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As mentioned on the 8/25/14 edition of the Raw Report, I took off writing the report on Labor Day for the CrazyMax Fantasy Football draft, but I’m back this week. No Raw Pre-Show info this week as the wife stole the other laptop from me and I was unable to catch it. I can try and summarize it anyway if you like… Ummm… Booker, Riley and Saxton in the studio? Riley shills WWEShop with the random deal of the day? They promote tonight’s big season opener with clips from last week? Renee Young MAY have interviewed someone backstage? That should do it, no?
So instead of catching the preshow, I watched Calvin Johnson murder the Giant for the first Quarter of Monday Night Football… But now it’s Raw time…
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WWE Raw 9/8/14 from the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, Maryland
With this being the “season opener” of sorts, Raw kicks off with Wyatt vs. Jericho in a Cage to compete with Giants vs. Lions…
1. STEEL CAGE MATCH: CHRIS JERICHO VS. BRAY WYATT (w/Wyatt Family).
These two go right at it, Jericho tries for the “Walls” early on but Bray gets under the ropes. Wyatt almost makes it out of the door, but Chris gets to him just un time. Fans are chanting for both men 50/50… Good crowd, but this match feels moot, they really killed this angle dead, and they’re working on Wyatt next… Jericho smacks Wyatt with an enzuigiri, but Bray somehow manages to take control and lands a big splash in the corner. Wyatt whips Jericho into the corner, but Chris runs right up the ropes and tries to climb out. Wyatt puts a stop to it, but Jericho hits a forearm or something from the top rope. That looked so 80’s…
Jericho takes a flying lunge at Bray, Wyatt moves and Jericho goes flying over the ropes and smashes into the cage! Bray then splashes Jericho up against the cage in a nice spot… Aaaaaand that’ll send us to commercial.
How come when HHH talks for 12 minutes into the show they don’t go to a break? That’d be nice!
Back from break, Wyatt still has control, but not for long. Jericho comes back with some chops and a tosses Bray into the cage. Jericho dropkicks Bray up against the cage in another nice spot. Chris tries to escape again, but Wyatt meets him on the top rope. The two men trade punches up top, and Wyatt ends up Superplexing Jericho back into the ring from the top rope… Bray then does the creepy spider walk towards the door to escape… That was pretty cool….. But Jericho catches him and tries for the “Walls” again, which starts to make me wonder… “How the hell would the Walls of Jericho hurt a guy who does that spider walk????”….
Bray blocks the Walls and knocks Chris into the cage, then delivers a standing Rock Bottom. Wyatt catapu8lts Jericho into the corner, but Chris lands on the ropes feet first and tries to climb out again… Wyatt climbs up after Jericho again, but Chris hits a top rope Huracan Rana on Bray. Bray sells the move like it was something devastating, so that Chris can climbs the cage. Jericho starts to climb down the outside, when Rowan & Harper stand below to make him think twice. Jericho then stand stop the cage, shrugs his shoulders, decides “why not?” and comes launching off the top of the cage onto Bray with a flying body block…. Nice…
Jericho sells his knee from the jump off the cage, and Bray charges. Jericho drops down and Wyatt smashes into the cage… Jericho starts to crawl out the door, Bray stops him… Both men are fighting out the door… And I begin to wonder, just why aren’t Rowan & Harper interfering now??? Anyway, Jericho makes it out onto the steel steps, but Bray starts hammering Jericho’s bad leg, and Wyatt spills out over top of Jericho to the floor… Wyatt wins at 17:00…..
