– Well it’s like this…. We’re 13 days out from the Royal Rumble, only two matches have been announced… One of those matches was just altered last week, and the other features 30 men, only 5 of which have been confirmed… On top of all of that, three of the more prominent baby faces as of late were storyline “fired” last week and REPORTEDLY they won’t even be on TV this week… Should do WONDERS for the action in the ring tonight… I hate firing angles, especially when done in groups instead of an individual…
They have announced a few key pieces of tonight;s show, advertising both Brock Lesnar & Daniel Bryan for TV… Plus, we’re supposed to get the announcement of “Macho Man” Randy Savage into the WWE Hall of Fame, which is pretty cool… I’m still not a fan of their lack of build to one of their top 2 PPV’s of the year, and I hate to think that now that PPV’s cost $10, sorry… $9.99, I hate to think how half ass they plan to build the PPV’s from here on in…
All of that said, I hope any of the loyal readers of my Raw Report will appreciate my review tonight, as I’ll also be watching the Ohio State/Oregon game as well, but I opted to cover Raw at the same time…
Raw Pre-Show Notes
– It’s Scott Stanford, Alex Riley, and Corey “Vanilla Ice” Graves are in the WWE headquarters, yes Corey Graves. Booker is gone, because somebody thinks it’s a great idea to have him work color commentary on Raw full time now… No idea where Byron Saxton is.
– We’ve got a contract signing for Rumble tonight with Cena, Lesnar & Rollins. Oh goody, a contract signing segment…. They also announce that “MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE will be announced for induction into the HoF tonight. Way to spoil that… Not that they haven’t had it advertised all day… Sort of spoils the moment though…
– Ummm, a bunch of guys were “fired” last week. Great booking so close to Rumble time. We relive that through video. I’ve had my fill of Stephanie after this video package, and Raw hasn’t even started yet. I’m thinking the “fired” guys are now thinking they would have rather had Rollins “kill” Edge.
– Time to talk Triple Threat Title Match at the Rumble… Lesnar doesn’t have to be pinned to lose the title. Lame…
– Total Divas Ad, Smackdown moves to Thursday this week, NXT moving to Wednesday, buy some WWE Merch…
– Some talk on Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose vs. Rollins & Show from Smackdown. Will there be repercussions for either Roman or Dean tonight courtesy of the Authority. They play up Big Show losing twice last week and he wants revenge on Reigns. Please, God, no.
– Backstage at Raw, the Bellas are trying to persuade Paige to hang with them instead of Natalya. Paige says she has respect for Nattie, and not the Bellas.
– Bray Wyatt entered the Rumble on Smackdown. Riley starts comparing Wyatt to the Undertaker… Ugh. Okay, don’t foreshadow this soon A-Ry… The guys discuss Bray, Reigns, and Bryan in the Rumble, because nobody else matters…
– The guys talk Randy Savage memories to close the show… It’s time for Raw…
WWE Raw Report 1/12/15 from the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans, LA
– Quick video reminder of the Authority firing Ziggler, Ryback & Rowan… Hmmm no opening video follows, and we’re back to the previous Raw theme, looks like they dropped the new opening after one week… Wise decision… We’ve got Cole, JBL & Booker T on commentary.
– John Cena out to the ring fiirst. Crowd is fairly anti-Cena, “John Cena Suuucks” chants to his theme music. Cena says he feels he made the right decision when forced to bring the Authority back to save Edge, and he’d do it again… Cena then runs down HHH’s in-ring accolades, but says they’re all forgotten due to HHH’s shitty Authority. We’re reminded about the firings from last week. Cena asks the fans if they want to see those three men who were fired on Raw tonight. Fans chant “YES”. Cena asks the fans to #AuthoritySucks. Cena says he has a Plan B, that he will win the World Title at the Rumble. Cena says he’s going to take the WWE Title and go home with it until the Authority reinstates the three men… Cena talks about going home with the title and the title not being around… UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, hasn’t that been what Brock has done for the last 5 months? What else is new…
Cue the Authority to the ring. Stephanie mocks Cena’s threat. HHH says he expected more from Cena. HHH brags about how they found a way back into the company, they always win. This crap goes on forever, and it goes NOWHERE… Finally, HHH gives Cena the opportunity to be the “hero” again. HHH says how bad the Authority want the fired guys back, and the fans want them back, but how bad does Cena want them back??? HHH says if Cena wins his match tonight, then he will reinstate Ziggz, Ryback and Rowan…
Cena starts mocking the Handicap match stipulation. HHH says it’s nothing like that, it’s one on one, Cena vs. Seth Rollins, in a LUMBERJACK MATCH. Out come the Lumberjacks…. They’re ALL HEELS. And the match is next!
