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Well, it’s the “Slammy Awards” Edition of Raw, and seeing as though the Awards begin on the Preshow…. Yup, I’m stuck doing the preshow… That’s over 3.5 hours of Slammy-riffic fun!!! Seth Green, Cena vs. Big Show, ohhhh, can you feel the joy??!!! Oh yeah, and it’s also the go-home show to TLC (and stairs), oh my! Figure that might be worth noting…
Special “Slammy Edition” Raw Preshow
We kick off with Alex Riley and Byron Saxton live in the arena in tuxedos…
– Booker T & Renee Young give out the first award, the “Tell Me You Didn’t Just Say That” Award… Nominees are…
* Jericho trashes Stephanie for going to jail
* Nikki tells Brie she wishes she died in the womb… Ouch
* Paul Heyman raps and disses John Cena
* The Rock trashes Rusev and Lana
The Winner is…. Rock dissing Rusev… The Rock isn’t here (shocker), so Rusev & Lana are out to accept the award… Crowd is LOUD and HOT… Hopefully it stays that way for the main show… Lana speaks… Nothing special, crowd boos the crap out of them…
– Booker T joins Byron and A-Ry in the hosting panel. Vote for Diva of the year… You’re only allowed to vote for one of four… Nikki, Brie, AJ, or Paige… So if you’re into Naomi, or Alicia Fox, or Summer Rae… You’re shit out of luck.
– Apparently there were WWE.com Slammy Awards earlier today… Animal of the year – The Bunny (Not Batista?), Best Actor The Rock, Fan Participation chant “You Sold Out” to Seth Rollins, and Turn of the year is Rollins turning on the Shield.
– TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR AWARD… F’n seriously? Tag Teams are so important they’re given an award on the PRESHOW????? Can you imagine the Hart Foundation, Road Warriors, or British Bulldogs getting a preshow award? Renee Young hosts the segment… The nominees are…
* Goldust & Stardust
* Los Matadores…. Really?
* The Usos
* Slater Gator… Ummm, wow they’re stretching.
* Miz & Damien Sandow
The winners are…. THE USOS…. Awww, I was pulling for Sandow… Usos are out to accept. They’re pumped to have Slammy Awards… Woooo. Owen Hart style!
We get to vote on match of the year, but they don’t give us much to choose from… Blah.
– BREAKOUT STAR OF THE YEAR
* Seth Rollins
* Rusev
* Dean Ambrose
* Paige
* Roman Reigns
The winner is… DEAN AMBROSE…. Unfortunately Dean is not here to accept due to the injury from Bray Wyatt… Crowd craps on it… He’s cleared to compete Sunday, but not to come out and accept an award… What a worthwhile segment this was…
Per WWE.com… Best Rivalry is Bryan vs. Authority, Best Raw Guest Host Hugh Jackman, Best Couple is Bryan and Brie…
#HASHTAG OF THE YEAR AWARS
* #OccupyRaw (Bryan taking Raw hostage)
* #NineNinetyNine (Need I say more)
* #MoscowMooseKnucle (Rock to Rusev)
* #RKOouttanowhere (Randy Orton RKO vines)
The winner is… The RKO vines… Well, they were funny… Orton isn’t here, but Seth Rollins accepts. Rollins says RKO is NOWHERE since he took him out. Rollins accepts the Slammy “in memory” of Randy Orton.
That ends the preshow with 2 minutes to spare…. How eventful that was…
Special “Slammy Awards” Edition of WWE Raw 12/8/14 from Bon Secours Wellness Arena in Greenville, South Carolina
– Michael Cole says we’re kicking off the Slammys… Apparently the other Awards didn’t count… Lilian introduces Jerry Lawler… Who then in turn introduces Seth Green, the host of tonight’s Raw… Seth does a little jibber jabber, and he’s interrupted by The Miz & Damien Sandow in matching suits… Miz tries to talk, but the fans chant Mizdow… Seth puts over Sandow… Miz gets jealous, but they introduces the…
“THIS IS AWESOME” MOMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD
* Daniel Bryan with Occupy Raw (again?)
