Writer’s Note: The Royal Rumble ’89 Review below was the second ever Audit I wrote back on January 12th, 2014. Thanks to the recent ScreenCaps update (and the fact that it’s Rumble season) I decided to go back and update this old review to coincide with the new Rumble reviews I’ll be adding. I fixed a few typos, added a sentence or two as needed, and incorporated many of the sweet screen caps that were recently uploaded for the event. Hopefully you enjoy this NEW ‘director’s cut’ edition of the Rumble ’89 Audit. Thanks for reading, feedback is welcome.

Ian R. Singletary here once again, back with another Audit Review. With the 2017 WWE Royal Rumble slowly coming up on us, I felt I’d try and get everyone in the mood. For the next 2 or 3 weeks I’ll be reviewing — I mean AUDITING some of the Royal Rumble’s from the early years.

This time we audit….

THE 1989 ROYAL RUMBLE!

After a successful debut edition on the USA Network the year prior, the WWF would return with the Royal Rumble as part of their 1989 PPV lineup. A couple of things to note here. First, when the Rumble match was introduced in 1988, there were only 20 wrestlers involved in the match, by the second installment in 1989 the number increased to the more traditional 30 man match that we’ve become accustomed to. The other thing to note is that until 1992, all of the prior Rumble matches were purely for bragging rights, no World Titles or World Title shots were involved, which meant ANYBODY could win. I particularly enjoyed that aspect of the first several years, I thought it made things more unpredictable and exciting. The Royal Rumble match was said to be Pat Patterson’s “baby”, which I find ironic for many reasons. The Rumble was actually tested at house shows before the 1988 USA Special aired, but all of those would simply act as a feeling out process to get this project off the ground. It was this years Royal Rumble, 1989, where we would begin to see things develop into one of the most anticipated events of each year. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the 1989 Royal Rumble, the LIVE edition!

The Preshow…

– Okay, so I lied. We’re not at the Rumble yet. We have the preshow to get through first. It’s Vince McMahon and Lord Alfred Hayes hosting from the old “Event Center” production room with all the TV’s in the background. The first few minutes of the preshow is missing. They discuss who they like to win the match. Alfred Hayes chooses the Honky Tonk Man for whatever reason. Vince discusses Andre the Giant. Hayes feels too many people will be gunning for Andre and he won’t be able to handle the odds. Hulk Hogan? Well he absolutely has a chance. Vince does a shitty job of trying to explain the rules. I mean, you got the gist of it, but he did it in such a trivial manner.

– Cut to the build up to the 6-Man Tag Team match which will feature Hacksaw & The Harts vs. Dino Bravo & The Rougeaus. The first clip goes back in time to when Jimmy Hart is announced as the new manager of the Rougeau Brothers. Raymond claims they have “choosen” Hart as their manager, to which McMahon makes fun. Jesse points out they’re French Canadian. Ray fixes his English, uses the word “chosen”, and as a prize Jimmy Hart hands over half of his contract with the Hart Foundation over to the Rougeaus, meaning the Rougeaus make money off of the Harts every time they wrestle. Hart promises to share all the secrets and weaknesses of the Harts with his new All American Team. Cut to the Brother Love Show with “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Love screws with Duggan while Dino Bravo & Frenchy Martin comes out. Frenchy waves the Quebec while Bravo shows off his physique. Dino says Hacksaw and USA stink. Duggan tells Bravo to love it or leave it. Duggan threatens to show Martin & Bravo the way “back to the border” and swings his 2×4 as the heels run off. USA, USA, USA chants galore. HOOOOO!

Vince advises those watching to ORDER THE PPV NOW! Don’t wait until the day of or the weekend of because things can become backed up and you will lose out. You may think this sounds like a shameless way to lock in orders early, but this is dead on the honest to God truth. There were plenty of times I attempted to order WWF PPV’s in the late 80’s and into the early 90’s, and the cable company phone lines would be tied up for hours, sometimes all day. And if you waited until the very last minute to order and were lucky enough to get through, you’d sometimes end up missing the first several minutes of the PPV. Technology wasn’t what it is today, hell technology had improved vastly by the mid 90’s, but in 1989? Yeah, you probably should order a couple weeks out to save yourself a lot of headaches for a variety of reasons. And that’s been my history lesson for this week, fans.

– Onto the next “match”. It’s the SUPER posedown between The Warrior and Rick Rude. This would begin their near 2 year, on again-off again, rivalry. Since there really isn’t anything that led up to this match, we’re treated to interviews from both sides. It’s almost like the Warrior was Nostradamus, he ends the interview by saying “Let it begin with the posedown, and take it from there”. It’s like he knew this would continue to escalate. Rick Rude responds, it seems he’s the one who selected the Warrior and challenged him for this posedown, in order to prove who has the best body in the WWF.

– Blink and you’ll miss a clip of Rockin Robin pinning Sherri for the WWF Women’s Title in France. She’s taking on Judy Martin of the former Glamour Girls

– The Battle for the Crown! Harley Race looks to regain his seat on the throne when he meets King Haku. Race was forced to abdicate the throne after he suffered some major internal injuries that required surgery while wrestling a match with Hulk Hogan. We see footage of when Bobby Heenan announces Harley’s injury and advocates Harley’s spot as the King. This is an eerie interview because Bobby plays it like Harley has DIED, they even pause for a quiet moment while the bell tolls 10 times. That’s only half of the eeriness. The other half is Bobby is surrounded by Andre the Giant, Rick Rude, and Hercules (all have since passed away), while Race is the only one still alive. The next clip shows Haku being crowned “King Haku”. A Harley Race interview follows. Harley doesn’t call Haku King, Race says he’s still the King and will wear the crown again!

