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Some preshow notes…
– Alex Riley & Byron Saxton host from WWE Headquarters. No Booker T as he is reportedly subbing for Jerry Lawler tonight due to the King’s hospitalization.
– Show kicks off with a reminder that the Authority is back. We catch the end of last week’s Raw where Rollins forces Cena to bring them back. Alex Riley brings up the trouble the guys from Team Cena at Survivor Series could be in tonight now that HHH is back.
– We go back to last week’s Raw and Ryback’s speech. I’ve seen some people crap on it, and others put it over… I don’t know that it was perfect, but I do like what they were trying to do here with the Ryback character. Ryback wants Rusev. Riley & Saxton discuss Ryback and what he’s been through to be here now.
– Side note, without Booker T here and interjecting his nonsense into everything, these two guys actually cover a lot of ground in discussion. They can actually get out entire thoughts, stay on track, and the show seems more deliberate. #FireBookerT
– WWE Smackdown is moving to Thursday. Fun commercial.
– Ambrose/Wyatt feud video airs. Discussion follows. Their final battle is tonight in an Ambulance Match on Raw. We hear excerpts from Ambrose from a WWE.com exclusive interview, where he vows to put Bray in the Ambulance or die trying.
– This isn’t discussed on the preshow, but some fans are tweeting pictures of hundreds of balloons in nets above the arena for tonight’s Raw. Looks like the Authority plan a celebration. Joy…
– We go back to last week’s Main Event and Edge & Christian posing with the Rosebands, sans Adam Rose. Rose is pissed his Rosebuds won’t leave with him. I assume they have plans to further this angle tonight with Rose?
– We go back to last week, The Usos regain the tag titles.
– My God, look how much they can plow through when Booker isn’t there with his shucky ducky quack, quack crap. Speaking of which, I dread tonight’s commentary… More than usual.
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WWE Raw Results From The American Bank Center Arena in Corpus Christi, TX 1/5/15
– Clips from last week, Seth Rollins on the Peep Show. Seth lays out Christian, and Show holds Edge down while Rollins threatens to murder him unless Cena reinstates the Authority. Cena brings the Authority back. Can you feel you excitement??? Yayyy, we’re right back to another Authority driven Raw. Oh the promos, oh the angles….
– WWE Raw has a new opening video set to the “Tonight is the Night” theme. I guess new intro for the new year… Music is kinda played out by now to be the “new” Raw theme.
– Basically, the entire WWE roster is standing in and around the ring per the order of the Authority. John Cena gets on the mic before the Authority comes out to apologize to the fans and wrestlers alike for having to reinstate the Authority. Wouldn’t it be cool if Edge was in on it? lol. Cena is interrupted by HHH and Stephanie on the stage. The Authority had a great new year, and now it’s back to doing what’s best for business. Ugh…
HHH mocks all the Raw’s that were in “chaos” while they were gone. HHH says his return is credited to one man, and introduces Seth Rollins to the stage. Seth wishes Cena and everyone else a Happy New Year. HHH says he owes Seth a debt, HE ADDS SETH ROLLINS TO THE CENA VS. LESNAR MATCH AT ROYAL RUMBLE…. WTF??? It’s now a Triple Threat match after hyping Cena vs. Lesnar III. Me thinks some things have been changed for Mania…
Stephanie thanks Cena for bringing them back. She says deep down inside Cena knows what’s best for business, so he;s not being punished, he’s going to be honored. Stephanie calls this “John Cena Appreciation Night”. She says Cena’s attendance tonight is mandatory.
HHH claims this is a new era, with no agendas, no ulterior motives. HHH says everyone will “get what they deserve”. HHH announces that Dolph Ziggler is wrestling next, defending the IC Title against former champ who never really lost it, Bad News Barrett.
Huge night of action tonight. Ziggler vs. Barrett, Reigns vs. Big Show, Ryback vs. Rollins, Ambulance Match with Ambrose & Wyatt. JBL said this card is more loaded than Johnny Manziel on the weekend… Nice.
–Commercial Break–
1. IC Champion Dolph Ziggler vs. Bad News Barrett
No Lillian again this week, Eden replaced her. Hmmm. Barrett gets the early advantage but Dolph comes back with the standing dropkick and an elbow, but Barrett is right back on top. Crowd is pro-Dolph and indifferent on Bad News. Hard to tell if Barrett’s time away killed his over-ness or if this crowd just isn’t buying him. Barrett goes for the swinging sidewalk slam, but Ziggler counters into a crucifix and abrupts WINS THE MATCH in 2:38. WTF….