* Stephanie McMahon gets Arrested (again?)
* Sting Debuts And Costs The Authority Their Job
* Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, and The Rock At WrestleMania
The winner will be revealed after the first match…
1. Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins (w/Noble & Mercury)
Match gets started for a minute before we’re sent into the first commercial.
Back from break, Rollins has Ziggler on the mat. Rollins with some swanky kicks and a chinlock, Dolph breaks it with a jawbreaker… Rollins misses a corner splash, but Ziggler connects with one and a neckbreaker for 2… Rollins comes back for the Powerbomb in the corner, but Dolph counters with a sunset flip for a near fall… Ziggler hits the jumping DDT for another near fall… Rollins rolls to the apron and nails Dolph with a kick to the face… Rollins goes to the top rope, Dolph meets him up there… Ziggler ends up backdropping Rollins off the top rope!!!!! While Noble distracts the ref, Mercury shoves Ziggler off the top rope, Seth connects with the Curb Stomp, and it’s over that fast, 7:24 (half of which was a commercial break). Wow….
The Winner of the This Is Awesome Moment Award is STING!!!! But STING’S NOT HERE!!!! What a way to start the awards!!! Seth Rollins interrupts yet another award… He’s pissed that Sting cost him his match at Survivor Series and put the Authority out of power. Rollins accepts another award he didn’t win… Didn’t we just see this entire bit in the Orton Award????
– Kofi Kingston and the rest of the New Day make their way out… Their song no longer have the words “New Day” in it, so that ruins it…
–Commercial Break–
2. Kofi Kingston (w/Big E & Xavier) vs. Stardust (w/Goldust)
Kofi misses a double jump reverse body block, and Stardust connects with a springboard bionic elbow for 2… Crowd wasn’t really all that into New Day when they came out, but Big E has the crowd chanting for them. Stardust has control, Kofi takes back over with some fancy legwork of all sorts… The Boom Drop is now the “New Day”… LAME. High cross body from Kingston and it… gets the win in 3:00???? A high cross body??? I’ll take it.
– John Laurinitis returns to present the next award… John is sporting a bright yellow bowtie. With the Authority gone, Laurinitis says he should return to power…. PEOPLE POWER.
SURPRISE RETURN OF THE YEAR
* Hulk Hogan (I’m thinking they don’t understand the definition of “surprise”)
* Batista (Didn’t they build this up for weeks?)
* The Rock (Confronts Rusev… Now THIS was a surprise!!!)
* The Ullllllltimate Warrior
Find out the winner when we return.
–Commercial Break–
– And the winner of SURPRISE RETURN OF THE YEAR is…..
THE ULLLLLLLLLTIMATE WARRIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thankfully, Seth Rollins doesn’t accept this award… Nobody does… We just see a few picture stills and head to a backstage segment…
– Seth Rollins is thanking his security backstage when he’s interrupted by Paul Heyman… Heyman talks about being here to accept an award on behalf of Brock Lesnar. Then he and Rollins go at it verbally about Rollins cashing in Money in the Bank on Brock. Heyman gives Seth credit, he admits Rollins is the future, but says Seth needs to make sure John Cena becomes the past at TLC.
– Ric Flair’s daughter, NXT Women’s Champion Charlotte, is headed to the ring for action… Well we are in Flair country… Wooooo! We get a video of Charlotte from NXT. Charlotte meets Natalya, next.
–Commercial Break–
3. NXT Women’s Champion Charlotte vs. Natalya (w/Tyson Kidd)
Non-title. Charlotte Woo’s. NXT has another Takeover special coming this Thursday night on the Network. Charlotte beats the crap out of Nattie and hits something resembling a backpack Stunner. Natalya and Charlotte counter a couple of holds. Charlotte chops the shit out of Nattie. A quick back and forth, Nattie tries a Sharpshooter, Charlotte counters it and goes for the Figure Four… Natalya counters with an inside cradle for the win in 2:30. Really wasn’t bad for the time they had. Which is better than most WWE Divas matches.
Santino Marella is out next to present…
OMG! SHOCKING MOMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD. I’m starting to wonder if they just reword the same award over and over.