Immediately following the match, Wyatt slams the cage door onto the bad leg of Jericho, and they roll Chris back inside the ring… Harper & Rowan hold the door closed while Bray gets back in the ring with Jericho… SISTER ABIGAIL on Chris… “Follow the Buzzards”
Seriously??? You locked him back inside the cage just to hit your finisher??? Wow, how devious…
– Backstage it’s Seth Rollins, HHH, Kane, and eventually Randy Orton… Orton brags about being in the main event tonight, and wanting to do something to Reigns tonight to make it a big “season premiere” of Raw, something far worse than what happened to Ambrose… HHH gives Orton his permission to apparently commit homicide on Roman Reigns, right in front of the camera… Dummy…
Furthermore, Orton vs. Reigns is the main event? ZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzz
-Commercial Break-
– Back from break, IC Champ Dolph Ziggler is in the ring for a promo. Last week, several celebrities had their accounts hacked on the Cloud, and pictures were compromised. Apparently the Miz’s Cloud was hacked, so Ziggler has some photos to show for us… And here we go with WWE’s unfunny comedy… It’s a picture of Miz in a facial, Miz shaving his chest… Who exactly is taking these pictures??? And not 30 seconds after I ask, so does JBL… Thank you…
And before we can see the final picture, the Miz and Damiel Sandow (dressed as Miz) interrupt. Miz threatens to sue Dolph if he shows anymore photos. Miz proceeds to use cliché Hollywood comments, like telling Dolph he will never work in this town again…
Since Dolph is getting fired, why not show the final image??? It’s of Damien Sandow spray tanning The Miz’s ass… Yeah, that’s comedy… Actually compared to the first two pictures, it would be…
Miz sends Sandow after Ziggler, but Damien takes a dropkick and the Zigzag… Miz tries to attack, but Ziggler’s ready, so Miz backs off…
Dolph celebrates getting a speaking segment.
– Pete Rose Tweets in! He talks to his local Cincy buddy Jerry Springer, wishing him luck with the Bellas, but warning him to stay away from Kane… Wow, that was random…
-Commercial Break-
2. AJ Lee & Paige vs. Natalya & Rosa Mendes
. Two things… First, why do AJ and Paige keep teaming??? Second, I want to say THANK YOU to the E! Network for forcing WWE to put Rosa Mendes on my TV screen… And when I say thank you, I mean that very sarcastically… Paige gets taken down and double teamed by the Total Divas. Paige takes over on Rosa, and Mendes sells like someone on their first day of training… Bad. Nattie wants a tag, but Rosa decides against it, which is fine because Paige won’t tag AJ either… Paige keeps beating on Mendes until AJ tags in by slapping Paige’s breasts… AJ steps in and locks in the Black Widow for the win on Rosa in 2:30.
Paige yells at AJ after for tagging in. AJ snatches the Divas Title away but slowly gives it back to Paige. Paige kisses the title to mock AJ< but AJ just smiles and skips off to her music... - Backstage, Chris Jericho is with the trainer getting his knee checked out... Randy Orton busts into the room and tosses Jericho around, seemingly injuring him further... How this helps Wyatt or makes Jericho be taken seriously is beyond me... Orton then apologizes to Chris, but he had to do it because "it's the season premiere", a sentence we've already heard 80 times tonight... -Commercial Break- - Paul Heyman in the ring for a promo. John Cena interrupts almost immediately... A little back and forth banter. "Never Give Up", blah blah blah... Paul talks about the fans that chant "Let's Go Cena", and then the fans that chant "Cena Sucks". Heyman talks about how the fat jobless people in the crowd chant "Cena Sucks", and how it has to piss Cena off, but John won't tell them to shut up. Paul does a little rap in vein of Cena and mocks the fans and the local Baltimore Ravens for losing at home to the Bengals yesterday.... Heyman tells Cena to lose the wristbands, the shirts, and the slogans, and if he can get rid of all of that maybe he could stand a better chance at beating Brock Lesnar. Heyman thinks Cena has it in him, but Lesnar thinks Cena doesn't... Heyman urges Cena to tell the fans to SHUT UP for ripping him. Cena listens to the "Cena Sucks" chants