It’s your resident I.R.S. man, Ian R. Singletary, back again with another February AUDIT. It’s WCW month, and while I told myself I’d attempt to AUDIT a different named PPV event each week, I’ve gotten to 1991 and I’ve decided that I just HAVE to AUDIT the Great American Bash, or what many have referred to as “the single WORST PPV in the history of professional wrestling”. Now that covers a lot of ground, from Heroes of Wrestling to WWE’s December to Dismember, King of the Ring 95, and everything in between, for this to be the worst? I’ll just have to see about that. We kicked WCW month off with a superb Great American Bash 89, a mediocre Halloween Havoc 90, and now we move on to the show of legend. Known mainly for being the PPV that followed the release of Ric Flair, we’ll see how well WCW and booker Big Dust handled the affair. It’s time to break out the pencil and paper and kick off this AUDIT. I hope WCW has brought their receipts![spacer height=”20px”]

WCW’s GREAT AMERICAN BASH ’91
“THE WORST PPV…EVER?!?”

 

 

[spacer height=”20px”]It was July 14th, 1991 from the Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, MD. And we’re going to try and squeeze 11 matches into 3 hours. That screams trouble. If Vince can’t make 14 matches look good in 4 hours, how the hell is Dusty going to squeeze 11 into 3 hours? We shall see.

* “Total Package” Lex Luger vs. Barry Windham (Steel Cage Match for Vacant WCW Title)
* Rick Steiner & Missy Hyatt vs. Arn Anderson & Paul E. Dangerously (Steel Cage Match)
* Sting vs. Nikita Koloff (Russian Chain Match)
* Dustin Rhodes & The Young Pistols vs. The Freebirds & Badstreet (Elimination Match)
* El Gigante vs. The One Man Gang
* Richard Morton vs. Robert Gibson
* Bobby Eaton & PN News vs. Terrance Taylor & “Stunning” Steve Austin (Scaffold Match)
* Big Josh vs. Black Blood (Lumberjack Match)
* The Diamond Studd vs. The Z-Man
* The Yellow Dog vs. Johnny B. Badd
* Ron Simmons vs. Oz

You know what? Just looking at this card, I’m already starting to see the potential for disaster.

The dark match featured the Junkyard Dog over Black Bart (12:45). A Dog match going 13 minutes? Let alone with Black Bart? That very well may be the worst match I’ve never seen. Remember how classic the JYD & Moondog Rex match was from last week at Havoc ’90? Multiply that by four times the ring time and factor in that Bart is equally as bad as Rex by this point in his career.

We kick off the show with what else, but a SCAFFOLD MATCH! Generally, the PPV format would begin with the hosts of the show doing a rundown of tonight’s card, but I guess everyone knew this Scaffold thing was a bad idea and they wanted it out of the way ASAP. Gary Michael Capetta explains the rules, which have changed since the original “Night of the Skywalkers”. It appears in order to win now, all you have to do is knock one of your opponents off the Scaffold, OR capture their flag.

(Notes going in: CAPTURE THEIR FLAG? You’ve gotta be fuckin shitting me. WTF is this, Peewee Football??? Every single one of these guys are put in the worst position possible on the card, Eaton & Taylor are hindered from their talents, this does nothing to help get Austin over, and it’s NEVER a good idea to stick a guy that weighs over 400 pounds up on a scaffold. Worse yet, the Scaffold looks to be less than 3 feet wide and topped with a wooden plank rather than steel. Then you add this stupid “Capture the flag rule” to almost assuredly guarantee that nobody is falling off? I don’t have to watch this to know it isn’t going to turn out good, but that’s what AUDITS are for, so here goes nothing.)

SCAFFOLD MATCH: “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton & PN News vs. Terrance Taylor & “Stunning” Steve Austin (w/Lady Blossom)

This match brings new meaning to the line “walk the plank”. A match so serious that the CRAPmaster doesn’t even rap on his way to the ring. Bobby Eaton is the veteran of this type of match, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing. Austin & Eaton cautiously meet each other at the center of the scaffold, they try to keep their balance and Austin finally takes a face bump on the plank of doom. Taylor joins Austin on the center of the scaffold while Eaton switches out with PN News. Oh boy, this should be good. News backs the heels all the way back to their side of the scaffold. Taylor finally tries something and News sends him back against the scaffolding support. I don’t know if I’d trust that. Eaton gets bored with waiting and joins News on the opposite end. In a comical sight, News lays on top of Taylor while Eaton tries to pull Taylor out from under News to change spots on the scaffold. This is just ridiculous.

Eaton drags Taylor back to the face side, while News & Austin “go at it” on the heel side. And by going at it, I mean all 4 guys are being extremely cautious with their lives, and rightfully so. Unfortunately, this leads to a scaffold match with even less fighting than we’ve seen in the past. In fact, we’re passing the 4 minute mark as the fighting just gets started. A “Bobby” chant breaks out, God bless him, Eaton was over even in a mess like this. Austin has News hanging over the edge of the scaffold. Ross describes News as a “big turtle on the back of his shell”. Taylor joins Austin to double team PN, but Bobby comes back to his partner’s aid. I’m typing way more than what’s actually happening. Eaton just randomly grabs the oversized flag, hits Austin across the back with it, and begins to walk back towards the face side of the scaffold. The bell randomly sounds as Eaton is halfway across the plank. Apparently he has “captured the flag” and this shitfest is over in 6:18.

[spacer height=”20px”]Winners: Beautiful Bobby & The Crapmaster

As soon as the bell sounds to end the match, it’s like a cue for Steve Austin to climb down the ladder. Lady Blossom hands hairspray off to Steve, who climbs back up and sprays it in the eyes of Eaton & News for whatever reason. It becomes clear this was a spot planned for the match and they forgot to put it in.

Everyone then climbs down and we have a short fight in the ring. As Taylor climbs down, he takes a bump off the top rope. Bobby Eaton clears the ring of both Austin & Taylor. The heels return and are cleared from the ring a second time. Eaton wins, does everything and then for some inexplicable reason they play PN News’ music.