* Seth Rollins sells out (see what I mean)
* Nikki turns on Brie
* Bray Wyatt with Children “Whole World In His Hands”
* Brock Lesnar Conquers the Streak!
–Commercial Break–
– Shocking Moment of the Year Award… And the winner is… Brock beats Taker. Paul Heyman is here to accept the award. Okay, so we’re three awards in and nobody has accepted their own award… Hmm a Paul Heyman promo at the top of the hour… It’s like they expected Brock to win. 😉 It’s actually a very short promo, Heyman just reminds us that he’s the one, behind the 1, in 21-1.
– Bray Wyatt is out for a promo in the ring. Dean Ambrose destroyed Sister Abigail’s chair, he destroyed a piece of Bray. So Wyatt took something from Dean when he attacked Ambrose on Smackdown and had him stretchered out of the arena. Wyatt is a monster, he is fear incarnate, he hates the fans… He calls the fans moths and says he will burn them… Wasn’t he recruiting the fans prior to this? Wyatt says he will stand at the top of the ladder as the winner of their TLC match. Bray says Dean deserves everything he has coming to him.
At this point with the lights out an Ambulance backs into the arena and Ambrose pops out of the back with bright spotlights on him… Pretty sweet sight… Ambrose’s music hits and the crowd picks up…. Dean yanks tables, ladder, and chairs out of the back of the ambulance…. Dean removes the neck brace he’s wearing and starts to walk towards the ring with his weapons of choice. Ambrose nails Wyatt with a ladder. Wyatt goes down, Dean throws a chair in the ring and it bounces off the back of Bray’s skull. OUCH!!! Dean sets a table up in the ring, but Wyatt retreats…
Dean lays on the table to taunt Bray to return… Wyatt gets up on the apron, but Ambrose nails him with a steel chair…. Ambrose says at TLC it’s Bray that will be leaving in an ambulance. Ambrose says in a TLC match HE is the monster and he will eat Bray alive… Wyatt looks weak again, good segment, bad booking finish makes the heel look too weak.
– Seth Green is back out. He introduces Jerry Lawler as the presenter of the next award… Which is of course…
DIVA OF THE YEAR AWARD
* Nikki Bella
* Brie Bella
* AJ Lee
* Paige
The winner after the break…
–Commercial Break–
– The Divas are in the back… And Titus O’Neil, I guess for comedy purposes… AJ Lee wins the award. AJ says she hopes next year’s Diva of the Year is someone from NXT who steps up. But for now, AJ says she’s not done being Queen of the Ring, and she will recapture the Divas title this Sunday at TLC.
– Renee Young is backstage with John Cena. He has a match with Big Show tonight. Yawn. Literally. Cena says he knows Show will do anything to keep him out of TLC. Then at TLC, Cena has a Tables Match against Rollins. Cena says Seth can’t pin him or make him submit, but there’s always a possibility Cena goes through a table. Cena says if he loses at TLC he has to rethink his career, because champions win big matches. Cena says he’s going to step up at TLC and put Rollins ass through a table.
– Erick Rowan on his way to the ring. He has Luke Harper next.
–Commercial Break–
4. IC Champion Luke Harper vs. Erick Rowan
They’re going to throw this away on TV??? What is this, WCW??? The two hosses go right at each other with some heavy hitting. Rowan nails a corner splash, Harper comes back with a dropkick. Rowan comes back with a Full Nelson Slam, and the two men fight to the floor… Harper grabs the ladder and cracks it over Rowan’s head for the crap DQ 2:00 into the match.
Harper attacks Rowan after the match, but Rowan drills him with a forearm. Rowan uses the steel steps to land a GTS on Harper’s face. Rowan tosses the stairs into the ring, and luckily they don’t land on Harper… Rowan bounces the stairs off of Harper’s skull to end the segment…
BIG RED, BIG RED, BIG RED BY GAWD!!!
So much stuff happened here within 5 minutes, it felt like the Attitude Era “Crash TV”.
