WWE Raw 12/1/14 from BOK Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma
– We’re reminded of the demise of the Authority courtesy of a video package. Daniel Bryan returned, Vince was pissed at his family, and Rollins had to team with jobber stooges in the main. Oh yeah, and the Anonymous Raw GM returns tonight…
The lights flicker, the noise alarms, and Michael Cole is already reading emails. The Laptop is pissed off, WWE need the Anonymous GM. Cole starts to read off the Cyber GM’s announcements but is interrupted by John Cena. I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a good thing…
Cena reminds us the Authority is gone and his team won at Survivor Series. The lights keep flickering, the GM noise keeps alarming. This goes on like 20 times… It’s almost so bad it’s funny…. ALMOST…. Cena says he’s not going to let the Laptop GM ruin his celebration of Survivor Series (dwell on things much?). Cena heads towards the laptop when he’s interrupted by the entrance of SETH ROLLINS, along with Noble & Mercury.
It’s like 5 minutes of back and forth crap, bad jokes, namedrops of Sting, JBL, even Eric Bischoff. Blah blah blah. Rollins talks about the new revolving door of GM’s and how whatever Cena does one week could work against him the next. Rollins tries to get Cena to realize that the Authority is best for business, and Cena needs to bring them back before Raw implodes.
Cena makes Seth Rollins politely ask him to bring back the Authority, complete with a “please” and on one need. The Raw GM randomly chimes in to interrupt… I think the segment was running long, because Cena seemed like he wanted to say more…
Per the Anonymous Raw GM, Michael Cole announces that Cena will wrestle Rollins in a Tables Match at TLC, and if Cena loses, then he loses his title shot against Brock Lesnar.
While Cena is distracted by the announcement, Rollins jumps him. Kane and the stooges join in. Rollins grabs a table to put Cena through it, but RYBACK is out… Ryback lays everyone out, but winds up getting pounded down with a steel chair. Erick Rowan is out to the rescue, he destroys all the heels as well, until Big Show comes out and drops Rowan with the steel steps…Dolph Ziggler out next, he launches himself at Big Show, but Show catches him. Ziggle frees himself and Show goes head first into the ring post…
Ziggler grabs a LADDER from under the ring, then stands there for what feels like forever as he waits for… Luke Harper attacks Dolph… Finally… Ziggler just standing there waiting to be attacked. Harper lays Ziggles out with the ladder.
Back in the ring, Seth props the table up to put Cena through, but Cena fights off Rollins and the stooges. Rollins up in the AA, but Luke Harper enters the ring and frees Rollins. Big Show joins in and KNOCKS OUT Cena. Rollins and the stooges then mock the Shield as they Triple Powerbomb Cena through a table.
Dear God, what a long segment of nothing followed by a whole lot of crap to type in the final 3 minutes.
–Commercial Break–
– It’s Big Show vs. Rowan for later. Also Cena, Ryback, Dolph vs. Harper, Rollins, Kane in the main.
#1 Contenders Match TAG TEAM TURMOIL: The Usos vs. Goldust & Stardust vs. The New Day vs. Adam Rose & The Bunny vs. Cesar & Tyson Kidd.
Winners face Miz & Sandow at TLC.
1. Goldust & Stardust vs. New Day (Kofi & Big E).
Cesaro & Tyson Kidd are a team? Adam Rose and the Bunny still team? Where are Los Matadores? Man this tag scene is pathetic. Not sure which New Day guys are wrestling here, they’re all in gear. Crowd doesn’t give a crap about any of the three. This gimmick is over like a fart in the New Day Church. New Day plays Paper, Rock Scissors to determine who wrestles. Xavier pulls Michael Hayes duty and heads to the floor. New Day all over the Dust brothers… Double teaming galore, Kofi & Big E land a double team move and pin Stardust in 1:00… Yeah, 1:00….. The former champs job in 1:00.
We’re already going to commercial. That’s a 25 minute promo segment, and a 1:00 match so far.
