Hey guys, it’s Bobby “The Brain” Mayo back with your Raw Report. It’s pretty hectic around here tonight but I’m going to do my best to cover this thing without any interruptions.
For those who aren’t familiar with my writing, I’m not what you’d call a politically correct kind of guy. I don’t really have a filter on my brain when typing, so if you’re oversensitive to certain words or thoughts, this is not for you. Anyone who gets butt hurt over naughty and offensive words or ‘outside the box’ thinking you can close this page now. These are MY opinions that Crazy Max has given me a platform to share my thoughts on. You are welcome to share yours by replying to my review. I dare you!
For those who enjoy free thinking and freedom of speech, stick around and enjoy.
WWE RAW PRESHOW BULLET POINTS
- So it’s the usual crap with the build up for the PPV matches. Goldberg is live on Raw tonight. That should be interesting.
- There’s some backstage segment with Goldust, Truth, Henry, Rising Stars and Titus in a fedora. No clue what’s going on, I missed what they were saying. But look at the names involved.
- Then we get another backstage segment with Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel. Bo has Neville one-on-one tonight, Axel BO LIEVES in Bo.
- That is all.
WWE RAW REPORT
October 17, 2016 – DENVER, CO
FROM THE PEPSI CENTER
– JERICHO & OWENS / ROLLINS SEGMENT –
To the ring. They spend about 10 minutes doing their thing. Jericho adds a referree to ‘The List’. Owens says he will end Rollins career at the Cell PPV.
To the Rollins. Seth begs to differ with Owens comments. Jericho warns Rollins that he will make the list. Seth tells Jericho to add his scarf and gay mustache to the list. Seth then calls Jericho ‘Sparkle Crotch’ due to his attire. The fans chant Sparkle Crotch. Nice.
They go at it verbally, Seth challenges Jericho to another match. Jericho agrees but asks KO not to come to ringside during the match. Owens is stunned. Jericho says they’re still best friends, but Chris loses when KO is at ringside. Jericho tells Owens to leave ringside. We have a match!
AFTER THE BREAK!
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– SETH ROLLINS VS. CHRIS JERICHO –
Sparkle crotch has the initial advantage. Double underhook backbreaker on Rollins gets a 2. Seth battles back and lands the Blockbuster for his own near fall. Seth tries a Pedigree but gets backdropped to the apron. Jericho with the springboard dropkick sends Seth to the floor as Raw goes to commercial.
Raw returns with Jericho on top. After some near falls on Seth, Jericho winds up going face first into the turnbuckle. Slingblade by Seth gets him 2. Jericho fires back with a Lionsault for a near fall. Seth’s turn to come back and he hits a Falcon Arrow for 2. Seth starts to the top rope when…
KEVIN OWENS makes his way back out WITH THEME MUSIC. This distracts Rollins long enough for Chris to roll outside. Seth dives off the top onto Jericho outside. Then the flying knee back inside. Jericho counters a Pedigree with the WALLS. Owens tries to prevent Seth from making the ropes, but Rollins gets there anyway. Jericho is miffed. Chris with an enzuigiri and tries a Codebreaker, but Rollins catches him and turns it into a Pedigree .
Winner is Seth Rollins in 15:00
The announcers act as if Owens somehow cost Jericho the match. Owens does the same as he backtracks up the ramp all worried about what just happened. He promised Jericho he wouldn’t come out, but then he did. Something tells me these guys aren’t really best friends.
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To the LITA and CHARLOTTE.Prerecorded sit-down interview with Charlotte, conducted by Lita. No other females have been inside Hell in a Cell, but no other female was Charlotte FLAIR. Charlotte is 2 times Women’s champions. She’s won 12 straight PPV’s. She;s the woman to beat, she will be 3 time champion. I lose interest after all this shit. Sasha Banks will have a sit down with Lita later in the show.
To the Strongest Golden Showers of Truth. WHAT’S UP? Mark Henry be hanging with the Golden Truth dawg. When Raw returns we’ve got a shit-tacular match coming your way!
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– THE GOLDEN TRUTH / MARK HENRY VS. THE SHINING STARS / TITUS O’NEIL –
So that’s what that shitty preshow promo was about. So now the Shining Stars are con-men because they tried to sell Henry fake Rolexes. So we can rule out all 6 of these guys as Braun Strowman’s opponent. I really thought it would be Henry, too. Primo and Goldy starting it off. Goldust takes a beating by the heels. Titus barks. Epico misses something. Truth gets the hot tag. Seven people applaud. Truth wipes out all 3 heels. Truth with his jiggy spots on Titus. Everybody starts taking evertbody out. Henry blind tags in and World Strongest Slam ends the Titus Brand. Henry legit did one move. Still no idea what the point of this was.
Winners are Golden Troof & Henry. Match went just over 2:00.