Barrett snaps after the loss and attacks Ziggler right away. BNB takes Dolph to the floor and tosses him into the table, barricade, the ring post, the ring apron, and steel steps. BNB just beats the crap out of Dolph. The beat down lasts longer than the match. Back inside Barrett continues to drive Dolph’s shoulder into the ring post when KANE’S MUSIC HITS……………..
Corporate Kane comes out… He mentions that this match is TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS….. Well that kind of takes me back to the old Corporation days. Kane orders this match to continue… He forces the referee to ring the bell.
Okay….. Fall #2…. Barrett smashes Ziggler with a big boot, Then it’s WASTELAND for the win in 27 seconds.
The doctors check on the half dead Ziggler as we go into break…
–Commercial Break–
Ziggler vs. Barrett – Fall #3
We’re back with Ziggler vs. Barrett and Fall #3 of this impromptu 2 out of 3 fall match…. The bell sounds for fall 3, Barrett lands WASTELAND immediately for a near fall…. A big boot gets another near fall. BNB holds Ziggler down, but Dolph comes back with a standing dropkick. Ziggler’s offense only lasts the one move before BNB is right back on top. Some chinlock fun follows. Ziggler fights free and hits a neckbreaker, but Barrett comes back with the Winds of Change for 2…
Kane is seated at ringside. I didn’t notice that until now… Barrett prepares for the Bull Hammer. Dolph ducks and hits a SUPERKICK!!!! 1……….2………..Barrett kicks out at the last second!!! Both men are down and Kane gets on the apron. Ziggler siperkicks Kane off the apron, then turns around right into a BULL HAMMER….. BNB gets the win and regains the IC Title in 5:45 of fall #3….
Well, for storyline purposes, this was pretty cool. Not a fan of Ziggler dropping the belt already again, but the story involved was pretty cool. Dolph beats Barrett, Kane is sent out to continue the match, Kane aids in the win. It’s your Authority screws Ziggles angle. If you’re into storyline matches then this is worth sitting through. If you’re looking for a good WRESTLING match, then this probably isn’t for you. This match was more gimmick than a great match. I have no doubt these guys could have a great match, but this was more used for the storyline. Not the worst thing they’ve ever done.
– Did you forget? It’s Cena Appreciation Night!!! The Authority shows a video of Cena showing Kurt Angle Ruthless Aggression and getting the endorsement of the Undertaker.
–Commercial Break–
– We’re reminded of what Big Show did to Reigns last week. Renee Young (with a new haircut) interviews Reigns backstage. Roman basically refers to himself as Superman, somebody better tell Cena. Reigns says Show can expect him (Superman) tonight. Believe that….
– Bray Wyatt promo in a smoky room. One final Ambrose before they do that Ambulance thing. Wyatt talks about what the devil is, he says the devil walks beside him tonight.
–Commercial Break–
– Oh dear Lord, it’s the Ascension… And they’re cutting a promo. They rip on Demolition. They rip on the Road Warriors. “Ohhh, what a joke”… Classy… Who the fuck okay’d that promo? That gets a small disgusted response from the fans, then the fans go back to making NO NOISE. This was terrible.
2. The Ascension vs. Two Jobbers
Wooo, I finally get to refer to an opponent as “Jobber”. They get no intro, JBL buries them, both the jobbers AND the Ascension. Fall of Man ends this in 39 seconds. The announcers basically bury Ascension after the match. lol… ABSOLUTELY NO REACTION… Can’t wait until they have them wipe out Animal here in the next few weeks and still not get over.
– Rusev & Lana promo. They’re disgusted that America disrespects other country’s beliefs. Token Vladimir Putin reference follows. Rusev can save the world…
– Roman Reigns on his way to the ring for action.
–Commercial Break–
– John Cena Appreciation Night… Cena beats JBL for the World Title at WrestleMania.
