Raw Report 1-6-14: Jake “The Snake” Roberts Returns; Video Inside!

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Here we go with this week’s “OLD SCHOOL” Monday Night Raw, January 6th, 2014 from The Baltimore Arena, in Baltimore, MD…

– Michael Cole & JBL are your announcers this week. Jerry Lawler had a health scare earlier in the day and made a trip to the hospital. The announcers let us know that the King has been released and is just dealing with a stomach bug.

– WOOOOOO! The music hits and out walks “Nature Boy” Ric Flair wearing a stylish 3 piece suit and shades. I won’t attempt to guess why Ric is using the sunglasses at night. Perhaps he’s playing an “old school” tribute to the song. Flair puts over Baltimore and does some of his usual shtick before the WWE World Champion Randy Orton interrupts. At first Randy embraces Flair as a mentor, only to put Flair down as the segment went on. Flair didn’t take the comments laying down and fired back at Orton, calling him an immature punk that hasn’t changed. When it looks like Orton is going to go after the Nature Boy, John Cena’s music hits and he storms the ring. Cena & Flair embrace, John outs over Ric and bashes Orton. Cena offers to fight Orton right now if he truly wants a fight. Orton slowly leaves the ring. Cena is left celebrating with Flair. That’ll sell some PPV’s…

– A video is shown from last week of Daniel Bryan seemingly joining the Wyatt Family.

1. Rey Mysterio & The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family (Rowan, Harper & Daniel Bryan) w/Bray Wyatt.
It wouldn’t be Raw without our standard six man tag team match we’ve come to know and love over the past year. Bryan is far more aggressive, pummeling Mysterio and using more of a brawling style. Daniel is sporting a jumpsuit now. Mysterio uses leverage to send Bryan out of the ring at the feet of Bray. Bray sends Bryan back in to do some damage and a commercial is taken. After the break, Jimmy Uso is taking the heat. Jimmy Uso counters Rowan with a superkick and hot tags to Mysterio. Rey Rey comes in on fire, huracan rana on Rowan. Tag to Jey Uso, but Jey misses a top rope splash! Both Harper AND Bryan tag themselves in at the same time and argue about who the legal man is. During the miscommunication, Jey Uso rolls up Harper for the win!

– After another break, we learn via vignette that Batista is the first man to be entered into the 2014 Royal Rumble!

– Brad Maddox announces the fans can vote for the referee in the Sandow vs. Khali rematch. You can choose from Bob Backlund, Arn Anderson, and Sgt. Slaughter. Kane confronts Maddox about comments Brad’s been making towards Kane. Kane reminds Maddox that if he gets Kane fired from his executive job that Kane will be able to destroy Brad without a worry.

– Big E. Langston takes a walk backstage. He runs into Nikolai Volkoff singing the Russian National Anthem, Ted Dibiase reminding Langston that everybody has a price, and IRS tells Big E. to pay his taxes! And they flew those guys in for that segment. Yeah.

2. Intercontinental Champion Big E. Langston vs. Curtis Axel. Ryback on commentary. Basic Raw match, Axel gets in some of his father’s offense. Standing dropkick, rolling neck snap, but Langston hits the Big Ending fairly easily. Langston & Ryback have a stare down after the match. This could be setting up a title match for the Rumble.

– It’s time for Piper’s Pit! Roddy Piper enters the ring, and before he can embarrass himself the Shield enter on cue. Ambrose opens with a great speech bashing the Hot Rod. Piper surprisingly doesn’t completely suck on this visit back to the WWE. Roddy does what he’s supposed to do, building tension between the Shield, asking who the best member is, and if Reigns pins Punk tonight would that mean he’s the best. Piper pinches Reigns on the cheek and it looks like Piper’s in store for a beat down. But just then, CM PUNK AND THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS MAKEW THE SAVE! The Shield take off and Roddy celebrated with the trio. Punk’s friends are the Outlaws? But aren’t the Outlaws buddies with HHH? I’m so confused.