for what feels like forever and looks like he wants to tell the fans to piss off, but instead he tells Heyman to Shut Up instead, and he loses all interest from the fans, and myself... Cena refuses to turn his back on the fans, he's a good guy man... LAME. Cena likes being a hero to the kids, even if the dads hate him. Then, Cena pulls out the Make-A-Wish card, and receiving a Purple Heart from a wounded vet. THESE are the reasons he's a face. Screw the internet fans! Cena gives Paul Heyman seven days to present Brock Lesnar on Raw so he can kick his ass next week. But if Brock takes another vacation week next week, Cena will kick Heyman's arse instead... This added little to the Lesnar/Cena match, though at least Cena explained WHY he won't turn evil... It felt like this was the WWE explaining to the marks why he's not going heel anytime soon more than anything... The segment was really going nowhere fast, until the end when Cena cut the promo about why he is "John Cena". At least that part sounded passionate. Damn promo went almost 20 minutes in total, and guess what? No breaks like during matches... Isn't that funny? -Commercial Break-
3. Seth Rollins vs. US Champion Sheamus
. Match is all Sheamus for the first 2:30, nothing special, Rollins gets tossed to the floor and Cesaro’s Music hits… Cesaro comes out to the entrance ramp as we head to a commercial…
Back from break, lots of chinlocking from Rollins, some wrestling in between, Sheamus escapes a second time and goes on the offense. Cesaro grabs the US Title to distract Sheamus, and Rollins rolls him up for 2… Sheamus lays Rollins back out, and Cesaro walks up the steps with the US Title. Sheamus and Cesaro play tug of war with the US Title. Sheamus lets go of the belt and Cesaro falls off the apron with the belt… Rollins from behind with a dropkick into the head of Sheamus, and then a Curb Stomp which Sheamus sells on a delay. JBL covers by saying Rollins “didn’t get all of it”. Seth wins in 10:00….
After the match, Cesaro lays Sheamus back out with the Neutralizer. Crowd doesn’t care about either guy very much. Such a shame WWE can kill momentum so quickly.
-Commercial Break-
– WWE Has more followers on Twitter than Coke? Wow, what an accomplishment… Who follows pop? Yeah, I call it pop…
– Last week on Raw, Rusev kicked Mark Henry’s face off during a match with Henry vs. Harper. Now it’s Rusev and Henry at Night of Champions.
– Rusev and Lana are out. Strong “USA” chants during Lana’s promo. Lana then starts to sing the Star Spangled Banner, but uses her own words to put Rusev over. Then we get the Russian National Anthem, sans Nikolai Volkoff and/or Boris Zhukov.
Okay, that was the segment? No match. We go back to the announcers, and Jerry Lawler is kneeling on the ground for some reason. Hmm, okay?
– NXT Takeover 2 Commercial, hyping the main event, and KENTA!
To further hype the NXT show, the four men wrestling in the Takeover 4-Way main event will be wrestling next on RAW in tag team action!
-Commercial Break-
4. Sami Zayn & NXT Champion Adrian Neville vs. Tyler Breeze & Tyson Kidd.
You can tell a good chunk of the crowd actually watch NXT as they chant Ole to start. Zayn starts off and he’s all over Breeze. Tyson Kidd blind tags in and he & Breeze double team Zayn to take over. Tyson gets his shots in on Zayn, and then Breeze tries to see how many fancy Indy moves he can get in on TV. Back to Tyson on Zayn, Neville has yet to tag in. Zayn finally drops Tyson with a jawbreaker, and spins past Breeze to make the hot tag. Neville comes in and he’s on fire, standing moonsault gets 2.
Zayn nails Tyson Kidd with a somersault plancha to the floor, then back inside it’s Neville who hits a DOUBLE forward handspring flip across the ring and an enzuigiri of sorts to Breeze. Neville finishes Breeze off with the Red Arrow in 5:00. If you haven’t seen the “Red Arrow” yet, Youtube it…
I’m no HHH, but Neville and Zayn are easily ready to be “called up” to the big time, and they could make instant impact. Tyson Kidd has already been there, so he could return without any issue as well. Tyler Breeze just looks and feels “Indy” for me. His stuff works great on smaller shows (much like Emma), but I dunno about WWE.
