 10 forearm clubs follow… I guess we’re going straight into the signature spots… Sheamus follows ADR outside and rams him into the table. ADR is back in first and catches Sheamus with some quick shots… Sheamus is knocked back to the floor and we go to break… Wow I didn’t expect a match with a break this late into the show…
Back from break, we learn Sheamus missed a Brogue Kick and ADR hit a back stabber… Sheamus is down in the corner, ADR chokes him over the ropes… Sheamus attempts a comeback but misses a shoulder in the corner and hits the post… ADR lands a kick to the head of Sheamus and gets 2… Del Rio taunts Sheamus and slaps him around… Sheamus replies with the Irish Curse backbreaker for 2… Back and forth and Sheamus with White Noise… ADR back up and Sheamus with a powerslam… Sheamus calls for the Brogue, but is selling a possible concussion or something… ADR lands the enzuigiri in the corner, and then the superkick while Sheamus is on his knees, but Sheamus kicks out at 2…. Sheamus counters out off a cross armbreaker and hits the Brogue Kick for the win in 9:00…..
– Paul Heyman comes to ringside… He talks about Lesnar beating Undertaker having meaning, but Sheamus vs. ADR has no meaning… Sheamus vs. Cesaro will have meaning at Payback… Cesaro attacks Sheamus from behind and clubs him in the back of his head… Sheamus tries to stand back up but Cesaro mauls him again… and again… with knees…. and the Neutralizer…
I can only assume Sheamus’ heel turn is coming soon, because this does NOTHING for his baby face run at all…
-Commercial Break-
It’s 11:01pm and we’re just starting our final segment… Michael Cole is in the ring for the contract signing between the Shield and Evolution… The Shield make their way out first… Michael Cole leaves the ring… Dean Ambrose says it’s the last time we’ll see both teams on Raw, because someone’s getting eliminated forever… Roman Reigns tosses all of the chairs out of the ring… Dean Ambrose assists… The table is then thrown from the ring while Seth Rollins speaks…
Evolution is out next… We’ve got nothing in the ring but the Shield and a clipboard… HHH stops in the aisle and wants to make everyone aware of what’s about to be signed… HHH calls it the last time you will ever see the Shield on Raw… HHH says The Shield were the future of the WWE, but now they’re going to be sent back into obscurity… HHH asks the Shield one last time if they’re sure they want to sign the contract… The Shield respond by signing the contract… Fans chant “hounds of justice”…. Roman Reigns then drops the clipboard to the floor outside the ring at the feet of Evolution…
Orton, Batista, and finally HHH sign… HHH starts to run his mouth again, but Reigns cuts him off and tells him to get in the ring and do his talking… Evolution get up on the apron and enter…. We have a brawl in the ring… and outside the ring… Evolution is thrown to the floor and Rollins dives out on them… Batista spears Ambrose, but Roman hits the Superman Punch!!! Reigns starts for the spear, but HHH WITH THE SLEDGEHAMMER ON REIGNS… RKO on Rollins… HHH drives the sledgehammer into the head of Reigns and knocks him out of the ring… Sledgehammer to Ambrose….
Evolution mock the Shield by TRIPLE POWERBOMBING REIGNS THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE….
HHH raises the sledgehammer in the air to end Raw as Evolution’s theme begins to play…
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WWE Raw “Backstage Pass” Post Show
– We see Evolution still standing over the Shield in the ring, the Shield being helped up by officials afterwards… The panel talks the big 6 man match at Payback…
– Renee Young interviews Evolution… Renee asks if this is foreshadowing Payback… HHH says don’t bring a pen to a sledgehammer fight… Orton says Evolution is the best… Batista wants to know if the Shield will show up Sunday, if not maybe they can sue them for breach of contract and get some money… HHH makes a shoot joke, as only an owner can do… Trips asks Renee Young why she interviews people barefoot…. The camera pans down to show Renee without shoes… Young is speechless and says she doesn’t have an answer for that…. Alex Riley is laughing hysterically when they come back to the panel….
– Daniel Bryan/WWE Title discussion. Stephanie has given Bryan an ultimatum to surrender the title at Payback, or Brie Bella is fired… The panel discusses… Riley was happy with Bryan’s decision to keep the belt, so is Santino… Booker is against it and says he was hoping Bryan would be a bigger man…
– Renee Young tries to interview Daniel Bryan about the ultimatum… Bryan says it’s a tough decision… The WWE title means a lot to him, but so does his wife’s career…. Bryan says he’s going to do what’s right…
– And with only a 15 minute post show, they rush to discuss Cena vs. Bray Wyatt with only two minutes left… Nothing to see here…
And that wraps things up… Is this PPV going to be worth $10??? You decide…
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