3. Roman Reigns vs. The Big Show
Reigns starts off throwing punches, but Show lands sort of a spear thing for an early near fall… Show dominates from there. Show knees Reigns in the face pretty hard… Damn. Boring ground stuff. Bearhug by Show. Reigns breaks free, a series of clotheslines finally drop Big Show. SAMOAN DROP on Big Show. Reigns tries the Superman punch, but gets caught by Show and thrown out to the floor… The fight goes to the floor… Show grabs the steel steps and cracks them in Roman’s face for the DQ in 5:51. Reigns will get the DQ win…
After the match, Show rolls Reigns back inside and brings the steps in with him. Show goes to blast Reigns with the stairs, but REIGNS SPEARS SHOW… The announcers sell it like the stairs fell on Big Show’s face, but that clearly didn’t happen. Show did place the stairs on his head after the bump however, and the doctors treat it as if Show got knocked out…
Boring match that ends in a way that only promises yet another rematch. Oh, the horror!
–Commercial Break–
4. Divas Champion Nikki Bella (w/Brie) vs. Natalya
No Tyson Kidd this week, so far anyway… Paige’s music hits before the match can start. Paige makes her way to ringside and hugs Natalya to play into the new Total Divas season (they had some sort of issue on the new episode). So they’re playing up a angle today for a Total Divas angle that was filmed in August… Ok… Nattie’s on Nikki, now Nikki’s on Nattie. Meanwhile, Brie and Paige get into it on the floor. Paige lays Brie out, which distracts Nikki, Natalya rolls Nikki up for the win in 1:16, or thereabouts…
Nikki Bella goes after Paige following the match, but Paige superkicks her face off….
– Backstage promo from Dean Ambrose. It’s short and to the point. Tonight he ends Bray Wyatt’s life…. Bold words.
–Commercial Break–
– WWE addresses Stuart Scott’s passing.
5. Erick Rowan vs. Luke Harper… Special Guest Referees Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury
To me, this screams “We have NO IDEA what to do with either of you”. Which makes all the more sense why they removed them from the Wyatt Family. Looks like the Authority is getting their revenge on Rowan. Crowd is dead. You can hear seven people clapping and yelling random things. The referees distract Rowan as Harper attacks. Rowan makes a comeback, but the referees block him. Rowan still manages to land his big spin kick for a cover, but the referees try and decide who will make the count and Rowan can’t get a fall. Rowan argues with the referees, turns into a clothesline from hell from Harper, and the refs make a fast count for Harper to get a win in 1:08…
After the match Rowan fights off J&J Security, but Harper blasts Rowan with a discus clothesline and holds Rowan in place while J&J sandwhich Rowan’s head with dropkicks on each side.
Okay, so Rowan loses a meaningless match and then takes a clothesline and dropkicks… HHH is getting soft.
Can’t wait to see what’s planned for Ryback…
– Cena Appreciation Night – June 2005, John Cena is drafted to Raw…
–Commercial Break–
– WWE Network is coming to the UK, or something…
– We’ve got a 6 person tag coming up. Usos & Naomi vs. Miz, Sandow & Alicia Fox… Fox is a heel AGAIN?????
Naomi is backstage preparing for her match… by looking at herself in a mirror… Alicia Fox interrupts and says they’ve been friends a long time and nothing will change that. Fox then just randomly snaps and beats the crap out of Naomi in the dressing room and dumps powder all over her… I’m having flashbacks of Sid Justice on the Barber Shop… The other Divas pull Fox off of Naomi… Alicia Fox has just turned heel more times than Lex Luger.
– A nice video package of the Wyatt & Ambrose feud is shown leading up to the Ambulance Match. An Ambulance backs into the arena… I guess this match is so important that it not only gets stuck in the middle of the show, it doesn’t even open the top of an hour…
–Commercial Break–
6. AMBULANCE MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt
This is the first ever Ambulance Match on Raw. In order to win you have place your opponent in the ambulance and it must be driven out of the arena… Ambrose tackles Bray and they go straight to the floor… Wyatt thrown right over the announce table and into Booker T, lol… Ambrose dives off the table onto Wyatt. I think we lost Booker on commentary… AWESOME. Damn, he’s back…
The fight goes into the crowd, and they brawl all the way back to the ambulance. Ambrose tries to throw Bray into the ambulance early, but Wyatt gets Dean inside instead. Ambrose kicks his way back out and hits a neckbreaker on the concrete floor to Bray. There are TABLES inside the ambulance, well duh… Ambrose climbs inside the ambulance to grab something, but Bray slams the ambulance door on Dean’s leg. Wyatt rams a heavy stretcher into Ambrose’ leg and smashes it into the side of the entrance ramp.