(Post Match Thoughts: Where to begin? You take two of the best workers in not just WCW, but the business (Taylor & Eaton), toss in one of the hottest new young stars Steve Austin, and then top it off with a 400 plus pound man. and then you stick them all up over 20 feet in the air on a 3 foot wide piece of wood, and what do you get??? This match.

And not only is a Scaffold match usually just a bunch of laying around, punching & kicking, how the hell do you expect anyone to do anything up there on a 3 foot wide piece of plywood? That’s what happens when you have a make-shift scaffold that you plan to take apart following the match.

From there when Bobby finally captures the flag, it looks like everyone’s confused from the announcers to Bobby Eaton. The heels immediately cut to a spot where Austin grabs hairspray from Lady Blossom and uses it on the faces. It seemed like it was supposed to be part of the match. I have no clue. Jim Ross claims that Eaton has to take the flag back to his side of the scaffold, but the bell sounds as Eaton stands in the middle of the damn thing. This was a mess and a half, nothing happened. I’ve seen this match given negative stars, but I feel this match was out of the control of the guys involved so I don’t want to shit on them for it. It’s not their fault that they were worried about their safety first and foremost. Seeing how dangerous this thing was, I can only give them credit for even trying to do ANYTHING. Nothing really happened, and it kept me anxious to see how these guys were going to make it out of this thing without injury. I’ll generously give this thing a DUD.)

And NOW we pretend like that first match never happened, and we go to Jim Ross & Tony Schiavone, who welcome us to the show. That’s right, the intro takes place AFTER the first match in order to allow time for the scaffold tear down. Before our next match, the New-to-WCW interviewer, some guy named Eric Bischoff, stands by with Paul E. Dangerously & Arn Anderson on the ramp. Remember those WCW ramps? Fuckin awesome man. WWE needs to bring those things back. Anyway, we supposedly have a mixed cage match coming up tonight with Arn & Paul E. vs. Rick Steiner & Missy Hyatt. Dangerously tosses some insults at Missy and says he isn’t worried about Steiner because he has Arn.

[spacer height=”20px”]We move on to the next contest with the Diamond Studd vs. The Z-Man…

(Notes going in: Believe it or not this match was feud related. Zenk was widely known as the studliest man in WCW. Well there was one Studd who took exception to that! Enter Scott Hall, jacked up on steroids and looking in the best physical shape of his life. Even though Hall had been in the business several year, he was just finding his niche. Many things about the Diamond Studd character would remain with “Razor Ramon”, including the flicking of the toothpick. There was talk of the Studd joining the Dangerous Alliance, replacing Larry Zbyszko’s spot, but new booker Bill Watts would come in, put a kibosh on that, and Hall would soon wind up in the WWF, chico.)

[spacer height=”20px”]”The Z-Man” Tom Zenk vs. The Diamond Studd (w/Diamond Dallas Page)

Zenk kicks things off by running down the ramp and flying over the top rope with a clothesline on both Studd & DDP. Zenk revs things up quickly with a speedy attack on Stud, until DDP pulls the top rope down and Zenk falls to the floor. Outside the ring, Studd whips the Z-Man into the safety rail, sending Zenk into the front row. Lots of back and forth striking between the guys. The Studd gets in some nice overhand chops before going into the Abdominal Stretch spot, using the ropes for leverage. Referee Nick Patrick catches Studd using the ropes and Z-Man hiptosses his way free. Studd takes back over with a CHOKESLAM, and the crowd is 50/50 in his favor. Zenk tries a sunset flip but gets nailed with a punch. Studd misses a clothesline and Zenk nails him with a Superkick. Both men go to the floor with Zenk now whipping Scott Hall into the safety rail. Back inside the ring, Z-Man hits a missile dropkick and covers, but it’s broken up by outside interference from DDP which the ref misses. Zenk drags DDP into the ring and hits him with a Superkick, but the Studd comes up behind the Z-Man and hits a bridging belly to back suplex to win the match in 6:56.

[spacer height=”20px”]Winner: The Diamond Studd

(Post Match Thoughts: Well, it wasn’t terrible. You could tell both guys wanted to prove something after being given this opportunity to perform on PPV. Both guys got in a few nice moves, but they never seemed to click IMO. I’ve seen a lot worse. *1/2)

 

(Oz vs. Ron Simmons Notes going in: We were at the tail end of the special Oz entrance, but they had to get use out of that expensive castle curtain first. Oz had only appeared at a couple of events prior to this and then remained off TV for several weeks before this show. We’re still in the early stages of Ron Simmons’ push towards the WCW Title. Ron was being fed big men, and there were few bigger than the great and powerful OZ. It’s just too bad Oz wasn’t as good a wrestler as he was tall. For those who may not know, Oz was one of Kevin Nash’s early WCW gimmicks. You may remember his Master Blaster run from last week’s Havoc ’90 review. Ted Turner had just recently purchased the rights of the Wizard of Oz and thought this would be a great way to introduce the movie to TBS viewers. Wrestling fans weren’t as thrilled judging by the silence of the crowd whenever Oz would appear. At this point Nash was still being managed by “the Great Wizard”, which was just Kevin Sullivan in a ridiculous costume.)

[spacer height=”20px”]”All American” Ron Simmons vs. OZ (w/The Great Wizard)

[spacer height=”20px”]Isn’t it ironic that WCW would make Nash dye his hair gray when it was still dark, and now years later WWE makes him dye his hair dark because it’s so gray. Mike Atkins your referee for this one. Unlucky bastard. A long feeling out process ensues while Tony & JR talk up how strong both men are. Oz fakes Ron out and hits him with a Big Boot. Simmons takes Nash down with a drop toehold but it doesn’t appear Nash expected it and he takes a funky bump and visibly tweaks his ankle. Simmons is supposed to clothesline Oz over the top rope, but it takes Nash 3 tries to get over. Now Oz wants a test of strength. Oz gets the advantage first because of the leverage, but Simmons powers back with a takeover. Simmons misses a dropkick and Oz follows up with a clothesline. Oz with the Side Slam for 2. Simmons thrown outside and the Wizard gets in a cheapshot. Simmons with a slingshot sunset flip back into the ring, but Oz breaks it with a big punch. Nash starts to apply a bearhug but you can visibly see Atkins tell the two men it’s time to take the match home. Oz releases the bearhug immediately and they go right into the finish. Simmons comes back with a dropkick, two shoulder blocks to the thigh of Nash, Ron nails the Wizard on the apron, then finishes Oz off with a flying shoulder block for the win in 7:55. Jim Ross says Oz is taking a trip back down the Yellow Brick Road.