Vince & Hayes go over the card one last time. Vince runs down the 30 men in the Royal Rumble while a video plays of the stars involved. In my opinion, this one is actually better than the one in the opening of the PPV.

Well, it’s time to Rumble ladies and gents! Let me just fast forward through these final 5 minutes of a countdown clock and we can get rolling!

The Event…

The WWF… What the World is Watching!!! Love that opening!

The PPV opens with a video displaying the 30 men involved in the Royal Rumble match as Vince announces the participants.

It’s January 15th, 1989 and we be live from the Summit in Houston, TX. It’s Paul Boesch country baby! Your announcers are Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse “The Body” Ventura.

I’ve said it before but I really like their work together. I thought Jesse was the perfect foil for Vince on TV, and there’s no doubt that Gorilla and Bobby were a star team on TV, but when you got Gorilla & Jesse together for a PPV everything just felt so important. The two run down the card in quick fashion and we head to ringside.

(Notes going in: To this day, the Royal Rumble PPV always gets me excited, on a few occasions I actually looked more forward to the Rumble PPV than WrestleMania. We kick off with the 6-Man match, which I thought was the best way to go. One thing I like about the Rumble is that they usually kick off the show with a really good match, many times a tag team match (especially in the early days) filled with energy and activity to get the fans going. I know Bravo wasn’t exactly Mr. Entertainment, but I figured the Harts & Rougeaus would make up for that. Also, Hacksaw wasn’t exactly putting on clinics in the WWF, but he was so over and knew exactly what he had to do that sometimes you could look past his lack of ability since leaving the Mid-South. I had a feeling this would be one of those times. The storylines here are simply USA vs. French Canada, and The Harts vs. Jimmy Hart’s new team)

Six-Man Tag Team Match
“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan & The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart/Jim Neidhart) vs.
Dino Bravo (w/Frenchy Martin) & The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/Jimmy Hart)

This match is scheduled for the best two out of three falls. The crowd is hot and craving the action so this match is already getting over before it even starts. Neidhart removes the Hitman’s shades (what a bitch move), and The Anvil plans to start off Fall #1 with Bravo. We get a lot of “Irresistible Force vs. Immovable Object” stuff to start, neither man budging. Neidhart gets the best of Bravo with a clothesline, Anvil misses an elbow, but Dino misses an elbow to boot and Duggan is tagged in. Bravo immediately scurries to his corner and tags Raymond into the match. THAT COWARD! Duggan in with USA chants, the fans in Houston remember Duggan well. Duggan hits Raymond with the spinning slam and the “Old Glory” kneedrop, and Hacksaw’s already down to one move left in his arsenal so he tags to the Hitman. Bret with a series of quick near falls on Ray before Jacques is finally tagged in. Jacques gains control, but gets cute and eats a clothesline. All three heels are thrown into the corner and the babyfaces assist the Anvil in shoulder blocking the lot of them. As the referee gets the faces out of the ring, Ray Rougeau pulls down the top rope and Bret falls to the floor. Hart is thrown back in and Dino Bravo hits a Side Suplex, before the Rougeaus land Le Bombe de Rougeau for the first fall at 4:22. It was a quick fall, but the fast pace allowed them to get a lot in.

Gorilla & Jesse inform us that the men who finished Fall #1 must start Fall #2. Bret continues to take the heat as the Rougeaus wear him down. The Rougeaus do some illegal switching, some hair pulling, whatever it takes to work over the Hitman for a few minutes. Bravo comes in and tries a clothesline that looks like it barely grazes the top of Hart’s head. Bret isn’t sure how to sell it so he stumbles forwards into the ropes. That was bad. Jacques back in with a Boston Crab. Bret crawls and tags in Neidhart, but Ray distracts the ref and he misses it. The Rougeaus with an assisted Abdominal Stretch, and at this point the heels have used every heel tactic in the book. Nice solid heel work. Jacques goes for a monkey flip out of the corner but Bret counters with an inverted atomic drop and Hart FINALLY MAKES THE TAG. Hacksaw gets the hot tag and he works over all three French Canadians. Duggan lays out Raymond and slingshots the Anvil in over the top rope with a splash onto Ray. Neidhart lays there in a cover position on Ray and referee Marella is confused and starts to count. Duggan is still the legal man. Anvil rolls out of the way, and Duggan then slingshots Bret Hart of the top rope onto Raymond with another splash, sort of. Neidhart always looked awesome with those slingshot moves, the Hitman? Not so much. Duggan drops an elbow on Ray for good measure and covers for the pin after 7:24 of second fall action.

Duggan starts to work over Ray to start Fall #3, but he finds himself in the heel corner. Bravo now gets his heat on Duggan for the first time in the match. The heels triple team Duggan in the corner, choking him, holding him, and tripping him down. Good heel team work. Bravo with an inverted atomic drop on Duggan but he falls near the corner and tags out to the Hitman. Bret hits Bravo with a backbreaker, but when he goes up for an elbow he’s shoved off by Ramon. Things break down and the referee loses control. Anvil attacks Raymond, Marella is sucked into that while Bret Hart takes a bad bump off an attempted roll up on Bravo. With Marella’s back turned, Duggan blasts Bravo in the back with the 2×4 out of nowhere and Bret covers for the third fall and the win after 3:56 in fall #3.