–Commercial Break–
2. New Day vs. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (w/Natalya).
I know this is technically all one match, but I’m numbering them separately for the hell of it… Match is already in progress. Heels are heeling it up on Kofi. Boring chinlock and choking crap. Kingston gets a hot tag to Big E, and he mauls Tyson, runs him over and lands a belly to belly. Big E pulls a hanky out of his singlet and dries his face before landing a Warrior splash. Big E tries a Big Ending but Cesaro breaks it up. Big E sends both guys outside to the floor. E then launches Kofi over the top out onto Cesaro and Kidd. Kofi lays out Kidd in the ring, but Goldust & Starry return to distract and Kidd rolls up Kofi with a handful of tights for the win in like 2:30 shown. Wow New Day already job.
3. Cesaro & Tyson Kidd vs. The Usos.
The heels try and get the jump, but it’s the Usos in control early on. Jey Uso fakes a dive to the floor on Kidd, but doesn’t notice a blind tag to Cesaro. Cesaro hooks Uso from behind with a GERMAN SUPLEX and Cesaro gets 2 as we head to commercial just over a minute into match #3 in the series.
Back from break, Cesaro lands a powerbomb for 2. Tyson comes in but gets dropped, and we get a hot tag to Jimmy Uso. Jimmy with a Samoan Drop on Tyson for 2, but Cesaro breaks it up. Jey and Cesaro brawl to the floor, Tyson lands a sneaky kick to the head of Jimmy from the apron. Tyson springboards back inside into a Jimmy Uso superkick. Tag to Jey and a Superfly Splash gets the win in 7:15.
4. The Usos vs. Adam Rose & The Bunny.
For some reason they show Naomi watching backstage, I know she’s married to an Uso but for some reason this week they show her watching the match. Rose has control to start, the Bunny lands a Powerbomb from the top rope. The Bunny & Rose argue after Adam tags himself in. Rose turns into a SUPERKICK from Jimmy Uso and Rose cracks heads with the Bunny. Tag to Jey and another Superfly splash ends this fast in 1:00.
– Backstage, the Miz & Sandow confront Naomi. Usos won, they get the title shot. Apparently we get to vote on who will team with AJ tonight in a Divas match. News to me.
– Oh snap, the boss is here. Vince pulls up in a limo. And then… He walks!!!
–Commercial Break–
– The Slammy’s are next week.. Seriously… Seth Green is hosting. Again, no, seriously.
– Backstage interview with Erick Rowan. He only nods to answer questions. We learn that Rowan has a 143 IQ, is a wine maker, and can play guitar… LOL… Whatever. When Rowan is asked why he targeted the Big Show, Rowan responds “he’s a bully”….
– Big Show promo on the way to the ring. He’s a heel again for the record. He is a bully, he has to be, because of the people who betrayed him.
5. Erick Rowan vs. The Big Show.
Rowan plows the Show out of the ring to begin, but Show comes right back and plows down Rowan in the ring. Show just toys with Rowan in boring fashion. Rowan breaks a cobra clutch looking thingy and smashes Show into the corner and then clotheslines Show over the top to the outside… Show sends Rowan into the steps on the floor. Show then grabs the stairs and drives them into the back of Rowan for the DQ in 4:20. Rowan gets a crappy DQ win.
Show smiles as he walks off.
– Vince McMahon is backstage walking past people dressed in costumes, for whatever reason. Renee Young stops Vince for an interview. Vince is excited for his Podcast with Steve Austin tonight. Renee brings up the Authority, Vince says only Cena can bring them back. Vince sells the Austin Poscast a bit more.
– Tonight it’s the Bellas vs. AJ Lee and a partner that the fans choose. Natalya, Naomi, or Alicia Fox. Ohhh, the suspense…
–Commercial Break–
6. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter) vs. Fandango (w/Rosa Mendes).
You can tell when something sucks, the announcers are forced to put over their entrance like it’s the greatest thing ever. This Fandango revamp needs to go, it gets NO response. I mean ZERO noise, like an empty building. After the Fandango crap, Swagger’s music plays, but we get no Swagger…. We go backstage and Swagger is checking on a laid out Zeb Colter clutching his leg. Colter has been attacked, presumably by Rusev. Fandango wins via forfeit… Quality stuff there.