–Commercial Break–
LUMBERJACK MATCH
1. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
Cena gets the upper hand to begin things, but Rollins makes a comeback… The heels outside clearly do heelish things to Cena, while Rollins is helped up and protected when he falls to the floor… Just setting the tone for the mactch as they take a break…
Back from break, Cena makes his comeback on Rollins, but Seth tries to block 5 knuckle shuffle… Rollins winds up outside, protected by the other heels, but CENA DIVAS OUT ONTO ALL OF THEM…. Back inside, Cena gets 2… Rollins comes back and superkicks Cena’s face off, then hits the RUnning Powerbomb into the corner for 2… Cena counters something into a powerbomb for 2 himself…
It’s back and forth, Cena tries the AA< Seth lands on his feet and lands a standing Sliced Bread for a near fall.. Rollins misses a splash in the corner and CENA HITS THE AA!!! 1…2… J&J Security yank Cena out to the floor!!! The heels beat the crap out of Cena outside, and Cesaro lands the Giant Swing on Cena, whipping his head into the barricade… Cena is rolled back inside, but ROLLINS MISSES THE CURB STOMP!!! STF by Cena!!! Kane reaches in and pulls Rollins to the rope for a break… Big Show pulls Cena out the other side of the ring and lands the KNOCK OUT PUNCH!!!!
Cena is rolled back in, and Rollins makes the cover…1………2…………….3….
Rollins wins in 13:00 or so…
Cena appears upset over the loss…
–Commercial Break–
– Stephanie McMahon is backstage with the Usos & Dean Ambrose. She doesn’t know which Uso is which. She wants to clarify the firings were Cena’s fault and not hers. Stephanie tells Jimmy Uso that Naomi will wrestle with her hand behind her back tonight. Then Stephanie deems Ambrose a threat to himself and others, she has hired a shrink to give Dean some sort of evaluation, and if he doesn’t pass he won’t be competing in the Rumble match….
– The Miz & Sandow talk the Golden Globes from last night. Congrats to George Clooney…
– The psychiatrist is already in session with Dean Ambrose… I don’t know if Dean can even save nonsense like this… There’s some sort of ticking clock or whatever sitting next to Dean… Ambrose stares at it intently as we go into break… WTF writes this crap?…
–Commercial Break–
2. The New Day – Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods (w/Big E) vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (w/Adam Rose)
Well this was a quick payoff. The heels take over on Kofi early after some unique double teaming. Rosebuds are out there in the aisle… I don’t understand any of this… Xavier knocked off the apron. Cesaro Swing on Kofi is met with Tyson dropkicking Kingston’s head off for 2… Kofi gets put in the heel corner but fights his way out… Hot tag to Woods, crowd doesn’t really care. Woods takes out both heels. Adam Rose distracts Woods but gets knocked off the apron. Tyson with a roll up from behind for 2… Woods reverses the roll up for 2… Tag to Kofi… Woods drops Tyson across his knee, Demolition style, and Kofi comes flying off the top rope with a double stomp the chest of Kidd for the win in 4:00…. Crowd makes no noise…
– The announce that the Macho Man is EXPECTED to be announced for the Hall of Fame later tonight. Really? You’re hyping a POSSIBLE announcement? lol… Oh, and then several wrestlers are shown very terrible Macho Man impersonations…
–Commercial Break–
– WWE shows a TMZ video of the Colts celebrating their win over the Broncos, Ric Flair style…
– Raw Reunion for next week… Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash… Make that RIC FLAIR will be at Raw in Dallas next week…
– The Big Show is out to cut a promo. “Big Show sucks” chants… Yes… Yes he does… “BORING” chants… Amen to the crowd… Show answers the crowd by calling them losers. Show talks about stabbing people in the back to keep his job security. He says everyone does it. Show doesn’t see Roman Reigns as competition, he will knock Reigns out and dominate the WWE. Reigns is a loser, which makes his fans losers…
And here comes Reigns… As Roman gets in the ring, Show walks up the ramp, but remains for a conversation… Roman mocks Show for being old and winning titles back in 1995… Reigns cuts a corny promo, telling his version of Jack and the Beanstalk… BLAH. He says in his fairy tale, the giant ran away like a loser, and Big Show is the giant, who is the loser… Believe that….
Show looks angry as he walks off, but out comes Luke Harper for a match with Reigns… Big Show decides to accompany Harper to ringside for the match.
3. Roman Reigns vs. Luke Harper (w/Big Show)
Reigns is all over Harper to start, he sets up for a spear, but Harper slides out to the floor as we go to commercial less than a minute in.