3. Sin Cara V2.0 vs. Alberto Del Rio. This hasn’t been done to death or anything. Del Rio has returned from the concussion he suffered from Cara. The ridiculous Sin Cara Lighting is used. I have NO idea why. It’s so distracting and adds nothing. If anything it takes away from the match. Cara misses the somersault senton off the top and Del Rio lands a kick to the head for the win.

– Following the match, Del Rio announces he’s entered the Royal Rumble match! Okay, that makes two… 28 to go, and 2 weeks to go.

– Backstage the Wyatts are arguing. Daniel Bryan is explaining that he wants to learn from them, but he also can hold his own. Bryan asks to tag with Rowan or Harper next week vs. The Usos. Bray steps up and announces that HE will team with Daniel next week!

4. WWE Tag Team Champions Goldust & Cody Rhodes vs. The Real Americans. The fans start a “We the People Chant”, Zeb should be proud. A good match. Cesaro swing on Cody. The Patriot Lock on Cody. Goldust breaks it up before Cody taps. Swagger tags Cesaro, Cody hot tag to Goldust. Goldy on fire with a reverse bodyblock off the top rope onto both Real Americans. Cesaro charges Cody, Rhodes ducks and Antonio falls out of the ring. Goldust plants Swagger, who I thought was the illegal man, with his finisher for the win.

Cheap plug by DD-Me in the back for his Yoga. Booker T joins the segment and even though he can throw a scissor kick we’re supposed to believe Book can’t raise his knee to his stomach. Ron Simmons enters the room as DDP & Booker practice “Yoga”. Simmons response… DAMN!

5. Damien Sandow vs. The Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh). It’s OLD SCHOOL and Ranjin is back! Your referee? Sgt. Slaughter. Wow, that would have been my last guess. Khali tries here. Still not good, but at least he tries. Sandow does almost nothing. Khali BIG CHOP, Sandow falls by the ropes and lays his foot on the rope for the entire 3 count. Khali wins the match. Sandow argues with Slaughter afterwards for missing his foot on the rope. Sandow tries a clothesline, Sarge ducks and lays Sandow out with the Cobra Clutch. This will get Sandow over…

– IT”S BROCK LESNAR & PAUL HEYMAN! Heyman notes how Bruno Sammartino reigned the WWE for years, as did Hulk Hogan, and of course “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Right now either Orton or Cena will walk out of Rumble the WWE Champion, but no matter who it is, Brock Lesnar plans to be the next challenger, he WILL win the title, and Brock will be the next MAN that reigns over the WWE. CUE MARK HENRY! Mark returns, he hits the ring, a couple of blows later and Lesnar hooks Mark in the KIMURA LOCK and “dislocates Henry’s shoulder” and something about his elbow. Lame. Brock starts to leave when THE BIG SHOW makes his way out! Yeah, the New Years Baby is now the threat to Lesnar. Brock teases leaving the ring, but slides in and comes at the Big Show. They mis-time a biel throw, and it ends up looking even better. Brock takes a ridiculous bumps as Show throws him across the ring. Lesnar bails and Heyman holds him back, talking sense into him. Big Show stands tall. Rumble Match coming, I assume…

6. The Bella Twins vs. Aksana & Alicia Fox. Aksana & Total Divas are getting more play time than AJ. Makes sense. I thought Aksana was good in her heel valet gimmick a long while back, but she’s nothing in the ring. I hear they’ve got some talented Divas down in NXT, but obviously Aksana does something good in order to keep her job AND score her second win in a row on Raw. Fox has already dropped her fatigue gear in favor for a sailor costume, or something like that. The heels work Nikkis bad knee, but Brie gets the tag in. Brie misses a dropkick off the ropes and Aksana covers for the win.