As Fandango & Rosa celebrate outside the ring, Rusev & Lana head to the ring.
–Commercial Break–
– In the ring, Rusev and Lana admit to the attack on Colter in their own way. Lana craps on America for promising “freedom”, but forcing Rusev and Lana to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Lana and Rusev Pledge the Russian flag when Jack Swagger attacks… Swagger is all over Rusev as the two fight to the floor. Rusev is sent into the barricade. Swagger is all over Rusev until a dozen officials try and separate the two. I’d like this more if they didn’t have Swagger jobbing to low end guys on the C shows.
–Commercial Break–
7. Damien Sandow (w/The Miz) vs. Fernando (w/El Torito).
Miz on commentary, huge “MizDow” chants. Decent little match going on while Miz makes the best of his mic opportunity. Sandow uses Miz moves, Fernando taps to the Figure Four in 2:30.
Miz talks about wanting to give Naomi a shot at Hollywood because she has talent. Out comes hubby Jimmy Uso, who smacks Miz right out of his chair… The fans are a little confused, a light hearted segment got serious real fast.
– Bray Wyatt IS HERE!!!
–Commercial Break–
– The Slamys are just so big they need more time. Start watching the Slammy Awards next week on the WWE Preshow at 7:30 eastern.
– Miz vs. Jimmy Uso for tomorrow night on Main Event.
8. Bray Wyatt vs. R-Truth.
Truth gets the old jobber entrance, already in the ring, no rapping. Bray attacks and handily maintains control as he taunts Dean Ambrose. Truth dodges a senton splash and comes back with his first bit of offense. Truth with a spin kick, spinning forearm, but misses a scissors kick and takes a urinage from Wyatt. Wyatt with sort of a DDT on the apron. Bray goes upside down spider walk and Sister Abigail ends it in 4:21.
Obviously meant as a squash, though Truth made his comeback look good, all 20 seconds of it.
After the match, Wyatt tosses several chairs into the ring, and then a ladder. And then we cut to a commercial at the most random time…
–Commercial Break–
– Bray Wyatt stands in the spotlighted ring with a ladder standing in the center. Bray tells the story of Jacob’s ladder, the ladder to heaven. Wyatt mocks the story. Bray says he too dreams of the great ladder, but in his dreams, Wyatt ascends it to praise no one but rather to look down and laugh at the world the Lord created. Bray sees Tables, Ladders & Chairs in his dreams…
Dean Ambrose interrupts. Oh goody, yet another face rushing the ring to attack the heel angle. We haven’t seen that yet tonight… In almost every segment…
The fight starts outside the ring, and all around the ring. Ambrose puts Bray on the announce table and climbs a ten foot ladder, but Wyatt gets off the table and tries to retreat. Ambrose lands a running dive off the announce table onto Wyatt as the brawl goes on… Just like in all the other segments, officials separate the two men. Wyatt goes staggering up the ramp, upset once again.
Dean Ambrose destroys Bray Wyatt’s rocking chair!!! Wyatt looks disturbed from the incident.
This angle has NO reason to be this flat. Both guys are doing plenty, but the story isn’t there. The rocking chair spot was a good touch. Not sure why Wyatt keeps being made to look like the vulnerable one being the heel and all.
– The Bellas on their way out next. Vote for AJ’s partner now!!!! NOW I SAY!!!
–Commercial Break–
– Okay, the votes are in… Who is AJ’s partner? Natalya, Naomi, or Foxy Cleopatra?
Naomi gets 40% of the votes, Natty 32%, Foxy gets the rest…
9. The Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee & Naomi.
Bellas attack Naomi to start. “CM Punk” chants while the Bellas work over Nay-Nay. Finally, a hot tag to AJ, Lee with a Tornado DDT on Nikki for 2, Brie breaks it up. Naomi comes back in to help, but gets dumped. AJ dumps Brie. AJ with a shining wizard on Nikki and applies the Black Widow for the win in 2:30.
Not really sure the point of Naomi here, but AJ remains a factor in the Divas division.
– WWE Shop Cyber Monday promo with St. Mick… Foley that is. Mick is dressed as Santa, tells some Foley style jokes, and shills the product.