Back from break, Harper has control. “Let’s go Harper” chants as the crowd is already turning on Reigns… Reigns reverses a suplex and makes a short comeback, but Luke dropkicks Reigns out of his boots… Harper works a chinlock, but Reigns breaks it to try a comeback, but Reigns runs into a BIG BOOT from Harper… Reigns makes another comeback, looks for the Superman Punch, but Big Show throws his chair into the ring steps to distract Reigns… Harper comes back with the swinging side slam for a near flal…
Harper tries to maintain control, but Reigns lands a SUPERMAN PUNCH, and the dropkick on the apron…. Big Show tries to stop Reigns, but Roman kicks Show… Harper lands a SUPERKICK for a near fall… Harper sets up for the big clothesline, but runs into a SPEAR FROM REIGNS… And Roman gets the win in 10:45…
Immediately after the match, Big Show attacks Reigns and lands a KNOCK OUT PUNCH….
– Apparently Jimmy Uso has just now caught up with Naomi to alert her of the whole one arm tied gimmick… That match is next…
–Commercial Break–
– Miz & Sandow continue to talk the Golden Globe Awards from last night… Even Sandow doesn’t save this segment…
4. Naomi vs. Alicia Fox
So Naomi has her arm tied behind her. Fox has control for the first couple minutes. Naomi keeps trying to fight back. Naomi finally gets in some offense and knocks Fox to the apron, and kicks Fox in the skull knocking her to the floor. Naomi beats on Fox outside and rolls her back in. Fox kicks Naomi in the face when she’s getting back in the ring. Fox lands the scissors kick to end the match in 3:35.
– Back to Dean Ambrose with the doctor. He shows Dean random pictures of wrestlers and asks him for one word responses… Rollins = scumbag… Kane – Toothpaste… a clever nod to Isaac Yankem… Hacksaw Jim Duggan??? HOOOOO…. Stephanie McMahon…. HOOOOOO… How funny.
What a waste of Ambrose…
–Commercial Break–
– BROCK LESNAR & PAUL HEYMAN MAKE THEIR WAY OUT… Thanks for showing up Brock… Heyman presents footage from last year’s WrestleMania… Brock beats the Streak, for the three people that didn’t know… Heyman puts over Brock, all of his accolades, NCAA Champion, UFC Champion, WWE Champion… He compares Brock to Cena… Heyman then brings Rollins into the conversation. Brock will confront Cena & Rollins face to face later in the contract signing…
Not really sure what the purpose of that segment was… It wasn’t even a good Heyman promo.. I mean it wasn’t bad or anything, it just felt like filler. The crowd really wasn’t even that into Brock… Could be the fact that he’s never on TV, and then when he is, he does very little… I’m all for the “less is more” train of thought with the WWE Champion, BUT, I wouldn’t classify Brock as “less is more”, I’d classify him as almost nonexistent…
–Commercial Break–
– More Macho Man hype….. More stars try and imitate the Ooh Yeah! line… Including Santino, the Usos, Cena, and the Bellas… Kane teases doing it, but decides against it…
5. Jey Uso (w/Jimmy Uso) vs. The Miz (w/Damien Sandow)
Same crap every week. Sandow with some os hif usual comedy spots to make this match half way entertaining. Miz starts off on offense, but Jey comes back with a Samoan Drop and a butt bash in the corner for 2… Miz goes after a Figure Four, but Jey counters… Sandow tries to interfere, Jimmy Uso chases him off, a distraction allows Miz to land the Skull Crushing Finale for the win in 2:10.
– Up Next, Daniel Bryan…
–Commercial Break–
– It’s time for Daniel Bryan to talk the Royal Rumble… D-Bry makes his way to the ring. Bryan talks about winning the WWE Title at WrestleMania right here in New Orleans… Bryan proclaims he will win the Rumble this year, and go on and win the title all over again at WrestleMania…
Stephanie McMahon interrupts… UGH… She reminds us of Bryan’s nerve damage injury. She says an A Player, doesn’t just win the title, they stay on top… She discusses Bryan’s long road back to health. Steph talks about all the people who believe in him but wants to know if he believes in himself, if he can really do this again… The reply is obvious… YES YES YES YES YES…. He mocks Steph with a HOOOOOOOOOO!
Bryan compares himself and the fans as average Joes… He says he will not stop fighting, and neither will the fans…
Stephanie says since Bryan is being stubborn she will make him a match for this week on Smackdown… Even though they’ve been announcing it for days… She announces Bryan vs. KANE… ARGH…. Kane comes out and the two immediately brawl around ringside… Kane whips Bryan into the steel steps. Kane goes to Tombstone Bryan on the steps, just like last year, but Bryan slides off and rams Kane into the post… Then Bryan attacks Kane and beats him down. Referees are out to pull Bryan off of Kane, but Bryan attacks again. And then Bryan with a SUICIDE DIVE onto Kane…
Fans chant for Bryan as Kane stagger away.
– Seth Rollins is backstage bitching to J&J Security when Brock Lesnar shows up. The two men exchange words, Seth says he’s the future, Brock says he decides when the future starts… Paul Heyman tries to cool the men down. Heyman tries to talk to two men into taking out John Cena at Rumble and then going at it. The two heels stare each other down before Brock and Heyman walk away.