Winner: Ron Simmons

(Post Match Thoughts:  Let’s face it, this match didn’t have a chance going in. Simmons was just evolving into a great singles competitor and there was no way a green Kevin Nash was going to give Simmons a great match, or even a good match. Thank God they ran out of time before the epic Bearhug spot. 6 of the 8 minutes in this match was a feeling out process and then after a couple moves by Nash they just took it home. Nothing to see here. DUD)

– It’s time for the WCW TOP 10! Let’s see who WCW is planning to push.

[spacer height=”30px”](Ricky Morton vs. Robert Gibson Notes going in: At one point, a match like this would have been huge. The Rock & Roll Express were once upon a time unquestionably one of, if not THE best tag team in all of wrestling. Several World Title reigns later, Gibson would tear his knee out in the fall of 1990 and sit on the shelf for well over a half a year. After rehabbing his knee, Gibson would return to find his partner, Ricky Morton accepting an offer to join the York Foundation. This led to Robert confronting his long time partner, but Morton turning on his best friend. Truthfully, the storyline is there, it’s just a little too late to have as much meaning as it once would have. Also factor in that Morton turned heel to join the YORK FOUNDATION, and it becomes even less interesting. I won’t knock these two as performers though, maybe they can give us a match to remember.)

[spacer height=”20px”]Robert Gibson vs. Richard Morton (w/Alexandra York)

Gibson meets Morton on the ramp and the two get to fighting. The Rock & Roll Express explode! Morton with a lot of stalling once he can get away from Robert. Ricky finally goes to the eyes of Gibson and then takes out Robert’s bad leg. Gibson battles back several times, but Morton just keeps going back to the knee. Morton applies a lengthy Figure Four, but Gibson is able to get a break. Morton uses every trick in the book to work over the leg of Gibson, Seriously, I don’t think he left anything out. That’s not a complaint, Gibson does an EXCELLENT job selling throughout the match, and Morton works over the leg superbly. They know just when to give Gibson a hope spot before going back to the knee. Morton tries to remove the knee brace but Gibson lands a DDT! A hobbling Gibson misses a dropkick. Morton gets Robert in the corner and climbs up top for the riding knee into the back of the head of Gibson but Robert slams Ricky off the top! Back to their feet, Morton grabs Gibson by his bad leg, but Robert counters with an enzuigiri kick. Morton crawls to the ramp to escape, Gibson follows. Both men go for dropkicks at the same time and miss on the ramp! OUCH! DAMN! Alexandra York jumps up onto the apron and distracts the referee. Morton grabs the computer and climbs to the top rope as Gibson crawls into the ring. Morton catches Gibson in the back of the head with the computer as Robert is crawling back inside, and he referee misses the entire thing. Morton covers and gets the win in 17:24.

[spacer height=”20px”]Winners: Richard Morton

(Post Match Thoughts: This was a well done match by the two former partners. Gibson was out for nearly a year with a bad knee, it would only make sense for Morton to work it over. If any aspiring wrestlers out there want to learn how to work a leg, or sell a leg injury for that matter, I urge you to watch this match. The crowd was there for this one, but nowhere near where I’d expect. If anything, the lack of crowd support brought this match down a notch from where it belongs. Not great, but a good match from both. It could have had a little more fire, they went to the Gibson injury a little early. That hurt the match a little IMO. In the end, it was two veterans working a solid match. **)

 

– Some noob named Eric Bischoff interviews the Young Pistols & Dustin Rhodes. The Freebirds better watch out! WOO!

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– (Dustin/Southern Boys vs. Freebirds Notes going in: What a shock, Dustin gets a promo. We’re in the midst of the big “Push Dustin” campaign going on by booker (and father) Dusty Rhodes. Dustin was going over on everyone and their brother, getting promo time when nobody else was, and having the longest matches on the card. It also doesn’t hurt that Dusty always surrounded Dustin with guys who could make him look good, in this case the Young Pistols and Brad Armstrong, who will be playing the part of Badstreet. Come to think of it, Badstreet is out there to make the Birds look good. We’d seen plenty of Birds vs. Pistols matches over the past year in WCW, Badstreet had recently joined the Freebird camp during a run in at the last PPV to help the Birds win their match. Looking at several of the guys involved, this has potential. Oh, did I mention this is an Elimination Match? Hmm, my gears are starting to turn, let’s see how this thing turns out.)

[spacer height=”20px”]Elimination Match: Dustin Rhodes & The Young Pistols (Steve Armstrong & Tracy Smothers) vs. The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael Hayes & Jimmy “Jam” Garvin) & Badstreet (w/Big Daddy Dink)

Referee: Randy Anderson. The Birds are both the current U.S. as well as World 6-Man Tag Team Champions. What does that tell you about the current state of the tag team scene? Badstreet as I mentioned is Brad Armstrong, and he brings wrestling talent to the team. Jim Ross claims “people keep filing into the building”. We’re over an hour into the PPV, so I hope that isn’t true. Hayes does a strut and moonwalk, Dustin has a little fun and does it right back. Not surprisingly, Dustin clears the ring of all 3 Freebirds by himself to kick things off.

After things get going again, the Freebirds take out all 3 baby faces knocking the Pistols to the floor, leading to a spot where Dustin lays out Badstreet and the two Pistols catch the Birds with shoulder tackles from opposite top turnbuckles. The Pistols set up the Birds for one of their blind tag spots, but the Freebirds have no fuckin clue what they hell is going on and blow the spot. Thankfully, Badstreet enters the ring and saves the day, taking the move from brother Steve Armstrong.