-Commercial Break-
– Stephanie McMahon makes her way out. She introduces Jerry Spring. The fans chant “Jerry”, and it quickly becomes obvious that white trash never forgets… Springer brings out a security “Steve” lookalike named Jason. Springer is here to resolve the issues between Nikki and Brie Bella… Brie is out first, and she no longer has the Bella signature theme. We go back to last week with Nikki verbally abusing Brie, and Brue knocking Nikki down. Springer starts questioning Brie, and it almost sounds like old Jerry is trying to stir things up…
Nikki Bella is out next in a hot red dress, which her plastic fits into well. Nikki says she is intelligent and classy, she accepts Brie’s apology because there are bigger things. Nikki talks about “her show” Total Divas, and getting a Divas Title shot. Now we get a Total Divas video package of Brie being a bitch to Nikki. Nikki then blames Brie for their dad leaving them. Springer gets in between them. Speaking of their dad….
Springer has video from the Bella’s dad asking the girls to fix things. Then a video from the Bella’s mom asking the same thing. The Bella’s mom ask Brie to be the bigger person, and apologizes to Nikki for making her feel second best. Brie says her brother “JJ Bella” is on her side… Springer says JJ is in the arena!!! JJ enters the ring… Michael Cole responds “Oh No”, and JBL trashes it… This segment has quickly went BAD…
JJ tells Nikki to stop acting like a victim. The girls start arguing and fighting, they fall on top of Jerry Springer…. Nikki accidentally slaps JJ… The Bellas roll all over Springer again, and Stephanie gets involved… Stephanie yanks Brie up, and Nikki spears Brie down… The officials arrive to break this garbage up, and the crowd boo…
I BOO THIS ENTIRE SEGMENT……….
What a mess of crap…
After the fight, the trainers are with Jerry Springer to make sure he didn’t break a hip. He’s smiling, but he won’t stand up… They’re selling it like his ankle is hurt. Jerry gives a thumbs up on his stretcher ride out… LOL
Still to come, Reigns vs. Orton… I’m yawning already…
-Commercial Break-
We’re averaging one match every 35 minutes or so. Gotta make room for these intense promo segments…
5. Goldust & Stardust vs. Los Matadores.
Insert Promo in the corner from the Usos, who want revenge on the Dust brothers at NoC. The Dusts took out Torito a couple weeks ago and the Matadores want some revenge. The Dustbusters start out on the offense, but Matadores take over with some nice moves to take the heels to the floor, and then land stereo suicide dives on the boys in paint. The Dusts come right back however, and Stardust pins one of the Matadores with “Dark Matter”, a Downward Spiral type move in 2:00….
Crowd hasn’t made a noise since this match started…
The Dusts pose on the entrance stage, and the Usos attack from behind, cracking Goldust with a crutch and running the Dusts off… Usos music plays them out…
– Michael Cole sends out an RIP to Joan River… Apparently she was a big friend of the WWE’s… News to me, but okay. We go back to Joan hosting the Tonight Show in 1985 with Hulk Hogan as guest, and then her appearance at WrestleMania 2… And then apparently some WWE stars were on her recent TV show. This video and time consumed more than they do for the average wrestler who passes away. Gotta wonder if this was truly heartfelt, or done for publicity… I didn’t see Cab Calloway get a tribute.
-Commercial Break-
6. Adam Rose vs. Titus O’Neil (w/Heath Slater).
Titus throws Rose around. The Bunny taunts from outside, Slater tries to dive onto the Bunny but misses. The Bunny then Superkicks Heath on the floor with the “Rabbit’s Foot”. All of this of course distracts Titus, and Rose lands the Party Foul for the win in 2:20.