Winners: The Hart Foundation & Jim Duggan

(Post Match Thoughts: I remembered this match being better than it was. I’m not saying it was a bad match, it’s just I think if it was given more time it could have been better. These guys were forced to squeeze three falls into a 15:42 window, and for the time they were given I thought they did just fine. Two things that stood out here for me. 1. The great heel teamwork, especially by the Rougeaus. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but you just don’t see good heel teamwork anymore, and these guys used every page in the book. And 2, the story the match told was absolutely perfect. They started off hot with the faces dominating most of the first fall before Hart was dumped to the floor and put down by two finishers. This led to Hart playing the face in peril for the second fall, and the heels doing a great job of getting heat on the Hitman. Hot tag to Duggan, all the faces get involved in the finish and things are evened up. A rushed final fall\, but still perfectly executed. We finally get Bravo in there with Duggan, and as crappy as that would be to watch, they made sure to give it to us at the end and for a short period of time. Dino gets the cowardly heel advantage on Duggan, Hart’s tagged in, things go haywire, and Hacksaw pays Bravo back for his team cheating the entire match. The match never sucked, but truly the only fall that felt like it wasn’t rushed was the second fall. I should note that The Anvil was only in the match once legally. Neidhart started the match and never tagged in again. That was a shame, because during this period the Anvil was really on fire. Given the short time this three fall match was given, I get that they didn’t have time to work Neidhart in there more. That said, while I do feel the Harts & Rougeaus could have done a lot more to make this match a memorable jewel, the short time forced the guys to work at a fast pace and it kept the fans really hot. I think they did just fine. ***.)

– To the back we go to watch several wrestlers draw their numbers for the Royal Rumble!

– Ted Dibiase is giddy to draw his number. He has Virgil open it for him, and DiBiase is NOT pleased with his number. Immediately, Ted finds Slick and asks of he was happy with the Twin Towers numbers. Slick says exacatikly. They walk off to discuss some business.

– The Bushwhackers go to pick their numbers and Luke breaks the tumbler off the spinning rod. Just look at the picture if you don’t believe me. Both men like their numbers, so they decide to swap numbers… Is that legal? I won’t spoil it for you, but I will say that one of these guys lied to the other one. One draws an early number, the other a late number.

– Honky Tonk Man is NOT happy with his number.

– Bad News Brown says his number is GOOD NEWS!

– Ax & Smash draw their numbers and foreshadow what would happen later with this line…

AX: Looks like I’m gonna have a long night
SMASH: Me Too!

– Jake Roberts says he hopes Andre’s still in there when he gets there. How the hell does he know that Andre isn’t coming in after him?

– The Rockers draw, Shawn being the dick that he is draws first. They wish each other luck. Yeah, Right!

Ventura thinks some hanky-panky went on in the DiBiase drawing…. You think?

Up next is the “Super Posedown”. (Notes going in: There really wasn’t much that led to this. It was supposed to be Rude challenging the Warrior to prove who has the better body. I wasn’t really sure what to expect going into this the first time around, but I knew it’d end with some type of altercation, otherwise this entire thing would be pointless.)

Mean Gene is out to host the Posedown. The fans will decide the winner based on crowd noise. The two men will take turns posing for the fans while the fans determine who has the best physique… Fun…

THE SUPER POSEDOWN
The Ultimate Warrior vs. “Ravishing” Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan)

Should be noted, Rude brings a flex bar to the ring. He flexes with the warm-up bar in between each of his poses to keep himself “pumped up”. The first pose is a double bicep pose, no surprise Warrior wins the fans vote. If you were looking for peaks and definition, Warrior really did have the first pose won. Heenan explains to the fans this isn’t a popularity contest and they should be voting for the best body. The second pose, is “Best Abs”, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Rude’s abs are cut to the max, I doubt anyone on Earth had his number in that department.

Warrior wins the fans vote again, but if you’re keeping score I say Rude had that won in all fairness. Third pose is “Most Muscular”, which is one of Hulk Hogan’s favorites pulling the arms out in a bear hug like position. Warrior wins AGAIN without even trying, surprise. Rude draws some heat by working out before the pose until the Warrior growls at him.

The final pose is a medley of poses, Rude goes first, Warrior follows.

Warrior just goes through the motions and the crowd is still eating it up. Rude grows tired of the fans and the Warrior’s popularity, so Bobby Heenan squirts the Warrior in the eyes with the water bottle, and Rude clobbers the Warrior in the back of the head with the flex bar! Rude beats the Warrior down with the “steel bar” and proceeds to choke him with it in a camel clutch position before leaving the ring.

A half dozen officials are out to check on the Warrior’s well being, but he doesn’t give a fuck. Warrior starts throwing Hebner’s and Garea all over the place. Nick Bockwinkel takes a nice chop and gets kneed out of the ring. The fans go nuts for the Warrior as he starts sprinting backstage to catch up with Rick Rude. And the feud begins…

Winner??? The Ultimate Warrior???

(Post Match Thoughts: Well, this wasn’t really a match so it doesn’t get a rating. It’s a big step up from the Dino Bravo Bench Press segment from Rumble ’88. It served it’s purpose. Both guys were in that semi-man event spot so giving them a segment on the PPV to start their rivalry made sense. Even still, this was something that could have been done on TV, but I guess they needed to fill time on the show. This segment used to drag on and seem a lot slower for me. Now when I watch it, I focus more on Rude and Bobby’s psychology involved in this angle and I don’t mind it as much. It’s still not something I find exciting or recommend watching, but it’s a little more bearable than it used to be for me.)

Up next, we have the Ladies Title match.  (Notes going in: None….. No, seriously, I have nothing. Thoughts? Just please be short, this can’t be good.)

WWF LADIES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Ladies Champion Rockin Robin vs. Judy Martin

Robin comes out to her brother Sam Houston’s theme. Before the match can begin, Sensational Sherri is in the ring to challenge the winner. Sherri lost the title to Robin in Paris, and she wants the belt back.