The Freebirds surprise everyone, including me, with a synchronized leapfrog and dropdown spot, with both Hayes & Garvin doing things simultaneously. Badstreet winds up pulling the ropes down and Smothers falls to the floor, where Big Daddy Dink lands a solid clothesline. Hayes pops Smothers with the big left hand as the Birds work over Tracy.  Hayes puts a sleeper on Smothers,  but Tracy breaks free momentarily before he walks right into another LEFT HAND from Hayes. Tracy fights back, Hayes dodges some chops and lands a THIRD left hook! Smothers counters a Hayes DDT with a backdrop and makes the hot tag out to Steve Armstrong. The crowd doesn’t even make a noise. Seriously. Not a noise. Steve lays out all three of the Birds and things break down into a 6-way free for all. The Pistols put down Hayes & Badstreet, while Dustin & Garvin fight in the aisle. Hayes disposes of Smothers, and clotheslines Steve down. Hayes & Badstreet then nail as DOUBLE DDT on Steve Armstrong as the fans chant for the maneuver. It connects and Hayes pins Steve in 13:44. Steve Armstrong is the first eliminated.

Tracy Smothers rushes at Hayes, who on instinct ducks his head and backdrops Smothers to the outside resulting in a DQ on Hayes. So much for the advantage. The fans boo as Michael Hayes is eliminated at 13:52.

Garvin & Badstreet work on Smothers. Tracy makes a tag to Dustin, but the referee misses it due to a distraction from Big Daddy Oliver Humperink. Garvin & Badstreet then take advantage and hit Tracy with another DOUBLE DDT to eliminate Smothers after 15:21.

Dustin wastes no time, rushing in with a Lariat on Garvin and the cover for the quick pin at 15:29.

That leaves Dustin vs. Brad-street. Badstreet with a big boot and a double axe handle from the top rope. Brad comes off the top again, but Dustin catches him with a big punch to the gut and a Lariat! Rhodes covers but Dink again has the referee’s attention! Badstreet reverses a whip into the corner, and tries a hiptoss as Dustin comes out. But Rhodes counters with a BULLDOG, and as Dink is coming into the ring at the same time Dustin simultaneously lands the Bulldog on Badstreet while dropkicking Dink at the same time! Nice spot. Good pop from the fans. Rhodes covers for the academic win in 17:04.

 

[spacer height=”20px”]Winner: Dustin Rhodes

(Post Match Thoughts: And what do you know? The sole survivor of the match is the son of the son of a plumber. Can’t say as though I’m shocked. The Birds did more in the first 2 minutes of this match than they did in 18:00 of the Havoc ’90 match against the Youngbloods, so there’s that. Badstreet was the MVP of this match. It’s a shame more wasn’t done with Brad Armstrong, he was the definition of the word natural in the ring. This wasn’t a bad match. *3/4)[spacer height=”20px”]

 

(Yellow Dog vs. Badd Notes going in:  Badd had recently debuted with the company and was in full blown “Little Richard” mode here, but magnified by 100. The Yellow Dog is Flyin’ Brian Pillman. Brian had lost a loser leaves town match to Arn Anderson & Barry Windham at the Clash and was forced to leave WCW. Enter the Yellow Dog. This was actually a recycled gimmick by Dusty, who ironically booked Barry Windham in the Dirty Yellow Dog role in early 80’s Florida. )

[spacer height=”20px”]The Yellow Dog (Brian Pillman) vs. Johnny B. Badd (w/Teddy Long)

The wrong theme music plays for Badd at first, but then they get it right. Hey look, there’s superfan Vladimir in the crowd! And here I thought he was just a WWF guy.

The Yellow Dog looks right into the camera and says “he ain’t no Johnny B. Badd, he’s JOHNNY B. GAY”. Jim Ross covers his tracks stating that “well those are the Yellow Dog’s opinion and not necessarily those of WCW or this cable company”. All the while, the fans strike up a huge “faggot” chant. Wow, different times.

Ross refers to the Yellow Dog as “Flyin Brian” as things start and then has to cover for himself. The Dog chops the shit out of Badd, and Johnny B leaves the ring. The Dog repeatedly gets the best of Badd, leading to Teddy on the apron giving Johnny advice. The Dog dropkicks Badd into Long, and then Pillman goes outside the ring after Teddy. The Dog walks right into a sneak attack clothesline from Badd on the floor. Back inside Pillman nearly botches his own reverse body press. Badd comes back with a really nice looking Sunset Flip from the top rope. Johnny goes for the mask of the Dog, and then hits a high knee. Badd calls for “Tutti Frutti” left jab, but Pillman ducks and lands a German Suplex! You can hear Pillman call the next spot as he hits a spinning heel kick on Badd and a backdrop. The Dog comes off the top with a flying body press for the pin, but Theodore Long attacks the Dog to draw the DQ in 6:00 even.

Winner: The Flyin’ Dog

As Pillman nails Long with a flying clothesline, Badd cracks the Dog with the Left Jab to save his manager from further harm.

(Post Match Thoughts: Many people have stated that Dusty jobbed out Flyin’ Brian and gave him this ridiculous gimmick as a way to tone Pillman down and give baby boy Dustin his spot. I really can’t argue that, I certainly see why people would think that. Even here, Pillman can’t get a victory over one of Dusty’s new characters that he wanted to protect. Badd wasn’t ready for prime time just yet so this wasn’t very good, but Pillman had an off night as well, he was sloppy on several spots. Without thinking too hard, I believe that Badd is the only gimmick out of the 30 Dusty came up with during 1991 that actually lasted more than a year or two. So there’s that. 1/2* for the match)[spacer height=”20px”]

– In a play off of PPV’s past where Missy Hyatt tries to interview men in the locker room and showers, this Ken doll guy named Eric Bischoff goes into the ladies locker room to interview Missy. Hyatt is presumably naked in the shower when Bischoff interrupts. She’s a brunette tonight. Missy screams and begins throwing shampoo bottles at him. Like Missy could give a shit who sees her naked.