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To the Jeri-KO. Jericho is pissed at Owens and they’re going at it pretty good, arguing backstage. Jericho almost calls Owens a Stupid Idiot. Jericho is pissed Owens came out. Stephanie McMahon interrupts the fight and tells them to get on the same page for the sake of the title and to beat the real enemy, Seth Rollins. Jericho and Owens seemingly make up but Jericho reiterates he told Owens not to come out.
To the New Day. They bury Sheamus and Cesaro to a lesser extent. Sheamus is garbage. I concur.
– BIG E VS. SHEAMUS –
They’ll put anything on at the top of the hour now. Both New Day and Cesaro are at ringside for the match. Sheamus flings Big E with a suplex. Big E comes back and runs Sheamus over. They keep selling this Demolition 478 day record. Must be planning to have New Day break it. Big E with a splash on the apron. Sheamus with a rolling senton to Big E on the floor. Raw goes to commercial.
Raw returns with Sheamus diving into a belly to belly from Big E. Make it 3 belly to bellies. Warrior splash onto the knees of Sheamus. Irish Cruse backbreaker gets 2 on Big E. E turns a Brogue kick into a powerbomb. Pure power on the dead weight. Still only a 2 count. Sheamus hits White Noise for 2.
Cesaro goes off into the crowd to take pictures with the fans. Sheamus shoulder blocks Big E off the apron. Sheamus gets into it with Cesaro for no reason. Sheamus wants Cesaro to take a picture of the best Brogue Kick ever. Big E hits a corner splash from behind and rolls Sheamus up. They show the replay on Cesaro’s phone. Heh
Winner is Big E in 10:00
I should mention that they’ve been airing Goldberg highlights tonight. At this point they air Goldberg defeating Hogan for the WCW Title.
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– NEVILLE VS. BO DALLAS –
Bo walked out on Axel after their loss last week, but Curtis is right back in his corner this week. Bo is aggressive out of the gate. The fans are no longer fans again, they’re once again the WWE Universe. Eww. Neville ducks a clothesline and starts with his educated feet strikes and an enzuigiri floors Dallas. Neville goes to the top but Dallas bails to the outside. ASAI MOONSAULT by Neville to the floor. Bo runs into a boot from Neville and Neville tries for Red Arrow, but Bo knocks him off the ropes and Neville takes a bad fall. Dallas hits Cross Rhodes or whatever he calls it it’s over.
Winner is Bo dawg. 2:00
Ridiculous to use Neville as a jobber here. Bo goes over clean and Curtis Axel celebrates with his buddy. Dallas turns on Axel and beats the shit out of him outside the ring and leaves Curt laying like a pile of shit.
Only BO can BOLIEVE in BO. BO KNOWS BO, BITCHES!
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– BAYLEY VS. DANA BROOKE –
Brooke has somehow went from playing Charlotte’s bitch to her own storyline with Bayley. Bayley on top first, then its Dana getting in some lumps on Bay-bay. They do a double clothesline spot and Bayley makes her comeback. Bayley tries a sliding dropkick but doesn’t hit it completely. Something gets very awkward here as Bayley is then thrown into the ring post and Dana covers and wins out of nowhere.
Winner is Brooke in 3:00.
Nothing says feud like a heel pinning a face. Same old shit.
This was weird though. That didn’t really seem like the finish. It looked really awkward and shitty. Dana also kept trying to put her foot on the ropes but since she’s like 4 foot nothing she was too far out of position. The crowd didn’t react. This was bad.
TO THE JEW HEYMAN. Paul is ‘in studio’. Heyman believes Goldberg will say yes. The reason Heyman made the challenge and not Brock is because Brock doesn’t even think about Goldberg. Goldberg is stuck in a video game dream world. Heyman tells Goldberg to Just Say No. If Goldberg says YES it will piss Brock off. Brock is still pissed he lost in their last fight.
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– BRAUN STROWMAN VS. MILE HIGH TRIO –
So it’s 3 jobbers this week. Strowman just mauls all three men then flings the third guy into the air and onto his buddies outside. Double dropkick from Strowman on two of the men. One of the jobbers tries to run away but is caught. Lolz. Murder. Death. Kill. Powerslam and reverse chokeslam ends it.
Winner is Strowman in maybe 2:00
Strowman warned Mick Foley. Now he’s going to come get Foley or some shit for all the shitty booking around here.
To the TAXI DRIVER ZAYN. Of all people? Sami Zayn answers the challenge of Strowman. Braun shoves Zayn out of the ring and and walks off. Zayn gets back in the ring but Braun is already leaving. He really wanted that competition.
Not sure I like Zayn being thrown into this for a zillion reasons. Why job Zayn? There’s a roster of jobbers this guy hasn’t run through yet.
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To the Zayn backstage. He’s asked why he picked a fight with Strowman. Zayn replies ‘because nobody else will’. Zayn is a bully killer by gawd.