Sherri joins Gorilla & Jesse on commentary for the match. Robin starts off with a little momentum, a couple of dropkicks in and she runs into the knees of Martin. Sherri is terrible on commentary. I give her credit for her work with Savage, Dibiase, Michaels, and even portions of her WCW run, but damn she was bad here. Sherri says Robin is as skinny as a bug, how harsh! The women in the ring are moving SLOW and sloppy, Sherri points it out, lol. Gorilla politely calls the ladies “lethargic” to be nice. Martin catches a cross body and slams Robin down. Robin looks like she stiffs Martin with a knee, so Judy kicks Robin right in the chest where her breasts would be, if she had any. A few pin fall attempts from both ends, Robin misses a dropkick and lands hard on a failed roll up attempt. Robin barely kicks out of a clothesline. Robin channels her brother Jake “the Snake” and goes for something that looked like a DDT, but blew it. Robin can’t slam Martin, so Judy slams Robin. Everything is in SLOW MOTION, SLOPPY as all hell, this is BAD. Finally, they put me out of my misery. Robin fakes a reverse cross body, Judy ducks. Martin stands back up and Robin launches off with the body block for the win in 6:24 (Not 16 minutes like wikipedia reports and other people copy off of). If this shit went 16 minutes I would have quit already. Looks like Sherri will get another shot at Robin. Fortunately, Robin would bomb singing (and I use that term loosely) “America the Beautiful” at WrestleMania V and be banned from ever appearing on WWF TV ever again. Okay, that’s not really why, but it should have been. Sherri would go on to bigger and better things.

Winner: Rockin Robin

(Post Match Thoughts: There were parts that weren’t terribly bad, then the women would just look completely lost or just going through the motions. I know Martin was a veteran, but I don’t think Robin ever had any business in the ring at the level of the WWF. For their efforts I’ll give them a 3/4*, but that’s being generous.)

– Sean Mooney stands by with Slick and the Twin Towers.

Mooney asks Slick about his meeting with “The Million Dollar Man” earlier tonight. Slick says he doesn’t know what Sean is talking about. Mooney shows Slick the footage from earlier. Slick’s response; “You mean THAT Ted Dibiase, I thought you was talking about Ted homeboy where I get my shoes shined”… First off Mooney said Million $ Man, not Ted DiBiase. How many “Million Dollar Men” does Slick know? Anyway, Slick insists there’s nothing going on. Suuuuuure Slickster, we believe ya.

– Mean Gene interviews Rick Rude & Bobby Heenan as they attempt to escape the Warrior. Rude cuts a promo while Heenan looks around for the Warrior. They cut the interview short and take off into a locker room.

– The managers talk about their men in the Rumble match. Generic interviews with Mr. Fuji & Jimmy Hart. Fuji says whether Warlord or Barbarian wins it’s Fuji that’ll be the winner. Jimmy Hart puts over Honky & Valentine who he calls “Double Trouble” here.

Then we have Mean Gene who interviews Elizabeth. Gene wants to know if it comes down to Macho & Hogan, who Liz would be backing. Elizabeth escapes the question and hopes it doesn’t come to that.

– Jesse Ventura sits in the throne of the King.

Jesse puts over the Battle for the Crown, which is up next. King Haku will battle Harley Race for the rights to the throne. Bobby Heenan is no longer hiding from the Warrior. The Brain is in the ring for the introduction.

 (Notes going in: Was always a big Harley fan, was happy when he returned and liked the idea of him reclaiming his crown. After Race received a legit internal injury during a match with Hulk Hogan in 1988 he was forced to have surgery and sat out for a while. During his time away Bobby Heenan had a ceremony in the ring where he basically acted as if Harley Race had died, he even had the bell tolled for Harley’s “retirement”. Haku was crowned the new King. Only one problem. Race wasn’t dead, or retired. Harley returned in the fall of 1988 still claiming to be King. That would lead to this match. Two Heenan Family members battling over the Crown, with the winner getting to be the only true King of the WWF.) 

BATTLE FOR THE CROWN
King Haku vs. Harley Race

King Haku is brought out first on a sedan type thing, carried by San Antonio jobber extraordinaires like Tug Taylor, Dusty Wolfe, and Omar Atlas. For whatever reason, the job squad is dressed in their wrestling gear. Bobby Heenan makes his way out with Haku, though he’s supposedly in a neutral corner.

Harley Race is out next, and just as Haku’s sedan is propped on the ring apron and the safety railings, Race walks over and TIPS OVER THE SEDAN causing Haku to take a bump to the floor.

Race goes right to work on the new King, battling him inside and outside the ring. Race gets in a vertical suplex, which was once his finisher as the NWA World Champion, but it only gets 2 here. Haku takes over monetarily after driving Race into the steel post. The battle goes back and forth, some solid physical shots being laid on by both guys. Race tries to take one of his signature backward bumps out of the ring but hits the corner wrong and falls out of the ring in slow motion. Nobody is really the face here, but Harley Race is put in the position to be cheered. Bobby Heenan strategically stands in a neutral corner, cheering on Haku when he’s in control, and backing Harley when he’s on the offense. Classic Brain. The two men trade headbutts, Haku delivers a specifically stiff one, Race responds with a stiff clothesline and a PILEDRIVER but only gets 2. The two men end up knocking heads and Race takes a spill to the floor, but Haku brings him back in with a suplex and another 2. Everything these guys are doing looks great, nice and snug. Race lads another vertical suplex and gets another 2 count. Race pitches Haku to the floor and tries to piledrive him outside, but Haku counters with a backdrop outside. Ventura speculates if both men were counted out that Heenan would declare himself the King. That would have bee great! After an extended brawl outside the ring, RACE PILEDRIVES HAKU ON THE ARENA FLOOR.

