Welcome to the first in a series of random match reviews. What you will find in this ongoing feature will be reviews of random matches that have absolutely no connection to each other whatsoever. It’s sort of like a wrestling grab bag if you will.
1. Steve Corino, Rick Steiner, & Ricky Landell vs. Team 3-D & Sabu (Hermie Sadler’s UWF 6/9/07) – 3
The heel team is quite the unique squadron. I have no idea who Ricky Landell is but I bet he’s got a nice headlock. Corino’s hair is almost as yellow as my last piss. Bubba looked like he showed up to work hard, in jeans in a t-shirt. Corino’s team is calling themselves “the Extreme Horsemen”. Excuse me while I have a hearty laugh. Lots of mic work and stalling before the opening bell even tolls. Did I just see a kid come in the ring and give Rick Steiner a DX crotch chop? Of course I did. Action seems to be moving at a snail’s pace with the heel team working chinlocks and Steiner flat backing shit and being a generally grumpy person. I bet he’s the kind of guy who yells at kids to stay off his lawn and if they don’t, he probably chases them down the street with pruning shears threatening to cut their ears off. Hot tag to D-Von was about as warm as snow. Team 3-D seemed content just to ge their stuff in and go back and collect a check. Heel team had some of the weakest punches I’ve seen in a while. Landell’s huge windmill forearms to Sabu’s back looked pathetic. Finishing part was chaotic with everybody brawling aimlessly and wandering around like they were lost in a department store looking for bath towels. Team 3-D won with what else, but the 3-D. I was looking forward to this simply because of how unique it looked on paper but there was absolutely nothing here that I could be bothered to watch again.
2. Big John Studd & Jerry Blackwell vs. Greg Gagne & Jim Brunzell (AWA 2/20/81) – 7
This was everything I like about pro wrestling presented in a nicely wrapped package. Blackwell, a big dude who’s probably an easy 450, attempted a huge standing dropkick. That’s pretty damn impressive. Blackwell was heavily pimped on the official podcast, so here’s hoping that he can show me something as I have never really been impressed by him. Studd came in, pissed as if someone had just stolen his new copy of Jimmy Buffet’s “Coconut Telegraph” album, and just absolutely laid in to Gagne. Funny, never thought of Studd as a parrothead. Brunzell gets the hot tag and comes in gives Studd a fucking ATOMIC DROP but Studd responds with a sick front judo slam. Final segment boiled down to a street fight with all four guys throwing down. Gagne looked surprisingly motivated to beat ass. You MUST see this match!
3. Bam Bam Bigelow, Paul Orndorff, & B.Brian Blair vs. Rusty Brooks, Boris Zhukov, & Cowboy Bob Orton (UWF 4/7/91) – 3
What a strange locale for a six-man tag, outside on the lawn in front of the Nickelodeon Studios in Florida with maybe a handful of people in attendance. Lou Albano is on commentary and extremely annoying, calling Brooks fat and Blair a “buzzing bee”. Most everyone seemed content to rely on punching and forearm blows, although I did see Blair, or was it Orndorff, take a few bodyslams. I couldn’t tell because they were dressed exactly alike and the hard camera was far away. Orton worked the bare minimum causing Capt. Lou on commentary to ask “What’s Orton doing? He getting a suntan?” Bigelow’s offensive flurry at the end was added a nice change to the bland action. Camera completely missed the finish. Points for uniqueness in terms of locale and participants but the action was very droll.
4. Barbed Wire Match: Matt Stryker & Cody Hawk vs. J.T. Stahr & T.J. Dalton (HWA 2004) – 3
This really was not good at all. It was obvious to me that all four guys were limited in what they could do given that the ropes were covered in barbed wire. Another problem was that it went 40 minutes … 40 minutes I tell you! Why on earth anyone would give these guys 40 minutes is beyond me. It’s almost like the guy running the show said “Ok, we’ve got time to kill. Just go out there and fuck around for 40 minutes.” The heels spent the first 10-12 stalling with regional indy schlep manager Brock Guffman pulling out medical gauze and tape from his pants. Also, T.J. Dalton has a ridiculous N*SYNC t-shirt on. Why wear that? Did you want to relive your days from junior high where you pimped the New Kids on the Block tee and got your ass beat by the school bully? Stryker visibly laughed at Stahr’s overselling of the barbed wire barely touching him in the ass. There were no really big bumps, probably the biggest bump of the match was Stahr getting tossed over the top rope on to the floor, and not much blood at all. I give these guys credit for trying but if your looking for Funk/Sabu or Whitmer/Necro levels of brutality and violence, you’d be better off searching someplace else because you won’t find it here.
5. David Flair & Crowbar vs. Lord Steven Regal & Dave Taylor (WCW Saturday Night 1/8/00) – 6
Opening move of this match was awesome as Flair walked up to Taylor and just got blasted with one of the stiffest uppercuts I’ve ever seen. Flair looks like a slob, wrestling in a Nitro Grill t-shirt and jeans. Crowbar’s offense was just nuts, diving off the apron and throwing people into guardrails. Nice top rope double underhook suplex from Regal. Finish looked kind of goofy with Taylor visibly checking to see where the other two were and then giving Flair a suplex a landing in such a way that it was clear Crowbar was going to hit him with a pipe. Aside from that, I really liked this match as it had just about everything.
6. Daisuke Sekimoto vs. Ikuto Hidaka (Zero1 Pro Wrestling Beginning 1/1/11) – 7
I remember Hidaka from the long forgotten MLW back in 02-03. He had a war here with regining ZERO-1 champ Daisuke Sekimoto (who by the way is sporting the old AWA World Title belt). The match started off slow with some mat work, the highlight of which was them exchaning necktie chokes. Sekimoto’s facials in the first half left a lot to be desired and his face was just sort of blank in comparison to Hidaka’s facials which were fantastic throughout. Judging by the crowd reaction, I’m guessing that Sekimoto is working heel here. The middle part of the bout was Hidaka working over Sekimoto’s knee, which he convieniently forgot to sell on offense until Hidaka locked him in a figure four, which he sold with deep, guttural screams like a bear caught in a trap in the woods. The match really kicked into high gear beginning with an awesome sequence that saw them trade standing switches to begin with and culminated in Sekimoto getting the upper hand and laying out Hidaka with a spine-breaking sit out powerbomb for a nearfall that had the crowd on the edge of their seat. This was followed up by a frog splash from Sekimoto and a high kick from Hidaka. Hidaka got really close to a submission with the ankle lock (which he added to by trying to knot up his oppoent’s hamstrings) and Sekimoto got two really close nearfalls with a lariat and a German suplex. The finish was wild. Sekimoto had Hidaka up on his shoulders, tossed him in the air, and the caught him and executed an ill German suplex. Highly recommended that you seek this match out.