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(Big Josh vs. Black Blood Notes going in: Let’s remove the silly gimmicks and call this what it is. Matt Borne vs. Billy Jack Haynes. Two guys that had a major impact on Portland Wrestling during the 1980s, and two guys that were known to be “assholes” and legit tough guys. Neither were shy of stiffing their opponents, nor being stiffed themselves. This could actually wind up being a diamond in the rough. I’m not expecting a wrestling classic, but it could be a fun “beat the hell out of each other” match. Oh wait, apparently this is a Lumberjack Match. Well, there goes that theory. Big Josh being a lumberjack and all, he’d be put in these matches from time to time for no real reason. We get the point Dusty, he’s a logger from the North Woods. Well at least Josh has upgraded his seconds escorting him to the ring, from dancing bears to some lovely ladies. And for as stupid as the Black Blood gimmick was, Haynes looked bad ass playing the part.)

[spacer height=”20px”]Lumberjack Match
Big Josh vs. Black Blood

Kevin Sullivan is usually in Blood’s corner, but not here. Black Blood hails from “A Little Town in France”, and even the announcers have to make fun of that. The Lumberjacks include Bobby Eaton, PN News, Dustin Rhodes, JYD, Dick Slater, Dick Murdoch, Richard Morton, and Black Bart. Blood throws Josh to the heels, who work Josh over. Blood then throws Josh to the face, who help Josh up. Josh reenters the ring and hits some nice solid moves, knocking blood outside by his heel buddies. The guys chop the shit out of each other, and Josh does the Log Roll on the stomach of Blood.

Black Bloode ends up rolling out of the ring on a neutral side and the heels & faces scuffle about who’s going to throw him back in the ring. Josh mounts Blood in the corner, and Blood drops Josh face first into the top turnbuckle. Josh is thrown out on the face side, but the heels want a part of Josh. A wild brawl ensued between the 8 lumberjacks while Blood suplexes Josh back into the ring.

More solid shots back and forth from the two tough guys, Josh winds up charging into a boot from Blood in the corner. And the Lumberjacks get into it again on the floor! Black Blood lands a WICKED German Suplex on Josh in the ring, folds him right up! The referee becomes distracted by the lumberjack brawl and Blood goes for his BATTLEAXE! Black Blood has decided he is going to MURDER Josh by decapitating him. As Blood raises the big Axe over his head to drop down on Josh, Dustin Rhodes reaches in and cracks Blood in the leg with Josh’s Axe Handle. Big Josh takes advantage with a small package and takes the win in 5:39.

 

[spacer height=”20px”]Winner: Big Josh

(Post Match Thoughts: Just like his daddy used to do a decade earlier, here’s Dustin Rhodes inserting himself into a feud that has nothing to do with him. Well, did I call it or what? It wasn’t a clinic, but these guys did give each other some nice stiff moves that got the crowd going, which is more than I can say for some of these other matches. *1/2)[spacer height=”20px”]

 

(OMG vs. El Gigante Notes going in: Who is the true giant of WCW? Apparently a match decides that rather than actual height. By this point, Sullivan & the OMG had cut the hair of El Gigante and now the Argentinian giant is looking for some revenge. And what says good old grudge match like a gaggle of midget wrestlers? After Sullivan puts the fans to sleep with a long-winded, and unneeded interview, Gigante comes to the ring toting 4 midget wrestlers. The one on his shoulder is Tiger Jackson, AKA Dink the Clown. Another of the midgets ended up playing Jerry Lawler’s midget King Sleazy, I wasn’t able to get a good look at the other two. Anyway, You’ve got quite possibly the worst wrestler of all time, a bunch of midgets and the S&M bondage Gang, what could possibly go wrong?)

[spacer height=”20px”]The One Man Gang (w/Kevin Sullivan) vs. El Gigante (w/Four Midgets)

Before the match gets going, there’s a comedy spot involving 3 of the midgets and the OMG. Kevin Sullivan takes the fourth midget and flings him across the ring like a piece of shit as seen in picture #1. What an asshole. The bell sounds, the midgets disappear, and we’re off. Gigante looks terrible on offense as the Gang takes some good bumps for a guy his size. OMG comes back with a clothesline off the second rope, and we begin El Gigante’s selling. Gigante looks absolutely ridiculous in there trying to sell. It’s just terrible. OMG works Gigante over with a WRENCH behind the back of referee Bill Alfonso. About a half dozen fans actually try to rally behind Gigante, but nobody can save this match. The Gang hits the 747 Splash, but Gigante kicks out and OMG throws himself out of the ring to put over how strong Gigante is. I swear this is like the Gang wrestling himself. OMG goes to the top rope but El Gigante slams him off. Gigante hits a big suplex and Sullivan climbs to the top rope. Gigante nails Sullivan and puts the claw on Kevin, but OMG breaks it up. Sullivan hands the Gang powder, but Gigante kicks it into the face of the OMG and hits a clothesline for the win after 6:14.

 

 

[spacer height=”20px”]Winner: The Giant

(Post Match Thoughts: Sorry, had to post that last picture, it’s so ridiculous looking it’s funny. So I asked what could go wrong in this match? The answer was pretty much everything. Credit to the Gang who pretty much bumped himself around the ring to make Gigante look good, but somehow Gigante even screwed that up. I don’t need to tell anyone that has seen Gigante sell that it’s painful to watch. It’s no different here. I almost don’t want to give this thing a negative star because of how hard the Gang tried… Almost. I’m giving this match my first official -*. Yes, that’s a negative star.)