Haku barely sells it before he’s back in the ring, shame on both of them. Race with a neckbreaker for 2. Haku battles back but misses a diving headbutt. Race goes up and he too misses a diving headbutt! Heenan shouts “we gottem”, to which the announcers want to know who he’s talking to. Race sends Haku off the ropes, Haku ducks a clothesline and Race turns around and runs right into the THRUST KICK from Haku. The King wraps Race up and gets the win in 9:01.

Winner: King Haku

(Post Match Thoughts: This match is just an all out brawl between two of the legit tough guys to ever grace the squared circle. This type of match may not be for everyone, but these guys worked snug and left it all in the ring. The crowd was alive during the start when Race dumped over the sedan, but after that the fans started to grow more and more quiet. Bobby Heenan leaves with Haku, no surprise there, and this would wind up being Harley Race’s last match in the WWF. Harley does the right thing and puts over the new King on the way out. Both these guys are much better at playing heels, and while the match was solid, it lacked “sizzle”. I thought it was fine for what it was **3/4)

– We now move on to interviews with several superstars competing in the Royal Rumble match.

– Brutus Beefcake goes on for too long, repeating himself. The promo, like his blue background, is just plain generic.

– Greg Valentine only cares about himself, everyone better watch out, including the Honky Tonk Man.

– We’re treated to a SECOND Mr. Fuji promo, this time he’s with his Powers of Pain. Fuji warns Demolition, but reiterates Master Fuji will be the winner and take all the money. Then why do the Powers of pain work for him if they don’t get paid?

– Big John Studd (looking like complete shit) makes it clear Bobby Heenan won’t be in his corner. Studd doesn’t know who he can trust, but he plans to win!

– Mr. Perfect claims this year, “the Year of Perfection”. Hennig says he will tip the big men over, throw the little guys out, and notes that he’s “the perfect size”.

– Apparently Macho Madness will be felt here tonight! Randy Savage says he’s going to be the champion of the Royal Rumble.

– Mean Gene questions Ted Dibiase about the earlier shenanigans between he and the Slickster. DiBiase says when you’re as wealthy as he is, you can be as lucky as you want to be.

– Sean Mooney with the Heenan Family, The Brain, Andre the Giant and the Brain Busters. Andre proclaims that he will win the match, and warns the Brain Busters. While Andre cuts his promo, Arn is shown whispering to Tully, alluding you to believe they’re plotting against the Giant. Nice added touch by the Busters.

– Mean Gene is with the Hulkster. This is it, the time is here. Hogan talks about the potential of facing off with the Twin Towers. Then, Gene brings up the Macho Man. Hogan says Savage will have to find out that the Hulkster has never been beaten, and that his Hulkamaniacs still call him the champ. Pretty heelish comments directed at Savage, but then again Hogan was always the asshole in most of his feuds against former friends.

Ladies and gentlemen… IT IS NOW TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE!

(Notes going in: What can you say? It’s the frickin Royal Rumble. Thirty guys going at it, pairings we thought we’d never see, I was pumped. I was never a big Hogan fan. Going into the PPV I was rooting for the Big Boss Man or Macho Man, but after the vignettes on the show I was expecting Dibiase to buy himself a win. The Rumble is always great because we see the start of potential WrestleMania matches, we see current rivals getting their hands on each other, and some of the younger guys get a chance to be noticed.)

Howard Finkel explains the rules of the Royal Rumble match. If you’re reading this, you know the drill by now… Two guys start, every 2 minutes a man enters, yadda, yadda.

IT IS NOW TIME FOR THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!

Let us all find out who drew #1….

IT’S AX!!!

And to show just how unpredictable the Rumble can be….

SMASH DRAWS #2!!!!!

The Demolition don’t even wait to let the crowd soak it in, they have a 2 second stare down before they start beating on each other. This was soooo cool at the time, and honestly it’s still a top 10 Rumble moment for me. You NEVER saw shit like this back then, and for it to be Demolition just enhanced it by 10X.

Ax pounds on Smash, then Smash returns the favor. Ax cuts Smash off and tosses him over the top rope, but Smash lands on the apron and climbs back in. Smash works over Ax in the corner as the fans count down to #3…. ANDRE THE GIANT! As Andre heads towards the ring, Demolition stop going at it and rush the Giant as soon as he comes in with a double clothesline. Andre stumbles and takes an awkward bump, it looks like Andre accidentally fell.

The Demos work over Andre, but the Giant begins to fight back as #4 MR. PERFECT makes his way to the ring. All three men try and go after the Giant, but Andre fights them off and Andre tosses Smash out for the first elimination!

Hennig & Ax go back to work on the Giant, and once Andre is down, Ax whips Perfect chest first into the corner. This allows Andre to come back, dropping Ax and Hennig takes an awesome bump off of an Andre headbutt. Here comes #5 “RUGGED” RONNIE GARVIN. Garvin comes right in to help Hennig & Ax try and eliminate Andre. The Giant gets tied in the ropes and he STILL fights all 3 men off.

Garvin makes the mistake of untying Andre and the Giant continues to beat on all 3, as he sits on Ax, and then gives Hennig a punch that is sold PERFECTLY. #6 is GREG “THE HAMMER” VALENTINE, and now we’ve got 4 guys going after the Giant. Again, Andre fights off all 4 men and hiplocks Ronnie Garvin out for an elimination. Everyone left goes after Andre one by one, and they all fail. #7 JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS comes darting out to get his hands on the Giant. No love lost between Jake and the Giant. Jake barely gets in the ring before Andre has him against the ropes and choking the life out of the Snake.