7. Rikishi & Too Cool vs. The 3MB. More 6-Man action. Heath Slater has been out a few weeks for personal reasons, but he’s back for Old School Raw. Grandmaster Sexay starts with Mahal. Sexay looks good in there, probably better than he did during his initial run. Scotty 2 Hotty looks in better shape than ever and works well in the ring. Hotty landsa bulldog and the W-O-R-M on McIntyre. Scotty is distracted and Drew hits his jumping boot thingy. Scotty takes a little heat, but drops Drew with a neckbreaker and a hit tag to RIKISHI! Rikishi rocks the 3MB, Superkick on Mahal and covers…1..2..Drew breaks it up! Rikishi drops Mahal and Drew, Sexay comes off the top with the HIP HOP DROP on Drew! Mahal tries a sunset flip on big Kish but Rikishi just sits on Jinder’s chest and scores the pin for Too Cool.

This was a fun match, everyone was still able to go and Too Cool still looked to be in ring shape. It’s nice when they bring back guys who still have it. We are treated to the Too Cool dance, complete with sunglasses, to end the segment.

– All of the Legends are brought out and introduced one final time. Bad News Barrett rises up on a cherry picker to a ridiculous height in the air. Barrett goes on to break the BAD NEWS to the Legends. Barrett talks about their trying to hold on to fame lost years ago. He talks about the legends setting up tables at flea markets and selling 25 year old photos of themselves for the 7 people who recognize them. For a second, I thought Virgil was there based on that comment. This entire segment just smelled like Vince McMahon. You just KNOW Vince wrote this entire Barrett piece to give a big “F U” to the legends after using them throughout the show. I don’t know what satisfaction Vince gets out of doing this, or why he would want to belittle these guys. Still. It was somewhat funny because it was so true.

– Mean Gene Okerlund is announced and he welcomes everyone to CALL HIS HOTLINE! Kids don’t need their parent’s permission. Only $5.99 a minute!!!! Gene brings out the New Age Outlaws! The Outlaws cut a promo and they’ll be in Punk’s corner for the main event. Road Dogg gives CM Punk a special ring introduction.

8. CM Punk (w/The Outlaws) vs. Roman Reigns (w/The Shield). Really good match, not going to try and do it justice by quoting this match move for move. Punk’s comeback with a beckbreaker, the flying elbow. There’s a brawl outside. Ambrose tosses Road Dogg into the steps. Billy Gunn takes out Ambrose. Rollins posts Billy Gunn. Punk dives outside onto Rollins! Punk comes back in off the top and right into a SUPERMAN PUNCH from Reigns! Roman covers 1…2…Punk out! Reigns tries a spear but Punk leapfrogs and Roman hits the corner. Punk rolls Reigns up 1..2…Roman kicks out! PUNK WITH THE KICK TO THE HEAD!!!!! 1….2……..HOLY SHIT! REIGNS KICKS OUT! Punk tries the GTS, Reigns escapes, but Punk nails a knee in the corner and goes for a bulldog. Reigns shoves Punk off and CM runs right into Ambrose and knocks Dean off the apron. Punk turns right around into a SPEAR BY REIGNS! 1………2………….3!!!! ROMAN REIGNS PINS CM PUNK!!!!

Based on this match, between the back and forth finish spots, the kicking out of signature moves, and then of course the win,it’s obvious Roman is going to be the real deal for WWE.

As the Shield celebrate in the ring… all of a sudden…out of nowhere….completely unexpected…. a familiar theme begins to play…

And he don’t look half bad… Hell, he looks better than he did in 1996… Jake has the bag with him. While the Shield are shocked by the return of Jake Roberts, the Outlaws & Punk attack the Shield and toss Reigns & Rollins from the ring. PUNK WITH THE GTS ON AMBROSE!!!

Jake goes to the bag and DUMPS THE SNAKE ON AMBROSE! Roberts has fun with the snake on Ambrose and raises it into the air. The show ends with the Snake, Punk & The Outlaws celebrating.

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