The fight somehow makes it way back into the ring. Dean lands a Diamond Cutter on Bray across the top rope. Wyatt comes right back and drives Dean’s bad leg into the ring post… Break time…
Back from break, Wyatt has control. Wyatt tries Sister Abigail, but Ambrose breaks free and lands a big clothesline… Dean tries a bulldog or something, but Bray clotheslines him out of his boots… Wyatt is done now, he throws Ambrose out of the ring and takes him towards the ambulance…
Wyatt clotheslines Ambrose up onto the stage and sets up a table on the floor below… Ambrose dives off the stage onto Bray with a clothesline. Ambrose is selling his knee pretty good. Wyatt whips Dean into the back of the ambulance, but Dean pulls a chair out and whips it at Bray’s face… Dean then dives out of the ambulance onto Wyatt… Ambrose now gets Wyatt into the ambulance, but Bray busts out… Bray throws Dean’s face into the ambulance door… Bray knocks Dean onto the stretcher, but Ambrose uses the stretcher to do his bounce back clothesline spot on the floor… Clever…
Ambrose busts Bray across the back with a backboard and throws Bray into the ambulance door. Intermittent fans shouting, but the crowd as a whole sounds crappy… Ambrose sets the table up directly in front of the backdoors of the ambulance… Ambrose lays Bray on the table and climbs up ON TOP OF THE AMBULANCE… ELBOWDROP OFF THE AMBULANCE PUTS BRAY THROUGH THE TABLE….
Crowds digging it now. Now Dean has to put Bray in the ambulance. BUT BRAY HITS SISTER ABIGAIL OUT OF NOWHERE AND BOUNCES DEAN’S FACE OFF THE AMBULANCE DOOR!!!!!
Both men are down… Wyatt tosses Dean into the ambulance, but Ambrose kicks his way back out. SISTER ABIGAIL ON THE CONCRETE!!! Bray slowly puts Dean into the back of the ambulance and slams the door… The BELL SOUNDS IMMEDIATELY, before the ambulance even pulls away… Wyatt wins, and it sounds like ten people give a shit… That’s sad…
Bray wins in 19:38… Dean Ambrose is driven away…
I get they want to build Bray up strong for a potential match with Undertaker at WrestleMania, but at the same time they keep burying Ambrose, AND Bray is losing steam. They need to do more with Bray than just give him some wins…
–Commercial Break–
7. Tag Champs the Usos & Naomi vs. Miz, Damien Sandow, & Alicia Fox
Naomi goes right after Fox, beats the girl down… Miz & Jey Uso are tagged in. Sandow with his usual comedy stuff and it allows Miz to take over control. Miz tags in Sandow and the crowd ERUPTS…. Sandow goes off the ropes to do a dive outside onto Jey, but Miz stops Damien and tags himself back in to major heat… “Miz you suck” chants follow. Double clothesline spot and Jey & Miz both down. Hot tag to Jimmy Uso. Samoan drop on Miz, Fox comes in to stop the offense, but Naomi hits her with a huracan rana. Naomi goes out to the apron and it looks like Miz is supposed to shove Jimmy into Naomi, but somebody BLOWS THIS SPOT something awful. Jimmy never touches Naomi, Naomi half sells something but stays on the apron, Jimmy sells it like he’s done something wrong, and Miz rolls him up with the hook of the tights for the win in 4:00….
I don’t know what went wrong in that finish, but it was terrible… Michael Cole tries to sell it as Jimmy went to hit Naomi thinking she was Sandow (ummm), but then saw it was his wife and pulled back. Nice try, but I’m not buying it.