–Commercial Break–
6. Brie Bella (w/Nikki) vs. Paige (w/Natlya & Tyson Kidd)
Brie controls early, hits the running knee to the face and a middle rope dropkick for 2… Paige comes back, Tyson gets up on the apron for no reason, and Brie rolls Paige up for the win in 2:10,
Paige slaps Tyson after the match and Natalya smirks at it.
Oh, where would we be without out Total Divas segment of the week. Thank you E! Channel.
– Backstage promo from Bray Wyatt about the Royal Rumble. No man will be immune to his wrath… RUN!
–Commercial Break–
– WWE HALL OF FAME INDUCTION ANNOUNCEMENT… AND YES… IT IS….
“THE MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE
7. The Ascension vs. 2 Jobbers
There’s an insert promo before the match. The Ascension say they’re better than Demolition, Powers of Pain and the Road Warriors… So apparently they’re only better than teams who painted their face. JBL just buries the Ascension again, both them and their lack of opponents. The Ascension whip some small guy up into the air and just let him take a bump on his face. Damn. Fall of Man ends this in 1:00 or something. JBL continues to pick them apart…
– The doctor is in the back with Ambrose, but now Dean is the doctor and the doc is laying in the couch crying… Ambrose has the doc sign off on a paper which allows Dean into the Royal Rumble. Bad comedy thrown in. Whoever writes this shit doesn’t do the wrestlers any favors…
–Commercial Break–
– It’s Lana & Rusev in the ring… According to Lana, Ryback was supposed to wrestle Rusev tonight… Really? They booked the match before he was fired last week? Everyone knows they book on the fly… Cummon woman. Lana thanks John Cena for failing to get Ryback’s job back. Lana mocks Ryback, his future jobs, and his “stupid story” from a couple weeks ago.
Rusev calls Ryback spineless. Rusev says Ryback doesn’t deserve to be in the ring, and the fans don’t deserve Rusev as champion. Rusev says Ryback is a lucky man for being fired, because he would have thrown him out of the Royal Rumble, along with 28 others…
DEAN AMBROSE music hits…. AMBROSE ATTACKS RUSEV and throws him out of the ring… Rusev is pissed and we go to commercial
Is this a match???? No idea.
–Commercial Break–
8. Dean Ambrose vs. US Champion Rusev (w/Lana)
Apparently the match was made during the break. Dean lands a bulldog, but hurts his knee coming off the top rope… Rusev goes after the leg of Dean. Rusev misses something in the corner, Dean tries a Tornado DDT but gets thrown off. Dean dodges the big savate kick from Rusev and rolls him up for a near fall….. Dean comes back with a flying elbow takedown for 2… Dean’s knee is bothering him again and Rusev ties him int he tree of woe. The referee helps Ambrose out of the corner and CALLS THE MATCH…. WHAT…. THE…. FUDGE…. 5 or 6 minutes was shown.
Ambrose argues with the referee after the match and Rusev sneaks in with a jumping side kick that lays Dean out… THen the Russian Flag drops and Rusev celebrates….
REALLY???? Referee’s Discretion????
– Contract Signing Next
–Commercial Break–
– The Authority are in the ring for the tenth time tonight… They’re preparing for the contract signing… It’s 11pm on the nose, but they need time to speak. Then out comes all of the guys involved in the match, more time wasted. Rollins, Cena, Lesnar now in the ring. Heyman cuts a quick promo, Rollins cuts Heyman off, but Paul takes back over… Heyman says Brock will conquer whoever gets in his way at the Rumble.
Rollins then talks, Heyman cuts him off this time, but Seth takes back over this time. Rollins says he doesn’t have Brock’s accomplishments, but then again Lesnar doesn’t have Seth’s accomplishments. Rollins alludes that even if he doesn’t win the match, he will still cash in his briefcase and pick up the scraps to win the title.
Brock takes the mic! Lesnar talks about everyone he’s conquered, and says he will conquer Seth. Cena says he’s kicked their asses at the Rumble, but he’s pinning Brock. Cena says he and Brock will kill Seth and then have their match. Cena & Brock sign the contract…
Rollins says Cena keeps failing he quests, and he will do the same at the Rumble. Seth tries to attack Cena, but John rams him into the corner. Lesnar comes up from behind GERMAN SUPLEX ON CENA… GERMAN SUPLEX ON ROLLINS… Cena back up AA ON BROCK THROUGH THE TABLE….
Rollins from behind drops Cena… CURB STOMP ON CENA…. CURB STOMP ON BROCK!!!! Rollins stands tall over the two… The announcers play up how much Rollins has pissed off his opponents at Rumble.
– A reminder the Randy Savage Story airs right now on WWE Network… Check it out…