 

(Sting vs. Nikita Notes going in: A video package before the match shows what led up to this Russian Chain Match. With Lex Luger standing on the ramp apron during a tag team match, Nikita Koloff came rushing down the ramp to clock Lex from behind with a Russian Sickle, wrapped in his chain. Lex’s partner for that match, Sting, would sacrifice himself. Sting shoved his buddy Lex to the side, and Sting would wind up taking the chained Sickle. Fast forward to a Sting interview, where he’s attacked on the floor with the Russian Sickle yet again. This angle was done pretty well with Sting sitting down a kid just before getting clocked, and the child and his mother looking on in horror. That brings us to this grudge match to be held under Russian Chain rules. Both men are shackled at the wrist and connected by a steel chain. The goal is touch touch all four corners of the ring consecutively without your opponent stopping the momentum. Hey, this match has potential to steal the show, because nothing else did, and it ain’t looking pretty.)

[spacer height=”20px”]Russian Chain Match
Sting vs. Nikita Koloff

For once in a breath of fresh air, nobody screws around with the chain before being cuffed to one another. This likely had a lot to do with time restraints left on the show. After a short feeling out process with the chain, the two men go straight to the floor where Sting drops Koloff over the safety rail, not once but twice. The Stinger chokes Nikita with the chain before the two finally get things going in the ring. Stinger tries ending the match, but only makes it to 2 corners before Koloff stops the momentum. Koloff comes back, using the chain for a Russian Sickle and takes Sting down. Koloff takes the fight back outside and uses the chain to clothesline Sting down, then wraps the chain around his fist and clubs on the Stinger. Sting uses the chain to his advantage, yanking on the chain and pulling Koloff shoulder first into the steel ring post. As they climb back inside, Koloff takes back over and works on Sting with the chain. Koloff misses an elbowdrop with the chain wrapped around his arm and Sting takes back over, using the chain to low blow Nikita. But Koloff takes right back over and drops Sting.

Nikita attempts to touch all four corners. In a nice bit of psychology, Koloff pulls Sting around the ring by his wrist rather than the chain to prevent any slack. Koloff touches each corner with his head as he pulls Sting with both arms. Again, great psychology. It’s little things like this we never see anymore. Nikita reaches three turnbuckles before Sting can finally stop the momentum. After a failed attempt by Koloff, both he & Sting battle back and forth as they both end up fighting in a corner and both touch the corner buckle. The continue their tussle as they work their way to corner two. Again, both competitors touch the buckle, and they’re both ties at 2. Nikita with a LOW BLOW on Sting, and Sting retaliates with a LOW BLOW on Nikita. Somehow none of this breaks the current count of two turnbuckles. Both men get to their feet and lunge for the third corner, which they both smack at the same time! Both men now tied with three turnbuckles, the first man to touch the fourth corner will be declared the winner! Sting pulls, struggles and battles with all his might to reach the fourth corner, but Koloff is holding on. Nikita nails the RUSSIAN SICKLE on Sting, but screws around rather than touching the final corner. Finally, when Nikita decides to go for the last turnbuckle, Sting jumps up and in true Stinger Splash like fashion, Sting tries to lunge over top of Nikita to touch the buckle, but Nikita falls forward and smacks the pad just a half a second before Sting! Nikita Koloff is ruled the winner after 11:35.

[spacer height=”20px”]Winner: Nikita Koloff

Sting goes after Nikita following the match, and again uses the chain to low blow Koloff before leaving the ring.

(Post Match Thoughts: If you were just booking this match on a show, then it was a good call to give Nikita the win. It set up the potential for return matches instead of being just a one-off. However, knowing all the shit you’re feeding the fans on this show it may have been wise in hindsight to give Sting the win just to keep the fans happy. I probably would have put this on last and gave Sting the win, just so you’re not giving the fans a big F-U!

The finish of the match was good, yet safe in that it protected the Stinger. Sting had really been deflated by the booking over the course of 1991, but his popularity wouldn’t die down. From dropping the World Title, to working tag matches with Lex, to jobbing to Nikita here, to being stuck in the “Chamber of Horrors” match a few months from now, Sting would continue to be the most popular baby face star in the company, and he would regain the World Title in early 1992. This match was a chain match, it was pretty much what you’d expect from a chain match during the family friendly period. No blood, no extremely crazy spots, but they told the story they needed to. Personally, I don’t see the point of a chain match if you can’t bleed. I liked the drawn out finish, and Nikita’s psychology earlier in the bout. It wasn’t a good WRESTLING match, but it did what it was supposed to do. As a wrestler, the Stinger could do no wrong at this stage in his career, but then again, this wasn’t a wrestling match. Not the greatest thing ever, but on this show it didn’t look half bad. ** for what it was)

 

(Lex vs. Windham Notes going in: Where to start, where to start? This match was originally scheduled to be a World Title defense by then champion Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger. Flair had been at odds for quite a while with current head of WCW, Jim Herd. There were creative and contract disputes which led to Flair threatening to walk out, to which Herd was fine with. In his pizza selling mind, Herd honestly believed WCW didn’t need the Nature Boy, but he was about the only one. Flair had been able to work this PPV and drop the title to Luger, but refused to do so. Unbeknownst to Herd, Flair had a stake in the World Title and technically owned the rights to it. Because of this, Flair would hold onto the title, even using it in the WWF, until he received his security deposit for the belt returned.

Without having the World Title for this match, WCW was forced to pull out the old “Western States Heritage” Title and disguise it as the World Title with a shitty looking metal plate covering the “Western States” logo. With Flair gone, the title was held up, and the Bash was without a main event. After some brainstorming, the best WCW could do was replace Flair in the match and continue forward, making the Cage match for the VACANT WCW belt.

With U.S. Champion Lex Luger already in place all we needed was an opponent. The odd choice of Barry Windham was made. I have nothing against Barry, at one point he was probably the best worker in the business, and built up right he could have easily been plugged into a title match. The trouble was, Barry had spent most of the last year since his return to WCW teaming up with Arn Anderson and really had no direction outside of the “feud” with the Yellow Dog. How does one go from The Yellow Dog to a World Title main event? Well you’ll have to ask Jim Herd & Dusty Rhodes that question.

