The “OH MY GOD!” Review: ECW TV 5/4 & 5/11/93

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TV 1993-05-04 (Matches taped 1993-04-02 from Cabrini College in Radnor, PA)

Champions
Heavyweight: Sandman
TV: Superfly Jimmy Snuka
Tag: Super Destroyers

Here we go with another edition of Eastern Championship Wrestling with your hosts Jay Sulli and Steve Wonderful. Tag Team Champions Super Destroyers will face Larry Winters & Tony Stetson. Plus Heavyweight Champion Sandman versus “Wildman” Sal Bellomo. Eddie Gilbert has a surprise for ECW. Tod Gordon shows up and wants to show footage from last week of Terry Funk. This confuses me since Terry Funk was not on last weeks episode. We go to the footage of Gilbert talking about the “I quit” match but instead of them showing the footage like they did last week Tod Gordon comes out and interrupts Eddie saying they won’t be showing the footage. Gordon says they have footage of Terry Funk and Gilbert walks off. Terry Funk is at his ranch. Funk has been riding around looking for Gilbert and starts talking to a horse’s ass like he’s Gilbert. Funk talks about having a Texas chain match with Gilbert.

“Hotstuff” Eddie Gilbert & “Magnificent” Don Muraco vs. JT Smith & Glen Osbourne, ref Jim Molineaux
Gilbert and Smith start off and Smith drags Eddie down with an arm drag. Hammerlock is reversed by Smith and Gilbert gets to the ropes. Gilbert fires away on Smith and hits a clothesline. Tag to Muraco and he comes in with a swinging neck breaker and then slingshots him on the bottom rope. Gilbert comes back in and throws Smith over the top rope to the floor. Muraco guillotines Smith on the guardrail and throws him back in. Gilbert tags Muraco back in. Muraco slams Smith but misses two elbow drops and Osbourne gets tag in and is a house of fire. All four men brawl Muraco and Smith fall to the outside. Tombstone by Osbourne and he goes for a cover but the ref is with the two guys on the outside. Paul E. Dangerously runs into the ring making his ECW debut and hits Osbourne with the phone allowing Eddie to get the pin at 4.04. A big “Paul E” chant from the crowd as Dangerously grabs a mic. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka is in the ring now too. Paul E says there has been a merger between the money of the Dangerous Alliance and the wrestling talent of Hotstuff International. Their plan is to run Tod Gordon out of wrestling and make him go broke.

Hunter Q. Robbins III and the Tag Team Champions Super Destroyers are in the locker room. Robbins says Tony Stetson and Larry Winters are crybabies and need to learn when to give up. Tonight is their last chance to take the titles from the Destroyers.

Tag Team Champions Super Destroyers (w. Hunter Q. Robbins III) vs. Tony Stetson & Larry Winters, ref John Finnegan
Stetson starts off with one of the Super Destroyers. They lock up the Destroyer backs Stetson to the buckle. They break cleanly. Destroy knees Stetson in the stomach and gives him a pump handle slam. He hits the ropes and misses an elbow. Stetson works over the arm with an armbar and get the Destroyer down. Tag made to Winters who comes off the second rope with a double axe handle. Winters goes back to the armbar and tags in Stetson who comes in with a headbutt and goes back to the arm. Stetson again makes the tag to Winters and he stays on the arm. The Destroyer rakes the eyes and makes the tag. Destroyer overpowers Winters taking him into the corners. Big drop kicked by the Destroyer floors Winters. Stetson comes in and distracts the referee and the destroyers make the illegal switch. Another tag is made and the Destroyers double team Winters in the corner. Winters’ arm is slammed into the ring post. The Destroyer hits a side slam but Winters kick out at 2. Tag made and the Destroyers clubber Winters. Big slam and a head butt by the Destroyer. Another tag by the champs. A few tags back and forth by the Destroyers they stomp, punch and choke Winters. Winters goes to the floor and Stetson goes over to try to help him. A Destroyer attacks them both. Irish whip by the Destroyer in the ring he ducks his head and Winters kicks him. Tag is made and Stetson comes in. The Destroyer goes to the apron and Robbins gives him a weapon. Stetson goes to back suplex him into the ring. Destroyer hits Stetson with the weapon and gets the pin at 7.02 to retain. Stetson and Winters will never get another shot at the titles while the Destroyers have them.

