The WWE Raw Report 11/23/15
– Okay, so I know I usually do a brief overview of the preshow, but let’s face it, you’re not missing anything. That, and the fact that it was only 7 minutes ago that I convinced myself to waste 3 hours of my life reviewing this show tonight. The pure garbage fed to us throughout most, if not all, of last night’s Survivor Series had me strongly considering giving up the Raw Report, and honestly giving up watching WWE until Royal Rumble time. BUT, here I am, feeling bad because I missed several weeks in the late summer while down ill, so I’m here to review what I can only imagine will be a suck fest…. Oh, and HHH and Stephanie are opening the show… So I digress….
The Authority / Sheamus / Roman Reigns Opening Segment
– Trips and Raspy McBooby Nuggets are out first. Raspy, I mean Stephanie, speaks first. Ugh. The gist is that Roman Reigns had two chances to join the Authority, but instead speared HHH. Reigns got what he deserved and that’s why he isn’t champion. (I could write a small book on the atrocious booking of EVERYTHING right now, but I don’t even have the drive. WWE has completely drained me of care.)
Anyway… Trips brings out new WWE Champ, the Irish jobber Sheamus. As you’d suspect, Sheamus is about as over as a fart in church. Big money draw.
What a moment Fella. Sheamus gets some heat. It’s not top heel heat, it’s not even X Pac heat, it’s just “why are you in this position” heat. Sheamus told us he was one Brogue Kick away, and last night he proved it… Well actually it was two Brogue kicks fella….
Sheamus wants to know who looks stupid now, in reference to the typical “you look stupid chants”.
Roman Reigns interrupts. If they think they’ll get Reigns over by taking the title off a boring mid carder, they’ll find out that none of this is working. Reigns wants his title rematch tonight. Stephanie asks Reigns how does it feel to want, and he lost his rematch when he speared HHH… Wait, didn’t he spear HHH BEFORE he lost the title?
Reigns thinks HHH is hiding behind Stephanie and is scared. Off mic HHH directs Reigns to step up to his face and he does, lol… HHH tells Roman he will get his rematch when HHH says, and it won’t be tonight… Is anyone really clamoring for ANY match involving Sheamus?
The Authority start to walk away when RUSEV comes out of nowhere with the jumping side kick that floors Reigns, then Roman gets up right into a BROGUE KICK from Sheamus…
HHH informs Reigns he will get his rematch in a TLC match at the TLC PPV. Joy.
Reigns will face Rusev tonight. So Rusev is back, and apparently with the Authority. I guess that’s potentially better than the long, drawn out, girl chasing storyline.
— Commercial Break —
– Pre-recorded interview from the Wyatt Family. Bray says the Brothers of Destruction survived, but the Dudleys won’t. Tonight they will break the Dudleys in half…
1. The Dudley Boyz vs. The Wyatt Family
Bray and Harper are in the match. Well this match is out of nowhere. Curious to see how this breaks down. They’re wasting the Dudleys right now, and at the same time the Wyatts just got murdered last night. Wyatts should have accepted the New Day challenge. Harper starts with Bubba. It’s back and forth until D-Von tags in and they nail Harper with a double flapjack, the inverted 3D neckbreaker, they call for 3D but Luke wisely escapes and we head to break…
Back from break, Harper is working over D-Von, but D-Von manages a hot tag to Bubba. Bubb Ray does all his usual stuff to Harper, and is distracted by Rowan. Bubba knocks Rowan off the apron and turn around into the discus clothesline from Harper. Harper pins Bubba like a BITCH in 7:20. WOW. Really?
After the match, the Wyatts lay out the Dudleys, Strowman chokes out Bubba and Wyatt lands Sister Abigail on D-Von. The end.
— Commercial Break —
– 25 Years of Undertaker Video, followed by Team BAD making their way to the ring. A commercial break follows before the next match…
2. Sasha Banks (w/Team BAD) vs. Becky Lynch
It’s back and forth to start but Sasha takes over with the double knee drop while Lynch is laying on the middle rope. Sasha with some near falls looks frustrated. Becky fights back and lands a nice T-bone throw. Becky Lynch locks in the Dis-Armer, but Naomi distracts the ref while Tamina pulls Banks’ leg under the ropes for the break. Becky gets up pissed and Sasha rolls her up to steal the win in 4:06. How do you expect to get these NXT girls over using shitty WWE finishes.
– The announcers discuss the next Divas challenger. PAIGE interrupts on the big screen and claims she’s still the #1 contender because Charlotte cheated. Paige points out Charlotte’s arms were under the ropes when she forced Paige to tap last night. Ok. Paige calls Charlotte dirty, like he father.