So you have the #1 contender Luger taking on a guy who likely didn’t even crack the WCW top 10 a month ago in Windham. And you wonder why the fans revolt? Perhaps you’d call this the original Daniel Bryan revolution. Throughout the program there would be chants for Ric Flair, but never as loud as during this match. The fans were robbed of the original main event, and they let WCW brass know exactly how they felt about it. The match itself? This was being sold as the beginning of a new era in WCW, one of these guys would lead us into the new era. On paper, there’s probably nobody better than Windham to carry Luger to a World Title caliber match, but I don’t remember this match being all that good. I’m about to watch this for the first time in quite a while, so we’ll see if my opinion has changed any.)

As Jim Ross & Tony Schiavone try to hype the match, a very LOUD “WE WANT FLAIR” Chant breaks out, proving even back then the fans knew what they wanted and they voiced their opinions. JR & Tony do their best to ignore and talk over the loud chants from the fans. These chants would be ongoing throughout the next match.

Steel Cage Match for the Vacant WCW World Heavyweight Championship
“The Total Package” Lex Luger (U.S. Champion) vs. Barry Windham

[spacer height=”20px”]As the action begins, more “We Want Flair” chants are being chanted. Lex & Barry jockey for position, both attempting suplexes and feel each other out, exchanging a few moves while the fans chant “NATURE BOY”.  We’re 5 minutes into the match and so far it’s been Luger with a move, 30 seconds of stalling. Windham with a move, and 30 seconds of stalling. Repeat that pattern a few times and you get the idea. Barry escapes a headscissors from Luger on the mat an slaps the taste out of Lex’s mouth. Luger reverses a vertical suplex and the match finally starts to pick up. No wait, I spoke too soon. Another 30 seconds of stalling. Windham playing some mind games with the fans, trying to put Luger in the Figure Four but Lex blocks it and we get…. you got it… ANOTHER 30 seconds of stalling.  Luger with an Atomic Drop and Sleeper on Windham, but Barry breaks free and reverses with his own sleeper. The fans actually applaud Barry, even though Luger is the big favorite. The fans are just so skewed because of this entire situation, and these two guys screwing around and basically doing nothing for the first 7 minutes really isn’t helping. Seriously, we’re getting sleeper spots (which are usually in the late parts of a match) directly after the feeling out process. Lex escapes the sleeper by driving Barry face first into the corner and Luger busts out a DDT! That’s new. Lex goes to the top rope, but Barry slams him off and drops a knee. Barry comes off the top rope with a big elbowdrop but Luger moves out of the way. Lex comes back with a trio of his signature clotheslines and gets a near fall. Lex nails a powerslam and puts Windham in the TORTURE RACK! The fans finally show signs of interest. Barry with a nice counter, kicks his feet off the cage and back flips out of the Rack and lands on his feet before hitting Lex with a German Suplex! Nice spot. Lex still manages to get up first and sets Windham up for his own Superplex, but Barry blocks and Luger falls off the ropes. Windham launches off the top rope with a FLYING LARIAT! Luger gets up and Windham catches him with a running Lariat for 2. Barry goes back to the top rope and hits Luger with a dropkick for 2 and 3/4 fall.

Wait, what’s this coming down the ramp?

That’s former NWA World Champion Harley Race and Mr. Hughes of the York Foundation. Barry Windham looks confused by their appearance. Mr. Hughes starts to screw with the Cage Door drawing Windham’s attention away from Luger. While Barry confronts Mr. Hughes, Harley Race walks around to the opposite side of the cage and shouts to Luger, “Now is the time”. Somehow, like a shot of adrenaline, Harley’s comments revive Luger. Lex jumps up like a new man, rushes over and clobbers Windham from behind, then picks him up and plants him with a PILEDRIVER. Jim Ross exclaims “Race is the master of the piledriver”, almost ruining the finish because Luger hadn’t even set Barry up for the move yet. Lex hits the Piledriver on Windham and gets the win. Apparently Race has passed on his Piledriver expertise to Lex. I know Race liked to use the move, but I don’t recall Harley ever using the hold as his finisher. Eh, whatever. Lex gets the pin after 12:25. LEX LUGER IS YOUR NEW WORLD CHAMPION!.

 

Winner: Lex Luger

Luger walks out with the title, as well as Race & Hughes in tow. Lex Luger has evidently turned heel and everyone still seems confused.

(Post Match Thoughts: Quite an odd finish to the match. Harley Race & Mr. Hughes come to ringside, both Luger & Windham are down. Harley simply says the phrase “Now is the time!” and that somehow gives Luger super human Popeye Spinach-like strength as he jumps up full of energy and nails Windham with the piledriver for the finish. This would become Luger’s new finisher, laying the Torture Rack to the side.

The thing about this match is, you had a top proven main event baby face taking on a upper-mid card heel, then Harley Race shows up out of nowhere, shouts one sentence to the baby face, who then lands a piledriver to win the title. How was this supposed to turn anyone? There was no cheating, unless you count Harley shouting advice. Sure Luger left with the heel stable, but the entire ordeal was confusing. Did Windham turn face? Was Luger heel? Was Harley Race face? When did Mr. Hughes leave the York Foundation? What the hell was going on?

We’d get no answers on this night. Luger bounced back and forth from face to heel more than a ping pong ball, so I can see why they wanted to turn Luger heel in order to replace Ric Flair’s spot. But if they felt Windham had the star power to be in a World Title match, why didn’t they invest in him as a heel going forward? This entire match was a big F -U to the fans, who had paid their hard earned money for tickets or PPV. With Flair gone, all you had left to look forward to was your hero Lex Luger finally realizing his dream, only to realize he went heel in the process. Yup, F-U fans.

