The countdown continues, last time we witnessed the Stinger tackle druggie Jeff Hardy, literally. We did learn a lesson from Mr. Hardy, drugs are bad, M’kay.
Credit once again goes to John Cheese, and his Magic Pimp Bus. Thanks for the great material John! And now, away we go…
#4. JBL Beats the Fuck Out of Blue Meanie….. for Real
There are so many stories about why this took place that it’s impossible to give an accurate account. Some people say that it started with an Internet cat fight. Others say that JBL (the big guy with the cowboy hat in the above video) walked into the arena knowing that he was going to attack the Blue Meanie (an out of shape fat dude who already had staples in his head from an injury the night before).
What we do know for sure is that there was a staged brawl that went down in the ring, and both men were a part of it. A few seconds into it, JBL found Meanie and fist-tagged his suckhole. A whole bunch. And when it all settled down, the Blue Meanie looked like whale afterbirth.
Oh yeah, don’t eat while you’re reading this article.
Once the WWE got wind of the incident, they put an immediate stop to it, because you can’t have your talent fighting for real like that. You’re risking major injuries, lawsuits, and lost TV time when one of them has to take time off to heal up.
Oh, no, wait — that’s what a normal company would do. The WWE actually worked the very real incident into a storyline and pitted these two men against each other. These men who clearly hated each other and were not afraid to break the cardinal rule of wrestling and legitimately throw down.
Meanie finally got some proxy payback in a “no disqualification” match that — wait for it — also became real. In that match, JBL was supposed to be hit in the head with a chair by another wrestler named Stevie Richards. However, in the world of wrestling, you obviously don’t take a full-on shot to the head with a large hunk of metal. That shit would literally fucking kill you. There are techniques to giving and receiving those shots that maximize the amount of noise made by the impact while at the same time reducing the amount of force put across the performer’s skull.
At 5:25 in the above video, you’ll notice that Richards follows none of those safety techniques. He just rears back and cracks JBL with a shot so hard, I’m genuinely surprised he survived, let alone remained conscious. Yes, that chair shot was scripted as part of the match. No, it was not supposed to be delivered in that very real, very purposeful manner. By the way, if you don’t like blood, stop watching after that, because it gets pretty bad.
That’s their “let’s get the fuck out of here before he wakes up” walk.
When asked about it, Richards said, “JBL had it coming. It’s that simple.” And then he told WWE that they could fire him if they wanted because he didn’t give a shit. He did what was right.