Andre then chokes Jake with his singlet strap as #8 “OUTLAW” RON BASS heads to the ring. Bass is freshly shaven bald after a Hair vs. Hair loss to Brutus the Barber on “The Main Event”. After choking Jake out for a good 2 minutes, Andre eliminates The Snake like a piece of garbage. If you’re keeping score, that’s 3 eliminated, and all by Andre.

For the next couple of minutes, Ax paired off with the Outlaw, while Andre works over the Hammer & Mr. Perfect. #9 is SHAWN MICHAELS sprinting to the ring, and goes right after the Outlaw. Ax has Hennig up against the ropes and takes a big swing, but Perfect ducks and backdrops Ax out of the ring for an elimination. Ax was in there for a good 14+ minutes. In a great sequence, Hennig dumps Michaels but Shawn skins the cat back in and goes to town on Perfect before dropkicking Mr. Perfect backwards out of the ring, but Hennig somehow manages to hang on. #10 is BUSHWHACKER BUTCH. Wait, Luke called this a good number? Either Luke is an idiot, or he’s a genius for conning Butch into switching numbers with him. Walking out only a few steps behind Butch is JAKE ROBERTS! Jake returns to the ring with his bag, and slides DAMIEN into the ring as the entire field backs away. Andre sees the Snake and eliminates himself.

Good thing he didn’t have another “heart attack’ or nobody would have been able to get him out of there. Jake is forced to leave the ring and the action resumes. Michaels whips the Outlaw right into the famous Hennig “Axe” punch. #11 here comes THE HONKY TONK MAN! Michaels & Hennig are whipped into each other and “Double Trouble” try to eliminate the Rocker. Perfect goes after Honky and the crowd eats it up. Boy, those Rumble banners are really starting to shake now!

#12 is TITO SANTANA! Tito goes right after Hennig with a backdrop, IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE! A moment later and it’s the Outlaw back dropping Shawn Michaels. Then Bass & Hennig double suplex the Rocker. Damn, there’s some dangerous shit going on for this many guys in the ring. #13 is BAD NEWS BROWN, and what a perfect number for the loner to draw. Bushwhacker Butch and Tito Santana team up and eliminate the Honky Tonk Man. Wow, has Honky fallen. Michaels comes off the TOP ROPE onto Bass & Bad News, but moments later Shawn is in all sorts of trouble with Valentine and Brown. What luck, because #14 IS MARTY JANNETTY! Bass goes right after Marty, but Michaels joins in and the Rockers Double Dropkick the Outlaw out of the ring! In the midst of the action, Santana lands a FLYING FOREARM on the Hammer. Mr. Perfect’s still in there, has to be at least 22 minutes for him now. #15 IS “THE MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE!!!!

Savage comes rushing into the ring like a madman and goes right after Bad News who he’s had issues with in recent weeks. Lots of action all around as people trade off in pairings until #16 ARN ANDERSON makes his way in. And we now have NINE guys in the ring. Well I spoke too soon, Macho Man eliminates Greg Valentine just a second before Arn makes it to the ring, and the Hammer is gone! Now we have 8 in the ring, and 8 gone.

Arn Anderson & Shawn Michaels go at it, a nice Superkick from Michaels takes down Arn. An unlikely combination of Randy Savage & Arn Anderson team up to catch Michaels with a double back elbow and Savage & Anderson eliminate Shawn Michaels. Jannetty goes after Arn for revenge. #17 IS TULLY BLANCHARD, the other half of the Brain Busters. Jannetty gets the better of Tully for a moment, but runs into an ARN ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER, and the Busters take over on Jannetty. Arn & Tully force Marty out over the top rope. Jannetty fights to hold on, even hooking his toes over the top rope, but the Busters do a great job of making a basic elimination look like a tough battle. Tully Blanchard finally eliminates Marty Jannetty after a struggle, and just in time.

Because #18… IS HULK HOGAN!!!!! Hogan comes right in and saves Macho Man from Mr. Perfect by eliminating Hennig immediately. Things get in a cluster against the ropes, and the Macho Man & Arn Anderson wind up dumping Tito Santana. #19 is BUSHWHACKER LUKE, and it looks like Butch realizes he’s not supposed to be in the ring anymore. Luke and Butch have no interaction, and the moment Luke gets in the ring, Butch goes and finds Bad News, and Brown dumps Butch with what looks like help from the Hulkster. The Mega Powers double team Bad News momentarily until Arn Anderson beaks it up. Brown & Savage pair off against the ropes, while the Brain Busters take on the Hulkster. Hogan launches Tully in a press slam down across the top rope, and it looked nasty. Here’s something you don’t see every day, Bushwhacker tries his hand at Hulk Hogan! Now there’s a sight! Hogan with the BIG BOOT on Arn, and here comes #20 KOKO B. WARE!

Ware blends right in after throwing a couple of dropkicks. Anderson climbs to the top rope, but Hogan slams him off! Here’s something else you don’t see every day, Luke AND Koko B. Ware going after Hogan. It’s so lopsided it’s almost hilarious. Almost. Hogan gets fed up with the jobber express, rakes both of their eyes simultaneously, and Hulk dumps Koko out as quick as he came in. A few moments later and Hogan eliminates Bushwhacker Luke much the same way. While Bad News has Savage teetering over the ropes, the Busters attack Hogan. Arn & Tully try for a double clothesline, but apparently Hulk Hogan is twice as powerful, as he runs right through their clothesline, and drags the Brain Busters backwards a good 16 feet and Hulk double clothesline both Arn and Tully out of the ring at the same time. And at the same time out comes #21 THE WARLORD.