–Commercial Break–
– Rusev vs. Dean Ambrose announced for Smackdown
– Paul Heyman is live via satellite at WWE Headquarters. Heyman is to address the stipulation on if Cena loses at TLC, then he loses his title shot, but first Paul addresses comments about Lesnar never appearing on Raw… Heyman compares Brock to Christmas and WrestleMania, they’re special, they’re once a year, not every week. Heyman then digs into who Lesnar may face next should Cena lose. Paul mentions Rollins, the Undertaker, Sting. Rollins has no authority, the Undertaker ran away, and Sting would be forced to retire. Heyman says Lesnar has the power because he has the gold. Paul puts his client over to finish up the promo.
– Main Event getting set to go… At 10:26???? Uhhhhhhh. Cena on his way to the ring as we go to commercial.
–Commercial Break–
– Wow, we missed nothing… They must really be desperate to kill time… We get ALL SIX intros, even with the commercial break. That’s one way to eat the clock. Between the Cena entrance, the commercial, and the other 5 intros, that entire glop of mookie stink took TEN MINUTES. That’s longer than the entire tag team turmoil….
10. John Cena, Ryback, and Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins, Kane, and Luke Harper.
Everyone taking turns tagging in early on, Kane and Ryback with a little showdown. Ryback using the Thesz Press still throws me off. Kane gets Ryback in the heels corner, and the bad guys take over on the Big Guy for a moment. Ryback manages to clothesline Luke Harper out of his shoes for a 2 count. Harper & Ryback exchange some nasty chops. Ryback blocks a suplex and reverses on Harper with a delayed vertical suplex… And the show cuts to commercial in the middle of the vertical… Shitty timing.
Back from break, Ryback hits another vertical suplex, lol… Ziggler tags in, and the heels take over with Kane tagging in. Ziggler comes back with some of his usual stuff, but takes a big right hand from Kane while coming off the middle rope. Heel heat time on Zigglesworth. Long heat spot until Rollins misses a corner splash. Hot tag to Cena. John hits his signature crap on Seth, but Rollins escapes an AA. Cena AA’s Harper instead. Then Ryback & Cena double suplex Kane. Noble & Mercury trip Cena up to slow down his offense. Rollins takes over on Cena as we head back to commercial…
Back from break… Again… Cena is getting the boots put to him by the heels. Rollins misses something and tags in Harper, but Cena hot tags Ziggler…Famouser on Harper, but we got all 6 men in the ring now. Cena tries an AA on Knae but takes a big boot. Ryback lays out Kane, Rollins takes out Ryback with a flying knee. Ziggler with a jumping DDT on Rollins. Spinning side slam on Ziggler from Harper. Harper tries a powerbomb, but Ziggler floats over into a sunset flip for the win in 25:18…
The brawl continues with all 6 after the match. The crowd boos as Big Show returns and takes out the faces. Erick Rowan then returns with the steel stairs and lays out Kane & Harper with skull shots. Ziggler throws Rollins into the steps Rowan is holding. Rowan gets in the ring with the stairs, but Show hooks him in a choke hold. Show grabs Ryback and Rowan for a double choke slam, but Ziggler nails him with a Superkick… And Cena with the AA on Show…. Then Rowan smashes Show with the steel steps while all three faces throw Show into it. The crowd chants “YES!”. All four faces celebrate.
Woot, it’s the new Dudes With Attitudes… Outdated reference, circa 1990 WCW.
We see Stone Cold sitting at a desk to end the show.
Well, the Anonymous Raw GM gimmick didn’t kill the show, but the show was mediocre at best. Was interested for the Tag Turmoil, but with the teams involved it wasn’t too hot. The opening promo went on forever (and sucked), but the finish of the segment helped things some. Couldn’t tell you a single good match this week save for the paint by numbers main event. Everything was short and rushed this week as far as ring stuff goes, again besides the main. They did their best to add a few matches to the TLC PPV since it’s only 2 weeks away. It felt like “just another Raw”. Nothing special here.
Final reminder about the Stone Cold live Podcast with Vince McMahon that follows Raw on the WWE Network tonight.
Later y’all…