–Commercial Break–
Well our last announced match is next, so looks like we may be getting that rumored Sting angle, or at least a “big angle”, to end the show…
8. Ryback vs. Seth Rollins
Before the match can begin, Corporate Kane is back out… And he’s no longer in his suit… He’s in his gear and announces this match as a handicap match… It’s now Rollins AND KANE vs. Ryback…
8. HANDICAP MATCH: Ryback vs. Seth Rollins & Kane (w/J&J Security)
Ryback eats him some Kane early. Ryback with a nice shoulderblock off the middle rope and a series of splashes for 2… The heels get the advantage momentarily as Rollins tags in, but Ryback goes right back under control, he whips Kane out of the ring, he presses Rollins off the top rope and throws Seth to the floor as well and we go to commercial…
Back from break, Kane has Ryback down with a chinlock. Ryback breaks out but gets thrown into the heel corner. Ryback fights his way out with a belly to belly on Kane. Rollins sneaks in with a back flip dropkick to take Ryback back down… The heels dominate from here. Kane grabs another classic chinlock. “Feed me more” chants. Ryback breaks free again, but Kane drops him with an elbow for 2. Ryback reverses a suplex on Kane, Rollins tags in but eats a Spinebuster… Ryback sets Seth up for the Meathook, but J&J security distract… Ryback STILL lands the Meathook clothesline on Rollins!
Ryback sets Seth up for Shellshock but Kane saves. Ryback sets Kane up and hits SHELLSHOCK… but Rollins sneaks in with a CURB STOMP…. AND A SECOND CURB STOMP finishes Ryback in 11:50. Wow. Way to push Ryback…
– John Cena Celebration coming up!!!
–Commercial Break–
– Paige vs. Nikki Bella on Main Event tomorrow…
9. Big E (w/Xavier Woods & Kofi) vs. Adam Rose
10:47pm, talk about time filler… If only the crowd was as hyped as New Day. Not sure why their theme is music only without words. Rose tries a sleeper… Surprise… That doesn’t work… The Rosebuds start clapping with the New Day to tally behind Big E. Big E pulls out his hanky to wipe himself off…Big E sets up for the big splash but he’s attacked by two… Rosebuds??? E wins by DQ in 2:00.
Two guys in full bodysuits and masks attack New Day and lay all three of them out… One picks Big E up in a powerbomb and holds him there forever until the other masked guy comes off the top rope with a Blockbuster… My god that looked dangerous as hell… The two men unmask as…. CESARO & TYSON KIDD…. UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. WTF
Cesaro & Tyson celebrate while Adam Rose forces his Rosebuds to dance with him… And I have NO IDEA WTF any of that was about…
– John Cena’s celebration is next, and it is mandatory for Cena to be out there… It’s next…
–Commercial Break–
– It’s celebration time, HHH & Stephanie are out to the ring… John Cena Appreciation Night… Hooray!
Steph intros Cena to the ring. HHH makes Cena relive last week via the Titan Tron. She promotes Cena as a hero. HHH talks about the first time he worked Cena and thought he sucked. HHH says Cena changed and became great. HHH puts Cena over big, and then says that last week he thinks Cena saw past Hustle, Loyalty, Respect crap. HHH says he thinks Cena realizes what’s bets for business. HHH says he appreciates Cena.
HHH then brings out the wrestlers who have suffered tonight because Cena reinstated the Authority. Ryback, Rowan & Dolph Ziggler come out to the ring. None of them appear too happy, for obvious reasons. HHH says he promised Team Cena would have consequences, so let’s get to the consequences… First up, Erick Rowan. Since he joined Team Cena last minute, HHH will go a little easy on him with a 30 day suspension… Then there’s Ryback the turncoat, who they give Ryback 60 days suspension… And then there’s Ziggler, who got the Authority fired. HHH asks Dolph what he should do. Ziggler asks 90 days? The Authority huddle…
The Authority leave the ring to “discuss”, while the babyfaces stand in the middle of the ring huddled… Clearly a set up is coming….
Instead of suspensions, HHH & Stephanie decide that Rowan, Ryback, and Ziggler are all FIRED….. That should make a good Royal Rumble…
The Authority make sure to blame Cena for getting them all fired, and reinstating the Authority… The now “fired” roister members stare unhappily… Lex Luger’s old 1993 Stars & Stripes theme plays as confetti & balloons drop to celebrate Cena…
We’ve got Luger music playing, balloons and confetti… It’s the frickin ending to Summer Slam 93….
Wow, what a “major angle”… Sarcasm to the max….
Raw ran over 12 minutes for this??? Crowds dead… Nobody buys the firing… Lame ending. Aaaaand WWE drops the ball on the first Raw of the year, but with the Authority back I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything else…