“Wildman” Sal Bellomo is in the locker room telling Sandman that he’s in ECW to take his title. Sal is going to destroy Sandman tonight

Heavyweight Champion Sandman (w/ Peaches) vs. “Wildman” Sal Bellomo,  ref Jim Molineux
Bellomo takes the belt from the referee before the match. Sandman with a quick schoolboy but no count. Bellomo fights with Sandman and forces him into the corner. Sandman kicks Bellomo and whips into the corner. Sandman charges but Bellomo gets his foot up. Wildman with a headbutt gets two. Snapmare by Sal and a chin lock. Sal argues with the ref and Sandman gets a schoolboy. Sal right back in control with some punch and kick offense. Sandman reverses an Irish whip and hits a dropkick. A clothesline sends Sal out of the ring and he gets counted out and the Sandman retains at 3.57.

Rockin’ Rebel and Tigra are in the locker room. Rebel is the best thing to happen to ECW and Tigra is the best looking women. Rebel says Sandman wanted her and his mad that he couldn’t get her.

Rockin’ Rebel (w/ Tigra) vs. Ernesto Benefico, ref Joe Dinolli

Rebel trips Ernesto and then just backs away. He slaps Ernesto across the face. Waist lock by Rebel and Rebel just lets it go. Slam by Rebel and a suplex. Rebel drops an elbow and taunts a bit. Ernesto hits a drop kick but Rebel doesn’t move at all. He goes for another and Rebel just brushes him off and hits a shoulder powerslam. Rebel releases the pin at 2 hits a spinebuster and gets the win at 2.17.

Hunter Q. Robbins III and Tod Gordon are at ringside with Jay Sulli. Gordon has a contract from Winters and Stetson putting up their hair for one more title match. Robbins gets very happy and signs. Apparently Robbins really wants them to bald. Gordon says Robbins should have read the contract because he will be handcuffed to “Ironman” Tommy Cairo at ringside. Robbins is obviously upset at being hoodwinked.

The Suicide Blondes locker room promo from last week airs again.

Jonathan Hotbody (w/ Christopher Candido) vs. “Ironman” Tommy Cairo, ref John Finnegan
Two arm drags and a hip toss to start things off by Cairo and Hotbody goes to the outside. Test of strength but Hotbody immedeatily kicks Cairo. Cairo kicks right back and takes down Hotbody. He throws him into the corner and hits a spin kick. Cairo goes after Candido and Hotbody is able to hit a knee that sends Cairo to the floor. Hotbody hits a elbow drop off the apron. Back in the ring Hotbody hits a super DDT for 2. Hotbody comes off the top with a chop but Cairo punches him on the way down. Swinging neckbreaker but Candido distracts Cairo. Hotbody goes for a slam but Cairo slips behind and pushes Hotbody into Candido then rolls him up for the 3 count in 3.09. Cairo goes after Candido after the match and Hotbody attacks from behind. The two men fight on the floor as the show goes off the air. The brawl continues during the closing credits as more wrestlers come to ringside to pull the men apart.

My thoughts on the show…
Big debut tonight for Paul E. Dangerously. The Hotbody/Cairo feud continues. Nothing besides Paul E. was really worth seeing this week. Next week, Winters and Stetson get their last title shot ever??

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TV 1993-05-11 (Matches taped 1993-04-02 from Cabrini College in Radnor, PA)

Champions
Heavyweight: Sandman
TV: Superfly Jimmy Snuka
Tag: Super Destroyers

Jay Sulli is with Tod Gordon. They run down tonights card which includes a tag team title match, Hot Stuff International (Tod: “Or is it the Dangerous Alliance”) and an lumberjack match. Sulli and Gordon are awful! Also if time permits a mixed tag match tonight. We see what has happened between Sandman, Preaches, Rockin’ Rebel and Tigra. We get to hear Sulli scream about Sandman being dead from the surfer board from a few weeks. It makes me smile. Gordon announces that a Texas chain match has been signed between Eddie Gilbert and Terry Funk. Paul E. Dangerously comes and out says he has canceled that match. Gordon says the match is happening. Dangerously tells Gordon his lawyers will stop the match. Gordon says he will be disappointed if he tries. Paul E. says the only person to ever disappoint him was Gordon’s wife last night HAHAHAHAH!