– RUSEV AND LANA SEGMENT –
Lana introduces Rusev. Lana looking lazy tonight with her Victoria’s Secret flannel gear on. Rusev’s mutton chops look ridiculous. Rusev shows a picture on his mother, MAMA RUSEV. This is fucking lame. How does this set up Hell in a Cell? What fucking shit. Next, we get a look at PAPA RUSEV . We get pictures of Rusev’s family. This is fucking gay.
To the REIGNS. What a shock. He makes fun of Rusev. This leads to a brawl. Rusev surprisingly wins this fight and lays Roman out with an Accolade on top of the steel steps in the center of the ring. Eat that shit Roman.
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To the EMMALINA. I can’t figure out if Emma is supposed to be a model or a whore. Either way, me likey.
– KARL ANDERSON VS. BIG CASS –
So after the usual Cass and Enzo stuff we go ahead with a match. Gallows is with Karl. Enzo with Cass. What the fuck was this shit? Cass wins in under a minute after a swinging sit-out uranage.
Winner is Cass in a minute.
They immediately cut away as if this match is an afterthought. I’m still like WTF??? Like really dude. What the fuck was this? They would have been better serviced if they weren’t on TV at all. Holy balls fuck.
To The Cruisers. Brian Kendrick is working out a deal with Tony Nese and company. TJ Perkins interrupts the convo because he knows Brian better than Brian knows himself. Kendrick talks in video game terms so Perkins can relate. Why does Perkins have a video game gimmick anyway? None of this shit makes sense.
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To the BOSS. Lita interviews Sasha Banks to respond to Charlotte’s comments. Hell in a Cell is in Sasha’s hometown. She talks the match, she respects Charlotte but fuck her anyway, Sasha will make history.. Nothing to see here.
To the Goldberg… Video. He beat Triple H in 2003. This is the big sell of all Goldberg wins? Because HHH is bigger than the Rock??? Fuck you Triple H!!!
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– TJ PERKINS, RICH SWANN, CEDRIC ALEXANDER
VS.
BRIAN KENDRICK, TONY NESE, DREW GULAK –
Rushed entrances for everyone. What an absolutely shit fucking spot to stick this match on. Right before Goldberg. Cruisers need to go on early in the show not this third hour shit when the crowd sucks. Vince has managed to destroy this product in fucking record time. Fuck you old man Vince. Leave the shit that’s over alone. Meanwhile, everyone involved is moving quick and looking good. Team Perkins rocking it from the get go. Nese counters a Tornado DDT with a suplex of his own on TJ. Kendrick tags in but TJ puts him in the knee bar almost immediately. Kendrick gets to the ropes and rolls outside. Two whole minutes of action before Raw takes a dump and goes to commercial.
Raw returns. Cedric being worked over. Kendrick takes a high backdrop and Swann gets tagged in. Time to take it home I guess. Sick jumping Franksteiner off the top by Swann on Nese. Everyone starts hitting spots. Nese with ba 450 Splash on Swann. Kendrick tags himself in and locks in the Captain’s Hook. Swann holds on, Perkins tries to save but Gulak stops him. Swann has to tap.
Winners are Team Kendrick in 7:00.
This felt NOTHING like the Cruiserweight Classic. Again I say FUCK YOU VINCE.
To the Foley and Steph. They’re making rumblings of having THREE Survival matches at Survivor Series. A main one, one with the ladies and one with TAG TEAMS. Holy Shit! Now if they give it the time it needs. Foley books Rollins vs. Owens vs. Jericho for next week.
Up next. Goldberg.
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– GOLDBERG RETURNS –
Michael Cole in the ring for this segment, not Saxton. RACISM, WWE! We get a replay of Goldberg on ESPN with Coach. Then we get a replay from last week of Paul Heyman challenging Goldberg on behalf of Brock Lesnar.
Goldberg takes the long walk backstage as wrestlers watch on. Even Bob Backlund is going nutty. And here he comes, pyro and all. Long Goldberg chant. LOOONNNNG Goldberg chant. Looks like he’s crying. They pop for the tears. PG ‘Holy Shit’ chants follow. So many chants, one after another. Cole dismisses himself from the ring. Goldberg’s family are in the front row.
Goldberg explains how the WWE 2k17 came about. He misses kicking ass and being a hero for the kids. Goldberg teases ‘keeping it in the video game’. Crowd chants NO. But then Brock challenged him. What would you do if you were challenged? Goldberg decides maybe he has one more ass kicking left in him.
Goldberg informs Brock Lesnar that HE’S NEXT. And Brock Lesnar is last.
They confirm Brock Lesnar will be at Raw next week to respond.
Goldberg genuinely celebrates with the fans before walking off.
Big fight feel.
Business is picking up.
Smackdown has.. James Ellsworth.
Raw has Goldberg.