In comes the Warlord…

and OUT GOES THE WARLORD, courtesy of the Hulk. Wow, 2 seconds, thanks for coming Warlord! Master Fuji can’t be happy.

Hulk’s on a roll now, so he walks straight over and dumps Bad News Brown next. There’s only one problem, Brown had Randy Savage teetering over the ropes, so when Hogan dumped Brown, he inadvertently eliminated the Macho Man as well.

Inadvertently my ass, that’s who Hogan was, he even said so in his promo. This doesn’t sit well with Savage, who immediately storms back into the ring, shoves Hogan and sticks his finger in the Hulkster’s face.

Luckily, Hogan is the only legal man in the ring at this time, so the two Mega Powers are allotted this time to hash out their differences. Savage is steaming from the elimination, Hogan swears it was an accident. Savage points at Hogan again and Hulk swats away Macho’s hand. UH-OH! There be trouble in the Mega Powers camp… And OUT COMES ELIZABETH TO RUIN THE FUN.

Miss Liz gets between her two boys and pleads with them not to fight. Savage is hot, bus Liz calms him down and convinces him to extend his hand to the Hulkster. Being the ass Hogan is, he has to think about it first before he accepts. Imagine that, Hogan dumps Savage, then it’s Hulk who has to think about the handshake. What a prick!

As the clock starts to count down Hogan finally shakes the hand of Savage, and meanwhile we learn that #22 is THE BIG BOSS MAN. The two men shake again and we’re back to the action. WOW, did that entire Hulk Hogan shit storm happen in a matter of like 3 minutes?

Hulk goes to town on the Boss Man to begin things, but the BBM changes all that when he reverses an Irish whip and hits an Avalanche on the Hulkster, followed by a Piledriver. Boss Man misses a splash and Hogan pops right up to take charge, but here comes #23 AKEEM.

You’re telling me DiBiase was upset with one of these numbers? As soon as Akeem gets in, Hogan beats the crap out of both Twin Towers, and makes sure to BODYSLAM Akeem (and you thought Cena was bad). Finally, the Towers overpower Hogan and beat him down, hitting him with a Double Avalanche in the corner. The Towers then eliminate Hogan to the shock of many, yours truly included.

Hogan gets pissed and pulls the Boss Man out under the bottom rope and continues the fight. Akeem comes out to save the Boss Man when #24 BRUTUS “THE BARBER” BEEFCAKE heads out to even things up. What are the odds of all these numbers being drawn in this order? What luck! Beefcake jumps on the back of Akeem, and the Towers and the Barber climb back in the ring. Boss Man comes off the ropes to hit Beefcake and Hogan pulls the rope down to eliminate the Boss Man.

The crowd loved it, I thought it just made Hogan look like a whiny bitch. He’d do something similar at Royal Rumble ’92 and the fans let him have it. While Beefcake & Akeem battle in the ring, Hogan & The Big Boss Man brawl all the way to the back.

Look out now! #25 IS THE RED ROOSTER! And listen to the Rooster Boosters go mild. No, seriously, he called his fans “Rooster Boosters”. How did that not get over?

Rooster and Beefcake try and dump Akeem, but it isn’t happening. #26 is THE BARBARIAN. Barbarian looks like he’s going to help the faces eliminate Akeem, but instead he beats on all 3 men. Barbarian & Beefcake take to the corner, while Akeem lands the big 747 Splash on The Rooster and does some dancing.

#27 is the returning BIG JOHN STUDD. This is Studd’s first match in the WWF in a couple of years. Studd goes right after Akeem, shoving the Rooster out of his way. #28 is HERCULES to the delight of the fans. Herc comes right in and helps Beefcake work over the Barbarian. Studd & Akeem stay married to each other for much, if not all of the time. #29 is another return, RICK MARTEL. Martel rushes right in to get in on the Studd and Akeem showdown, but Studd quickly puts an end to that and sends Martel on his merry way. Seems like Studd didn’t want anyone getting involved in the crap he was doing with Akeem.

With numbers 1 – 22 all eliminated, Akeem is the de facto Ironman right now after drawing  #23. The final eight men in the match also happen to be the final 8 numbers to come out. DiBiase pairs off with the Rooster and the Rooster hits Ted with the FIVE ARM. DiBiase fights back and sends the Rooster into the corner hard, and Terry Taylor does a flip upside down in the corner and falls out of the ring. DiBiase has eliminated the Crimson Cock. I guess Terry Taylor will be eating crow tonight. Studd is still paired off with Akeem, and I don’t think Big John has even attempted to interact with anyone else. Hercules comes after DiBiase, who tried to purchase Herc as a slave a few months earlier, because that’s legal and all.

Studd finally pairs off with the Barbarian. Meanwhile Beefcake jumps on the back of Hercules and locks on the SLEEPER hold. As Hercules staggers to the ropes, Ted Dibiase & The Barbarian come up from behind and dumps both Herc and the Barber! The Barbarian with a powerslam on Martel, while Akeem & Dibiase work over Studd in the corner. Barbarian goes to the top and hits a DIVING HEADBUTT on Martel. Barbarian tries to clothesline Martel out of the ring, but Rick ducks and Martel dropkicks the Barbarian out of the match. Well almost, Barbarian gets caught on the top rope and Martel has to come over and shove him on out.

Akeem misses an avalanche on Martel and Rick comes back with a running body block. Akeem catches Martel with ease and dumps him out of the match.