– Naomi is checking herself out in a mirror when the Usos stop by. Jimmy Uso is happy to have married Naomi, and winning a Slammy. Naomi says she heard from the Miz’s agent. Naomi says she got a screen test in Hollywood later this week. Jimmy Uso says he’s going with her, he doesn’t trust Miz. Naomi questions of Uso trusts her.
– Adam Rose, the Bunny, and the Rosebuds are out to present the….
LOL AWARD
* Mother’s Day Message From Mr. T
* WEE-L-C Match
* Damien Mizdow, Stunt Double
* Vicki Guerrero throws Stephanie into pudding
Results, live, next.
–Commercial Break–
– Damien Mizdow gets the win in the LOL AWARD category… Sandow and Miz are out together to accept the award. The Miz takes the award. Sandow mimics the Miz’s acceptance speech, lol… “We Want Mizdow” chants. Miz wants to thank someone that doesn’t get the credit they deserve… He thanks his face, the moneymaker…
– Rusev & Lana in the ring for a promo. A Real LOL moment is the American President, and our economy. Well, I can’t argue there… JACK SWAGGER interrupts the promo… Swagger says Rusev broke Zeb’s leg, so Jack is going to snap Rusev’s ankle…
Swagger attacks… We have a brawl on the floor… Swagger goes after the ankle of Rusev and takes him down… ANKLE LOCK by Swagger and Rusev is screaming in pain… The officials have to pill Swaggs off Rusev… Rusev sells this attack good… “WE THE PEOPLE”.
A quick, but good segment, once you get past the fact that Mr. No Charisma Swagger is involved.
–Commercial Break–
5.Ryback & The Usos vs. Kane, The Miz & Damien Sandow
Seth Green has joined commentary. Ryback and Kane start it out, Ryback with the Thesz Press to get things going… The faces with some quick tags as they work over Kane. Kane lays in a chop to Jay Uso, and the heels take over with Miz tagging in. Sandow immediately starts his imitations. The Usos take back over on Miz, Sandow comes in, chops himself, suplexes himself, then throws himself out of the ring… Great stuff, fans eat it up…. We go to commercial…
Back from break, Kane and the champs have control of Uso. The fans boo Miz and cheer Sandow. Jimmy Sandow escapes Miz and tags in RYBACK…. Ryback runs over Miz, but Kane makes the save. Kane tries a double chokeslam on the Usos but eats a Double Superkick to the floor. Jey Uso dives out onto Kane. Miz dumps Jimmy Uso to the floor, but turns around into a meat hook clothesline, and SHELL SHOCK ends it in 10:00 even…
Seth Green enters the ring to congratulate Ryback. The Usos reenter to celebrate as well.
– We go back to the 1986 Slammy Awards on MTV. Amazing seeing this in HD… We see highlights from the event. Piper’s trophy falls apart, lol, that never gets old….
– Rick “The Dragon” Steamboat is out to present the next award….
MATCH OF THE YEAR AWARD
* The Shield vs. Evolution
* Survivor Series: Team Cena vs. Team Authority
* John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt – Last Man Standing
* Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Batista – WrestleMania XXX
The winner announced in the next segment…
AJ Lee on her way to the ring for action next.
–Commercial Break–
– Next week is WWE Week on USA… Monday Night Raw, Smackdown Live on Tuesday, and Tribute to the Troops on Wednesday…
– Ricky Steamboat announces the 2014 Match of the year is…. Team Cena vs. The Authority… Dolph Ziggler out to accept the award… Ziggler thanks the fans, for a most memorable match.
6. AJ Lee vs. Summer Rae
Summer gets no intro. AJ attacks, but Rae lands an inverted powerbomb for 2… Spin kick to AJ’s face also gets 2… Summer applies a cobra clutch, sorta… “CM Punk” chants as this match becomes one big rest hold. AJ escapes and does the spin into the black widow for the tap out in 2:15.
They really need to start finding other ways to go into that Black Widow besides a counter from a side slam.