After the match, the Bunny hits a top rope splash on O’Neil. Guess we can call that, the Bunny hop…
– Backstage promo with Renee Young and Roman Reigns. He doesn’t know what Orton has in mind, but he has the antidote to the Viper’s Venom (holds up his fist), Believe THAT…
-Commercial Break-
– We get a Brock Lesnar video to eat up some time, and to remind us who the WWE Champion is since he never makes many show dates. We learn that Brock Lesnar WILL be at Raw next week.
-Commercial Break-
7. Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns.
I am SOOOO not looking forward to this. Randy Orton given 20 minutes to wrestle… NOOOOOO. Reigns controls the first couple minutes, when Orton can’t sustain control he ducks out to the floor and we take a break 2 minutes into the main event. Yay!
Back from break, Orton’s in control with a chinlock (surprise) after sending Reigns into the steel steps (so creative). Kane and Seth Rollins are at ringside in support of Orton. Randy clotheslines Reigns out, but Roman pulls Orton outside as well. Randy clotheslines Roman outside and drags him back in for 2… Reigns battles back and they go out to the floor for the 10th time. Nothing even remotely special or good about this match and we’re 10:00 in. Orton back inside and he beats on Reigns, who is on the apron. Orton with a top rope Superplex on Reigns for another 2… And ANOTHER BREAK!!! At 10:57? Eh, I’ll take it. Woot…
Back from break, Orton with ANOTHER chinlock. Again, no shocker. Reigns break out, they trade punches, Reigns hits a Samoan Drop. Roman nails Randy with a clothesline, but runs into an Orton powerslam for 2…
Reigns counters the suspension DDT on the ropes and hits Randy with the super dropkick onto the apron. Reigns misses a spear in the corner and Orton rolls him up for 2… Reigns comes back with a big boot, but Orton catches Reigns coming off the middle rope with a powerslam, again for 2… NOW Orton lands the suspension DDT off the middle rope, and he sets up for the RKO… But Reigns counters and lands the SUPERMAN PUNCH!
All of a sudden, Kane, Seth Rollins, and a dozen crew members come running down to ringside. After 20 Minutes, Orton is DQ’d when Rollins and Kane attack Reigns… THE STEEL CAGE STARTS TO LOWER!!!!
But Reigns makes a comeback, and he tosses Rollins and Kane out of the ring just before the Cage lowers… Now it’s Orton and Reigns alone inside the Cage… You know, because whoever lowered the cage for the Authority, can’t raise it…
Reigns nails the SPEAR on Orton and goes for the chair that was brought in the ring. Kane tries to enter the door but Reigns swings the chair at him. Meanwhile its Seth Rollins off the top of the cage, diving on Reigns! Kane now inside, throws Roman into the cage and Chokeslams him down. And now Randy wants his turn, with the chair. Orton beats on Reigns with the chair. Seth Rollins finishes things off with a Curb Stomp on Reigns onto the steel chair.
I don’t know that any of this was worse than getting a flying stomp through cinder blocks, but whatever…. Crowd not really making much noise. They got the crowd hot when the cage lowered, and the fighting afterwards, and the big dive, but the ending seemed to fall flat. Just feels repetitive.
Ya know, it’s hard to believe that the WWE seemed to be moving in a solid direction, and then within a matter of 3 weeks they’ve managed to derail much of their momentum . Nobody wants to see this Bella stuff. I mean if you want to do the angle to make E! happy, then I get that, it’s business. But when you start giving these girls 20 minute segments every week, that’s going too far. They also seem to be letting some of the new stars of the year fizzle out slowly. Whether on purpose or not, I don’t know, but it’s sad to see it happening. And I’m sorry, Orton always has potential, but he refuses to lose his boring gimmick and it leaves me with no interest. I dunno, that’s just my opinion.
No Post Show this week, instead they’re doing some new Countdown episodes. So off to MNF for me… Goodnight all…