— Commercial Break —
NEW DAY FIRST ANNIVERSARY COUNTRY MUSIC JAMBOREE
Yeah… I wrote that… Not a typo either. New Day make their way out with fake horses, cowboys hats, Kofi even has his hair in a pony tail shaped as a Unicorn horn… Jesus Christ… New Day is turning one. They move on to mock country music, being in County Music City and all. They say it sucks and begin to mock sing country. Kofi says it as “himself and not in character”. lol
Looks like Lucha Dragons accept the challenge. Kalisto gets on the mic… Say wha? Kalisto says New Day doesn’t rock, New Day RUNS (in referens fro Survivor Series). Lucha Dragons accept the challenge and wish new Day Happy Anniversary.
New Day start to leave, when the USOS stop them. Now the Usos and New Day go back and forth on the mic as well. Kofi says neither challenging team is ready for a title shot.
Sin Cara suggests a TRIPLE THREAT. Big E is sad they have ruined their Jamboree. New Day has CLOSED their open challenge. Lucha Dragons and Usos lay out all three New Day members. Annnnnd we end up having NO MATCH. Wow, what a payoff….
The crap booking continues.
– We learn that Paige will get her title rematch against Charlotte later tonight.
— Commercial Break —
– Renee Young interviews Charlotte backstage. Nothing to see here.
Out comes Mark Henry. Who’s he jobbing to this time….
3. Mark Henry vs. Neville
Henry’s music stops before he even gets in the ring. Wow, all new levels of F-U. Henry overpowers Neville with ease, then Neville out of nowhere with a jumping enzuigiri kick and Mark slowly bumps to his knees and onto his back. Red Arrow ends it… Wow… Just wow…. Match went 2:22.
For some reason, the Miz is watching on backstage.
Following the match Mark Henry SHAKES Neville’s hand and tells him he’s “gonna be good”.
– More weird shit backstage, it’s Stardust cutting a promo in the dark and star lights… Titus O’Neil “accidentally” walks into the segment and the music stops. “Comedy” ensues. Titus likes Stardust’s set up and barks at him, startling Stardust. Michael Cole even asks WTF that was… No shit Michael. Six man tag up next.
— Commercial Break —
4. The Prime Time Players & Goldust vs. Stardust & The Ascension
Wow, with all the injuries and Cena gone the lack of stars is starting to really becomes noticeable. Cody tags out to avoid starting against his brother. Goldust gets the upper hand on Viktor, and the Players continue the dominance. Viktor finally gets a tag to Stardust, but Cody runs right into a belly to belly throw from Young. Young lands the ROARING ELBOW and picks Cody up for his Gut Check finisher, but Cody escapes and the Ascension with a cheap shot allow the heels to finally take control.
We eventually get a hot tag to Titus as he barks and destroys the Ascension. Goldust clotheslines Cody out of the ring, Young drops Viktor with a back suplex on the apron, and Konnor jumps off the middle rope right into CLASH OF THE TITUS, which ends it in 6:25.
— Commercial Break —
Alberto Del Rio / Zeb Colter “State of the Union” Address
I don’t know who pushed for this entire Mex-America / Colter & Del Rio pairing, my guess it’s Vince, but this shit makes less sense than some of the other shit that makes no sense. And that says a lot. Mex-America didn’t fail last night, they are young, just like America is young. Zeb bashes American for a bit, then Del Rio does some more in Spanish. They’re interrupted by JACK SWAGGER on the ramp. Swagger defends America and calls Zeb old and out of touch for betraying America. Swagger is here to defend his country.
Del Rio argues with Swagger, Jack joins Alberto in the ring and confronts him. Alberto leaves the ring and refuses to fight. Didn’t New Day just do that? Anyway, ADR and Colter begin to leave when Swagger gets the fans to say along with him “We the People”. Zeb is pissed as the segment ends.
— Commercial Break —
5. Divas Champion Charlotte vs. Paige
This match starts out all Charlotte, she dominates until she goes to the middle rope and Paige pulls her off. On the way down Charlotte hits the back of her neck on the top buckle, and Paige takes control. Paige now cominates, Charlotte with many comeback attempts but they fail. Paige with a nasty kick and wicked submission stretches. We go to break as Paige works over Charlotte’s leg.
Back from break, we see Charlotte planted a superkick to Paige, but Paige has control once again. Charlotte coming back with Flair chops. Charlotte locks in a submission but Paige gets to the ropes. The ladies end up on the floor and Paige drives Charlotte into the barricade as they’re counted out, and the crowd goes mild. That was like 12:00 with no payoff, the story of the night. Double count out….