– ROB VAN DAM IS HERE!!! RVD is here, IN A TUX, to present the…
EXTREME MOMENT OF THE YEAR
* Rollins Curb Stomps Ambrose through cinder blocks
* Brock Lesnar murders John Cena at Summer Slam
* Kane Tombstones Daniel Bryan 87 times all over ringside
* Chris Jericho dives off the top of a cage into Bray Wyatt
–Commercial Break–
– Most Extreme Moment winner is Chris Jericho… Really? Even better, Jericho isn’t even here which makes this worthless…
– FANDANGO and Rosa are out to accept the award. Fandango is accepting the award because he beat Chris Jericho in his debut match. This character couldn’t get any worse.
– Backstage Old Saint MICK (Foley) is shilling the WWE Network and WWEShop. Foley wants to send “Al from Lima, Ohio” a replica Slammy for Christmas. lol… Some comedy with Stone Cold’s catchphrase follows. As crappy as I’d like to say this was, it was actually pretty funny.
– We’re reminded that Big Show knocked Cena out and cost him an elimination at Survivor Series. Their match is next. Puke.
– Big Show is with Renee Young. Renee asks Show if he can focus on Cena tonight while knowing he has to meet Rowan in a stairs match at TLC. Show says he made a mistake at Series, but Cena is making a mistake tonight by facing Show. Show also says Rowan is out of his league.
–Commercial Break–
– They recycle BOOKER T to announce…
WWE SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR
* John Cena
* Brrrock Lesnar
* Dean Ambrose
* Daniel Bryan
* Roman Reigns
* Bray Wyatt
* Seth Rollins
–Commercial Break–
– WWE Superstar of the Year is………… Roman Reigns…
I know these votes are supposed to be legit… But I’m not buying this one… No way he won this. Roman Reigns is however actually here in the arena!!! Reigns says he’s back live, and while the Slammy isn’t a brass ring, it’s pretty damn close. Reigns says he doesn’t care who’s at the top, when he returns shortly he’s stepping on top of them… Believe that.
A commercial at 10:57??? Okay, whatever prolongs the main event…
–Commercial Break–
7. John Cena vs. The Big Show
Whew, it’s 11pm, which means a nice, quick, short angle to set up the PPV, and not the 15 minute snooze fest I was fearing… Show pounds Cena to start things off. Show misses a chop in the corner and Cena comes back. Cena tries his flying shoulder block but bounces off show… lol… Show walks on Cena’s chest, slams John and drops a big elbow for a near fall. Show misses a charge in the corner and Cena nails a DDT. Cena back up but runs right into a side slam from Show. Big Show toys with Cena and grabs a bear hug. Cena escapes, Show tries a Chokeslam, but Cena counters with a Sleeper… Show starts to fade and drops to a knee. Show gets a second wind and snap mares Cena odd. Cena comes back with shoulder blocks to rock Show and a BACK SUPLEX takes Show down. Cena tries the 5 knuckle shuffle, but Show grabs a choke. Cena breaks free and lands the AA! 1….2….. Rollins and Security attack… DQ in 5:38.
Rollins brings a ladder into the ring while his security brings in a table. Rollins ascends the ladder to land a six foot curb stomp, nut Dolph Ziggler makes the save and pushes Seth off the ladder…. Dolph fights off the security but takes Big Show’s KO Punch… Then a KO Punch to Cena… Erick Rowan comes out to make the save, but Luke Harper attacks from behind… Harper & Big Show take out Rowan. Show CHOKESLAMS ROWAN ON THE STAIRS AND HE BOUNCES OFF OF THEM!!!! DAMN….
Ryback on his way down next… Ryback takes out Big Show… Ryback takes out Harper… Ryback sets up a table. Ryback scoops Harper up for Shell Shock, but Kane attacks with a CHAIR to Ryback…
Back in the ring, Big Show tries to Chokeslam Ziggler, but Dolph counters with two Superkicks to Show… Harper from behind FACE PLANTS Ziggler THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!
Cena with an AA on Harper…
Seth Rollins with a CURB STOMP on Cena…
Now Rollins and Security clear off the announce table and Triple Powerbomb Cena through the table…
Well that’s one way to sell all the gimmick matches on a PPV in a single segment…
Rollins music plays the show out as all of the heels reunite in the ring to stand tall…
That wraps it up…