And just like that, we’re down to the final three… It’s Big John Studd against Ted DiBiase and Akeem. Keep in mind Slick already sold one of the Twin Towers numbers to DiBiase, so it’s likely Akeem would take a walk for the cash. Akeem & DiBiase immediately team up against Studd. Akeem holds Studd for DiBiase to work him over, then Dibiase instructs Akeem on what to do. Akeem works over Studd for Ted. Akeem hits Studd with an Avalanche, and DiBiase wants to see one more! Akeem rushes at Studd again, and Big John pulls DiBiase in front of him. Akeem Avalanches both men, and somehow it doesn’t effect Studd. Akeem begins to stumble away when Studd clubs him in the back and Akeem just jumps over the top rope. Akeem is eliminated. Well that was shitty.

DiBiase now realizes he’s all alone with Studd and he offers to buy him off. Studd doesn’t want any part of it.

Ted goes to the eyes of Studd and goes to the middle rope, but John grabs him in a choke and drives him back into the corner! Great bump by DiBiase. DiBiase tries a boot but Studd catches his foot. Ted pleads, but John doesn’t want to hear it.

Studd spins ted around and sends him back into the corner before slamming him down to the mat. Studd is just toying with DiBiase, and now #30 doesn’t look like it was worth the money spent. Studd throws DiBiase across the ring with a butterfly suplex, never seen him do that before but it looked good.

Studd follows up with a sloppy looking gut wrench suplex, Studd doesn’t even bother to fall with the move he just throws DiBiase. Clothesline by Studd and Dibiase winds up doing a headstand!

Studd says that’s it and he flings DiBiase out of the ring to win the match! John Studd eliminates The Million Dollar Man to win the Royal Rumble at 1:04:53.

Virgil attacks John before he has time to celebrate, but Studd quickly eliminates Virgil as the unofficial 31st man in the match.

Winner: Big John Studd

(Post Match Thoughts: A major upgrade from the 1988 version. They started working in storylines and spots in the match, which is a big part of the match flow. They also began having faces against faces and heels against heels. It truly felt like every man for himself here. I thought DiBiase buying the final number, only to be eliminated, added a lot of suspense and storytelling to the finish of the match for the viewers at home. Mr. Perfect breaks Bret Hart’s ‘Ironman’ record from 1998 by just about 3 minutes, lasting around 28 minutes, which means Hennig was in for half of the match but you also have to take into consideration that Bret did 25 minutes plus in a Rumble that was a third smaller. And if it felt like Hogan threw out half the roster it’s because he did. Well more like about a third of the participants, but still a bit much, even for Hulkamania. I guess they gave him that since he agreed to lose.

I thought they could have separated some of the teams a little, notably Demolition, The Brain Busters, and the Twin Towers all coming out back to back. It just felt lazy. Even though I’m not big on Hogan, I thought they did a good job booking the whole segment of the match where Hulkamania runs wild, then he accidentally dumps Macho, they argue while the ring is clear, then out comes Boss Man who was currently feuding with Hogan, followed by Boss Man’s buddy Akeem, then Hogan’s brother Bruti happens to draw the next number to make the save. Booking a segment like that would set the tone for Rumbles to come. The only thing I didn’t care for was Hogan pulling the Boss Man out. I think Hulk got away with doing a lot of heelish things.

Also wanted to say, when I’m forced to watch as carefully as I did this time around, Shawn Michaels & Mr. Perfect really stole the show for me in the first half of the match. I didn’t realize how hard they worked in this Rumble until now. Hindsight being 20/20, I don’t understand the logic of Studd going over. I know Vince initially had big plans for John when he came back, but he put on quite a few stinkers with Andre, Akeem and Haku on the house shows in 1989, and injuries became too much. Match slowed down after Hogan & Boss Man were eliminated, but live and learn. ***1/2)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Mean Gene is in the back to interview “Macho Man” Randy Savage about the altercation with Hulk Hogan. Macho didn’t think that it was going to come to blows, he says he’s the better man but tonight he was simply a victim of circumstance. Elizabeth calls the altercation a misunderstanding. Savage reminds Gene that the two men shook hands. Okerlund believes it’s more than a misunderstanding but Macho Man stands his ground. The Mega Powers forever, baby!

THE FINAL AUDIT 

One thing we got in this Royal Rumble that would evaporate rather quickly, was the opportunity to watch several of the guys draw their numbers. I liked the little hints they dropped and their reactions when pulling numbers. I felt that something this simple really made the event feel more realistic. For this to be the initial 30 man Royal Rumble, I thought they did a fine job with it, told the stories they needed to, and the flow of the match wasn’t bad at all, maybe a little slow near the end. Once Hogan was gone it felt like it was dragging with little “star power” involved and we were just waiting for DiBiase to come in. What sells me on it, is the unpredictability of it all, especially with no World Title “Road to WrestleMania” bullshit involved. I could have done without a lot of the undercard stuff, namely the Super Posedown and especially the Ladies match. Can you believe they left the Ladies match in tact on Coliseum Video but edited out the Race vs. Haku match completely? Speaking of the “Battle for the Crown”, I thought that match was fine on the undercard, not much crowd reaction, but the guys never relented. The 6-Man was the perfect example of a PPV opener, it had fast action, and lots of playing to the crowd for response, if it had been one fall the action could have been more fluid. If you can make it through the middle of the PPV (Posedown/Women’s Match), then the rest of the PPV is fairly solid, AND we got the whole Hogan/Savage showdown as a bonus.

On a rating scale of 1 – 10, ten being the shiznit, I can give this event a comfortable 6.5, maybe a  7. That’d be a moderate “THUMBS UP” in my book, but mainly for the Rumble match.

I’ll be back soon with another Royal Rumble review to continue in the tradition of the January event. Until then, this is I.R.S. saying catchya later, tax cheats!