Funk is on his ranch again. Some guy shows up and says he’s Gilberts brother (it’s not Doug). Funk punches him then picks him up, only it’s a dummy now and runs it over with a tractor. WOW that was really bad.

No DQ Hair vs. Belts Match: Tag Team Champions Super Destroyers (w/ Hunter Q. Robbins III) vs. Tony Stetson & Larry Winters, ref John Finnegan
Stetson and Winters attack as the Destroyers crawl into the ring. The four men brawl to the outside. If Winters & Stetson lose they get shaved. Tommy Cairo is handcuffed to Robbins. The Destroyers work over Winters in the ring. Winters fights back and makes the tag. They switch a few times with neither man really doing anything besides punch. They all end up on the floor fighting. Back in the ring a few minutes go by with ZERO wrestling moves being done just a bunch of shitty old man looking punches. Out of no where, Robbins cane lands in the ring. Stetson picks it up and hits Destroyer with it and gets the pin to win the titles for his team at 6.40.

TV Champion “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka & “Hotstuff” Eddie Gilbert (w/ Don Muraco & Paul E. Dangerously) vs. Max Thrasher & JT Smith, ref John Finnegan
Paul E gets on the mic and does the ring intros for his team. Looks like a squash match to me. Paul E. goes to the announce table and asks Stevie Wonderful to go to the back and watch the match on the monitors to give them his expertise after the match. Snuka and Smith start off and Smith hits a hip toss, drop kick and back drop. Paul E. tries to figure out who Sulli is. Gilbert comes in and goes to work on Smith. Smith thrown to the floor and Snuka slams his head into the commentators table. Snuka tagged in and he chops Smith into his corner and Thrasher makes the tag. Max has the advantage for about 2 seconds. Gilbert with a backbreaker Snuka off the top with the splash. 4.30 is the time of the fall

“Wildman” Sal Bellomo is in the locker room and he doesn’t like anybody and anything except kids. I promise it’s not creepy.

“Wildman” Sal Bellomo vs. Candian Wolfman, ref Joe Dinnoli
Bellomo controls the whole match by brawling. He wins with a splash in 2.11.

Lumberjack Match: Jonathan Hotbody vs. “Ironman” Tommy Cairo, ref Jim Molineaux 
There’s like 6 lumberjacks, doesn’t seem to be enough. Both men get dumped out and thrown back in. Cairo with a snap suplex and spin kick. Slam and some punch kick offense. Hotbody comes back and throws Cairo to the floor. Back in the ring a drop kick gets 2. Double underhook by Cairo. Hotbody goes out on the heel side to catch a break. Cairo with a clothesline and he goes to the 2nd turnbuckle and comes off with a clothesline. The lumberjacks brawl distracting the ref and Hunter Q. Robbins comes down and hits Cairo with his cane. Hotbody covers and gets the win at 5.10.

We get the Terry Funk promo from last week.

Heavyweight Champion Sandman & Peaches vs. Rockin’ Rebel & Tigra, ref John Finnegan
Sadly time permitted. Sandman and Peaches hit the ring and chase off Rebel and Tigra. Rebel attacks Sandman during the ring introductions and dumps him to the floor. I think Tigra is confused how this works because she’s standing on the floor not the apron. Sandman with a drop kick and chin lock. Now Tigra gets up on the apron. Sandman with a clothesline and Rebel goes to tag Tigra but she of course doesn’t want to get in the ring with Sandman. Rebel with a back elbow as he mounts a comeback. Sandman comes back with a clothesline. Sandman ducks a clothesline and it sends Rebel to the floor. The girls come in the ring and they cat fight for a few seconds as Sulli tells us it’s time for them to go. 3.50 is shown.

My thoughts on the show…
The squashes were subpar for even squash standards on this episode. The mixed tag was barely there, and the Cairo “Lumberjack” match was little more than the mixed tag. The tag title match was just 6 minutes of punching, and bad punching at that. The gimmick matches didn’t aid things along like they usually do. Even the Funk promo was a repeat. Worst episode to date on every level from wrestling to promos.

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