While I enjoyed Luger’s brief run with Race as manager, I thought this was shitty execution. The match itself was also hard to gauge. While they spent half the match doing almost nothing, they spent the second half of the match doing a bunch of big spots like it was the last 10 minutes of a 40 minute match. So you’ve got nothing for half the match and a shitty finish, but I hate to ignore the good 5 minutes or so at the end. Overall, the match was shit, but there was a good segment of action at the same time. A good segment doesn’t make a whole match but it’s worth something so I’ll go *3/4.)[spacer height=”20px”]

 

 

[spacer height=”20px”](Steiner/Hyatt vs. Anderson/Dangerously Notes going in: Okay there’s literally about FOUR MINUTES of time left on the PPV as we drag this next match out to the ring. The deal here is simple, with Flair gone and Windham thrown into the spotlight of the cage match over Arn Anderson, Arn needed something to do. On the other end, Scott Steiner had recently been put out of action for the duration of 1991 with a bicep injury, so in turn Rick Steiner needed something to do. They were both literally pawns in a feud between Missy Hyatt & Paul E. Dangerously here. Lots of back and forth verbal attacks had been going on between Paul & Missy on the Saturday night TBS program which led to an Arm Wrestling match between the two, which Missy won after distracting Paul E. with her breasticles. So this feud is finally going to be settled inside a STEEL CAGE…….

OR NOT. You see, not only was Maryland’s State Athletic Commission super strict on blood, they were also strict against man vs. woman violence, even if it was the woman on the offense. The Commission threatened to shut down the show if WCW even put Paul & Missy in the ring at the same time… So… WCW uses creative thinking to remove Missy from the match, preventing her from ever even entering the Cage. And so the match turns into a handicap match with Rick Steiner going up against Arn Anderson & Dangerously in a 2 vs. 1 scenario. Let’s see what these guys can do with like 3 minutes left on the PPV.)

WCW Creative sends the Hardliners, Dick Murdoch & Dick Slater, out to the ring to kidnap Hyatt on her way to the ring. The Hardliners were a “Collections Agency”, sort of a precursor to the APA – Acolytes Protection Agency. Dick & Dick hoisted Missy up and dragged her away.

[spacer height=”20px”]Murdoch would actually drop Hyatt at one point to throw a legit punch at a fan. Nice!

[spacer height=”20px”]Steel Cage Mixed Tag Team Match
Arn Anderson & Paul E. Dangerously vs. Rick Steiner & Missy Hyatt

 Steiner smiles when Missy is taken away. That says something. Arn starts off with Rick, shocker. They do nothing for about a minute and Rick catches Arn in a leapfrog spot with a powerslam. Steiner catches Arn in a bearhug, but Dangerously comes off the top rope with his Cell Phone right into the back of Rick to cause a break. Paul removes one of his cowboy boots and hands it to Arn. Dangerously holds Rick while Anderson goes to the middle rope with the cowboy boot, but Arn comes down right into a STEINERLINE, and Anderson is KO’ed. Paul attempts to run away from Rick, but ends up taking a slam and eating a stiff STEINERLINE. Rick covers Dangerously. 1-2-3, and this thing is over in just 2:08.

[spacer height=”20px”]Winner: Rick Steiner…And Missy Hyatt

Embarrassed by it all, Steiner leaves the ring about as fast as he can. An easy night’s work for whatever he was paid.

(Post Match Thoughts: Smart move by moving it to last match on the card to make sure there was time for the Luger/Windham match first. It may have been wiser to cancel this match all together. By the time is was over I’m sure the fans would have agreed.

Okay, so, the entire point of this match was to settle a score between Paul & Missy, and then Hyatt is carried off before the match even begins. So technically, there is no point to this match. I blame WCW, but I don’t blame WCW. While they didn’t have any other options on handling this situation, WCW should have known Maryland’s ridiculously strict rules on professional sports by this point. That was it, there would be no blow off following this crap match, which I find odd since Missy was involved and I hear she always did a good blow off.

The match itself was almost nothing, I wish it had been nothing, I bet the guys involved had wished the same thing. So they follow up that World Title match with this? Brilliant move. I’m sure this sent the fans home happy, and made the fans at home want to buy the next PPV. DUD match but I’ll give it a 1/4* for the Steinerlines.)

 

THE FINAL AUDIT: Okay, so first thing’s first. Let me get this out of the way right off. While I haven’t seen a lot of the crappier PPV’s in quite a while, I think I can say in confidence that in this viewers opinion that The Great American Bash 1991 was definitely one of the not-so-good PPV’s from throughout the annals of Wrestling PPV History. However, to call this the WORST PPV ever? I don’t believe so. Off the top of my head, I can think of a good half dozen or more PPV’s that I believe would easily blow this out of the water as far as being the worst. While it deserves the title “BAD PPV”, I think a certain someone had a vendetta against the show, wrote a rant on it years ago, and a lot of other reviewers followed like sheep rather than forming their own opinions of the show. Or it could just be that they truly think this was the worst wrestling they’ve ever seen. I truly don’t know, but I think I’ve seen worse. Between mid-90’s WWF, the dying days of WCW, and all the other random crap we’ve had thrown at us over the last three decades, I can’t imagine this being the worst of all times. For me, yes, the show wasn’t good, but the worst EVER? That covers a LOT of ground.

There really isn’t anything salvageable from this show on any grand scale. You’d think the “new era” and crowning of a new World Champion would be a big deal, but the way it all went down it really didn’t feel like anything special. There were some real stinkers on the show, and plenty of things that left me scratching my head, but there were a few okay matches that kept me from going completely insane while working through this event. I think the lack of crowd response, except for a few big spots and Flair chants, hurt the matches that weren’t too bad. I think with a better crowd a couple of these matches would have seemed more interesting and garnered higher star ratings. Can’t say that I blame the fans though, look what was fed to them. There’s really not a single match or segment on this show that I can strongly recommend that needs to be viewed. Since everything didn’t completely suck I can’t give this thing an F, truth is it didn’t deserve an F. But I would definitely go D-, maybe a 3 or 4 rating on a scale of 10. Nothing to recommend here. While not the worst PPV in history, this PPV has deservedly been REJECTED!

WCW month continues next week when I’ll be Auditing yet another PPV from the early 90’s! Until next week, this has been the REAL I.R.S., Ian R. Singletary, catchya later, tax cheats!