After the match, Paige locks in the PTO on top of the announce table. Paige is pouring sweat. Don’t know that I’ve ever seen a WWE Divas match work that hard. It wasn’t mind blowing by any means, but it was decent.
— Commercial Break —
– So we’re gonna get Del Rio vs. Swagger on Smackdown.
– Inside the ring, Heath Slater is in the ring with a guitar… Heath Slater gets a segment? Now you know they’re running out of talent. Slater trashes country music… Didn’t New Day do that too? Crowd is silent until he trashes Johnny Cash. Wow…. Slater begins to sing. Ryback interrupts. Ryback gets in the ring and HEATH SLATER BUSTS THE GUITAR right over Ryback… Wow… And Ryback doesn’t even bump.
Ryback responds with a Spinebuster, the Meat Hook, and Shell shock. So Ryback squashes a jobber… and that accomplishes what?
— Commercial Break —
6. Dean Ambrose & Dolph Ziggler vs. Kevin Owens & Tyler Breeze
All four men are already at ringisde when we return from break in an un-promoted match. Way to sell your top talent. We get a little bit of Owens vs. Ziggz, but Dolph tags in Ambrose. Owens wants no part of Dean and he tags in Breeze. We ends up with Ziggler and Breeze somehow. Ziggler controls first, but Breeze lands a big kick and the heels take control. Owens with a running senton on Dolph for two. The heels control but this match is rushed and Dean and Breeze get the hot tag. Tyler knocked outside and Dean dives out onto him. Back inside, Dean with a neckbreaker and a top rope dropkick. Owens distracts Dean so Breeze can roll him up for 2. Ambrose rebounds back with a nasty clothesline. Ziggler superkicks Owens to keep him out of the match. Tyler is up and tries for the Killswitch/Unprettier, but Dean reverses it into Dirty Deeds and gets the win in 5:27.
— Commercial Break —
– FOR SOME REASON, we get a prerecorded backstage “comedy” segment where JBL and Torito are arguing about what type of food to eat, Tex or Mex… Seriously… Mark Henry interrupts and has a day dream where Torito comes out to the ring dressed as JBL…. I AM NOT SHITTING YOU… When Mark Henry wakes up he’s being offered a Tex-Mex Burger from Carl Jrs./Hardees. WOW… the story of the night.
7. Roman Reigns vs. Rusev (w/Sheamus)
Rusev grounds Reigns down early. Reigns comes back with a slew of offense and some near falls. Rusev eventually roills to the floor but Reigns sends him flying into the barricade. Reigns is PISSED as he confronts Sheamus sitting ringside. We head to break.
Back from break, which means this show is finally almost over! Rusev has the chinlock applied. Reigns escapes, but Rusev maintains control and applies another neck vice. Reigns again breaks free and goes off the ropes but is tripped up by Sheamus… The referee then EJECTS SHEAMUS from ringside.
Samoan Drop by Reigns on Rusev. Both men back to their feet trade blows. Reigns gets the better of it and starts landing all of his clothesline spots. After 11 clotheslines, Reigns finally runs into a spin kick from Rusev for a near fall. Both men go to the top, Reigns tries a superplex but is knocked off. Rusev with a DIVING HEADBUTT. 1………….2…………SuperRoman kicks out.
Rusev tries for the Accolade but Roman blocks it. Rusev sets up for the running savate kick, but runs right into the SUPERMAN PUNCH. 1………2………..Rusev kicks out.
Reigns now does his version of Hulking Up…. Rusev rolls outside to dodge the spear… Reigns follows him out and charges with a spear, but Roman runs right into the SAVATE KICK ON THE FLOOR!!!!!
Rusev whips Reigns into the barricade and rolls him back inside. Reigns is somehow up almost immediately and he catches Rusev on the apron with a series of knees and kicks and a SUPERMAN PUNCH sends Rusev off the apron to the floor… Rusev ready to beat the count at 8 when Reigns lands the DRIVE BY kick. Rusev is OUT on the floor when out of nowhere… KING BARRETT WITH A BULL HAMMER ON REIGNS draws the DQ after 20:00… Another great payoff…
Barrett grabs a chair, AND YET SOMEHOW REIGNS IS STILL UP FIRST and grabs the chair. Reigns beats down Barrett with the chair, Rusev with the chair, and then Sheamus with the chair… Superman Reigns everyone.
Anyway… Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
